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What are your thoughts on "The One"?


Eternal Sunshine

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Eternal Sunshine

I don't know if it's just me but I feel like "the one" doesn't exist. I think that people that do believe in "the one" are generally people that don't have much relationship experience.

 

Also when people talk that they are supposed to feel "hit by the thunderbolt" when they meet "the one" kind of makes me roll my eyes.

 

I wonder if I am just cynical.

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I feel the same way. There are billions of people in the world. I think it's possible to connect with and have the relationship you want with any number of people, it just depends on who you meet, at what point in your life you meet them, and how much work both people are willing to put in.

 

The thought of "The One" actually kind of depresses me. What if I already dated him and now I have zero chance of great love? What if he lives a gazillion miles away? I prefer my theory :)

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We can be cynical together then :)

 

The one...well, I hear so many people saying that but then wonder how people get married more than once in spite of this? :confused:

 

Also heard about The One and the Thunderbolt...but then hear that we can have various potential "ones" and some people rub each other up the wrong way at first or start as friends and then work their way up to a relationship rather than being struck at first sight...

 

Perhaps it is a personal thing because I do not understand how it can be "The One" in relationships between those who marry for papers(passports/green cards etc.), those who have arranged marriages(where they have never met the person) and so on...

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I truly believe my ex is the one, except, well he clearly isn't because he said I'm not the one and kept looking. We are both inexperienced so you might be onto something with that.

 

I was never looking for the "one" and i wont start now. I'm all for making up for lost time, maybe go down the polygamy path and find "the three".

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I had a few 'the one' in my life. When I married he was 'the one' and I thought it was for life. We all think it's for life. I felt the exact same way for my second long term partner, I felt he was 'the one'.

 

To me 'the one' is how I feel at a specific time. Right now, at this very moment, this man is 'the one' I want to be with and give my everything to. It's an unshakable certainty in your heart and you can experience it several times in your life.

 

The love at first sight is something I an wary of. It's just chemical acting up. I much prefer growing into someone. Growing into someone does not mean you'll never feel head over heels for them. I grew into loving my second partner and goodness I would have laid in the middle of a highway for him.

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Personally, when I use the phrase "The One", I am referring to a person I am giving my all to and with whom I'm concentrating efforts to grow and sustain an exclusive relationship. I've (so far) had four "The One"-s and, since I'm still vertical and kicking, would hope to have (a few?) more "The One"-s.

 

Oh, and I've a lot of false-start "The One"-s.

 

 

I do NOT believe "The One" means "There is one - and only One - person on the planet who is my absolute soul mate...who understands me completely - and I, them - and that we will magically meet and mystically ride off into the sunset, together, for the rest of our days".

 

Geez...I don't have enough saved free-airline-miles nor accrued vacation time to ever meet him, if that's what "The One" means.

 

:(

 

 

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I was never looking for the "one" and i wont start now. I'm all for making up for lost time, maybe go down the polygamy path and find "the three".

On your travels, add one for me please and make that four lol :D

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I don't know if it's just me but I feel like "the one" doesn't exist. I think that people that do believe in "the one" are generally people that don't have much relationship experience.

 

Also when people talk that they are supposed to feel "hit by the thunderbolt" when they meet "the one" kind of makes me roll my eyes.

 

I wonder if I am just cynical.

 

There isn't always just one "the one". I was divorced after 30 years and of course way back when he was "the one". I was subsequently with another man for one year and then we became engaged. He passed away shortly before the wedding, but he was also "the one". I currently have an SO for the last year or so, and so far, he is another "the one". Each one was/is special in their own way. They brought different things to the relationship for me.

 

Bottomline, is be happy with yourself first and foremost. Observe what each new dating partner brings to your table and whether or not those things work for you. A woman should be happy with herself as a single, independent secure woman. Having a man in your life should only enhance the happiness you already have, not bring it all to you. Being happy with yourself first allows you to be more objective and observe whether your needs are being met by a man and thereby more open to finding a "the one".

