Girl going cold after first date

[sb6052]

Sorry for the length but I thought I'd include some backstory to explain my situation more.. in essence it's a girl going cold after what seemed like a good first date. I'm sure there's a lot of threads like this here and I know what the responses are going to be, but anyway... so I met a girl on Tinder, and we talked back and forth for almost a week before I asked her out (on the pretext of a drinking contest that she sort of initiated actually), but she knew what was going on. I should note she's six years younger than me and just turned 21, so there are some differences in our life situations and interests I guess.

 

Anyway up until the date she was quite responsive, and even though she was late for it due to other obligations earlier in the day, I insisted we go through with the meeting/drinks and she agreed. The “date” went quite well overall, even though I admitted the “drinking competition” was just bait, and she was ok with that. It was slightly awkward at first because she wasn't saying much due to being very tired from lack of sleep and walking around all day, but she gradually warmed up and ended up becoming quite “friendly” as we left the bar. Her body language definitely indicated physical attraction to me. She might have also been a bit intimidated by my level of academic and worldly knowledge; she's in the same major as I was but didn't retain much from it and wanted to switch out, and was worried about herself seeming boring to me since I had all these cool stories and anecdotes about things, and that she wasn't able to keep up with topics about our field. She only had one drink but as we left the pub she started grabbing and feeling my arm and then we ended up holding hands pretty much the whole rest of the evening while walking around town. She was extra thrilled about a cool little 50s diner spot that I showed her, and was saying she was glad she could spend more time with me, and I made her laugh often. I showed her some cool pics of concerts and places I've been, and she was like “oh so you actually do have a life, haha”. She asked if I wanted to be “friends” with her, knowing she didn't mean just friends, and I said, yeah why not, we'll see what happens. Unfortunately she kept getting pressing calls from a gay friend of hers who was having some crisis and needed her, and she tried getting out of it but reluctantly agreed after the third call. At the end I stopped her as she was heading toward her cab and gave her a little peck on the lips. About an hour later I texted her “have a good night” and she quickly responded with good night and a blush face emote, which seemed like a good sign.

 

The following evening I texted her to make sure everything was ok with her friend. She got back to me in five minutes saying yeah we figured it out and yes they really did need me. It was afterward that I might have said something that potentially rubbed her the wrong way. After exchanging a few texts, I brought up the topic of her career aspirations in a joking way, saying that she should switch to what she really wanted to do (being a shrink) because our field would just make her cynical like me, and she was really good at helping people; it was supposed to be a little inside joke reference to a convo in the date. But she didn't reply and I later texted saying I was just kidding, but still nothing.

 

I decided to play it cool and not sound overly needy, so didn't do anything until two nights later when I texted her again with a little joke/apology involving just the right amount of self-deprecating humor, and quickly moved past it, saying lets just keep it fun from now on, won't mention that anymore, and moved to asking her out on another date, saying something like “lets hit up a lounge or dance club next week after I get back from my weekend trip so I can laugh at how badly you dance” (in reference to her saying on the date that she was a really bad dancer), and she got back to me about an hour later saying “lol sounds like a plan”. I didn't respond immediately but the next afternoon told her “awesome, I'll fill you in on the details later”. It wasn't until the next day after that in the evening that I texted her the specifics of where we would go for dinner and dancing, delivering it a semi-humorous way as if giving a spy some kind of assignment or imperative. The line usually works well for me, being direct and assertive while still being sort of playful and a bit mysterious. But she didn't respond and I went on my weekend trip out of state. Four days later, after I came back, I texted her again with some humor, asking if she had any objections and if I had to throw in a cute puppy to sweeten the deal, but it's been over a day and I haven't gotten anything...

 

It's clear her level of interest dropped but I'm not sure what caused it. If it was that comment I made earlier that made her think I would be a bummer to hang out with, or if she had second thoughts about the date (despite seeming very sincerely happy at the time, and she doesn't seem like a girl who's good at faking things), or more likely, that she met another guy who just really swept her off her feet in the meantime? I do remember that during the date she said it was totally okay if I dated other girls too, which implied she was likely doing the same with guys... when she asked me if I was going on other dates I said “nope, not lately”, which was a lie but I thought it was what she wanted to hear at the time. Though I told her that I don't take things too seriously and that we should just play it by ear. Still, I'm starting to get the nagging feeling that she just wanted to have a fun, no strings attached kind of “friendship”, and she got the feeling that I was taking it a bit more seriously than she was, especially due to my older age, which made her go cold the week following the date. I guess I did meet her on Tinder after all, so I shouldn't be so surprised. The funny thing is I came into it not wanting anything serious either, but she was so cute and cool that I instinctively started to act like I wanted to perhaps make it something and actually date her. When I told her in the date that I could take her to cool places she was wanting to see, she received it very well at the time, but perhaps later mulled this over and rethought it in a different light.

 

Or did I wait too long in coming up with a definite time and place for the second date after asking her about the idea of it?

 

I have a feeling she's not going to respond anymore and in typical girl fashion didn't want to outright say no, hoping I'd get the message... Though it sucks that she got my hopes up by stalling and later agreeing to the idea of a date but then ignoring me after that. In retrospect, I don't think I was really “clingy”, having only texted her once every day and a half or two, with even a four day gap once. I'm not sure what my next move is: whether I should just totally leave it alone (which from my experience tends to go nowhere), or keep being persistent with longer duration between texts, or even just say “let's just have some fun and not worry about dating anymore”. I'm thinking most people will just tell me something like, “if she was interested she would've replied by now”, but just wanted to check if there were any other suggestions.

 

It's actually a recurring theme lately that I seem to have good first dates but somehow lose the girl's interest in the following week (maybe because I go for rather pretty girls who are probably also on several other dates and have much competition for them, and often take the online route). And as for backups, the worst thing is I had four other girls who seemed quite receptive but they all fell through and went cold around the same time, including one I'd been casually seeing for over a month. So just really bad luck. I put a lot of effort into them and now have to completely start from scratch again lol

 

So a big question here is, what should one do in the days or week following a first date to kind of solidify a girl's interest in them? I'm still trying to figure out the magic formula of what or how often to text or call, which seems different for every girl. I was thrown off by my last two gf's being the types who loved to have substantial text convos everyday since the very start, which I realize is not that normal.

Edited July 22, 2015 by sb6052

[Jejangles]

As you suspected, I'm going to say move on, first dates from online don't really mean anything and there's almost no way to know why someone else acts the way they did because they are a stranger.

 

A few things you may want to consider for future though, as they did jump out at me a little. These things probably wouldn't have been dealbreakers if this girl was really into you, but as you asked for tips moving forward...

 

You shouldn't have to insist on meeting up - if she's trying to bail, let her and either leave the ball in her court or reschedule for a time that's better for her. She may have come into the date with her mind elsewhere or it's possible she felt a little negative about your inflexibility or lack of understanding.

 

Also, hold back on the teasing / negging stuff until you know someone better. Frankly, she's pretty much a stranger to you, you don't necessarily have the right to play on her foibles. You did it twice, once with regards to her major and once with regards to her dancing skills. While none of it sounds bad to me, it's easy to turn someone off in the early days before they really know you and your sense of humour.

 

Finally, look at the signals she gave you during and after the date. She said it was ok if you dated others, she said you could be "friends", she bailed because her friend called repeatedly and she said "sounds like a plan" in response to your date suggestion, which is really non committal. None of that suggests she was looking to seriously date you right now. So let it go, you've made it clear you're interested and she is not reciprocating.

 

Moving forward, put less effort into these ladies until you have built up something past one date! Online dating is a numbers game. If you hit it off on the first date, there isn't really much you can do wrong in your immediate communication after. If they're lukewarm or not interested, there's not much you can do to make them warm up. Meet quickly, contact once or twice with a clear offer of a second date after and move on if they don't respond or seem to lack interest.

[RoseVille]

Online dating isn't for the weary. I agree with the advice above.

 

Just don't send her a, "I didn't like you anyway!" sort of petulant message, and move on.

[Qboro90]

There are a few suggestions I'd make to you going forward. First off you need to chill out on the sarcasm and jokes when texting girls this early on in meeting them. While they may be completely harmless and make sense in your mind you need to understand that this girl doesn't know you that well regardless of how well you connected on the date and the way she reads the text is not going to be the way it sounds in your head when typing it. Sarcasm and jokes do not translate in texting at all. And with this girl you screwed up by apologizing then 2 days later bringing it up and apologizing again before asking her out. Dude just drop it and don't assume she was upset. Truth is that you have No idea is she was offended or not. Fair chance she didn't think twice about it but you mentioning it again makes you look insecure, uncool and trying to hard tbh.

