tuxedo cat Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 My landlord is a really cool guy. He's a cute musician with a lot of tattoos and a warm, charming personality. It's hard not to be a little bit attracted to him, even though he just got married three months ago. I've never had any designs on him, but something just happened that is leaving me feeling icky. I bumped into him downstairs around 10 tonight and he invited me up to smoke some weed with him. I agreed, thinking his wife would be there too. I've hung out with them both once before. When he let me in I was surprised that she wasn't home but figured it was fine. For context, he's a really open-minded and casual person. So while this situation may have seemed weird with another guy, I figured it's just how he rolls. We started smoking on the couch, and he said the following in the course of the conversation: 1) He's very sexual and often feels the desire to have sex with other woman, but he can't act on it. 2) As a real estate agent he gets to constantly hang out with hot girls. I asked him how his wife felt about this and he said, "she tries to be okay with it." 3) He kept saying the music that was playing was great to have sex to. 4) He told me a year ago he fell in love with a friend he shouldn't have but not to tell his wife. 5) He told me his wife is "afraid" of me because I'm "pretty and have big tits." 6) He also called his wife beautiful and said he loved her. 7) He told me that when he was on tour a few years ago (when he and his wife broke up briefly because she cheated on him), he had sex with hundreds of women and felt horrible about it. (Gross) 8) He asked me a couple of questions about my sex life. At no point did he try to make a move, though. By then it was getting really weird, so I told him I should go. His wife was also on her way back. I left feeling a bit dirty, like I had been sucked into a bad situation without my consent. I've never gotten physical with an attached guy or had any desire to. Did I do anything wrong here? Given his unusual personality (he's like an open book and likes to shoot his mouth off), I couldn't tell if he was actually up to no good or not. If it sounds odd to you that I went along with this, you have to understand that he really doesn't come off as sleazy. He's the kind of person that everybody likes because he's so warm and generous. And sometimes he says inappropriate things because he sort of has no filter, but it's in a harmless way. Still, the situation confused me and left me feeling uncomfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Sounds like he`s a great catch. I wouldn`t get involved with this mess Tux. he`s been married for 3 months and he`s telling you all this. Very uncomfortable. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
boyslie932 Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Sounds like a very awkward encounter!! First of all, I understand you feeling weirded out by the whole situation. I mean a lot of guys (especially these days) are in relationships or are married and simultaneously have female friends, so I can understand you being comfortable (initially) hanging out with him. That being said, you felt uncomfortable afterwards and that's always a big red flag. He's married and saying inappropriate things to women he barely knows, his wife has no idea you two even hung out, and now you're left feeling like you did something wrong... None of these are positive signs nor do they support your statement about the dude being a good guy. I don't think you should feel guilty or bad about anything exactly since nothing happened between you two. His wife may not know but it isn't your responsibility to tell her that her hubby is a dbag, and from what it sounds like she's already aware at least a bit. If I were you I'd probably chalk the "hang out session" as a learning experience and steer clear of him. His poor wife! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jemay Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 I was uncomfortable reading it.... you should listen to how you feel and establish boundaries between him and you. You could simply do this with an open conversation, i.e. telling him this last situation made you uncomfortable and you would prefer not to have a repeat. Or something like that. Just create boundaries that make it very obvious to him what he can and can not do. It's really up to you what you allow. Sometimes we're embarrassed or simply too nice to create boundaries, but it's important you do so, for your safety, and mental well-being as well. Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Tux, I'm not the kind of person to judge someone by their habits and if smoking weed is your thing, I feel if it's illegal, I just won't go there anymore but that's up to you. I understand the situation as you described it, thinking his new wife was going to be there. The fact she wasn't alongside with the other things he said about his past (screwing hundreds of women?) is reason to realize he's a f*cked up assh*le! Consider yourself lucky he didn't force himself on you and never accept an invitation from them again! His wife accepts what happened in the past? That means she's OK with him f*cking other women. Is that what you want for yourself? Do you want to be number I don't know, 173? (of course his exaggeration is total bullsh*t.) Sorry, he's a dbag after all. You need to be more careful yourself. Do you realize how much danger you put yourself into? I know you thought his wife would be there but do you think she would stop him if he decided he was going to have you? There are stories all over the news about that kind of thing, have been for decades. Stay away from him my friend! I do care and feel you need to stay away from that creep. Since he's your landlord, you need to really consider moving. Seriously, I get a HUGELY bad vibe from this! GET OUT! Ken Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 Jemay, I like your avatar! Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 "you have to understand that he really doesn't come off as sleazy." Read what you said about how he slept with "hundreds of women" while he and his wife "broke up briefly" and tell me he doesn't come off as sleazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 11, 2015 Share Posted July 11, 2015 My landlord is a really cool guy. He's a cute musician with a lot of tattoos and a warm, charming personality. It's hard not to be a little bit attracted to him, even though he just got married three months ago. I've never had any designs on him, but something just happened that is leaving me feeling icky. I bumped into him downstairs around 10 tonight and he invited me up to smoke some weed with him. I agreed, thinking his wife would be there too. I've hung out with them both once before. When he let me in I was surprised that she wasn't home but figured it was fine. For context, he's a really open-minded and casual person. So while this situation may have seemed weird with another guy, I figured it's just how he rolls. We started smoking on the couch, and he said the following in the course of the conversation: 1) He's very sexual and often feels the desire to have sex with other woman, but he can't act on it. 2) As a real estate agent he gets to constantly hang out with hot girls. I asked him how his wife felt about this and he said, "she tries to be okay with it." 3) He kept saying the music that was playing was great to have sex to. 4) He told me a year ago he fell in love with a friend he shouldn't have but not to tell his wife. 5) He told me his wife is "afraid" of me because I'm "pretty and have big tits." 6) He also called his wife beautiful and said he loved her. 7) He told me that when he was on tour a few years ago (when he and his wife broke up briefly because she cheated on him), he had sex with hundreds of women and felt horrible about it. (Gross) 8) He asked me a couple of questions about my sex life. At no point did he try to make a move, though. By then it was getting really weird, so I told him I should go. His wife was also on her way back. I left feeling a bit dirty, like I had been sucked into a bad situation without my consent. I've never gotten physical with an attached guy or had any desire to. Did I do anything wrong here? Given his unusual personality (he's like an open book and likes to shoot his mouth off), I couldn't tell if he was actually up to no good or not. If it sounds odd to you that I went along with this, you have to understand that he really doesn't come off as sleazy. He's the kind of person that everybody likes because he's so warm and generous. And sometimes he says inappropriate things because he sort of has no filter, but it's in a harmless way. Still, the situation confused me and left me feeling uncomfortable. He was grooming you to see if you were open to an affair. I hope you send a stronger signal in the future that he doesn't interest you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 woops wrong thread! Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted August 4, 2015 Share Posted August 4, 2015 There's nothing confusing about this - he's a CREEPER. I feel like I need a shower just reading that. I can't imagine how bad that must have been for you actually having to endure it. On behalf of the male gender, I would like to formally apologize. Please, take this complimentary can of pepper spray. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author tuxedo cat Posted August 18, 2015 Author Share Posted August 18, 2015 (edited) You guys were right about him. He basically propositioned me over facebook and I told him it wasn't cool. I moved out of that apartment before this happened so I no longer have to see him, but I'm still creeped out and upset. It makes me wonder how many guys cheat and whether any of my past boyfriends cheated on me. You'd never peg this guy for a cheater if you met him. He comes off very, very nice and sincere. I also feel a bit hurt since I was hoping he genuinely wanted to be my friend as I'm low on friends in this city and we had good rapport. That may sound silly but I've been pretty down on myself lately and it would be nice to know some people enjoy being around me. I guess men rarely have honest intentions when it comes to friendship with women. Edited August 18, 2015 by tuxedo cat Link to post Share on other sites
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