Carey34 Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 My boyfriend has a few (married) female co-workers that he texts and hangs out with. There is one particular woman he'll text all day long on his day off, and he did it when we went out to dinner for the first time in months a couple days ago. I was very upset with him, but got over it. Their texts are for the most part work-related, but they (especially she) texts him about personal things, such as her failing marriage all the time. He tells me these things, so I have never really worried too much. Another incident occurred a few days ago with a different woman (I actually posted about this), who is his subordinate and has a crush on him. The reason I know this is because he told me months ago and said that whenever she is alone, he purposely will not interact with her. Basically, he reached out to her on Facebook a couple weeks ago and gave her his number because he had a work-related question. I thought I was crazy to feel upset about it, but I didn't understand his reasoning for giving out his phone number to a young woman who is interested in him. The texts were work-related, but definitely flirty. I was also very upset because we've agreed in the past that the people we text need to be people we know and have met; otherwise, we would feel uncomfortable about it. I have never met her. Our argument basically ended with our different views on texting. I see it as a personal thing, and he doesn't. I feel like I'm acting crazy to feel this way, but I talked to my friend about this, and she said I had every right to feel disrespected. I cannot get past this, and I've found myself distancing myself from him. I feel like I can't compete with his constant texting. I'm so over it. If I can't trust him, should I just end this relationship? Do I have valid reason to distrust him? Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 If it has a negative impact on your relationship and your self esteem and you can't find a compromise then you probably should end the relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
highseas Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 If I were in your position, I would feel upset too. I'm a man, and if my GF handed out her personal cell # to other guys and texted one another often, I would NOT be pleased. I don't care if it's work-related or not. If it's work-related, use work email or work phone number and don't bring work home or on dates. If it's not work-related, there should be no place for it. Don't people understand these are PERSONAL numbers? He should be allowed some female friends, though, but you should be introduced to these women sooner rather than later. If you feel strongly about it, give him an ultimatum: those girls texting about work and flirting a bit, OR you? Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 is he enjoying this? if so, then give him the boot, if it a work-related chore, then i suppose he wants to keep his job Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 If you can't get past this & he's not going to stop, there is no solution other than breaking up. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I cannot get past this, and I've found myself distancing myself from him. I feel like I can't compete with his constant texting. I'm so over it. If I can't trust him, should I just end this relationship? Do I have valid reason to distrust him? I would feel the same way (I'm a guy). Who wants to spend time trying to be connected to someone who can't put the damn phone down while eating dinner, who is always dividing his attention between you and other women, who doesn't have a clue about work or personal boundaries, and encourages attention from married, single and divorcing women. This is just absurd. I don't believe it's about you not being able to get past it––nobody in their right mind would enjoy being with somebody who acts like that, and yes, it's absolutely disrespectful. No ambiguity. I dropped a woman a couple of years ago who constantly took calls from her jealous teenage son during dates. She was just clueless. Your boyfriend isn't clueless––he's a cad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 My boyfriend has a few (married) female co-workers that he texts and hangs out with. There is one particular woman he'll text all day long on his day off, and he did it when we went out to dinner for the first time in months a couple days ago. I was very upset with him, but got over it. Their texts are for the most part work-related, but they (especially she) texts him about personal things, such as her failing marriage all the time. He tells me these things, so I have never really worried too much. Another incident occurred a few days ago with a different woman (I actually posted about this), who is his subordinate and has a crush on him. The reason I know this is because he told me months ago and said that whenever she is alone, he purposely will not interact with her. Basically, he reached out to her on Facebook a couple weeks ago and gave her his number because he had a work-related question. I thought I was crazy to feel upset about it, but I didn't understand his reasoning for giving out his phone number to a young woman who is interested in him. The texts were work-related, but definitely flirty. I was also very upset because we've agreed in the past that the people we text need to be people we know and have met; otherwise, we would feel uncomfortable about it. I have never met her. Our argument basically ended with our different views on texting. I see it as a personal thing, and he doesn't. I feel like I'm acting crazy to feel this way, but I talked to my friend about this, and she said I had every right to feel disrespected. I cannot get past this, and I've found myself distancing myself from him. I feel like I can't compete with his constant texting. I'm so over it. If I can't trust him, should I just end this relationship? Do I have valid reason to distrust him? How long have you been seeing him and what is your relationship status? Link to post Share on other sites
SugarLips72 Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 It is not normal for men to text other women all day if he is in a relationship. Sounds like he is a flirt. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 My boyfriend has a few (married) female co-workers that he texts and hangs out with. There is one particular woman he'll text all day long on his day off, and he did it when we went out to dinner for the first time in months a couple days ago. I was very upset with him, but got over it. I would have gotten up from the table and left him there and not continued to go out with him. You taught him right then and there that you were fine with this. You'd be mad for a minute, but then you'd get over it. I feel like I'm acting crazy to feel this way, but I talked to my friend about this, and she said I had every right to feel disrespected. You have a right to feel anything you want to feel, but what you need to examine is how much of this are you willing to accept just to have this man as your boyfriend? Is he really worth you constantly being upset with him about his texting? Because it's pretty clear that he's not going to stop just because you don't like it. If you stay, then you're telling him that you really aren't that pressed about it. I cannot get past this, and I've found myself distancing myself from him. I feel like I can't compete with his constant texting. I'm so over it. If I can't trust him, should I just end this relationship? Do I have valid reason to distrust him? If you are so over it, why haven't you dumped him? Yes, you should end it. What's the point in being with someone you can't trust? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 My boyfriend has a few (married) female co-workers that he texts and hangs out with. There is one particular woman he'll text all day long on his day off, and he did it when we went out to dinner for the first time in months a couple days ago. This almost seems like he was intentionally trying to piss you off....or testing your boundaries...or whatevs! In any event.... how rude! I would have gotten up and left.... Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 How long have you been seeing him and what is your relationship status? Does that really matter though? Texting another woman while out to dinner with you? That's just wrong... no matter how long they have been dating. Even doing that on he first MEET is wrong (assuming they met on-line). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tina Bailey Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 I think it's important to figure out what your beliefs are on this matter and then live by your beliefs. I can tell you what I think, but we're all different. Texting or scanning your phone while you're spending quality time with someone is rude. This applies to his coworkers, his friends, family or anyone who is not currently experiencing an emergency. Men who can't draw appropriate boundaries with their employer, friends, family or other women are unattractive. He is disrespectful, dismissive and spineless by my standards. And I'm basing this off of how his girlfriend describes him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Haerts Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 You've talked to him about it. Of course it's disrespectful, especially when you're near. I don't understand what these kinds of guys have in their minds that make them think they can continue to flirt/text/talk in a serious relationship. I just recently broke up with my ex and one of the reasons is because he said he flirts with other women when he goes out without me. **** that. I wouldn't be surprised if your man said the same. Find someone that deserves you. That guy clearly does not. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts