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Bitterness in men


Toodaloo

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And another one bites the dust.

 

Lovely chap but pushed way to hard way too soon. I backed off. I was honest. Told him what I needed from him and how to do it so we could continue to see each other. Next minute, once again, I am getting the bitter nasty texts... My phone is going ten to the dozen with snide remarks...

 

Why? Because I didn't respond within 10 minutes.

 

I have a job. I am trying to get on with it. It was that bad that my bosses actually took my phone away so I could concentrate.

 

Now whittled down to 3.

 

Trainman is a long thing. Don't know if it will work out but we seem to want life to be the same way but there are a few fundamental differences that we both acknowledge so we are sticking with just friends while we work that out and get to know each other.

 

Vollyman is just lovely. Very sweet. Am hopefully meeting him this weekend.

 

Crazyguy. Is a nutter but actually really great. Found out last night he is a racing driver... Just slipped it into general conversation... Weird date. Started with us having to report an abusive driver... Good though. But something like "I race cars and am pretty bloody good at it" isn't that something you lead with? He was more interested in talking about his Dads birthday and his cat... Funny guy. Not at all PC.

 

So yeah... Waiting for next one to get bitter and nasty.

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And another one bites the dust.

 

Lovely chap but pushed way to hard way too soon. I backed off. I was honest. Told him what I needed from him and how to do it so we could continue to see each other. Next minute, once again, I am getting the bitter nasty texts... My phone is going ten to the dozen with snide remarks...

 

Why? Because I didn't respond within 10 minutes.

 

I have a job. I am trying to get on with it. It was that bad that my bosses actually took my phone away so I could concentrate.

 

Now whittled down to 3.

 

Trainman is a long thing. Don't know if it will work out but we seem to want life to be the same way but there are a few fundamental differences that we both acknowledge so we are sticking with just friends while we work that out and get to know each other.

 

Vollyman is just lovely. Very sweet. Am hopefully meeting him this weekend.

 

Crazyguy. Is a nutter but actually really great. Found out last night he is a racing driver... Just slipped it into general conversation... Weird date. Started with us having to report an abusive driver... Good though. But something like "I race cars and am pretty bloody good at it" isn't that something you lead with? He was more interested in talking about his Dads birthday and his cat... Funny guy. Not at all PC.

 

So yeah... Waiting for next one to get bitter and nasty.

 

hi 5 your boss, he helped you cross out a nutter !

 

happy dating and don't get in the same car with crazyguy, I luv your posts, I intend to keep reading them for a while ;).

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I'm sorry this is happening to you but try to hang on to the fact that it's them not you. If you are clear & they get bitter & nasty, it's their true colors showing & that explains why they are unhappy, because they chose to.

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yeah, what d said... and do the grown up thing and practice your "ignore" skills, will ya :p ?

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SycamoreCircle

Tood, might there also be bitterness in you? Look at how you talk about them---they sound like action figures. Does Trainman still come with the utility overalls and lunchbox/bazooka?

 

I suggest taking a break and then...later...taking one guy at a time.

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Tood, might there also be bitterness in you? Look at how you talk about them---they sound like action figures. Does Trainman still come with the utility overalls and lunchbox/bazooka?

 

I suggest taking a break and then...later...taking one guy at a time.

 

That's terribly condescending. How is she suppsed to refer to them? Giving them nicknames is easy and doesn't have any hidden meaning.

 

Plus talking to more than one person at a time is also more than acceptable, especially in the early stages. She hasn't even met one of them yet!!!

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SycamoreCircle
That's terribly condescending. How is she suppsed to refer to them? Giving them nicknames is easy and doesn't have any hidden meaning.

 

Plus talking to more than one person at a time is also more than acceptable, especially in the early stages. She hasn't even met one of them yet!!!

I thought it was kinda' funny, but take it how you like.

 

It may be acceptable but when there's this looming jadedness, looming cynicism about all of it, time to take a break.

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Tood, might there also be bitterness in you? Look at how you talk about them---they sound like action figures. Does Trainman still come with the utility overalls and lunchbox/bazooka?

 

I suggest taking a break and then...later...taking one guy at a time.

 

It's the BEST way to treat men in dating, like tools in a tool box, you play with them till you find one that is a good cordless Milwaukee M18 FUEL 2603 with a life warranty.

