OLD and the first few dates

[Cinnamonstix]

I'm new to OLD and am not used to talking to many guys I haven't met simultaneously for the purpose of dating. I'm a monogamous type that tends to focus on one person once I've found someone I connect with and am really attracted to. I tend to get to know someone slowly in real life but it has almost always been very obvious to me that a guy is into me and pursing me and only me.

 

So it's actually quite strange for me to feel the need to ask this, but do the dynamics change quite a bit for a guy when he is online, dating multiple people and "the one" may be only another click away? Does it dampen interest in one specific person so that things develop much more slowly? As a woman who likes to be pursued, I feel I am in a reactionary position and letting the guy lead so I can gauge his interest and I don't know how quickly to write a guy off that doesn't ask me out every week.

 

I'm wondering if people handle their expectations differently based on this knowledge of the dynamics of OLD and be more patient (ie. see multiple people as well) or if the fact that I am even asking means that I have doubts and should write anyone off that makes me question their interest after a couple of dates.

 

I know I'm overanalyzing this. Come overanalyze with me.

[CalvinM]

I can only speak for myself, but I like to date one person at a time too, and although I was seeing two women at one point, it wasn't something I enjoyed.

 

For the most part, you get out of dating what you put into it. It's a double edges sword, and until you find someone you click with, keep at it.

[Toodaloo]

Here you have a problem.

 

To my mind "dating" requires multiple dates with the same person...

 

Fact is with on line dating that 99.9% of dates you go on will be first dates that do not go further for what ever reason.

 

So despite the fact that I like to concentrate on one person, am strictly monogomous and do not like to play the field at all... if someone interesting starts talking to me then I will chat to them regardless of whether I have a date lined up or not. I will book other first dates in between and I will go and meet up with men who seem to be what I am looking for.

 

Once it goes past 3-4 dates (note that this has not happened yet!) then I am happy to quietly stop talking to the others or explain that I am focusing on one person and go forward.

 

About a month ago I logged off and deactivated my account as it was getting too much. I had too many men I was talking to and needed a break. So I cut off the method for them to contact me. Simples!

 

I will say this though.

 

If you feel uncomfortable - walk away. Don't discuss or worry about appearances just get yourself away.

Use block and delete facilities.

Do not get embroiled in some long argument about rights and wrongs if some men get upset with you. Just cut them off. Fast.

Do not meet men unless you feel 100% comfortable with it.

Make sure your friends and family know where you are going, when and with whom.

 

Same goes for the men - if any are reading this!!!

 

Other than that remember that each person is different so each interaction will be different. While there are many whacko's out there there is also a plethora of really fantastic men.

 

Good luck and remember OLD is just a tool for meeting people. There are plenty of other "tools" to use as well.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Yeah, the disadvantage of online dating is that its impersonal and the person has no real obligation to continue on with you, even after a first date.

 

I think I've reached a point in online dating where at one time I met a woman I really thought I had great chemistry with. Starting online, even on the phone, and surprisingly amplified in person. (Good thing we met quickly).

 

We kissed good night (first time I ever kissed on a first date, so I was thinking "So this is what chemistry is!")

 

Honestly, I was on cloud 9 with this particular woman. She even called me when I got home from the date and we talked for a bit before we both turned in. We had the same type of humor, too. It was awesome!

 

Then one day, I tried to line up a second date...all of a sudden she was "busy" and she even had a distant tone in her voice as if she was rather short with me. No friendliness in her voice and nothing flirtatious about her at all. Straight from hot to cold all of a sudden. Then her profile disappeared.

 

After that experience, I didn't put much stock in ONLINE dating anymore and just go with the flow.

 

I notice a lot of women get TONS of emails and have tons of options. I'm lucky if I can even get a FIRST date.

[Toodaloo]

Yeah, the disadvantage of online dating is that its impersonal and the person has no real obligation to continue on with you, even after a first date.

 

I think I've reached a point in online dating where at one time I met a woman I really thought I had great chemistry with. Starting online, even on the phone, and surprisingly amplified in person. (Good thing we met quickly).

 

We kissed good night (first time I ever kissed on a first date, so I was thinking "So this is what chemistry is!")

 

Honestly, I was on cloud 9 with this particular woman. She even called me when I got home from the date and we talked for a bit before we both turned in. We had the same type of humor, too. It was awesome!

 

Then one day, I tried to line up a second date...all of a sudden she was "busy" and she even had a distant tone in her voice as if she was rather short with me. No friendliness in her voice and nothing flirtatious about her at all. Straight from hot to cold all of a sudden. Then her profile disappeared.

 

This happens a lot to both men and women.

 

We will never know the answers for it. Perhaps its just that the person isn't ready or has other issues they are dealing with. Perhaps they got to 4th/ 5th date with someone else? Who knows. With me I have done this simply because I have felt overwhelmed or have had a nasty experience. I got rid of my profile after a chap turned nasty a while ago. That was what made me want to take a break. I admit that I did get a bit short with the four that were left. In my case I told them that I just wanted a few days to myself. They gave me that so I was able to reboot and continue chatting to them.

 

Just remember that when this happens - its OK. Its not you. Its not a reflection on you. Its just one of those things. Shrug and move on.

[d0nnivain]

OLD increases GIGS exactly because the "one" may only be a click away. It's also much harder to get to know someone slowly. In school you had classes with the person for years & you saw them every day doing a variety of things. As you got older perhaps you saw the person routinely at work or as a friend of a friend & there were non-romantic group opportunities to get to know them. With OLD you jump right into the date, a 1 on 1 activity. You also need to assume the other person is multi-dating.

[LookAtThisPOst]

OLD increases GIGS exactly because the "one" may only be a click away. It's also much harder to get to know someone slowly. In school you had classes with the person for years & you saw them every day doing a variety of things. As you got older perhaps you saw the person routinely at work or as a friend of a friend & there were non-romantic group opportunities to get to know them. With OLD you jump right into the date, a 1 on 1 activity. You also need to assume the other person is multi-dating.

 

I actually much preferred the dating someone you see routinely in college classes and social circles, however, for some reason people like the idea of online dating because you can meet them and if it doesn't work out, you never have to see them again.

 

Where some have this policy of not dating in their social circles or a venue in where they routinely see the same person...to me its kind of a self-defeatest way of doing things. Always finding the easy way out.

 

A lot of people would prefer to put those they see all the time in the friendzone and just run home , locked the door and log into Match.com in secret. lol

[oberkeat]

OLD increases GIGS exactly because the "one" may only be a click away. It's also much harder to get to know someone slowly. In school you had classes with the person for years & you saw them every day doing a variety of things. As you got older perhaps you saw the person routinely at work or as a friend of a friend & there were non-romantic group opportunities to get to know them. With OLD you jump right into the date, a 1 on 1 activity. You also need to assume the other person is multi-dating.

 

This is another reason I deleted my old account. Gone. Deleted. Women on old, even ones who who aren't that attractive, are usually dating several guys at once, which makes it no problem for them to flake on any of them at any time. Because of the huge male to female ratio on these sites, guys get tried out like shoes at the store, disposable. OLD is so cynical and impersonal.

Edited July 31, 2015 by oberkeat