Physical attraction can grow over time?

[Popsicle]

This is what people say but I've never experienced it but I am finding that, at my age, all the men I feel physically attracted to, don't seem interested in me or are already taken. I attracted a boat load of men I am not physically attracted to though but they are nice/have great personalities and are interested in me. I know many people say you should give it time with this type of man. Even my own mother says this. Like I said though, I've never experienced this before, so i don't know what to do or what to expect. And what about how guys dont want to wait very long to have sex? We'd definitely be waiting if we're waiting for my attraction to grow over time. How does this work? Should I even do this?

[casey.lives]

yes, i can. i've experienced this every time i ended up liking someone. my attraction to a person ends when i can't feel safe with them or trust them. But if i can feel safe and grow to trust .. that's the open door to attraction, for me

[Gaeta]

Personally I need 3 dates to confirm my attraction. Sometimes I feel it instantly but if not, if it has not grown after 3 dates, it won't grow any further. I don't think you should force yourself beyond 2-3 dates.

[RoseVille]

I so wish this were true, but for me it's just not.

[katiegrl]

This is what people say but I've never experienced it but I am finding that, at my age, all the men I feel physically attracted to, don't seem interested in me or are already taken. I attracted a boat load of men I am not physically attracted to though but they are nice/have great personalities and are interested in me.

 

***I know many people say you should give it time with this type of man. Even my own mother says this. Like I said though, I've never experienced this before, so i don't know what to do or what to expect. And what about how guys dont want to wait very long to have sex? We'd definitely be waiting if we're waiting for my attraction to grow over time. How does this work? Should I even do this?

 

--------------------

 

Popsicle, I am thinking what these people really meant is that feeling "attracted to" someone can grow over time.

 

And by "attracted to" I mean *chemistry*......mental, emotional and physical.

 

Re the physical part of that equation, once a person (you for example) feels that chemistry, which for some people may take a few dates to feel, then that *not so attractive man* suddenly becomes the most handsome man in the world! By virtue of the strong chemistry you feel, which again for some people may take a few dates!

 

For me, I either that chemistry (attraction) on the first meeting or date...or not at all. You may be the same, which IS OK.

 

But I do know for others, it DID take a few dates, even longer sometimes to feel that chemistry or "attracted to" them on all levels that count.

 

Personally, I have met tons of guys who I thought were super *physically* attractive, but I felt NO chemistry or connection with them. Those men got a "nice meeting you but I did not feel enough chemistry to pursue further."

 

It can go the other way too. When I first met my first boyfriend, my first thought was that he was NOT that handsome (to me), but after talking to him for a bit, I felt (WE felt) such strong chemistry, that he suddenly became the most handsome man ever!

 

Hope that made sense!

Edited July 24, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[Popsicle]

I'm just so confused.

[carhill]

This one area I'm pretty satisfied with regarding the women of my generation. Most rejected immediately and didn't drag things on. I was unattractive to them, the approach was unwanted, they rejected and I moved on. Clean and simple.

 

My takeaway from nearly two decades of that, with a few dating experiences and relationships thrown in, was that, IME, women pretty much immediately know that a man is unattractive and what the dating part does, if she thinks he might be attractive, is confirm or refute that initial feeling. The dates gave second and third viewings of the physical stuff and introduced more personality aspects which painted an overall picture.

 

I'm sure it's possible for physical attraction to grow over time but time isn't available for it to grow when one is rejected for being unattractive. IMO, OP, if your style is immediate attraction or nothing, stick with it. It's natural for you and there's no need nor reason to force something you don't instinctively feel. If, later, your feelings change, you can explore that. To me, it comes down to timing. Two people being unattached and finding each other attractive at the same moment in time. Pretty amazing that it happens as much as it does.

[Vintage79]

It can grow over time, but if you're repulsed by them on date 1, don't expect the physical attraction to ever materialize. If you're neutral on date 1, and the rest is awesome, give it a few dates as long as you're still having fun.

 

As long as it's still fun, I'd probably go more than the 2-3 dates suggested by Gaeta, as I've found that once you get a bit closer to the person/know them better, your perspective frequently changes, and I usually need 4-6 dates for that to happen...and at that point, if they're not smoking hot, it may be ok. Basically, if it's fun and you're not repulsed (and they're at least marginally attractive to you), give it a go and don't worry about it too much...being too picky about looks (which is fleeting with age), is one of the main reasons people end up old and single...

[katiegrl]

I'm just so confused.

 

That's because it IS confusing!

 

Hell, you find a man handsome to look at (physical attraction), but other than that you feel meh. Zero spark, zero anything, other than he is handsome to look at. For me, when that happens, it's next.

 

On the other hand, you meet a man you think is merely OK to look at, but wowza, sparks are flying! Then suddenly, he becomes super handsome (to you).

