seixal Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I'm almost reaching my mid thirties and I'm still single I feel that it is increasingly difficult to find a potential girl that is available, that I am attracted and that reciprocates this attraction. I would like to have a family someday and I came to believe that the probability for this to turn into reality is fading everyday. Would you lower your standards in such situation? Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Don't go down that road of lowering your standards, the next poor girl does not deserve that. What you can do though, is change your perspective and learn to appreciate the beauty you can find in almost any wonderful, fantastically average and magnificent women 12 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 what are you doing to get a girl? are you dating or anything? what are you doing to meet new girls? Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 If anything, you should be raising them. You are wiser, more experienced, more financially secure, and no what you like, and what you need. Why on earth would you lower your standards? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Q. Single in your 30's: Would you lower your standards? A. No, NO. and no again !! I'm sure you've heard the old adage - "if you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas" ? The same applies to dating. You need to rebuild your self-esteem by surrounding yourself with people who bring out the best in you and support you. That means you need to chuck all the losers and flakes out of your life. I was dating in my thirties because I was divorced. I didn't lower the bar I raised it so guys needed a pogo stick to get over it. I was single for a long time but then eventually I met my second husband. If you want to be married and have kids then you need to look for girls who are mature, reliable, stable and responsible - and you won't find them in bars out with their gf's getting wrecked. If you want to pick a mother for your children you need to be very, very selective. Good luck x Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 it's never too late to completely fck up your life - mid 30 are just as good early 20. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I think that is a little unrealistic statement, especially for someone like OP who wants a family. Mid/late 30s the possibility for genetic abnormalities of future kids increases, that is not a sentiment but biology. Also the dating pool of single people is smaller. Not saying to f*ck up his life, just to looks little more on the big picture and set realistic expectations for future dates (ignore "the one" myth). it's never too late to completely fck up your life - mid 30 are just as good early 20. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Don't go down that road of lowering your standards, the next poor girl does not deserve that. What you can do though, is change your perspective and learn to appreciate the beauty you can find in almost any wonderful, fantastically average and magnificent women This sounds great in a land of rainbows and unicorns, but this is the real world we are talking about here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Surely that depends on what your standards are? If you're looking for a 21 year old swimsuit model, then yea, that might need to shift a little. You just need to think about what you absolutely need in a partner. Pick your top 3 things (or 5 if you must). They can be physical, emotional or personality type stuff. These are your deal breakers, your musts, your standards. You don't drop these. Other stuff is icing on the cake. Giving people a chance even if they don't meet your ideal isn't dropping your standards or settling. Going for people you don't really like, or can't trust or aren't attracted to is. Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I don't know, for me it was like I struck gold when I hit 30. All of a sudden women who were older felt more comfortable dating me since I was 30's, not 20's, and the younger women were still interested too. 30-35 is probably the golden age of dating for men I'd say. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I tried that. I lowered my standards & went on 3 OLD dates. a 1st date each with 3 different guys. All looked good "on paper": well educated, well spoken, interesting, gainfully employed etc. None were men I would have accepted dates from had I met them in person 1st. The spark just wasn't there. As tribble mentioned, it may depends on your standards. Don't lower your core values but perhaps try somebody who is shorter/taller; heavier/skinnier or older/younger then your comfort zone to date. For me, I accepted a date from my 1st and only younger man: DH. Clearly that turned out well. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I'm almost reaching my mid thirties and I'm still single I feel that it is increasingly difficult to find a potential girl that is available, that I am attracted and that reciprocates this attraction. I would like to have a family someday and I came to believe that the probability for this to turn into reality is fading everyday. Would you lower your standards in such situation? In your specific situation, actually, I would say yes. The choices only get worse as you get older. But if you do this, you need to go into it knowing that this is the choice you made, no regrets, and we don't want to see you back here later complaining that you're not attracted to your wife anymore or that you're looking to cheat. You also need to make effort to never ignore her. All relationships have struggles too. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 In your specific situation, actually, I would say yes. The choices only get worse as you get older. But if you do this, you need to go into it knowing that this is the choice you made, no regrets, and we don't want to see you back here later complaining that you're not attracted to your wife anymore or that you're looking to cheat. You also need to make effort to never ignore her. All relationships have struggles too. Terrible idea in my opinion. Thanks for ringing the bells of doom for all of us single people in their 30s. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 In your specific situation, actually, I would say yes. The choices only get worse as you get older. But if you do this, you need to go into it knowing that this is the choice you made, no regrets, and we don't want to see you back here later complaining that you're not attracted to your wife anymore or that you're looking to cheat. You also need to make effort to never ignore her. All relationships have struggles too. This is a recipe for unhappiness and misery. You are telling him to be a martyr. