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Dating my FWB and now in love! OH YEAH SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND AND ITS NOT ME!


dandyrandy

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I am 33 and well to do right now and can do whatever I want but there is one problem.. I am in love with my FWB! I am not sure what to do about this one.. I met this 25 year old woman 3 months ago. It was supposed to be just sex and fun! She also has a boyfriend! Yes! I will explain more on that later. Now as time has passed I have become in love with my friend with benefits and it happened very unexpectedly for both of us.

 

She is also in love with me too but I don't know to what degree her love is for me. Mine is really bad.. I have love sickness really bad to where I don't eat or sleep much. I EVEN STOPPED DATING OTHER WOMEN! I am trying to stay cool about it and not freak her out as some kind of obsession but this has proven to be very hard. We see each other once a week sometimes but rarely twice a week. Our schedules in life don't really permit much more than one visit a week.

 

As for her she has to be somewhat in love me too because she was there for me after my motorcycle accident and she even gave me an amazing birthday recently! She loves staying the night with me every time. We are amazing in everything we do together and I am not just talking about the amazing sex but everything else. Clearly she has seen the greatness about me! She brings me gifts and pampers me a lot! I see that she wants to be with me more but the boyfriend is the huge problem in her life. I will explain more later... Any suggestions???

 

If you have anything that just says run for the hills or anything derogatory and negative don't bother responding. Only clean, positive, and intelligent comments will be replied to. Thank you!

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ExpatInItaly

Right now she is having her cake and eating it too. She doesn't have to change anything (re: her boyfriend) because she knows you're not going anywhere. So I imagine she'll just keep doing what she's doing unless you change something.

 

What should you change? Your availability to her. Tell her directly that you would love to be with her, but you can't continue this while she has a boyfriend. See what her response is. If she really wants you, she will make herself available to you too by becoming single.

 

What are the problems she has with her boyfriend?

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You need to stop seeing her until she proves her love for you, by breaking up with her BF....simple as that. If you keep seeing her, she will never have the motivation to leave him for good.

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You're not her bf.

 

Did you know this when you began FWB?

FWB has rules - no 'falling for' type rules.

 

I had an FWB for 3 months after I finished things with a guy I had been with for 14 years.

I was nice to my FWB - had no reason not to be - but he proposed to me.

That was really awkward.

I stopped all contact the night he proposed.

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BTW....it's not love, it's infatuation.....it's possible this may fizzle out in a couple of months. If she is in an abusive relationship, anything looks appealing on the menu, that isn't her BF. She could be rebounding, using you as an escape from her situation.

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Is her bf aware of you?

 

But yeah i agree with the others, she seems to be playing bith sides of the fence getting what she wants but not letting either of you get what they want if you see what i mean.

 

Also how do you get into a FWB situation? because i have no idea!

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This type of situation's really not uncommon. OP, is it safe to assume her BF wouldn't be up for sharing? And what about you? You pretty much share her now.

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Right now she is having her cake and eating it too. She doesn't have to change anything (re: her boyfriend) because she knows you're not going anywhere. So I imagine she'll just keep doing what she's doing unless you change something.

 

What should you change? Your availability to her. Tell her directly that you would love to be with her, but you can't continue this while she has a boyfriend. See what her response is. If she really wants you, she will make herself available to you too by becoming single.

 

What are the problems she has with her boyfriend?

 

 

Here is the dilemma. She has a boyfriend of 14 years. The guy took her virginity and he is the only guy she has ever been in a relationship with. The guy is legitimately crazy too and takes pills for it that he dosent like to take and acts very deranged and scary to her. Also her love for him has dwindled a lot. She explains it as only her heart is with the guy because she is concerned about his health and his suicidal tendencies. They are more just very close best friends now and been like that for a long time. SHe only broke up with the guy once about 5 years ago and she got back with him. After that to keep the interst in the relationship they became a swinger couple. This was only to satify her want for sex because she does not see him as very attractive anymore. They made rules and he allows her to date other men and vice versa. One rule was that she in not permitted to get romantically involved with me and now he see this with me and her! This is wehre the big problem comes into play. Now he is crazy jealous over me because he sees that she actually loves me and not just using me for sex.

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You need to stop seeing her until she proves her love for you, by breaking up with her BF....simple as that. If you keep seeing her, she will never have the motivation to leave him for good.

 

Interesting.. Well read up on my comment about the BOYFRIEND and get back with me.

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This type of situation's really not uncommon. OP, is it safe to assume her BF wouldn't be up for sharing? And what about you? You pretty much share her now.

 

Rad up on my writing about the BOYFRIEND and get back with me.. It is explained all there.

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ExpatInItaly
The plot thickens even more! The BOYFRIEND and the women are both bi sexual too..

 

What does this have to do with your situation?

 

She's still sleeping with you and in a relationship with someone else. It's irrelevant.

 

It seems pretty clear that she's probably not going to leave her boyfriend. So if you're ok with the current state of things, go forth.

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Here is the dilemma. She has a boyfriend of 14 years. The guy took her virginity and he is the only guy she has ever been in a relationship with. The guy is legitimately crazy too and takes pills for it that he dosent like to take and acts very deranged and scary to her. Also her love for him has dwindled a lot. She explains it as only her heart is with the guy because she is concerned about his health and his suicidal tendencies. They are more just very close best friends now and been like that for a long time. SHe only broke up with the guy once about 5 years ago and she got back with him. After that to keep the interst in the relationship they became a swinger couple. This was only to satify her want for sex because she does not see him as very attractive anymore. They made rules and he allows her to date other men and vice versa. One rule was that she in not permitted to get romantically involved with me and now he see this with me and her! This is wehre the big problem comes into play. Now he is crazy jealous over me because he sees that she actually loves me and not just using me for sex.

