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Been dating someone for ~5 months, and they still check their Online Dating Profile


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Old 17th July 2015, 2:09 PM   #1
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Been dating someone for ~5 months, and they still check their Online Dating Profile

I've been dating a girl for about 5 months - we see each other several times a week (lately we have been spending nearly every night together), all of the relationship/dating stuff is in super high gear, which is awesome.

That said, a couple of weeks ago I told my friend that I met her online. He was curious, so tried to find her profile - he did, and she had recently been active. He mentioned it to me, and I didn't think a ton about it. Since then, he's sent me 3 messages, about one per week, stating that he saw her online again. I don't think he's actively watching her profile - he just occasionally sees that her profile was active in the last day or two - I haven't gone online to check myself - but he's never met her, and is generally excited for me to date someone, so I don't think there's any motivation for him to lie to me about it. Regardless, she's likely logging on to the dating site a couple of times a week, if not more - for what purpose, I have no idea.

I got the third message from my friend today - and I figure I need to talk to her about the online activity, as it's clearly not an isolated incident. I don't think she's trying to set up other dates - I say that because of how often we see each other, and we have correspondence during typical date time on the few days we don't see each other, but I could be wrong.

Anyhow, as mentioned, I need to talk with her about it - and if my hypothesis is correct, it should be a pretty harmless conversation - as either she wants to be exclusive (and I think she does) or she wants to date other people - in either case, it should be easy, at least for her to tolerate.

That said, she's flying out of town this evening to meet up with some of her college friends from college - and she'll be back on Sunday - the earliest I could meet her is Sunday night. To that end, I'm wondering, should I wait and have this conversation with her in person, or is explaining it via e-mail and sending her a message this afternoon, a bad thing to do? I may also be able to briefly chat with her on the phone while she's waiting for the plane at the airport. If I send a message, it would be a short explanation of the messages I've been getting from my buddy, asking her if she wants to date others, and if not, that I'd like her to take the profile down - as 5 months is long enough (at least to me) to know whether or not you want to give things a shot.

Thoughts about waiting versus e-mail would be great. As mentioned, I'm thinking it should be a pretty straight-forward, easy conversation, which is the only reason e-mail may be tolerable. If I thought it would be a break-up, I would definitely do have the conversation in person.
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Old 17th July 2015, 2:42 PM   #2
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I think this sounds like an in-person conversation, regardless of how it goes or how you think it will go. There's really no reason to rush and ask her now when you can ask her Sunday. If you haven't had a conversation about exclusivity and where you guys are heading, it's possible she checks periodically because she's a little unsure. And I find once you log on, you receive a message so then you check, then you receive another message and so the cycle continues.

If everything is going well, this is a great opportunity to move your relationship along and up your commitment to each other. But in-person, not via email, it's too impersonal and too easy to misinterpret meaning / tone via the written word.
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Old 17th July 2015, 2:46 PM   #3
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Yeah you two need to have the exclusivity talk. It is a thing.


Also keep in mind some women (and men) are ADDICTED to online dating. When I used to do it there were some women that would be on every day for months. Months on top of months. I called them "lifers". I wouldn't message them because I knew there was no future with them.


I think this all boils down to an in-person conversation. You're on the right track. Open, honest communication will always pay off.
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Old 17th July 2015, 3:10 PM   #4
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Quote:
I've been dating a girl for about 5 months - we see each other several times a week (lately we have been spending nearly every night together), all of the relationship/dating stuff is in super high gear,
Have you two talked about and agreed upon exclusivity and commitment?

If not, then she's not doing anything wrong. What you two have is a casual dating thing.

If so, then you should talk to her in person, preferably before she gets on a plane.

And it's time to tell your friend to stand down. You can take it from here.
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Old 17th July 2015, 3:13 PM   #5
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If she's got a dating app on her phone it's possible that the phone app auto logs in and she's not doing it intentionally.

Consider this possibility.
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Old 17th July 2015, 3:28 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Jejangles View Post
I think this sounds like an in-person conversation, regardless of how it goes or how you think it will go. There's really no reason to rush and ask her now when you can ask her Sunday. If you haven't had a conversation about exclusivity and where you guys are heading, it's possible she checks periodically because she's a little unsure. And I find once you log on, you receive a message so then you check, then you receive another message and so the cycle continues.

If everything is going well, this is a great opportunity to move your relationship along and up your commitment to each other. But in-person, not via email, it's too impersonal and too easy to misinterpret meaning / tone via the written word.
Yes, I agree in person. Think positively. Think of the purpose of the conversation is to get into an exclusive relationship, which is a happy moment and one to do in person. The fact that she has been still logging on is just the catalyst for you to define the relationship since it's never been discussed and you feel the time is right, a minor part of what brings it up. Good luck
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Old 17th July 2015, 4:50 PM   #7
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As mentioned, I'm not too concerned about it, just find it odd and am trying to figure out how to communicate. Most have said in person - I kind of agree with that - I don't have a chance before she jumps on the plane (other than phone) - I'll just wait until she gets back - I don't think it's super pressing...could be Sunday, maybe Monday, depending on the mood/flow with her when she gets back.
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