Having a partner who intellectually stimulates you?

[dynothe2nd]

How important is this to you? To me personally, it eventually becomes a huge detractor if my partner isn't my intellectual equal. For example, I was trying to discuss the works of Claude Monet with an ex, specifically Woman With a Parasol. I tried to point out the brush technique Monet used to create a dreamy environment and how he used lighting so effectively. The entire time I could tell everything I was saying was way over her head, and it was frustrating. Anyone else feel like I do?

Edited July 29, 2015 by dynothe2nd

[MissBee]

I need someone intellectually stimulating and more over, someone who has intellectual curiosity.

 

I'm an expert in some fields and not others. This is everyone. I don't expect a man to be knowledgeable about everything, as I am not. But when you're intellectually curious you are at least curious about things even if you don't understand them or it's not your specific area of interest. You crave knowledge, you are a critical thinker, you like to challenge yourself, so you will LISTEN and ASK QUESTIONS and learn about other things. I like that in a partner and need it! Aside: opposite of this is people who like to talk and give their "opinion" even if they are not knowledgeable. They walk into a room and start mouthing off before ever listening, even if everyone in the room is an expert in that field, they don't care, they saw something on tv once and believe whatever opinion they have formed is more valid or as valid. That is worse...I've met that kind of man before....the loud and proudly ignorant who felt that mouthing off was the same as intellectual curiosity, and it isn't!

 

Anyway, things ended with the last bf because he was intellectually very dull. He had no intellectual curiosity. He was an engineer and knew about engineering and that was it. He had no knowledge of world events, history, philosophy, nothing else and he was uninterested. Most of our conversations were very superficial or could only relate to specific mundane things and trying to talk about anything else led to blank stares and "Okay baby." I was totally frustrated and baffled by his complete lack of desire to think, investigate, ask questions or learn about anything. I don't give a crap about engineering, but because I am intellectually curious, I asked him about his work, I LISTENED, I looked stuff up, when he spoke about things and I didn't know what he meant I ASKED and then I was able to converse with him about them or explain to other people what he did if asked. He however, could not offer me the same. He had no clue what I did, when I tried to talk about him or give him my papers to read or if my friends and I were discussing things in my field he never asked questions and never seemed concerned at all with understanding and was happy to be ignorant.

 

I HATED it and I CANNOT be happy with a man who doesn't stimulate me intellectually. I've tried...I get restless, frustrated, bored very quickly. However, when a man can ask me questions, give me new things to think about, teach me things I didn't know, where we can bounce ideas off each other and vibe intellectually...it makes me so excited and I want to be around him and pick his brain all the time . Such a turn on and I definitely need that kind of stimulation to be happy long term.

[central]

I am fortunate to have a wife who is very intelligent and intellectually curious. Almost daily we discuss something, often triggered by an article we've read or something on TV or in the news. We have a great deal of overlap in the books and subject matter that we find most interesting, so it's usually easy to get into a stimulating conversation. She just recently started writing her first novel, and that is providing many new topics to explore, research, and discuss. (Since she's also very sexually stimulating, we have a very well balanced relationship!)

[compulsivedancer]

Intelligence is one of the biggest things I look for in a guy.

[RoseVille]

MissBee, I am intellectually curious, but I didn't crave knowledge about EVERYTHING. Some things would be a snoozefest.

[Gaeta]

How important is this to you? To me personally, it eventually becomes a huge detractor if my partner isn't my intellectual equal. For example, I was trying to discuss the works of Claude Monet with an ex, specifically Woman With a Parasol. I tried to point out the brush technique Monet used to create a dreamy environment and how he used lighting so effectively. The entire time I could tell everything I was saying was way over her head, and it was frustrating. Anyone else feel like I do?

 

What you are talking about is having common interests. I can talk all night about Market Trading but even if you understand everything I say if it's not your thing I will be boring to you.

 

I personally do not need my mate to give me intellectual orgasm. I got that covered with friends and colleagues.

[central]

... I can talk all night about Market Trading but even if you understand everything I say if it's not your thing I will be boring to you.....

