Long Term Relationship Anxiety

[b6forlife]

Ok so I have been in a relationship for a year and a half. It's my first serious relationship and I might have unrealistically thought my partner was the one. We met at work, had a lot of things in common, and were best friends for a couple months before dating. Everything up until a couple months ago were perfect. The relationship we have is anything I would have ever wanted, and I mean that.

Recently, I have been having some doubts. They were brought on when my partner asked me, somewhat innocuously, if I was getting bored with her. That freaked me out, honestly. I think I had an anxiety attack when I was first asked. Doubts crept in to my head immediately, and I doubted everything I just told you. Months later, I still struggle. I have different doubts every couple weeks it seems. I don't believe any of them, but that still doesn't stop the awful feeling I get from even giving them attention. I've talked to my girlfriend about it, and she was very supportive. Other people told me that it's likely I'm struggling with this because she is my first girlfriend. My girlfriend also talked to other friends who told her they went through the same thing with their partners, broke up, but then came back together as an even stronger couple. I still enjoy time with my girlfriend. We still laugh, share everything with each other, and spend a lot of time together. When I'm with her, things feel better. I don't give the doubts as much attention, and I just solely enjoy being with her. Normally alone time is when my doubts seem to be the most powerful. I just want them to go away and stay that way. When I can clear them, I feel awesome. I can remember why she means so much to me, and why I love her, but when I'm clouded with these thoughts, I can't seem to think of the good things anymore, and it's almost caused me to ruin a relationship I know is worth saving. She moves out of her parents' house tomorrow and she's started to work a lot more. That was stressful for me at first and I think that's why I started to hang out with my friends more, so I would be okay with not seeing her as much. Maybe hidden stress is causing these doubts, I don't know. The doubts change through time. First, was I bored? Second, do I love her? Third, do we need to break up? Fourth, are we really compatible? One, two, and three were all dismissed as false. Now I'm struggling with four. I know deep down that I love her so much and want to do anything to fix this, but I've always struggled with overanalyzing, and once something is on my mind it's near to impossible to get it off. Writing on these forums actually relieve me of my doubts too. It's weird.

 

In conclusion, what are your thoughts on my situation? I realize I'm probably overthinking, but I just need to know how to try and stop that. I want to be with her. I get spurts where everything feels normal again, and so I hold onto that feeling. I'm just afraid I'm going to destroy this relationship. In fact, I'm sure I will if I don't get this sorted out soon. Whenever I think of being without her, it hurts a lot, but I also believe deep down I would end up getting back together with her, because when I imagine being without her, and the pain that comes with it, it reminds me of how much she means to me. I've considered a break because I feel that maybe that would give me the time I need to clear my head, but she really doesn't believe in breaks, and to be honest I don't want to take one. I see it as cowardly. There's more I need to say, but I'm going to end it there. Thanks.

[xcupid]

In what areas do you think you're incompatible with her? What is it that you have doubts about? There is something in the relationship that is raising those doubts. What is it?

[b6forlife]

I think a lot of the reason doubts came up is because she's more mature than I am. She's moving out, while I still live with my parents. She's more responsible, etc. That's my mind's justification for us not being compatible. Like I said earlier, the doubts never came up until she asked me if I was bored. That question freaked me out and I had to reevaluate everything and overthink an honestly great relationship and I feel like if I don't get this sorted we won't be dating much longer. I also believe that maybe a break or break up is needed because I honestly just know that we will be back together. It's just a feeling.