 

Secondly once you text her and she agreed to going out again with you, you should've said "ok sounds good, I'm gonna be driving home so can't really text, are you busy or can I give you a call?". Easy and reasonable way to get to talk to her. Talking on the phone would've given you a better idea of her mood level and it also re sparks the flame of what she felt on the date. Texting can be in-personable so the phone call is what I usually do to move past the "casual guy, doesn't give a ****" routine. If she's too busy or doesn't want to do the phone call then you have your answer. She's not interested.

 

You're putting too much emphasis on when and what you text/say/do. Your 26 and it sounded like you were bragging about your "worldy knowledge and experiences". She's 21 not 15, you're not a brain surgeon so I fear that you may come off a bit full of yourself to some of these girls. Dating good looking women there needs to be a level of cockiness and confidence but yours seems manufactured at times. I'm typically playful and joking as well early on but there is a fine line to being playful and fun and being seen as "can't take him seriously" mindset of the girl. When she texted you back the blushing enoji you could've continued the convo and made it more intimate by saying "if that's the emoji I get from a peck kiss than I'm anxious to see what you use when I get a real kiss".

 

Overall just don't analyze so much the when and what to say. She's 21, you met her on tinder. I don't know what you talked about but maybe she was looking for a more sexual experience? If she asked you if you were seeing anyone that shows she's interested in you and based off the fact your on tinder is reasonable for her to wonder. If you really like this girl you can take one last shot for getting together but it needs to be within the next week. If she hasn't answered you can text sayin "hey haven't heard back from you, you down to get together this Friday or should I go back to swiping right or left?" Should get an answer from that and if you don't you know she's over it. Got nothing to lose really tho by trying one last time.

[ExpatInItaly]

I think she just didn't feel the spark in person. As someone else said, you shouldn't have pressed meeting up with her the first time. If she was so tired, you should have rescheduled. I don't buy the friend-emergency thing, either. In my earlier and less mature years, that's precisely the kind of stunt I'd have pulled to get out of a date early. I think your follow-up with her was nice, but she her lack of a real response to wanting to do it again was an indicator that she wasn't into it. I doubt your comment about her switching fields or dancing had much to do with it. You apologized too much without having any idea if it actually bothered her.

[sb6052]

Hmm, these responses do actually give me something to think about... I was perhaps dwelling on the wrong things and mis-attributing where things went wrong.

 

I wouldn't say I was going out of my way to brag or sound intellectual during the date or anything; I sincerely thought she could at least talk more about our field of politics, but she came across as rather ditzy in that regard. Despite that, I liked her for other reasons, and she still was really cool. I'll admit I did put on some inflated 'cockiness' in my demeanor overall but that actually seemed to turn her on more, and has worked for me in the past, in moderation of course.

 

The reason I didn't want to cancel is because from my experience, cancelling something like that last minute tends to lead to it never happening. I just wanted to go through with it and get it out the way. I thought that kind of insistence would be perceived well from their viewpoint.

 

Maybe the calls from the friend were planned, but it seemed pretty convincing/spontaneous to me, and didn't seem very congruent with her attitude which was very buoyant and happy at the time; she seemed to have noticeably changed from being tired, out of it, and nervous at the beginning to relax and enjoying things at the end. Also, I forgot to add something: earlier in the "date"/meetup/drinking contest when it was still weird I told her that I may have had to catch a late showing of a movie with some friends later that night (it was only 6:30 at the time). This was sort of a backup on my part to be able to get out of it if it didn't go right, and would also make it look like I still had other things going on. But as things were getting better I told her that my friends changed their mind and she got really happy saying that meant I had more time with her. A few minutes later the phone calls from her friend came. To be honest I originally thought both of us would be getting really drunk after actually doing the drinking contest we planned, and wasn't even really thinking of this thing in terms of a planned out "date", but she kinda was apparently. I thought we'd either just wander around all giddy and aimlessly or else just go back to my place, which is why I mentioned the late movie backup idea when I realized the key ingredient to that occurring (drinking) wasn't happening.

 

Also, if she already lacked interest during the actual date, why would she have continued grabbing my hand throughout the night, holding it and rubbing it against her leg, and on her own accord curling up against me on a bench..? not that it matters now, but I'm just curious as to how I should read these signals on another occasion. A lot of people I know don't even get as far as touching in any meaningful way on a first date, let alone kissing them on the lips like I did.