 

We can talk for hours about ETFs and forex trading, but if it's about options I chat with another buddy.

[salparadise]

For me it's often the basis of the attraction, assuming they've got some physical assets working in their favor as well. It's all kind of integrated. It doesn't much matter how "hot" she may be in the stereotypical way, if she can't understand sentences with more than four words it ain't gonna work. But if she's a freaking genius and and not arrogant about it, and social, she only need be above the minimum threshold in the looks department. It's probably a life stage factor. 24 year olds don't think that way at all.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I need someone intellectually stimulating and more over, someone who has intellectual curiosity.

 

I'm an expert in some fields and not others. This is everyone. I don't expect a man to be knowledgeable about everything, as I am not. But when you're intellectually curious you are at least curious about things even if you don't understand them or it's not your specific area of interest. You crave knowledge, you are a critical thinker, you like to challenge yourself, so you will LISTEN and ASK QUESTIONS and learn about other things. I like that in a partner and need it! Aside: opposite of this is people who like to talk and give their "opinion" even if they are not knowledgeable. They walk into a room and start mouthing off before ever listening, even if everyone in the room is an expert in that field, they don't care, they saw something on tv once and believe whatever opinion they have formed is more valid or as valid. That is worse...I've met that kind of man before....the loud and proudly ignorant who felt that mouthing off was the same as intellectual curiosity, and it isn't!

 

Anyway, things ended with the last bf because he was intellectually very dull. He had no intellectual curiosity. He was an engineer and knew about engineering and that was it. He had no knowledge of world events, history, philosophy, nothing else and he was uninterested. Most of our conversations were very superficial or could only relate to specific mundane things and trying to talk about anything else led to blank stares and "Okay baby." I was totally frustrated and baffled by his complete lack of desire to think, investigate, ask questions or learn about anything. I don't give a crap about engineering, but because I am intellectually curious, I asked him about his work, I LISTENED, I looked stuff up, when he spoke about things and I didn't know what he meant I ASKED and then I was able to converse with him about them or explain to other people what he did if asked. He however, could not offer me the same. He had no clue what I did, when I tried to talk about him or give him my papers to read or if my friends and I were discussing things in my field he never asked questions and never seemed concerned at all with understanding and was happy to be ignorant.

 

I HATED it and I CANNOT be happy with a man who doesn't stimulate me intellectually. I've tried...I get restless, frustrated, bored very quickly. However, when a man can ask me questions, give me new things to think about, teach me things I didn't know, where we can bounce ideas off each other and vibe intellectually...it makes me so excited and I want to be around him and pick his brain all the time . Such a turn on and I definitely need that kind of stimulation to be happy long term.

 

YES!!!!! Hands down the BEST line that completely encapsulates the need I most desire and seek out in a partner as well. I could not have said it better myself.

 

Seriously, awesome post by MissBee (as usual )

 

Curiosity is HUGE. Openness to hearing all sides and perspectives is too. An ability to effectively communicate and a desire to share and learn regardless of which side he might sit on is also VERY exciting.

 

And that goes both ways as well. I'm nothing if not a seeker myself.

 

[mrldii]

I used to think that it was important that my mate [also] stimulate me intellectually, but I just recently discovered that I'm an idiot because a date recently tried to discuss the brush techniques Monet used while painting Woman With a Parasol and I had no clue WTF he was talking about.

 

From now on while on dates, I'm sticking to discussing the weather and current gas prices in my neighborhood so as to not get in over my head.

 

 

 

 

Seriously, OP? She was intellectually inferior (and therefore not a suitable mate) because she couldn't discuss / couldn't care less about a master artist's technique?!?

[alphamale]

How important is this to you? To me personally, it eventually becomes a huge detractor if my partner isn't my intellectual equal. For example, I was trying to discuss the works of Claude Monet with an ex, specifically Woman With a Parasol. I tried to point out the brush technique Monet used to create a dreamy environment and how he used lighting so effectively. The entire time I could tell everything I was saying was way over her head, and it was frustrating. Anyone else feel like I do?