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SycamoreCircle
It's the BEST way to treat men in dating, like tools in a tool box, you play with them till you find one that is a good cordless Milwaukee M18 FUEL 2603 with a life warranty.
Now I understand why my soul sinks every time I go to Home Depot...:sick::laugh:
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VengeanceGuidesMe

Sycamore's not far off. It seems rather condescending but I get it. I did it to girls to when I was younger. If you use nick names, as a guy, you can avoid getting attached as easily because in the end, rejection will make you bitter.

 

 

Those guys are bitter because they liked you Toodaloo, it's simple. They should be adults about it, but just like you, they're not perfect. Try to have a little understanding from their side and you'll feel less bad about the bitterness your receive. Still not fair for you to take it, but if you understand why, then maybe it won't be so bad for you.

 

 

Finally, I understand why Gaeta has so much dating trouble. The minute a guy feels like he's your tool, he'll run for the hills.

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Finally, I understand why Gaeta has so much dating trouble. The minute a guy feels like he's your tool, he'll run for the hills.

 

I got stood up last night. Second time he does it to me. Wouldn't you say he's the one taking me for a tool.

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Tood, might there also be bitterness in you? Look at how you talk about them---they sound like action figures. Does Trainman still come with the utility overalls and lunchbox/bazooka?

 

I suggest taking a break and then...later...taking one guy at a time.

 

I take breaks when I need them. Usually after the 5th or 6th bitter guy sending abuse at me because I have turned him down or after I have been turned down loads and I am feeling jaded. I don't need a break right now. I just need to quietly carry on getting to know the 3 that I am talking to and see where it goes.

 

He does indeed. :laugh: Trainman is actually a really great guy. Besides being a pervert (he even makes his own very tempting sex toys) he is also very inventive, articulate, practical, fun, eccentric and grounded. He is a wonderful eclectic mix. Until I got to know him better I didn't notice how good looking he actually is either. Even if we don't go further down the dating line we will end up being fantastic friends. We both know it so we are both being completely honest and open with each other about it. I don't think he is ready for a relationship yet. I don't know if he ever will be. But we shall see. For the moment we are keeping it to friends and getting to know each other. We are both comfortable with that. If it gets to the point where either of us is uncomfortable we will speak up.

 

Crazyman is only crazy on the sly - He is a much better driver than I am so I don't worry about getting into a car with him. When he smiles his whole face lights up and dear lord he is gorgeous. He has the sexiest laughter lines and it just suddenly bursts through when he can't keep a dead pan face any longer. Its probably how he is still alive, as he reacts as though he has done nothing and said nothing but the things he comes out with are not what anyone could call PC. If he saw someone being nasty to an old woman or something similar he is the type to follow them then wire kippers to their exhaust pipe... or shove a potato up there. You can see it. He just stays calm and plots some karmic revenge. He is very direct, honest, knows what he wants and knows how he wants to go about getting it. For someone so un PC he is actually very straight laced. He will make jokes about gays etc but if anyone did anything nasty towards his gay neighbours he would find his own way of looking after them and getting revenge (and he has and I am not going to report what it was!!! But is was karmic justice of the very best kind and his neighbours adore him for it!!!!). He has very definite ways and thoughts about how people should be treated. While jokes are OK anything leaning towards harm or jokes that are taken to far and are nasty and he is on it like you wouldn't believe. He is very protective of the people he cares about and those who are more vulnerable than he is.

 

I don't feel bitter. Just sad. Here was yet another lovely guy who has just made me run because the bitterness in him is waving red flags all over the place. SC do you really think that it is my "duty" to go and sleep with this guy just because he is goading and pushing??? Do you really think that I should carry on dating him when he is actually making me feel very uncomfortable, unsafe and is being abusive? Come on. Get a grip. You know as well as I do that this is NOT the way to behave.

 

The guy that turned bitter and nasty was actually top of my list. But he was pushing for sex on a second date and I said no, not yet. I still wanted to get to know him. He then started goading me trying to get me to consent. I am not going to put myself into a position where I end up having sex with someone before I am ready. Nor would I behave that way towards a man who wanted more time to get to know me despite my frustrations. So please tell me how protecting myself from getting into harmful situations is me being bitter exactly???

 

None of the others have pushed like that. Yes they are flirty but its very much if we have sex it will be when we are both ready. No pressure (so far).

 

My bosses are great aren't they Candie!!! :love:

 

Don't worry D0nnivain. I know its just one of those things I just find it sad that they are letting their own side down. I guess guys have this with women too. I know why this has happened. I understand it and I am just walking away. I haven't responded nor will I. I just find it sad.

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That's terribly condescending. How is she suppsed to refer to them? Giving them nicknames is easy and doesn't have any hidden meaning.

 

Plus talking to more than one person at a time is also more than acceptable, especially in the early stages. She hasn't even met one of them yet!!!

 

Not even so much as a snog... :confused:

 

Tempted with all three (I could boink all threes brains out) but as I don't want to mess them about I am holding back on everything until I know which one I want to spend time with rather than just have sex with. I can only find that out by actually spending time with them.

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SycamoreCircle

I'm going to Loews my most recent dating history:

 

-The Armenian X-Ray

 

-The Redhead Psych

 

-The Kentucky Derby

 

-The Prada Handbag

 

Woe, woes, the selection at Loews...

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It's the BEST way to treat men in dating, like tools in a tool box, you play with them till you find one that is a good cordless Milwaukee M18 FUEL 2603 with a life warranty.

 

Jeez what a disgusting attitude towards men. If I openly admitted I was multi dating women at the same time i'd be shot down in flames. The double standard is nauseating. It's no wonder there's so many players out there. If women are gonna act like this then players are gonna play.

 

I really need to take a leaf out of OP's/Gaeta's book spin 4-5 'plates' at the same time until I pick the best one. And not feel a single ounce of guilt about it.

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VengeanceGuidesMe
I got stood up last night. Second time he does it to me. Wouldn't you say he's the one taking me for a tool.

 

I struggle with bitterness and holding things against new women I meet that were the faults of those in my past.

 

This guy standing you up doesn't make every man a tool. Standing you up doesn't actually make him a tool at all. Standing you up makes him rude, inconsiderate, and spineless.

 

 

I've been stood up by women in the past; does this mean you should pay that price?

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Those guys are bitter because they liked you Toodaloo, it's simple. They should be adults about it, but just like you, they're not perfect. Try to have a little understanding from their side and you'll feel less bad about the bitterness your receive. Still not fair for you to take it, but if you understand why, then maybe it won't be so bad for you.

 

Sorry but this is an internet forum and I refuse to use their or my real names on here. I don't want their personal stuff all over the internet. I am sure they don't either. The nick names are a way to distinguish them so you can get a visual as to who I am talking about. I could go back to using numbers again but I lost count.

 

I do understand. I have been there. The difference is that I do not push men I am dating into doing things that they are uncomfortable with. I also don't get nasty just because they have decided I am not for them. I lick my wounds and get on with it. I don't feel the need to come back and "have a piece" in revenge or make a point. I just accept it is what it is.

 

After trying to see his point of view and trying to find a compromise he was having none of it and continued to get nasty, continued goading called me weak, a wimp, scared etc. Just because I wouldn't sleep with him on a second date. He would not speak on the phone only text. He got nasty. I have put effort into this I have not just wiped him off and dismissed him. Truth is I actually want to bust his balls for being so nasty and if he had done it face to face he would have had bruises but instead I have held my temper and maintained my dignity.

 

Like I say - I am pretty sure guys get this from women too. In fact I know they do as they tell me about it.

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SycamoreCircle
SC do you really think that it is my "duty" to go and sleep with this guy just because he is goading and pushing??? Do you really think that I should carry on dating him when he is actually making me feel very uncomfortable, unsafe and is being abusive? Come on. Get a grip. You know as well as I do that this is NOT the way to behave.
What in Sam Hill?!! From what magician's hat did you pull this? Where in my two sentence response do I allude to anything like this? Danger. Danger. This is self-talk. I'll get a grip. Right now I'm gripping my Whac-a-Mole mallet and aiming straight for your blended brain-cap.

 

Tood, take a break. You're going through men like water.

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VengeanceGuidesMe

If you can understand that bitterness is just a form of hurt and pain from being rejected by you, well maybe you can find a way to take it less personal is all. That is what I meant.

 

 

Tell him that he's being immature and turning the pain of rejection into anger. Then NC that mofo. He'll be embarrassed when calms down and re-examines his behavior and maybe you'll make his next rejection nicer on the next girl ;) I mean if you ladies look out for each other in that regard.

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What in Sam Hill?!! From what magician's hat did you pull this? Where in my two sentence response do I allude to anything like this? Danger. Danger. This is self-talk. I'll get a grip. Right now I'm gripping my Whac-a-Mole mallet and aiming straight for your blended brain-cap.

 

Tood, take a break. You're going through men like water.

 

Really?

 

These 4 are the only ones I have been speaking to with regards to actually dating them this month. One of them I have been speaking to for nearly 2 months now. He is a "left over" that stayed in touch after I deactivated my OK Cupid account last month. I am glad he did.

 

I josh and joke but 99.9% of the time there is nothing going to come of my interactions with men and 99.9% of the time I don't even get the chance to speak to them. Or if I do it will be a very brief friendly chat and move on to never see them again. I have had 4 or 5 lovely interactions with men so far today. Does that mean that a simple hello, or do you need a hand with that? is automatically making me into some sort of serial dater? I have only been on 2/3 dates this month! Hardly the work of someone going through men like water but these are the actions of a woman who is actively looking to meet people with a view to dating them. One every 1-2 weeks is not exactly pushing out the boat now is it!

 

I am not going through men like water at all. I talk to them and then keep talking to the ones I am interested in who are interested in me. That simple. I am not snogging them all nor shagging them just treating them like human beings and seeing where it goes.

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SycamoreCircle

Actually, it just sounds like you're having fun. I think the real question is why won't you decide on one?

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If you can understand that bitterness is just a form of hurt and pain from being rejected by you, well maybe you can find a way to take it less personal is all. That is what I meant.

 

 

Tell him that he's being immature and turning the pain of rejection into anger. Then NC that mofo. He'll be embarrassed when calms down and re-examines his behavior and maybe you'll make his next rejection nicer on the next girl ;) I mean if you ladies look out for each other in that regard.

 

I know.

 

Thats why I feel sad. I very much doubt he is a bad person but its just made him out to be. If he can be like this just because I wanted to wait a couple of weeks before sleeping with him then what happens later when life gets stressful?

 

I am not going to say anything. He is a really smart guy. He knows exactly what he is doing. He has told me he knows what he is doing when I said about it. I am done discussing it. It got far too close to being threatening. I am not anyones punch bag.

 

Trainman actually "had the rejection talk" with me. I was one of his "dumped ones". He was quite shocked that I was as neutral and happy to just be friends and that I didn't get all wound up that he was concentrating on another girl. It was just one date! It has actually stood very well in my stead because earlier today he said I am the first girl that he feels hasn't used him for sex and is actually respecting him and treating him with a bit of dignity. We are still keeping it as friends but he wants me to keep an open mind in case it doesn't work out with my latest dates. He is now being active in trying to attract me. We have discussed this and he is a little unsure of how he wants it to play out so we are taking it easy and little steps.

 

Personally I don't see what the problem is with just getting to know someone. I mean we are all trying to find someone special and we are all going to make mistakes along the way so why make a fuss about it?

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Actually, it just sounds like you're having fun. I think the real question is why won't you decide on one?

 

Because I don't know them well enough!

 

Two I have only met once and the other I have yet to meet!

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SycamoreCircle

I think you'd do well with a very straight-laced, practical-minded fellow. Someone who appreciates your flights of fancy but is able to ignore them at will, also. In short, you need a guy who's a little stiff.

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I think you'd do well with a very straight-laced, practical-minded fellow. Someone who appreciates your flights of fancy but is able to ignore them at will, also. In short, you need a guy who's a little stiff.

 

I have loads of words but I have nothing to say to that.

 

About the only bit you have even close is practical.

 

I would drive a straight laced chap up the wall. He would be suicidal within a week. I would feel claustrophobic and bored out of my mind in minutes... Both would end up grumpy as anything and miserable.

 

That is the worst advice I have ever heard in my entire life. It would be a match made in hell.

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