 

As to my second date message... I suppose it might have come across as inflexible, but I assumed if she had any issues with it she could have easily voiced them. I made it sound intentionally that way, to what I thought was a humorous extent, but also to make up for my wishy-washiness earlier with the apology, which by then I already realized was stupid. But I forget how often sarcasm and jokes tend to get misinterpreted by text due to lack of tone.

 

And you guys are right; it's hard to really gauge the true interest/commitment level of an online girl even after meeting for a first date. I sometimes tend to get a bit overly invested too early with these because they seem so genuinely to have a good time; I might not be the best at reading people but I'm not that terrible either. With another girl in a similar but different situation, I also kept wondering which action of mine it was that turned her off the following week, but there are any number of possible reasons totally out of my control that could have influenced it, or likely a combination of reasons, some my fault.

 

At the same time, this revelation is a bit disconcerting... Now I'm starting to have second thoughts and am worried that I can't really tell if a given date *actually* went as well as I thought it did at the time... It makes this whole process seem so much more precarious and fragile... the whole thing can break down at any given time. It can be daunting and discouraging, but I suppose we have to press on lol

 

Anyway, I guess it really wasn't that big of a deal overall but I kind of made it so; I actually know a lot of the stuff you guys are saying (e.g. what not to do) but I guess I kind of lost my composure with this one for the simple fact that she is a specific type of girl that I've always wanted to get with but never quite have, despite coming close another time, and this caused me to lose my cool judgment, attaching unnecessary importance to it. She also happened to live quite close to me in a very convenient location, unlike others I've met. Oh well, time to move on. Thanks for the feedback guys.

Edited July 25, 2015 by sb6052

[fitnessfan365]

1) Meet up ASAP. The 1st date is what matters right? So texting a complete stranger endlessly before you ask her out is pointless. How she acts in text has no bearing on how she'll be in person. Going into a 1st date, you want to keep expectations low so you can live in the moment and think on your feet. That's how you see if there is actual chemistry.

 

2) You spent that night either trying to entertain her w-cool stories/anecdotes, or showing off talking about yourself. So it seems like you're desperate for her approval. ALWAYS make a first date about her. Ask questions, get her talking, and listen. Only talk about yourself if - you can relate to what she says, or she asks you a personal question.

 

3) WAY too much texting and over pursuing. The unnecessary apologies, telling her you'll "fill her in later", using the spy gimmick, etc.. When planning a second date, send as few texts as possible and keep it simple. Ex :

 

You : Last night was great!

Her : I had fun too.

You : We'll do it again soon

Her : Looking forward to it.

 

Few days later - "I'll call u 2nite. When's a good time?" After that, get her on the phone for a short call to plan the second date and tell her you'll see her then.

Edited July 25, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[wizer]

The gay friend calling with a crisis was just a ruse to get away from you.

 

She wasn't feeling it.

 

Why she showed some affection is beyond me, maybe she was a bit horny and found you physically attractive but knew you weren't for her.

 

When she asked if you were dating, you LIED because that's "what she wanted to hear". I don't advocate dishonesty and maybe you're a lousy liar and she saw right through it. At one point she wanted to get together and you didn't get back to her for a day, that's you obviously playing a game to make yourself seem busy and that's just immature and so transparent that it's reason enough to dump a guy.

 

Stop lying, stop playing games, be yourself and watch your dating successes improve.

 

Don't be something you're not- you're not so good at it.

 

The funny thing is I came into it not wanting anything serious either, but she was so cute and cool that I instinctively started to act like I wanted to perhaps make it something and actually date her.

 

It could have been this too. You probably came on too strong when you realized you liked her. That will put a girl off faster than a fart during a BJ. Learn to play it cool no matter how much you think you like her after an hour or two.

Edited July 25, 2015 by wizer

[sb6052]

1) Meet up ASAP. The 1st date is what matters right? So texting a complete stranger endlessly before you ask her out is pointless. How she acts in text has no bearing on how she'll be in person. Going into a 1st date, you want to keep expectations low so you can live in the moment and think on your feet. That's how you see if there is actual chemistry.

 

Yeah they do advise against that. And most times, having overly long text convos before meeting up often leads to things just sputtering out. Like I finally get to asking them out after a few days or a week and they're kind of meh about it. Though I have had a few occasions where it led to something longer term. Come to think of it, those two girls became quite clingy and hard to deal with in the long run, and I'm not sure that's the kind I want. I guess some of us misunderstand the purpose of these apps or other online dating sites... as if the getting to know them part happens by text or email rather than in person in an actual first date.