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 This is a recipe for unhappiness and misery. You are telling him to be a martyr. Well, yiu referenced the fairytale and unicorns above so you know what I'm talking about. And he would be a martyr to his own wishes (having a family, etc). Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Sorry but IMO this is nuts ;- In your specific situation, actually, I would say yes. The choices only get worse as you get older. But if you do this, you need to go into it knowing that this is the choice you made, no regrets, and we don't want to see you back here later complaining that you're not attracted to your wife anymore or that you're looking to cheat. You also need to make effort to never ignore her. All relationships have struggles too. A good friend of mine has just moved in with her boyfriend and she's 70. She divorced her husband 10 years ago because he wanted gender reassignment. A chap from church who is 85, and lost his wife 2 years ago, has just married a lady from church who has been a widow for about 10 years. She's 78. A retired nurse I know who has been widowed for 15 years has just got married to a chap who has been a widower for 2 years. They are both 65. Long live love !! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Terrible idea in my opinion. Thanks for ringing the bells of doom for all of us single people in their 30s. Well a few get exactly what they want so maybe you'll be one, but most have to start dating who is available and surprise themselves when they fall for someone they never would have before had they kept their strict standards. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Sorry but IMO this is nuts ;- A good friend of mine has just moved in with her boyfriend and she's 70. She divorced her husband 10 years ago because he wanted gender reassignment. A chap from church who is 85, and lost his wife 2 years ago, has just married a lady from church who has been a widow for about 10 years. She's 78. A retired nurse I know who has been widowed for 15 years has just got married to a chap who has been a widower for 2 years. They are both 65. Long live love !! I'm not talking about you, nor am I talking about just getting marred (again). I'm talking about getting married and having a family (kids). Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 Well a few get exactly what they want so maybe you'll be one, but most have to start dating who is available and surprise themselves when they fall for someone they never would have before had they kept their strict standards. I'd rather have nothing than someone I don't want, what you are suggesting could lead to huge unhappiness in the long run. I call this the: "that will do" approach to dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I'd rather have nothing than someone I don't want, what you are suggesting could lead to huge unhappiness in the long run. I call this the: "that will do" approach to dating. That's fine it's ok if you do that but the OP says he wants a family and is considering lowering his standards. You probably never would consider that. My advice was to him and directed to his specific situation and needs, not everyone's. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
40 Fonzarelli Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I'm around the same age and I can relate. I think as I get older, I am placing less emphasis on looks and more on the total package. When you're young, you have time to kill so you just go for the hotties. I'm more picky on how I spend my time and who I date. Do I have to be attracted? Yes. Does she have to be a perfect 10? No. As far as lowering your standards, it depends how realistic your standards are. But don't do it if you know in your heart you are settling. Yeah it sucks to be single sometimes, but the grass is not always greener, and definitely not greener when you aren't really into your wife because you chose to settle. Talk about a lifetime of misery, and not fair for her either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Krieger Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I'm almost reaching my mid thirties and I'm still single I feel that it is increasingly difficult to find a potential girl that is available, that I am attracted and that reciprocates this attraction. I would like to have a family someday and I came to believe that the probability for this to turn into reality is fading everyday. Would you lower your standards in such situation? What are you looking for in a woman? I would make a list pick out a few things she must have and not be so hung up on stuff that does not matter. Ron White - Stupid is forever He is basically saying don't marry for looks alone yea there important but you cant fix stupid it is forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I'm almost reaching my mid thirties and I'm still single I feel that it is increasingly difficult to find a potential girl that is available, that I am attracted and that reciprocates this attraction. I would like to have a family someday and I came to believe that the probability for this to turn into reality is fading everyday. Would you lower your standards in such situation? Being a guy in your 30's is like being a girl around 20 in terms of how much dating power you have. It doesn't go down for you, it will go up ... off-course if you believe it will go down, it will in fact go down. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 I'm almost reaching my mid thirties and I'm still single I feel that it is increasingly difficult to find a potential girl that is available, that I am attracted and that reciprocates this attraction. I would like to have a family someday and I came to believe that the probability for this to turn into reality is fading everyday. Would you lower your standards in such situation? I am 30. Not been asked out on a date in forever. Would like the same things you want eventually... Not sure I believe it is about lowering standards. Maybe more about being realistic...and trying very hard to be positive(this is difficult, I can understand what you are going through). e.g. I am not perfect and I shouldn't be looking for someone to fit some idea of perfection either. I think I have (or had) a very idealistic view of relationships...so I just need to appreciate certain things a bit more. Also need to try and make space in life to get out there and meet people Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted July 9, 2015 Share Posted July 9, 2015 That's fine it's ok if you do that but the OP says he wants a family and is considering lowering his standards. You probably never would consider that. My advice was to him and directed to his specific situation and needs, not everyone's. So he marries someone, fathers a kid and in 3 years realises she isn't for him and he becomes perpetually unhappy with his choice. Link to post Share on other sites
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