bluestealth Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Here's just one recent example. I started talking with this woman on Match. After I had got her number and exchanged texts for 2-3 days I asked if she wanted to grab some ice cream. I didn't hear back until five days later when I sent another text and she said her phone had overheated and she lost all her contacts. She also said she couldn't meet for two weeks since she was traveling. We were friends on Facebook so I could tell she was gone by her posts. Towards the end of her trip I said maybe we could set a time to meet the next week and she said "sounds good!". The day she returned I sent a text asking when she was free and I didn't hear back. After about 10 days I decided to send one more text and she responded by saying she never got the last text! Finally, she enthusiastically agreed on a time to go out this coming Tues, but the next day I noticed she blocked me on FB! I sent her a text asking about it but she never responded. She's a 27 year old 2nd grade teacher who goes to the same kind of church I do. You'd think she'd be a normal person. Can anyone explain this crazy behavior? I have many other examples. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Some people would say that chasing after someone who is obviously unavailable and dodging you at every turn, is crazy. Thats what some people would say. As for me, I'm keeping my mouth shut... 6 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Here's just one recent example. I started talking with this woman on Match. After I had got her number and exchanged texts for 2-3 days I asked if she wanted to grab some ice cream. I didn't hear back until five days later when I sent another text and she said her phone had overheated and she lost all her contacts. She also said she couldn't meet for two weeks since she was traveling. We were friends on Facebook so I could tell she was gone by her posts. Towards the end of her trip I said maybe we could set a time to meet the next week and she said "sounds good!". The day she returned I sent a text asking when she was free and I didn't hear back. After about 10 days I decided to send one more text and she responded by saying she never got the last text! Finally, she enthusiastically agreed on a time to go out this coming Tues, but the next day I noticed she blocked me on FB! I sent her a text asking about it but she never responded. She's a 27 year old 2nd grade teacher who goes to the same kind of church I do. You'd think she'd be a normal person. Can anyone explain this crazy behavior? I have many other examples. I don't know that it's exclusive to ppl online. Lots of real world ppl out there are just flaky and weird like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 First off, i am a firm believer that everyone has crazy in them. Or the potential for crazy. It is just a matter of time... That being said, here's my take on online interaction. Understanding people online is like trying to understand a symphony by just listening to the oboe. Sometimes you know what is going on. Sometimes you think the symphony is over because the oboe hasn't made a sound in eons. But there is a ton of stuff going on to which you're not privy. When you get to know someone in person, then it is like being able to hear the whole woodwind section. Still only getting a part of it but a larger part. The deeper you get into relationships, the more sections you get. Strings. Percussion. Brass... If the relationship is healthy you get the hear all or most of the symphony. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Men and women do that all the time in the world of On line dating. Nothing abnormal about it at all. So in answer to your question... Probably! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 She's a 27 year old 2nd grade teacher who goes to the same kind of church I do. You'd think she'd be a normal person. Can anyone explain this crazy behavior? I have many other examples. Been around the internet for a couple decades now and will offer the following tip: People can be anyone they want to be on the internet. It's anonymous. Ergo, unless you verified, independently, everything you stated in the quote, its veracity is unknown and unverified. She could be a married middle-aged lady with kids or a man. It's all electrons, just like this post is. And, yep, Facebook is. IOW, a person can create a 'residual image of their digital self' and fashion it to be anything. Do most people? IDK. Can't read minds. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dragonfire13 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I wouldn't say they were "crazy", but yes, that does sound like common behaviour with OLD. People have so many options, so it's become a game of finding the best one, being non-committal if you're not sure about someone but willing to go on a few more dates to see if anything develops...and quickly dropping them if you find someone better. People also do tend to be quite trigger-happy with the block button..I met a guy via online dating, he tried to kiss me the FIRST "date"...I turned my face away...got home and I was blocked lol! Defo some characters online... Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 OP, I don't know that - based on this exchange with one woman - one can draw the conclusion that all online people are crazy. There are a million and one reasons why this is happening with her; here's some of the more-likely possibilities: 1. She's not really interested; 2. She's catfishing; 3. She thinks she's ready for the possibility of a relationship, but then vacillates to not being sure; 4. She's really married/already involved in a relationship; 5. She's struggling with coming out of the closet; 6. As a 2nd grade teacher, she possesses unique talent, information, and expertise and is frequently called to provide expert testimony, with little or no advanced warning; 7. She's really a spy and the "2nd-grade teacher"-thingy is simply a cover; 8. She really is crazy. Pick the reason that makes you feel best about why you've decided it's OK to (continue to) be attracted to someone who's already proven to be completely unreliable and unavailable...and with whom you're still most interested in developing a relationship. Online people..."crazy", indeed!!