 

2) You spent that night either trying to entertain her w-cool stories/anecdotes, or showing off talking about yourself. So it seems like you're desperate for her approval. ALWAYS make a first date about her. Ask questions, get her talking, and listen. Only talk about yourself if - you can relate to what she says, or she asks you a personal question.

 

Okay, you're right. The thing is, I usually do more of the asking questions about the girl, but in this case she was so out of it or something that she wasn't really saying much at the beginning, so I had to fill in the awkward silence with things, and maybe got a bit carried away.

 

Also, is it that bad to talk about yourself somewhat? I thought it makes you at least look like a real person with some kind of discernible personality and story, and have something interesting or unique about you that stands out. I mean any guy can just nod, smile, and say things like, "oh really, that's awesome. So what happened then?" That doesn't make you stick out.

 

Back when I first started dating in my late teenage years I used to make it all about her, to the point where I just seemed totally insipid, or almost like a machine reactively making comments about her stories or asking questions, without sharing or offering anything special or interesting of my own. So I've been trying to make up for that by sharing more lately. Maybe I haven't gotten the balance right. I guess I should make it more about her at first and then gradually begin opening up over the course of the next few dates? I do understand it's important to maintain an air of mystery, which aside from a few occasions I'm decent at, even if it's not fully intentionally.

 

WAY too much texting and over pursuing. The unnecessary apologies, telling her you'll "fill her in later", using the spy gimmick, etc.. When planning a second date, send as few texts as possible and keep it simple. Ex :

 

You : Last night was great!

Her : I had fun too.

You : We'll do it again soon

Her : Looking forward to it.

 

Few days later - "I'll call u 2nite. When's a good time?" After that, get her on the phone for a short call to plan the second date and tell her you'll see her then.

 

Oddly enough, you're right; that approach does work better from what I remember. But I for some reason thought it's just so simple and plain that it doesn't make the girl interested. I did the stuff I did to spice it up, but now that I think back on it, most girls probably thought I was trying too hard. I just wanted to sound a bit different from the other guys who are all hitting her up.

 

The gay friend calling with a crisis was just a ruse to get away from you.

 

The reason I thought the friend "interrupting" the date was real was because it was actually her idea to prolong the date and go grab something to eat, and the latter part of the date was when she seemed happiest. I was actually the one planning on ending it even earlier since she was so out of it and not saying much at first. But you're probably right...

 

Why she showed some affection is beyond me, maybe she was a bit horny and found you physically attractive but knew you weren't for her.

 

I think that makes sense. She probably liked being seen walking around town with me for a bit I guess. Or maybe even wanted to hook up but saw I wasn't pushing hard enough for that. I've noticed a recurring theme; I guess I'm pretty "cute" but I'm not that great with girls, so all I get is this shallow level of attraction that doesn't go anywhere a lot of the time. It can get confusing. Maybe it opens doors for me, but what happens then is based on how I handle it. I came to realize that physical appearance doesn't matter nearly as much as other things in dating; if you lack game or don't know what you're doing on your approach or say something that rubs them the wrong way, their attraction for you can drop significantly very easily. And I'm not like Brad Pitt or Tom Brady level where I can afford to do that and still get away with it or recover lol. Though I get sort of a "disappointed" vibe from a lot of girls that I've basically "failed" with (those that I met in person and still saw afterward, as opposed to strangers online), haha; like they were expecting more and I let them down, for example by not playing it cool and being overeager.

 

Anyway, I did send her one last message two nights ago directly on the app basically saying that if she wanted to have a little no strings attached fun, she should hit me up, and if not, peace. Though she hasn't replied she hasn't bothered deleting me yet either. Whatever, I'm totally over it, and there is a new prospect on the horizon, this time through a mutual friend and not online at least!

Edited July 28, 2015 by sb6052

[giblesp]

Your texting too much after the first date. Give it a few days, then tell her you had a good time and would love to meet again. Then let her do the chasing.

 

Bear in mind also, some women just want sex. There's usually a one night window of opportunity for this, then if there has been sex or not they are gone the next day. You might find you get a lot of this, before meeting someone compatible.

