youngw27 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 (edited) Hey everyone, so in early April i ended a long term relationship. I immediately jumped into a friends with benefits relationship with guy 1. He was lovely but explained to me from the get go to not get attached. But of course, 2 months later i got attached. I asked him if he was seeing anyone else and he told me that i was clearly looking more out of this than he was and that if he was with anyone else he wouldn't feel guilty. That made me take a big step back from him, so i went on to date someone else. Guy 2. He is lovely, sweet, attentive, caring and all around great guy. I've been seeing him now for over a month. Over the last 2 weeks, Guy 1 noticed i had been distant from him and called me out on it. I told him we needed to talk. So last week i went to his house and we talked. I planned on ending it with him. He cooked me dinner, we got on like usual and then we sat down to talk. I told him how strong i felt for him and that i had for a while. He told me he really cared about me too and didn't want to lose me but he said he knows he would hurt me in the long run. He understood if i needed to end things. He then broke down and I cuddled him. As we lay there i told him about guy 2 and he understood. He said he regretted the things he said that night about not feeling guilty. I then told him i loved him, and he told me he loved me too. He agreed to try to do more with me like go on dates but he doesn't know about the future. He told me to keep talking to Guy 2 so i can make a decision based on liking both of them. This is where i stand now. I know i love Guy 1. I really really do. There is a 12 year age gap between us but that doesn't matter. I love him. However i don't know if we have a future and i don't know if he will hurt me. Guy 2 is caring, talks to me all day, considerate. He has stood me up a few times but apart from that he wants to give me all his spare time and even wants to introduce me to his family. I know he is the sensible option and the safe one but i don't love him like guy 1. I'm torn between both. Advice please? Edited July 22, 2015 by youngw27 Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Oh no poor you Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Go to the person you love not a convenient safe option . I know that i wouldn't want someone to be with me for those reasons. I rather be alone than be someone's sensible choice. I want True Love, don't we all. I envy you. Love is a risk either way.. there are no safe persons or guarantee's. Be brave . Choose love- always. Link to post Share on other sites
blueeyedblondie Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I'm in a similar situation. I say keep doing what you're doing. If after a while you still feel like you love guy 1 more than guy 2, then take the plunge and go for guy 1. But I would also take a step back and think about it, maybe take a couple days of not talking to either of them and see who you miss more. Seeing it from the outside gives you a different perspective. You honestly never know until you try. And who knows, maybe if it doesn't work out with guy 1, guy 2 might still be there. Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 might want to understand why guy1 thinks he will end up hurting you before deciding to choose him. Link to post Share on other sites
SycamoreCircle Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I'm making a list for you of all pungent, steaming lies: 1. I told him how strong i felt for him 2. He told me he really cared about me 3. I then told him i loved him 4. he told me he loved me too 5. I know i love Guy 1. I really really do 6. There is a 12 year age gap between us but that doesn't matter. I love him. See, there's one other guy in the picture...Guy 0. When you dropped Guy 0 like a horseshoe, you embarked on a vertiginous journey to use other people to fill the emptiness in yourself. The truth is you don't love any of these guys because you don't love yourself. That's OK. You're young. You've got to figure some things out. Unfortunately, more men are going to get to break down due to your fickle, inconstant ways. But that's how it goes. If I were you, I'd drop all of them and spend some time getting to know myself. But I doubt you'll do that... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Keep seeing Guy 2, and by the way, no promise of a future. Other than that, I love you! I'm sweet, caring and affectionate. I'm the guy for you, except I will stand you up every now and again. Torn between both? Really? I submit you can do better. Continue to see them both. M, W and every other Saturday for Guy 1. T, Th and every other Saturday for Guy 2. Go hunt for Guy 3 on Friday. Replace the worst of the two above with Guy 3. Rinse, lather, repeat until you find the guy you really want. Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 I am laughing out loud Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngw27 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 Thanks for all the replies. I agree I shouldn't pick someone because they're the safe option. Guy 1 is afraid of hurting me because his ex was crazy and they had a bad break up. His ex still tries to see him. He hates his ex and wishes they would leave him alone. He's afraid the same thing will happen with us. Guy 2 informed me he wants to settle down and even wants me to meet his parents soon. It's moving a bit too fast especially when I feel like I love guy 1. So confused and torn. I think I may need to step back and take a look at it from an outside perspective and think about who would be best in the long run. ? anymore advice is greatly appreciated Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Guy 1. Doesn't want you but wants to keep you hanging on because he was getting laid and now he isn't so he is telling you want you want to hear (I really care about you) while also telling you that he is not going to commit to you or offer you a future (He knows he will hurt me in the long run). In short Guy One is doing what he can to get laid and doesn't give a hoot about you. Guy 2. Really? He sounds dull, boring and unreliable. My question OP is why are you settling for these guys? Are you enjoying the drama of it all? Your young, go for Guy 3, who you haven't met yet and who is going to be fun, active and into you enough that he is going to show up and actually want to be with you. While you are waiting go and keep fit and eat right, learn new things, study hard and go and discover the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngw27 Posted July 23, 2015 Author Share Posted July 23, 2015 I know it's majorly confusing. Like i thought that about guy 1 for a long time, but now i'm not so sure. Like last night i had a bit of a break down and guy 1 drove 30 miles to come see me and check i was okay and literally only stayed 20 mins then left again. I don't know if he is just using me but he does seem to care. Guy 2 there just isn't a deep connection there. He's great, i know that. Like he would make a great boyfriend but i don't have this connection there with him and i'm unsure if that's because i'm still seeing guy 1 or if it is because there isn't actually a connection there. I'm far from enjoying the drama. I honestly just want to find someone to make happy memories with. The part that eats me up is Guy 2 doesn't know there is a Guy 1. I feel like if i told him about Guy 1 he would cut his ties with me. Which i would completely understand. I wish i didn't get attached to people so easily. Major problem for me. I just really want to find someone to enjoy life with. Once again thank you for all the response! It means a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted July 23, 2015 Share Posted July 23, 2015 Simplify your life then honey and get rid. These guys are different but neither are good. While you are agonising over these two you may just miss your fun guy that your looking for. Better to clear the air and make yourself available for the one that you want to be with when he comes along. Chin up chook. It does get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngw27 Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 Little update: Guy 1 and I have continued to see each other and we're getting on great but it's making more confused about what to do with Guy 2. He wants to settle down but I don't know of I'm ready to take that plunge. So I think I should talk to Guy 2 about it? Link to post Share on other sites
ppo88201 Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 You are a rejection junkie. You like when people cause conflict and play games, which is why you find guy #2 boring. You like the drama of it all with #1 and the anticipation. Either way, guy 2 deserves better so you should tell him so he can go meet someone worth his time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Dump both of them.... 1 is stringing you along with hopes of having a FWB situation. You aren't into 2 because he doesn't interest you very much...I'm going to go with not enough drama which you are used to due to previous relationship(s) or family dynamic. You have a need for conflict that is not healthy. Therefore, break off with both, work on yourself to figure out exactly who you are and what you want in life and do not date until you can be more concise and decisive about your own feelings. Good luck, Grumps Link to post Share on other sites
bubbaganoosh Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Guy number 1 is smooth. real smooth. If I didn't know any better I would think he's playing you like a Stradivarius. He knows exactly what to say to continue getting the benefits without the having to commit and knows what to say, how to say it and when to say it. Words are easy to say when there's no meaning behind them and he had to be a actor in a previous life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 OP, why are you wondering which one would should settle down with and devote all your time and energies into an exclusive relationship when Guy #1 has told you to date around and (it appears) Guy #2 doesn't know it's NOT an exclusive relationship? Before you decide on which one, you might want to first decide if you're looking for a single, monogamous relationship or if you'd like to continue dating around. Whatever your decision, you should tell BOTH the guys what it is and then proceed. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Thanks for all the replies. I agree I shouldn't pick someone because they're the safe option. Guy 1 is afraid of hurting me because his ex was crazy and they had a bad break up. His ex still tries to see him. He hates his ex and wishes they would leave him alone. He's afraid the same thing will happen with us. Oh, he is not. He was just enjoying having someone to have sex with WITHOUT all the bullsh*t and expectations that come with being in a relationship. Now that he's free from a bad relationship, he's not about to jump into another one. It has nothing to do with wanting to protect you. That is SUCH a load of manure. Problem is, you went and changed the rules of the NSA sex deal and you were going to stop the gravy train and go elsewhere, so he made some lame promises to 'try' to be a boyfriend and date you and blah blah blah but he 'can't make any guarantees.' Let me translate that for you. He just wants the sex to continue and will make some half-assed attempts to make it look like he's stepping things up in order to appease you. This will not be the great love you're hoping it will be, nor will it be the relationship you'd like it to be. It's simply guy #1 trying to step it up a bit because he liked the sex arrangement. You know the old adage, "men give love for sex and women give sex for love?" Well, you're living proof of that with this guy. Honestly? I wouldn't get my hopes up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 Guy number 1 is smooth. real smooth. If I didn't know any better I would think he's playing you like a Stradivarius. He knows exactly what to say to continue getting the benefits without the having to commit and knows what to say, how to say it and when to say it. Words are easy to say when there's no meaning behind them and he had to be a actor in a previous life. ^^^^ THIS!!! ^^^^^ You said exactly what I did - but a lot more succinctly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngw27 Posted July 25, 2015 Author Share Posted July 25, 2015 I know guy 2 deserves so much better than me. I agree with that. I don't get why I haven't fallen for him as much as guy 1 because 2 is so lovely and wants to commit. He's far too sweet and I don't get why I'm still stringing him along. I just seen a psychic and most of her answers point to guy 1 but some guy 2 and if anything it's made me a bit more confused. I have considered cutting them both off and focusing on myself. But I'm afraid I will lose someone amazing. My previous relationship was horrible and they were a control freak. I guess I have a taste for freedom right now and I'm using that freedom wrongly. Link to post Share on other sites
mr_dave Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 How old are you OP? Haven't you learnt yet that stringing people along is wrong? If guy 2 doesn't know that someone else is cleaning your pipes, that's pretty shoddy behaviour on your part. Why rob him of the choice? Who wants to get into an LTR with a woman who's putting out for another guy whom she prefers? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngw27 Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 I'm 20. Guy 1 is 32 and Guy 2 is 24. I actually do feel awful. I'm not in a relationship with either but i still feel awful. First time I've been in a position like this. I was supposed to meet Guy 2 on Friday but he stood me up once again. Every time i lean towards Guy 2 he stands me up. Link to post Share on other sites
Amalyn Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 You honestly need to ditch both of these guys. Guy 1 only wants sex and will say just about anything to get it and Guy 2 is a flake. Neither of these guys are all that into you. You deserve so much better than either of these two. Link to post Share on other sites
Author youngw27 Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 Too add to my worry about guy 1 I just checked the site we met on and he was on two weeks. Now in fairness that was the period of time I was being off with him and before we confessed our alleged love for one another. Now I'm worried he's talking to someone else. I overthink enough as it is. Link to post Share on other sites
mr_dave Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 I'm 20. Guy 1 is 32 and Guy 2 is 24. I actually do feel awful. I'm not in a relationship with either but i still feel awful. First time I've been in a position like this. I was supposed to meet Guy 2 on Friday but he stood me up once again. Every time i lean towards Guy 2 he stands me up. I'm sorry, guy 1 knows exactly what he's doing, with the bare minimum effort required to continue getting his end away. He's probably a very seasoned pro at this, getting much younger girls to keep putting out for him. You are probably one of a very long line of them..... Link to post Share on other sites
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