 

If you like drama and plenty of it, stay.

If not run right now no questions asked.

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You're not her bf.

 

Did you know this when you began FWB?

FWB has rules - no 'falling for' type rules.

 

I had an FWB for 3 months after I finished things with a guy I had been with for 14 years.

I was nice to my FWB - had no reason not to be - but he proposed to me.

That was really awkward.

I stopped all contact the night he proposed.

 

Your situation sounded like you just wanted sex buddy more or less.. Your situation also sounds very one sided too.. Guy proposes to a girl that is just using him for sex.. I wouldnt do that in a million years! My FWB situation is on a way different level.

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If you like drama and plenty of it, stay.

If not run right now no questions asked.

 

Regardless of what the relationship with the women is what women in the galaxy is not full of drama? There is no such animal in the universe!

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fitnessfan365

She cheated on her BF w-you so that should automatically disqualify her from being anything more than a FWB. Since she has no integrity, she'll wind up cheating on you as well if you two ever get together.

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I most also say she has been a great help to me. After my motorcycle accident I was severely messed up. I was not looking very attractive at all and my face was very messed up. All the other supposed good women that i was dating that society thinks are great and women of God that would preach on about how good they were in helping out other people they all abandoned me! The swinger woman the society shuns upon was the only woman at my bedside taking care of me.. Also she was instrumental in me finally mentally burying with lots of dirt and heavy rocks my horrible ex wife that I divorced 2 years ago.

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She cheated on her BF w-you so that should automatically disqualify her from being anything more than a FWB. Since she has no integrity, she'll wind up cheating on you as well if you two ever get together.

 

Obviously you did not read my writing. Her boyfriend allows her to see other men. Which is only me at the present time.

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Rad up on my writing about the BOYFRIEND and get back with me.. It is explained all there.

 

Ok so it sounds like he'll bscly kill you if you persist? Guess your answer's pretty clear then.

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Everyone please read up on the part about the BOYFRIEND and SHE HAS BEEN THE ONLY ONE THERE FOR ME. It is key in understanding all of this. Once you read it get back with me. Thank you.

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The plot thickens dramatically! Here is the dilemma. She has a boyfriend of 14 years. The guy took her virginity and he is the only guy she has ever been in a close relationship with. The guy is legitimately crazy too and takes pills for it that he dosent like to take. Therefore he acts very deranged and scary to her. Also her love for him has dwindled a lot and its mostly because of his mental condition. She explains it as only her heart is with the guy because she is concerned about his health and his suicidal tendencies. They are more just very close best friends now and been like that for a long time. She only broke up with the guy once about 5 years ago and she got back with him. After that to keep the interest in the relationship they became a swinger couple. This was only to satisfy her want for sex because she does not see him as very attractive anymore. They made rules and he allows her to date other men and vice versa. One rule was that she in not permitted to get romantically involved with men. That is how it all started with me and how I met her. Now he sees that she really cares a lot for me! This is where the big problem comes into play. Now he is crazy jealous over me because he sees that she actually loves me and not just using me for sex. He also can not find another girlfriend because he is trying to find a girl just to have sex with and he is very fat and ugly. That was the only solution that she thought up as a way for her to get out of the relationship is that he finds someone else but that is not going well for him. So now he is just getting more crazier and jealous. Also he is not doing anything great for her in her life at all! He is holding her back from becoming something more in her life. He is a loser with a dead end job and lots of debt from shady horrible business practices. She cant go back to school and get her degree because she is stuck with this train wreck and huge bills.

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The details are irrelevant. If she wanted to be with you then she would. Stop seeing her, I know that is crap but you should look out for yourself otherwise you will end up hurt even more. Fitness fan is right too. You want a relationship with this woman, don't expect it to be a monogamous one.

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i am 33 and well to do right now and can do whatever i want but there is one problem.. I am in love with my fwb! I am not sure what to do about this one.. i met this 25 year old woman 3 months ago. it was supposed to be just sex and fun! She also has a boyfriend! Yes! I will explain more on that later. Now as time has passed i have become in love with my friend with benefits and it happened very unexpectedly for both of us.

 

here is the dilemma. she has a boyfriend of 14 years. the guy took her virginity and he is the only guy she has ever been in a relationship with.

 

25 - 14 = 11

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As far as I can understand this unfolding drama, you're in one fine mess. There's no solution to your problem - if that's what you're looking for - unless and until she leaves her boyfriend.

 

 

There was in impossible condition imposed with the FWB arrangement - that neither party to the FWB arrangement is supposed to fall in love.

 

 

Well, guess what? That happened. Doesn't sound like you're being played. Sounds like she genuinely cares for you and loves you. And you feel the same way about her.

 

 

The fact remains, the reason she's staying with her BF is stronger than her love for you ("her heart is with the guy because she is concerned about his health and his suicidal tendencies.").

 

 

So you will have to live with that until she decides to leave him or the guy finds another love interest which seems unlikely given the picture you've painted about him.

 

 

I'm just wondering what you're going to do if the BF forbids her from seeing you, if he hasn't already done so. Hopefully he won't become abusive now that he knows she's in love with someone else because that sounds like a possibility and that could put her in harm's way.

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fitnessfan365

I knew I remembered this story - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/539203-dating-seeing-female-swinger-we-getting-really-close-not-sure

 

As I said in that thread as well, this is a very bad situation and you're asking for trouble. Instead of messing w-a woman that cheats on a crazy boyfriend to be with you, why not just try to meet a woman that you can be in a normal healthy relationship with?

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