 

Just goes to show ya that genuine chemistry goes much deeper than mere physical attraction (finding him attractive to look at on the outside).

 

And like I said, for some couples, it may take a few dates to feel that attraction/chemistry!

Edited July 24, 2015 by katiegrl

[casey.lives]

i've heard of attraction growing from when you just don't like the person at all.. and then through a series of interactions you start to like them a lot. the person you are repulsed by turns out to be well....

[Toodaloo]

Don't worry about it Pop. Just slap a smile on your face and eventually you will get there.

 

Its rare that I am attracted to someone. I can appreciate beauty and see what others do. I can use my imagination to think mmm those thighs look tasty but if Adonis asked me out and didn't seem to have all that great a personality the answer would still be "Hell no!".

 

Makes me laugh as people go on about my exes and how good looking they are etc but I never noticed it to start. They kinda grew on me.

 

One of the guys I am nattering to just can not get his head around that at all. Yes I guess he is "classic" good looking and I can see why women like sleeping with him but for me he started as just some random bloke and grew... He is still growing in my eyes... We shall see.

[hotpotato]

This hasn't been true for me. Either I am attracted to a guy or not.

[jen1447]

This is what people say but I've never experienced it but I am finding that, at my age, all the men I feel physically attracted to, don't seem interested in me or are already taken. I attracted a boat load of men I am not physically attracted to though but they are nice/have great personalities and are interested in me. I know many people say you should give it time with this type of man. Even my own mother says this. Like I said though, I've never experienced this before, so i don't know what to do or what to expect. And what about how guys dont want to wait very long to have sex? We'd definitely be waiting if we're waiting for my attraction to grow over time. How does this work? Should I even do this?

 

I think it's a matter of degree ....you won't likely build a physical attraction for someone you find distinctly unattractive at the outset, but if they're in the wide middle ground you may eventually. If nothing else, they might show parts of themselves later that you didn't see on the first few dates, like if you go to some formal event you might find yourself thinking wow, he really looks good in a suit.

[d0nnivain]

I have never had physical attraction grow over time. That part - the lust -- is either there or not. It's instantaneous but it's also nothing to base a relationship on. Emotions deepen over time & I become more attached to somebody & to a large extent that heightened emotional connection increases the overall level of attraction because it's on multiple plains.

[katiegrl]

Don't worry about it Pop. Just slap a smile on your face and eventually you will get there.

 

***Its rare that I am attracted to someone.

 

 

 

I can appreciate beauty and see what others do. I can use my imagination to think mmm those thighs look tasty but if Adonis asked me out and didn't seem to have all that great a personality the answer would still be "Hell no!".

 

Makes me laugh as people go on about my exes and how good looking they are etc but I never noticed it to start. They kinda grew on me.

 

One of the guys I am nattering to just can not get his head around that at all. Yes I guess he is "classic" good looking and I can see why women like sleeping with him but for me he started as just some random bloke and grew... He is still growing in my eyes... We shall see.

 

Quote in asterisk above..... same here. I don't *date* just to date. I date to have a relationship, and that means feeling *attracted to* a man the way I described in my first post.

 

It is feeling that chemistry (mental, emotional, physical), a *spark* - that feeling you get that this person is someone special, and different from the others.

 

If I am not feeling that (usually for me on the first date), he could look like an Adonis on the outside, he still gets a next.

 

I am extremely discretionary in who I choose to get involved with. And I have gone months with no date, no boyfriend, no male attention whatsoever. Which is okay by me!

 

Because for me, I would rather have no male attention, than attention from men I feel meh about.

 

Not for me, no thank you. I would rather be alone.

 

Ironically though, with my attitude, I am never alone, sans relationship for very long. Three-four months tops. And my relationships (three) have been long term also, including current.

 

Just me, everyone is different of course. Whatever works for them.

Edited July 24, 2015 by katiegrl

[Clarence_Boddicker]

I thought that most women are fluid about attraction in their SO, as long as they are happy with them. When a guy gets a belly, they are now a cute teddy bear. If he grows a beard, he's now ruggedly handsome. Same thing with a sun damaged face. Tattoos turn him into a "dangerous" bad boy. Then there's the stuff that has nothing to do with physical attributes, but seems to affect women. Expensive cars, clothes, jewelry, etc. A position of power. Having a cute accessory with them like a dog or infant. Being with high number girl (even if it's his sister & the observer doesn't know that smh). Doing something "manly" like opening a tight jar lid. Providing a sense of protection. Etc etc

 

 

Supposedly a woman's ideal of attraction changes with her cycle or if she pregnant.

[RoseHeart]

I haven't experienced this before so I'd say no.

 

I can tell after one date if that physical spark is there or not.

[fitnessfan365]

Emotional attraction is VERY important. I have to genuinely like a woman's company and be able to relate to her on a deeper level. Also, my sexual attraction is tied more into her personality. How playful/flirtatious she is, how feminine she is, and her sexual persona. Plus, let's be real. Sexual skills have NOTHING to do w-looks at all.