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Eternal Sunshine

Is it true that when you dated your "the ones" you didn't feel any uncertainty in your feelings for them? How long did it take you to know that you really want to be with them?

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Is it true that when you dated your "the ones" you didn't feel any uncertainty in your feelings for them? How long did it take you to know that you really want to be with them?

 

I think people do go through a little bit of uncertainty even if they are with "the one".

 

I will say that it's important to manage your emotions and expectations for quite some time when dating someone new. It takes a lot of time together to see all the "whole" person. But, for me, I when things were really right, it was at about the 6 to 8 month point where I was sure it was working for the longer term. I did have a little period of uncertainty when the "honeymoon" phase was coming to a close, but it was very short lived.

 

The honeymoon phase ends when you are seeing the person as they really are. The couples who say that their honeymoon never ended, it's because they were being themselves from the very beginning. So if both parties are doing that, there isn't a big change at that point. Sure, some things come to light and then you start re-evaluating whether those new things you are observing work for you. If they are huge issues, it's probably not going to work because those are things that they can't change or couldn't keep in the "background", so to speak, in the beginning. If they've been on their best behavior since the beginning, there comes a point when they can't do that anymore. Now, it's the real "them" coming through.

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PrettyEmily77

With all of my 'the ones', I genuinely thought I'd be with them forever.

 

 

I did also feel 'hit by thunderbolts' a few of times (sorry Eternal Sunshine :) )- that's the best feeling, IMO and I don't regret anything, even if there wasn't always a happy ending. The first time it happened resulted in a toxic 6-year R, the second time in an even more toxic 3-year R, the third time in a lustful episode and the fourth one, nearly four months ago, in the healthiest R I've had in a long time.

 

 

 

 

My current 'the one' feels like he could actually be 'The One', even tho I'm a bit more cautious now, partly because I'm a lot wiser and experienced, partly because if it's not meant to be I already know I'll survive just fine; it felt just right from the beginning tho, no alarm bells so far. I'm also a lot more accepting of some things (strange eating habits and taste in music, forex) and a lot more aware and able to recognise other things (any type of trust issues, signs of potential verbal / emotional abuse, jealousy, etc.).

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Here's a funny song about "The One." Funny, but true....

It's not cynical to acknowledge math and probability.

 

Believing that there is only one "One" is magical thinking. Fate and magic are in control.

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Eternal Sunshine

I agree with people that said that there are multiple "the ones". I think that this sort of matches up with my idea of having many people out there whom you can love and have long term relationships with.

 

As for "The One" being just one person in this world? No way.

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I agree with people that said that there are multiple "the ones". I think that this sort of matches up with my idea of having many people out there whom you can love and have long term relationships with.

 

As for "The One" being just one person in this world? No way.

 

And, this thinking is what takes the pressure off when dating new potential partners. This is what helps you be objective to see them for who they are and what it is they themselves bring to you. If you go into a dating scenario thinking this is going to be "the one", you stop focusing on your needs and try to "fit" them into or fit yourself into that role.

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Wait how can people call it the one if they've had 5?? So everyone you've ever been in love with? That's not the same as the one. I don't believe in the one.

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There are billions of people in the world.

Yeah but you only have access to maybe like 10 thousand. If everyone, all 7 billion of us thought that way then we'd all the single.

 

I truly believe my ex is the one, except, well he clearly isn't because he said I'm not the one and kept looking.

Thats ****ing funny.

 

To me "the one" is the person that is the best match (highest romantic interest level) for you. You don't even have to have similar interests, hobbies or anything in common.

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Yeah but you only have access to maybe like 10 thousand. If everyone, all 7 billion of us thought that way then we'd all the single.

 

 

Thats ****ing funny.

 

To me "the one" is the person that is the best match (highest romantic interest level) for you. You don't even have to have similar interests, hobbies or anything in common.

 

A "the one" is a person who meets your needs for a relationship. The basic needs of a woman are: To love and be loved, Safety (trust, security, place to be emotionally open),To be Sexually Desired and to be Appreciated. The rest only enhances those things.

 

Interests and hobbies, etc. are not NEEDS.

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