 

its important to be of similar intellects

[Gaeta]

It depends where you are in your life.

 

I am intellectually challenged each and every day from 9h to 5h. When I get home I wanna stop thinking, I don't want challenges, don't want to debate or start talking economy all over again. I want to laugh, make love, cook and I want to talk about things that are dear to my heart like family, friends, the environment, hobbies, trips, projects, etc.

 

I remember being a young wife and mother at home. Spending my days playing mom and maid and when my husband got home at 5h I was dying for some intellectual challenges.

[MoreAmore]

It's important that my partner be intelligent. I find it an incredible sexual turn on when my partner speaks with knowledge from his/her area of expertise. I don't expect that to mean we always overlap in knowledge base or interests. I do insist he love to learn, as that is something I want us to share.

 

I have a better scientific or technological understanding than my beau, but he is better educated on philosophy, world politics, etc. My ex husband had exceptional knowledge and ability in the fields of technology and science but was far less well versed in literature.

 

However, you should keep in mind that you aren't only speaking to intellect but interests. It doesn't mean a lower intellect. There are many people far more intelligent than I am, of course, but from an objective standpoint I have a higher IQ than most people. I can comprehend what you are saying and am familiar with the major artists, but I am not very interested in art. I wouldn't likely follow that conversation you were attempting with significant ardor. (It reminds me of my ex explaining car history and functioning. I loved his passion for it, but I could not bring myself to share it.)

[miranda_wilson]

While I am totally down with having an intellectual equal, I kinda don't get people wanting to have intellectual conversations with their partners all the time. I mean, I guess it just depends on how often you want this and how much of it you want. I consider myself an intellectual person (to the extent that I have formal education, like to read articles and books, etc. and talk about them with people; I am not glued to the t.v.; I'm into reading more so than t.v. shows.) But I don't want to be with some guy who wants to talk "intellectually" all the time. I want to relate to someone more so than have intellectual discourse. I mean, instead of being all "in what way did this book reflect the nihilism inherent in postmodernism?" "Is this a solipsism or an exercise in valuing of the self?" I might just want to talk about a character I could relate to, or why I thought such and such part was boring.

 

That said, it's important to have an intellectual equal. Recently I was talking to two guys and sort of choosing between them (they didn't know about each other, of course). Well, the smarter one won. The one who had a sexy voice, was 6'1" but couldn't hold much of a conversation lost to one who is 5'5" or 5'6" (somewhere around there) and isn't as "overtly" sexy (I still think he's sexy though) because he can write well and develop a thought. He can speak about most anything.

[Keenly]

It actually doesn't mean much to me to have by partner be intellectually stimulating.

 

 

My desires go in the opposite. I need a girl hungry for knowledge that shares my passion for learning and fact finding. Some one who loves to sit and listen to me explain my passions or wants me to explain something more in a layman's way.

 

I like to teach, I have learned, but only have the patience to teach the people I care about.

[gaius]

I always want someone intelligent who can challenge me and give me a run for my money, but I also wouldn't expect them to be interested in every bit of boring minutia I am. Like I really enjoy the topic of video game design, I've spent a decent amount of time thinking and analyzing it, but I would never expect someone to be interested in a conversation about it. That would be asking too much.

 

I'd say Monets brush strokes probably falls into the boring minutia, rather than the they should really know this category.

[SammySammy]

It's very important to me. Almost as important as sexual compatibility.

 

I need someone I can talk to. Someone I can be silly with and someone I can have deep, serious conversations with. Someone who is not afraid to challenge me and who has her own opinions and perspectives.

 

I need that. Those relationships are best to me.

[katiegrl]

It's very important to me. Almost as important as sexual compatibility.

 

I need someone I can talk to. Someone I can be silly with and someone I can have deep, serious conversations with. Someone who is not afraid to challenge me and who has her own opinions and perspectives.

 

I need that. Those relationships are best to me.

 

You are the male version of ME! To a tee!

 

 

And if don't have that....I won't stay. I can't stay.

