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Guys on dating sites ask to go out, but don't end up going


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I'll chat with guys, they'll ask to hang out. We set up a place and a time to meet and I tell them to call me a few hours before because I don't really text, but they never do, so we don't end up going out. Why do they keep doing this?

Edited by Caryn3
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Whats wrong with text just to confirm?

 

Have you ever thought that those guys after being told "no text" probably turn up and think "Another girl has just stood me up"...?

 

To be honest it sounds like the communication is off somewhere here. So I am guessing its a good thing that it doesn't go further.

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Why do they need to call you a few hours before?

 

To me, that sounds like a girl wanting to get out of a date but doesn't want to say "no" right away.

 

You set up a date/time, the only time someone should have to call you is to cancel.

 

He is probably thinking "great, I will call her 2 hours before and she will say sorry, something came up".

 

Just go to the date location and see if he really "stood you up". I agree with the other response, communication seems to be an issue.

 

Have you guys even talked on the phone yet?

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Why do they need to call you a few hours before?

 

To me, that sounds like a girl wanting to get out of a date but doesn't want to say "no" right away.

 

 

- Bingo. No callbacks to verify the date. If he's a no-show, at least you know for sure what direction the relationship is headed.

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I'll chat with guys, they'll ask to hang out. We set up a place and a time to meet and I tell them to call me a few hours before because I don't really text, but they never do, so we don't end up going out. Why do they keep doing this?

 

I agree with the others -- the bolded is what is turning them off.

 

 

If you have a date and time set, and they have not cancelled or rescheduled, just go meet them for heaven's sake.

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fitnessfan365
I agree with the others -- the bolded is what is turning them off.

 

 

If you have a date and time set, and they have not cancelled or rescheduled, just go meet them for heaven's sake.

 

Exactly. Telling a guy to call you a few hours before the date screams HIGH MAINTENANCE. The whole reason why you set the day/time/place the first time around is to avoid unnecessary confirmations. Just show up per the original plans.

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Do you actually turn up?

Have you actually had a phone call before this point?

 

 

I ask guys to text me in the afternoon to check in that all is OK and we are still on. I always get that text and I always meet them.

If I don't get a text I don't turn up.

I have never yet had a 'where are/were you' message or call and I have never contacted them so I assume they weren't there! :laugh:

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I dont know what is up with that behavior.. I am a man and I have come across this situation a lot. If I just text and not call the date goes smoothly as planned. If I call first before we meet up things dont work out. Maybe because my gut tells me to call because I have a feeling the women wont show up. So that is my best explanation for it!

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Thanks for your feedback. I really don't text so I need to let them know that. I used to just make the date online and I would go and they wouldn't be there, and it's a pain to go get all ready and be stood up. I also would like to chat on the phone to see if they sound normal.And what is the big deal to ask them to call me, it's really that deal breaking for them to just completely blow me off? I've been out with 46 guys who were ok with it, so I don't know why a bunch of others aren't.

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fitnessfan365
Thanks for your feedback. I really don't text so I need to let them know that. I used to just make the date online and I would go and they wouldn't be there, and it's a pain to go get all ready and be stood up. I also would like to chat on the phone to see if they sound normal.And what is the big deal to ask them to call me, it's really that deal breaking for them to just completely blow me off? I've been out with 46 guys who were ok with it, so I don't know why a bunch of others aren't.

 

There's nothing wrong w-wanting to talk on the phone. But, you're going about it the wrong way. Instead of making plans first (email or text) and then asking for a call later on, make plans over the phone.

 

When a guy brings up meeting, say this. "Sounds like fun. Give me a call and we'll discuss the details over the phone". Also, planning a meet up ASAP (within 24-48 hrs after the call) will go along way in preventing flake outs. When people plan stuff far in advance (five days out or more) there's a higher chance of a flake. Scheduling the meet really quickly shows a guy you're serious about meeting and you can feel out how serious he is.

Edited by fitnessfan365
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I've done that too, talk on the phone and make a date for the next day or two, but then they end up not going. I just can't trust that they're going to go unless i talk with them on the phone an hour or two before we go out. Is there another way I can word this to them that sounds better?

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HereNorThere

I'm going to ask something that seems offensive but I honestly don't mean it to be - are these dudes out of your league? It's okay, we all shoot for the stars, but sometimes we have to be a little more realistic.

 

If not, obviously there's some other technicality, but it's the first thing that came to mind,

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Lois_Griffin
Thanks for your feedback. I really don't text so I need to let them know that. I used to just make the date online and I would go and they wouldn't be there, and it's a pain to go get all ready and be stood up. I also would like to chat on the phone to see if they sound normal.And what is the big deal to ask them to call me, it's really that deal breaking for them to just completely blow me off? I've been out with 46 guys who were ok with it, so I don't know why a bunch of others aren't.

LOL. Asking a guy to - GASP - call like a civilized human being to confirm a date is considered "high maintenance" now? Seriously?

 

I'd love to see what all these socially stunted people would do if you dropped their sorry asses back in the 1980s where people actually had to CALL each other and TALK t each other instead of being lazy little cowards behind their cell phone keyboards.

 

Caryn, if these guys can't even be bothered to take two lousy minutes to call you and confirm your date is still on, then you haven't lost anything except yet another socially stunted, lazy idiot.

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HereNorThere

Nah, something else is going on here. You're either dating out of your league or giving mixed signals because dudes are THIRSTY. 9/10 are bug you for a date if you even just casually mention it. There's a big portion of this story we are missing.

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HereNorThere
Thanks for your feedback. I really don't text so I need to let them know that. I used to just make the date online and I would go and they wouldn't be there, and it's a pain to go get all ready and be stood up. I also would like to chat on the phone to see if they sound normal.And what is the big deal to ask them to call me, it's really that deal breaking for them to just completely blow me off? I've been out with 46 guys who were ok with it, so I don't know why a bunch of others aren't.

 

 

You really don't text? Sorry, but that's like saying "I really don't use electricity" these days. Whether you like it or not, you're gonna have to text to date. Welcome to 2015. We've amassed a ton of cat pictures over the past 20 years that you're really going to like.

 

Lol, I don't text. I actually bet there's some researchers out there that would pay a ton of money to study you because you're pretty much the last person on earth to adopt it. You don't text but you post on Internet forums? Wow, that is kinda interesting.

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PrettyEmily77
I just don't think this is a deal breaker. Is there a different way to word it when I ask them to call me?

 

It's not a deal breaker at all. Just let them know if you don't hear from them to confirm before the date, you'll assume the date is not going ahead. Doesn't seem much of a big deal to me anyway, but If they see it as an issue, probs shows they're not that interested in the first place.

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