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingDeadGrl Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 It doesn't sound like a crazy person to me. She sounds like she just wasn't interested and didn't have the guts to just be honest. She took the cowards way out and avoided. Next 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 On top of what I already "liked", she probably was juggling you and other guys... I'm a busy woman and yes, I've done that at times. Sometimes when I make contact with someone, I got so much going on that I have to put them off. Then, by the time I get back to contacting them, I lost interest.... And yes, my phone sometimes acts up and I don't get texts for a day or so.... Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Been around the internet for a couple decades now and will offer the following tip: People can be anyone they want to be on the internet. It's anonymous. Ergo, unless you verified, independently, everything you stated in the quote, its veracity is unknown and unverified. She could be a married middle-aged lady with kids or a man. It's all electrons, just like this post is. And, yep, Facebook is. IOW, a person can create a 'residual image of their digital self' and fashion it to be anything. Do most people? IDK. Can't read minds. Facebook would be far more likely to be legit as ppl's accounts tend to intersect with real life dramatically. (Not many ppl have online-only Facebook personas - they have friends with pictures and identities that would be near impossible to fabricate, or at least would require a huge amount of effort.) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Back when social media was in its infancy, I would generally agree with this. However, back then, also, online dating tended to be more transparent and 'real' as well. Apparently, times have changed over the interceding decades. However, if what you say is true, then the OP should be able to easily suss out this person in real life and verify, or refute, the premise that this person is 'crazy'. I recall, back in the early days of 'phone' personal classifieds in the newspaper, I met, had a relationship with, got married to and divorced one lady, all over the phone in one night. I'd opine we were both probably a little crazy. After that, talking on the phone was only used to set up dates! Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Dude, the best advice I can give you is to take things at face value. You ask her out, and hear nothing for five days. That was her being pretty clear she wasn't interested. But you kept pursuing her anyways. When you didn't take the hint repeatedly, she had no choice but to finally block you on FB as a last resort. From past threads of yours, chasing after flaky women seems to be a trend with you. From now on, if a woman doesn't make plans with you on your first invite, walk away and focus on someone else. When a woman is interested, she makes it easy for you to get together with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Dude, the best advice I can give you is to take things at face value. You ask her out, and hear nothing for five days. That was her being pretty clear she wasn't interested. But you kept pursuing her anyways. When you didn't take the hint repeatedly, she had no choice but to finally block you on FB as a last resort. From past threads of yours, chasing after flaky women seems to be a trend with you. From now on, if a woman doesn't make plans with you on your first invite, walk away and focus on someone else. When a woman is interested, she makes it easy for you to get together with her. I think part of OP's very premise is that the inability to be simple and direct and honest contributed to this person's 'crazy.' There was no need for her to send morse code messages of uninterest when she could have just said "not interested" and saved them both a lot of trouble. That sort of basic consideration isn't too much to ask from someone. (Except maybe ....online.) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Vintage79 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Here's just one recent example. I started talking with this woman on Match. After I had got her number and exchanged texts for 2-3 days I asked if she wanted to grab some ice cream. I didn't hear back until five days later when I sent another text and she said her phone had overheated and she lost all her contacts. She also said she couldn't meet for two weeks since she was traveling. We were friends on Facebook so I could tell she was gone by her posts. Towards the end of her trip I said maybe we could set a time to meet the next week and she said "sounds good!". The day she returned I sent a text asking when she was free and I didn't hear back. After about 10 days I decided to send one more text and she responded by saying she never got the last text! Finally, she enthusiastically agreed on a time to go out this coming Tues, but the next day I noticed she blocked me on FB! I sent her a text asking about it but she never responded. She's a 27 year old 2nd grade teacher who goes to the same kind of church I do. You'd think she'd be a normal person. Can anyone explain this crazy behavior? I have many other examples. I'd say that there are plenty of perfectly normal people online - but OP, you're coming across as one of the online crazies...I'd block you based on your stalker-ish behavior... Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 You met on Match and it sounds like you hadn't 'met'? How come you were FB friends? Sounds like she figured you were an FB friend or something and wasn't interested but maybe couldn't get on FB to remove you (I can do barely anything on FB from my phone) so better to be sweet in case you chose to post on her wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Vintage79 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 You met on Match and it sounds like you hadn't 'met'? How come you were FB friends? Sounds like she figured you were an FB friend or something and wasn't interested but maybe couldn't get on FB to remove you (I can do barely anything on FB from my phone) so better to be sweet in case you chose to post on her wall. Or the OP's crazy, friended her and then effectively stalked her... Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Or the OP's crazy, friended her and then effectively stalked her... I wouldn't call anyone crazy but it could be inappropriate if you're on the receiving end. We have no details of why they were FB friends yet.... Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I think part of OP's very premise is that the inability to be simple and direct and honest contributed to this person's 'crazy.' There was no need for her to send morse code messages of uninterest when she could have just said "not interested" and saved them both a lot of trouble. That sort of basic consideration isn't too much to ask from someone. (Except maybe ....online.) Of course it would be better if people were just honest and direct. But women do have a tendency to deal in hints and innuendos. They figure that if they stay silent long enough or give lame excuses like a phone over heating, they won't have to "hurt a guy's feelings". Based on my experience, I've learned it's better just to invest time/energy in a woman that doesn't play games and simply walk away from flaky behavior. I take pride in never taking the easy way out though. A few months ago, I had two dates with this HOT woman. Great first date/intense physical chemistry. Second date, intense physical but really awkward conversations. She wanted to go back to my place. So I was honest and turned her down for sex to her face. Stressed I was very attracted, but we weren't a good dating fit and I didn't want casual sex. To say she was pissed was an understatement..LOL But it's better than pumping and dumping or lying about an early morning and fading out. Link to post Share on other sites
40 Fonzarelli Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 There's a difference between politely declining or giving a hint that you aren't interested, and consistently baiting and flaking as in this case. Either way, there's no sense in trying to find out the reasons. It could be anything, and in this case seems like you were the back up plan. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I really strongly believe that the majority of women OLD never meet anybody because they're too nervous or scared to actually meet someone from the internet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluestealth Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Some people would say that chasing after someone who is obviously unavailable and dodging you at every turn, is crazy. Thats what some people would say. As for me, I'm keeping my mouth shut... Pretty sarcastic but I'll let it slide since you don't know the whole situation. I gave her the benefit of the doubt when she told me her phone overheated. Why would I assume she was lying and move on? Later when she acted like she never got my text I was suspicious, but why not try and secure a date? In between all of this she seemed very interested and was sharing pictures of her vacation and general things about her. I definitely wouldn't call it chasing but being persistent and following up. When she was responsive there was an equal amount of texting. I don't live in a big city so prospects are few and far between, so I'm not going to drop a potential opportunity so easily. I think part of OP's very premise is that the inability to be simple and direct and honest contributed to this person's 'crazy.' There was no need for her to send morse code messages of uninterest when she could have just said "not interested" and saved them both a lot of trouble. That sort of basic consideration isn't too much to ask from someone. (Except maybe ....online.) I completely agree with this. She totally led me on and looking back probably lied about her phone overheating and not getting my text. It makes no sense that one evening she'd agree to go on a date with all the specifics and then the next morning block me on Facebook. I'd say that there are plenty of perfectly normal people online - but OP, you're coming across as one of the online crazies...I'd block you based on your stalker-ish behavior... What are you talking about? You're way off base. It's amazing how some people like to attack the person who was wronged. When we had first started texting, I told her I was on Facebook if she wanted to look me up and make sure I was real. She sent me a friend request and I accepted, that's all. We never communicated on there. I like to do this so I can make sure they are real and learn more about them. How exactly is this stalkerish? Instead of leading someone on, why is it so difficult to simply say something like "I appreciate talking with you but I don't think we're a good match. I wish you luck in your search." That's the easiest thing to do, especially over text. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Of course it would be better if people were just honest and direct. But women do have a tendency to deal in hints and innuendos. They figure that if they stay silent long enough or give lame excuses like a phone over heating, they won't have to "hurt a guy's feelings". Based on my experience, I've learned it's better just to invest time/energy in a woman that doesn't play games and simply walk away from flaky behavior. Thread's about "is it crazy?" and "can you explain it?", not "what would be better?" and "what's your advice?" Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I completely agree with this. She totally led me on and looking back probably lied about her phone overheating and not getting my text. It makes no sense that one evening she'd agree to go on a date with all the specifics and then the next morning block me on Facebook. Well in her defense, you asked her out and she didn't get back to you after five days. That's a pretty obvious indicator that she's not interested. The only reason why she kept "leading you on" is because you kept chasing after her not accepting the obvious from the get go. You'll be amazed at how much easier dating will become for you when you stop chasing flaky women. Live by this policy - If a woman doesn't accept your FIRST date invitation, you forget her and focus on on other women. It's that simple. When a woman is actually interested, she says yes on the first attempt. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 In between all of this she seemed very interested and was sharing pictures of her vacation Hang on...you said this was on FB in your opening post. In the post the above quote is from you are implying she wa sending pics to you. You said you believed she was on a trip as due to the pics on FB it was evident. Which was it? Were you friends on FB before Match or since? Ah! I just read some more.. Sorry bud but she wasn't interested since FB friending IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
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