 

 

I need it all - physical, emotional and MENTAL compatibility.

[d0nnivain]

I too want a partner who has something going on upstairs but what that is may vary from person to person.

 

Monet paintings are nice to look at & I enjoy a trip to a museum but a discussion of brush techniques would bore me to tears.

 

You need a combo of things including intelligence and common interests, or at least the willingness to learn something about the other's interests.

[Phoe]

For me it's often the basis of the attraction, assuming they've got some physical assets working in their favor as well. It's all kind of integrated. It doesn't much matter how "hot" she may be in the stereotypical way, if she can't understand sentences with more than four words it ain't gonna work. But if she's a freaking genius and and not arrogant about it, and social, she only need be above the minimum threshold in the looks department.

 

It's probably a life stage factor. 24 year olds don't think that way at all.

 

Well, intellectual compatibility has always been a MASSIVE factor for me, and I'm 26.

 

I felt the same at 24. I felt the same at 16. If I can't mentally connect with someone, and feel totally amazed at how wonderful a person's mind is, then I won't feel anything...

 

Not everyone who is young is a shallow dolt

[Phoe]

It's very important to me. Almost as important as sexual compatibility.

 

I need someone I can talk to. Someone I can be silly with and someone I can have deep, serious conversations with. Someone who is not afraid to challenge me and who has her own opinions and perspectives.

 

I need that. Those relationships are best to me.

 

For me, that mental stimulation was always WAY more important to me than the sexual compatibility. In fact, up until now, I put sexual compatibility very low on my list of needs.

 

Which is shocking, considering how sexual I am. I do see now that it was a big mistake for me to be lenient on the sex.

 

I suppose I just always knew that without the mental connection, the sexual one could never follow. I can't have a physical connection without a mental one. So I put the mental bit first and foremost.

[dynothe2nd]

I used to think that it was important that my mate [also] stimulate me intellectually, but I just recently discovered that I'm an idiot because a date recently tried to discuss the brush techniques Monet used while painting Woman With a Parasol and I had no clue WTF he was talking about.

 

From now on while on dates, I'm sticking to discussing the weather and current gas prices in my neighborhood so as to not get in over my head.

 

 

 

 

Seriously, OP? She was intellectually inferior (and therefore not a suitable mate) because she couldn't discuss / couldn't care less about a master artist's technique?!?

 

I was using the Monet thing as a general example. Thing is, this girl was not interested in anything intellectual. Not politics, arts, philosophy, geography, science, NOTHING. She almost never contributed anything intelligent, profound, or challenging to the conversation. She would rather talk about drama in her social circle or what recipes looked good on Pinterest. That's what I found frustrating. As soon as I attempted to shift the conversation to anything remotely intellectual, she was lost.

[Natalie8]

How important is this to you? To me personally, it eventually becomes a huge detractor if my partner isn't my intellectual equal. For example, I was trying to discuss the works of Claude Monet with an ex, specifically Woman With a Parasol. I tried to point out the brush technique Monet used to create a dreamy environment and how he used lighting so effectively. The entire time I could tell everything I was saying was way over her head, and it was frustrating. Anyone else feel like I do?

Maybe it wasnt over her head, maybe she just found it boring.

Talking about brush strokes is not intellectual conversation in my books. Intellectual stimulation is very important to me. I like someone who has opinion on things, someone who is curious, someone who reads/watches documentaries, and enjoys debates. But if my partner called me intellectualy inferior because i have no interest in brushstrokes i would think he is a pompous a$%.. lecturing someone in an area we are knowledgeable in while the other person has no interest in is pointless in my opinion.

[d0nnivain]

Somebody who can't hold a conversation about anything other than gossip is not worth talking to most of the time. I could not date some one like that long term.

[smackie9]

Yes I need to be with someone that can stimulate me intellectually/ and be intelligent enough to share or absorb new topics, etc. I'm like this when selecting friends also. I get bored very quickly, and lose interest if they can't have discussions that goes beyond what shoes they bought, or about someones comment on FB.