 

But physical attraction is a separate entity. No amount of connection is going to change someone's appearance. You either like the way they look or you don't. So I'm sorry, but I think it's BS when people say that it can grow over time.

Edited July 24, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[kendahke]

for me, attraction is either there or it's not. By the 2nd or 3rd date, I know if I'm attracted to them and usually, it's the personality that has sealed the deal. I've gone on 1st meetings with nice looking men and knew instantly that I was not attracted to them and into the friend-zone they went. Nothing they could do would rescue them from there.

[joseb]

As a guy I know pretty much straight away if I find someone physically attractive. If I do, then I know once we get physical if there is good chemistry or not.

 

Now, my overall attraction to them as a person or potential partner grows more slowly over time. But physical? That's probably decided almost immediately.

[katiegrl]

Emotional attraction is VERY important. I have to genuinely like a woman's company and be able to relate to her on a deeper level. Also, my sexual attraction is tied more into her personality. How playful/flirtatious she is, how feminine she is, and her sexual persona. Plus, let's be real. Sexual skills have NOTHING to do w-looks at all.

 

But physical attraction is a separate entity. No amount of connection is going to change someone's appearance. You either like the way they look or you don't.

 

 

**So I'm sorry, but I think it's BS when people say that it can grow over time.***

 

I think that is because you never experienced it, and maybe never will. You may be extremely visually oriented, who knows. Which is OK by the way.

 

But as I said, when I met my first boyfriend, I thought he was just okay looking, but hell after talking (and connecting) with him for awhile (on first date), sparks were flying, and from then on out, to me he became gorgeous!

 

So it can happen. For me, and I know for other women (not all) because we have discussed it.

 

Chemistry runs deeper than merely finding someone physically attractive on the outside.

 

At least for me.

Edited July 24, 2015 by katiegrl

[VengeanceGuidesMe]

There's nothing wrong in wanting to be attracted to the person you're with. I think one big issue is that society tells us what is attractive. If you let those rules govern your views on attractive, then maybe you're shooting 'out of your league' so to say.

 

All girls want a tall, dark and handsome man; successful and funny, with awesome facial hair of course. (Generalizing) Unfortunately, there's a lot more women than there are of these men. So face it, you're not going to get every single thing you want in life, because trust me, you're not every single thing a man wants either. It's about finding someone who is attractive enough to want to get to know, for me, there's a certain level of attraction I need and without it, I'm uninterested. With it, I'll take the ride and see what it is. If she lacks the rest, it will fail as well.

 

 

However, there's something to be said about beauty.. it fades. Ultimately, everyone ends up old and ugly. Things sag, things get hairy and wrinkly. So whatever you go with, make sure it has depth.

[Renton]

I think you have to be at least mildly attracted to someone, whether its someone's eyes, smile, etc for that attraction to grow into something more intense.

 

It really just could be one thing you find attractive first of all and the more contact you have with them, you start to find other things attractive too.

 

It has happened to me a few times over the years.

[fitnessfan365]

I think that is because you never experienced it, and maybe never will. You may be extremely visually oriented, who knows. Which is OK by the way.

 

But as I said, when I met my first boyfriend, I thought he was just okay looking, but hell after talking (and connecting) with him for awhile (on first date), sparks were flying, and from then on out, to me he became gorgeous!

 

So it can happen. For me, and I know for other women (not all) because we have discussed it.

 

Chemistry runs deeper than merely finding someone physically attractive on the outside.

 

At least for me.

 

Well as I said before, when you're connecting with someone and there is chemistry with personality, you do feel an intense sexual attraction. That's why my base sexual attraction for a woman isn't really tied into her looks at all. Don't get me wrong. When a woman has a great body, I definitely take notice. But I don't instantly want to sleep with her because of it. She actually has to push all the right buttons.

 

But a woman either has a face I want to kiss or she doesn't. LOL

[RoseVille]

I think that is because you never experienced it, and maybe never will. You may be extremely visually oriented, who knows. Which is OK by the way.

 

But as I said, when I met my first boyfriend, I thought he was just okay looking, but hell after talking (and connecting) with him for awhile (on first date), sparks were flying, and from then on out, to me he became gorgeous!

 

So it can happen. For me, and I know for other women (not all) because we have discussed it.

 

Chemistry runs deeper than merely finding someone physically attractive on the outside.

 

At least for me.

 

I think feeling attraction and having sparks fly on the first date is what we'd all like to have happen. I don't consider first date attraction to be attraction "growing with time."

 

I know a couple attractive guys who are great people, yet there's just nothing there, at all. The thought of them even touching me repulses me. I'd love for the attraction to have grown as our friendship grew, especially once they expressed interest in me... But it's just not there and I fear it never will be.