jp27 Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year now and it's getting serious. We care deeply about each other, we have fun together, we share the same values, and we seem to balance each other out, but we don't necessarily enjoy a lot of the same things or have the same hobbies/interests. I've always thought our differences made us complementary, but I've begun to worry/have doubts that because we lack these common interests and hobbies we might not be as compatible as I thought - maybe he'll find someone who shares more similarities with him down the road? I don't think it's really a matter of me trusting him, but there is some nagging feeling that maybe one day he'll leave me for someone "better". I know these thoughts are sabotaging what we have... I'm letting the fears and insecurities from my life experiences manifest in this relationship and am not sure how to stop. I try to just get over it and let it go, but every once in a while the thoughts creep back in. How do I overcome this? I definitely don't want to ruin our life together. We're very open and honest with each other and so we've talked about this before..He assures me that there is and will never be anyone else, but I just don't know why I can't stop and help but wonder. I don't want to bring it up again and I don't want to continue to feel this way. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Rather than thinking about the differences, think about what you do have in common. You must share some hobbies/interests, surely? Even so, guys don't leave girls because they won't cheer on their football team or won't go parascending with them. If they apparently do, there is another underlying reason. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 OP, I believe if people are going to break up over differences, it's over differences in values, not because of differences in hobbies/interests. It IS possible that the more separate interests/hobbies you have, the more time/opportunities there are to meet other people...after all, the most often advice on "How do I meet someone?" is to go do the things you most enjoy. However, if you're fearful that his other interests are going to lead him to find someone "better", then you're going to need to get a job at his company (and work in the same department) and join his gym (and keep the same schedule/attend the same classes). Again, it's about values, not hobbies. You can fake interest in enjoying an evening of bowling with him; one can't fake sharing an interest in a faithful, monogamous relationship. Good luck to you, OP... Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 I agree with the first two posters to a certain extent. Yes, people can have different interests and still be compatible and the relationship lasts. People learn new things all the time, hobbies and interests wax and wane, so there's nothing firm about those. What is firm is people's intentions. If he's happy with you and you both have a good, open relationship then he could meet a beautiful woman (I'm assuming you are too...) and she could basically come just short of offering a bareback **** session and he'd laugh, or like most men, not even realize she was flirting with him. lol. If you guys end up splitting it wasn't about the activities. You say you communicate well and have an open, honest relationship. That's good. Those are the two most important things in any relationship. The question for you is where are these feelings coming from? If you don't trust him - is it because of your past relationships? Or does he display certain characteristics of a serial cheater? Is it you feel like you're not spending enough time together? If that's the case could you find something you both enjoy - even if you're not good at it - like taking a dance lesson for instance, to spend some time together or you both make a commitment to come to 1 thing of the the other's each month or week? Or is it the case that you've gotten to this point before and saw things fizzle out? I think before you rush into a plan you need to stop an uncover what's causing this feeling. Talk to him, but talk to a long time trusted friend - someone who can point out if it's your past, the current state of affairs, etc. But also keep in mind that people do need a certain level of compatibility - and that goes to more of the "what types" of activities do you do and....WHY you do them. I just ended a messy one-year relationship. We met on an adventure weekend with a group we both belong to - it was hot and heavy - and looking back....it should have stayed that way. She does things to keep a wide circle of friends and because she hates all the "nice" and "polite" things about relationships, friends, etc. you know - like cooking together, or working together. She's fiercely independent and besides camping and working/hiking outdoors - we not only shared very few other interests - I read, I like to cook and work around the house, I'm active with my profession's national association, while she likes to snowboard, surf, and spend time with friends and family outside of her house. While those activities are not incompatible in and of themselves, the reason behind them - she constantly needs adventure, friends, interaction, is different than my reasons. And I was the one who should have known better in that I made all the early sacrifices - spending time trying to do what she wanted, always following her around, that I should have known it would have not lasted had I just gone out and done what I wanted to do. So there is a certain level of overlap that's needed - but again it's about motivation and about what your wants Link to post Share on other sites
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