ixlives Posted December 27, 2004 Share Posted December 27, 2004 What did I do? Me and my g/f have been together for just over 2 years. we're both in our 30's, do not live together, but have a 6mo old son. I do love her and have always tried to show that to her, I've asked for us to move in, but always told its not the right time. It's been pretty bumpy, I've caught her in many lies, nothing major( i think) but it would always turn into an argument. A year ago, a friend (male) of hers moved back. She says they've known each other for 6 years, met on a dating site, but never had a relationship besides being friends. I never had a problem with him until out of the blue, it was lie after lie about him. This was during her pregnancy and all i wanted was to be there for her. Everything I tried to do it was always no, but then I would find out, she was doing these things with him, going out to diners, lunches, going shopping for the baby, etc. After we found out about her pregnancy, her parents stopped talking to me, and didnt want me around them, we got along fine before, but for some reason this was unforgiving to them. They were even going out to diners with them, while I was told she didnt feel good and was going to bed early. I sat with her and told her many times, I was trying to be there for her, in any way shape or form, but her relationship with this guy is making me insecure and if it was just a friendship, to calm things down for a little while. I'm far from perfect and I'm sure I read into some things, but I told her those feelings were there because of the lies about him, and what has been going on between the two of them. One day she's agreeing with me, then the next, she's mad that I'm out to end her friendship. We've been on the bubble the last couple months. A couple days before christmas we sat and thought we had a nice, productive talk. We were going to take one step at a time and try to help and work with each other so we can get through this. Christmas day is when it all fell apart. Being that it was our sons first christmas and knowing I cant be there with her family, I asked if I could have some time with them that day. She was honest and told me this friend(above) was going to stop by to give them some gifts, and that night was with her parents. i thought I would hear from her in the morning, but didnt hear anything until 5 at night. The friend stayed for about an hour, then she went to see some relatives. I wasnt mad and just mentioned that I wish she could of called to let me know what was going on. I got to spend 20 mins. with them because she was going to her parents. All i said to her was that I wish I had more time with them and I didnt think it was right that this friend got to spend more time with my son on christmas than I did. Again, I wasnt mad, i was dissapointed, but that was it. She said I'll never change and we were done, and thinks it's better if we moved on and started seeing other people. What did I do wrong? I'm devastated, I really wanted us to work. Link to post Share on other sites
cheatersrsad Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 RUN don't walk to see a lawyer. Right now it's about establishing visitations with your son. She sounds like she is emotional and may have left the relationship awhile ago. Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 I'm very sorry that you're going through this, I can't even imagine. The first thing that struck me while reading this post was..........are you 100% sure this is your son and not this other guy's? It seems very odd to me that she never wanted to live with you, has kept you at a distance, her family has pretty much wanted nothing to do with you - yet this other dude is definitely in the picture, her family seem to accept him, he spent more time with your son on Xmas day than you did..and then for no obvious reason she just went off on you, told you it was "over" and made the suggestion that you both start seeing other people. Have you ever wondered if this was truly your son? Does he resemble you at all? (not that that necessarily means all that much as he could look like his Mom but still not be your son). Yes, contact a lawyer.....and bring up the issue of verifying paternity.........I do not mean to upset you but given the way she's been acting, the deal with this so-called "friend" of hers..........you need to be positive he's your son, for your own knowledge. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ixlives Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 Thank you for the responses so far. As far as the issue of him being mine, early on I sat with her, explained what I was seeing, and feeling from her and came right out and told her, that if something happened and she turned to someone else, i needed to know, i wanted the baby to be mine, but for me to be there for them %100 I wanted to know if anything like that happened. I dont know if that was the right way to do it, or if it was right at all, all I know is that she told me I hurt her with that more than anything that has ever happened. She didnt talk to me for a week or two, and since then I have been there every day for her Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 I'm glad you thought to ask her this question but I wouldn't take her response as concrete proof that your son *is* in fact your son. I just can't even imagine that a Mother would not make arrangements for the Father of her/their son to have time with that son on Christmas Day..particularly when it's the first Christmas. The fact that this other dude was there, with gifts in tow......her history of lies, so many other things............I really think you need to have paternity confirmed. She's not a confused 20 yr old.........she's in her 30s....the fact that she's never wanted to have a real relationship with you.........not even wanted to live together despite the pregnancy and subsequent birth........something is off here. TO ADD: also, when she told you things were over between you 2, did she bring up custody? shared custody? you getting to spend time with your son? you paying child support? helping with the costs of raising a child? If she didn't mention any of this, I'd find that suspicious, too.........might mean the other guy *is* the Father and they've already got plans for him to take your place, you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ixlives Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 believe me, we're on the same page, I never took her answer as concrete. As for the custody and support, no, it wasnt brought up, i have always been there that way, financially, to watch and be with him, even those things were like pulling teeth. I know if she goes that route, the first thing will be a paternity test. Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted December 28, 2004 Share Posted December 28, 2004 Originally posted by ixlives believe me, we're on the same page, I never took her answer as concrete. As for the custody and support, no, it wasnt brought up, i have always been there that way, financially, to watch and be with him, even those things were like pulling teeth. I know if she goes that route, the first thing will be a paternity test. Don't you want to pursue establishing paternity regardless of whether she comes after you for child support? Don't you want to know in your heart of hearts if that little boy is yours? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ixlives Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 of course,,,,, i just have always excepted that he was, Link to post Share on other sites
Author ixlives Posted December 28, 2004 Author Share Posted December 28, 2004 i love him from the bottom of my heart,,, both of them.. when i do say it,which is often,,,most of time she'll role her eyes. Link to post Share on other sites
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