[Lansing]

 

Anyway, I did send her one last message two nights ago directly on the app basically saying that if she wanted to have a little no strings attached fun, she should hit me up, and if not, peace. Though she hasn't replied she hasn't bothered deleting me yet either. Whatever, I'm totally over it, and there is a new prospect on the horizon, this time through a mutual friend and not online at least!

 

 

 

Ha, she is probably laughing with her friends about this message.

 

I do think you came across as trying too hard. I don't see the reason why you needed to apologize for the comment about her following the career path she wants to do. By sending her a second message saying "I was just kidding" or whatever it came across as insecure.

 

Now, I am not saying this made a difference at all, but, in general, you are better to NOT double text. If the girl doesn't respond then don't text again.

I agree with Fitnessfan365 that you are better off to just communicate to set up dates during the early stages and not waste too much time "chatting" via text.

[Gaeta]

Anyway, I did send her one last message two nights ago directly on the app basically saying that if she wanted to have a little no strings attached fun, she should hit me up, and if not, peace.

 

When I get a message like that it tells me the guy was never serious to start with.

[miranda_wilson]

I think your behavior was a little too eager for someone who wasn't getting equal signs of interest back. Sure, she responded a few times...eventually (after a whole day or two). And said "lol sounds like a plan" ONCE. But she also left you text-hanging a few times. That's not enthusiastic enough to warrant your levels of playfulness, cutesyness, eagerness, or future-date-planning. You need to learn how to mirror another person's behavior and energy.

 

Also, I agree with whoever said it was probably some stunt on her part (about having a friend with an emergency.) Women don't want to be on dates with people they don't like so they will often plan for a friend to text or call with fake emergency situations to get out of the date.

 

In the future, I suggest you take a woman for "not terribly interested" if she does not respond to your texts pretty quickly. Whole days shouldn't pass before she responds.

 

Also, the whole "if you want no strings attached now, blah blah blah..." -- also stupid.

 

It's very clear that you're trying to disrespect her now that she's hurt your feelings.

[miranda_wilson]

3) WAY too much texting and over pursuing. The unnecessary apologies, telling her you'll "fill her in later", using the spy gimmick, etc.. When planning a second date, send as few texts as possible and keep it simple. Ex :

 

You : Last night was great!

Her : I had fun too.

You : We'll do it again soon

Her : Looking forward to it.

 

Few days later - "I'll call u 2nite. When's a good time?" After that, get her on the phone for a short call to plan the second date and tell her you'll see her then.

 

Perfect!

 

Keep it simple.

 

Don't act cute and like you're trying so hard to be "interesting" and "more exciting than other men."

 

For one, having cooler stories than other men and/or coming across as more creative and innovative doesn't make a woman like you. And no one wants to constantly hear someone's long drawn-out stories anyway.

 

Attraction is very je ne sais quoi.

 

I was head over heels for about six months for a guy with whom I went to a few bars, one run-of-the-mill dinner, and his apartment. He wasn't trying to be anything.

 

At the very least, if you have to "try too hard" in any way, it should be in terms of making sure she is comfortable and feels good, not in terms of what image you're projecting.

[Qboro90]

Your last message to her on the app was a HUGEEEE mistake. You have no chance after that. Never ever write or tell that to a girl. Even if it is what she wants , no girl is going to take you seriously after you say that. "If you wanna have no strings attached fun (sex) then call me, otherwise peace". Dude... Seriously? That is absurd to say I'm sorry to be blunt.

 

Also FYI if a girl is being shy or not talkative at the beginning of a date, instead of talking and bragging about yourself try this :

 

"Tell me a fun fact about yourself". See what she says, that will open up the convo in so many different ways.

 

Good luck with the next one. Learn from your mistakes.

[flashed]

If she likes you, you wont have to worry about stuff like this. She will make sure you get her out on a second and third date. Trust me

[sb6052]

Oh well that last thing was just for fun mostly. I knew it was already over by then but just sent that out as a last ditch effort to try to get anything out of it, since I already gave up on any prospect of actually dating her by then and was fine just settling for messing around (which was my original intent). I dunno, she seemed weird and crazy enough where there may have been like a 5% chance that coulda worked, since it's what she seemed to want from the start anyway. And yes, I know it doesn't work on most girls and that's not an approach I normally take but this is Tinder and a rather immature 21 year old, so who knows? I've seen girls respond to crazier things. I don't think a softer or nicer message would've worked any better, realistically. And yes, she probably was laughing about it with her friends afterward, but I'm not ashamed. Like I said, I don't really care anymore.