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Am I in the "grass is always greener" stage?


Albinoninja

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Albinoninja

So I've been dating my girlfriend for 20 months now and recently I have been feeling like our relationship has gone stale and I've been thinking about being single again.

 

Here is some background info: we are both seniors in highschool, and we were originally friends our freshmen year until we started dating in the beginning of our sophomore year. Originally I didn't even think of her as potentially being more than a friend. Before we started dating I was chasing this other girl, and in the end I had to choose between my girlfriend or the other girl, which, obviously, I choose my girlfriend. At first I wasn't very physically attracted to her because she is completely different than the type of girl I picture as perfect for me (I like tall girls and she's short. I like girls that can be serious, but also super kind and she's usually kind and goofy) but soon I realized that she's actually a very beautiful person, but for some strange reason her beauty isn't very noticable until you pay close attention. It's almost like how some people blend into a crowd.

 

We do almost everything together, and we are always having fun and messing with each other like friends do, but we also have plenty of intimacy. Her family sucks (she was adopted from Brazil when she was very young, and her adoptive parents are terrible) and because of this our situation is kind of like a Cinderella movie (that's exactly how her parents treat her). She heavily relies on me because I'm one of the only things that make her happy, and we've stuck together, even when things get tough. We are very comfortable around each other and can talk about anything, but this is something that I can't tell her until I've made up my mind.

 

So now I'll cut to the chase. I am still physically attracted to her, but my mental attraction has faded a little (she can be clingy at times) and I have begun to unconsciously notice all of her little flaws, physically and mentally. I try not to pay attention to them, but it's really starting to bother me. I would feel terrible if I told her this because she would be crushed (not to mention that I have a ton of gifts from her over the past 20 months that would sit in my room as a painful reminder, and I am her commanding officer in JROTC (it's a high school military class) that wouldn't go well since we would still see each other in school and I need to set an example as second in command in JROTC) I still love her, but my attraction to her has randomly died out within the past week.

 

I'm starting to feel like we aren't meant to be, and that there is a girl out there that really is for me. I can't tell if this is some stupid phase since it happened so suddenly (although I have briefly thought about it in the past) or if it is what I truly want. The only things I can think of that could cause this is that even though we don't se each other THAT often, we text constantly so that can overkill the attraction, and I've already signed my contract to go into the United States Army as soon as I get out of high school, and go to Ranger school (very hard group that is on par with Americas Navy Seals, although not special forces, and shorter training). This has caused me to rush to live life as much as possible now while I have the chance.

 

I've always been very mature for my age (I'm the serious one in my friend group that is also crazy at times so I'm a little bit of everything) but with the Army consuming my life for what I plan to be the next 20 years (yes, I'm making a career out of it) I'm rushing to live life while I have the chance because I won't be able to live the college life (I'm taking online while I'm serving) and I have the same fear of dying that anyone serving has. This is a terrible fear to have at my age, but I am realistic about it, and I accept it. I'm worried that this dumb idea to try to cram all of the excitement in the last year's of my civilian life is what caused this relationship in the first place.

 

Sorry this is sooooo long, but please give me some advice. What do you think? Should I try to end the relationship, or is this some stupid "grass is always greener" phase with some fear mixed in?

 

Thank you for your time.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Michelle3494

This seems like this is part of the grass is greener syndrome. Since she was most likely your first relationship you are searching for something else out there. I think that if this early her little flaws are already starting to bother you then you should leave. By staying with her you will only resent her longer

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So I've been dating my girlfriend for 20 months now and recently I have been feeling like our relationship has gone stale and I've been thinking about being single again.

 

Here is some background info: we are both seniors in highschool, and we were originally friends our freshmen year until we started dating in the beginning of our sophomore year. .

 

 

This pretty much says it all.

 

 

Dude, what are you 17?

 

 

You have your entire life ahead of you...and the opportunity to date LOTS of girls.... to even be concerned about this.

 

 

Call it whatever you want, whether it be GIGS, or you just realized you are too young to be in a serious RL with anyone.

 

 

So IMO yes end this RL, date lots of girls ....and IN TIME, the right one will eventually show up....and then you can embark on a serious RL.

 

 

But IMO you are WAY way too young to even be that concerned about this..... and you may be surprised to learn that your girlfriend may even feel the same way.

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First of all, thank you for choosing to serve our country!! You do indeed sound very mature for your age and you write very well.

 

 

This is really a tough situation. Since you're so young, I wouldn't be pinning myself down to one person if I were you, esp. if you're going to go into the Army right out of high school. That's not to say you should stop seeing her, but I would probably explain to her that with what you have planned out for yourself, you will not be able to maintain the same level of commitment. Say that you want to remain the best of friends, and perhaps still be romantically involved if she is open to it, but you are too young and have too much ahead of you to be so exclusive. This won't go over too well, but you do still care for her obviously, and don't seem to want to "dump" her exactly - you just realize that she is "Ms. Right Now" rather than "Ms. Right."

 

 

If she insists it should be "all or nothing," then you can let her go, but I don't see why you can't still enjoy her company yet back off on the iron-clad commitment. You will meet many more women in your travels and have plenty of time to make your big decision.

 

 

I wish you luck!!

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scooby-philly

I agree - first off - thank you for serving! My dad is ex-Navy, my mom is the daughter of a drill sergeant, and my dad's dad and three of his four brothers all served in WWII!

 

I also agree - HS? Go out and enjoy yourself! Date. Have one night stands.

 

Look - I'm not advocating unsafe sex. And I'm not advocating you become a jerk. The simple fact that you're writing on here and what you've expressed shows your a decent guy. BUTTTTTTTTTT..

 

You don't have to save her

You don't have to be stable for other people.

 

People pick up savior complexes, the nice guy syndrome, etc because no one told us it's okay to be ourselves, follow our hearts, and things will come into place at the right time. You can still be her friend, you can still be a support, but it's not your duty and no one in their right mind will judge you negatively for focusing on yourself. Think of it as the gas mask scenario they always go over when you board a plane - help yourself first. Only if you're happy, healthy, and balanced can you help others, and relationships are not about helping - sure it comes with the territory, but it's about seeing the future together and making a choice, not being locked into something

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