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For the drinkers, would you date someone who doesn't drink alcohol?


40 Fonzarelli

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40 Fonzarelli

I quit drinking a few months ago and want to start dating again. I used to always go for drinks on dates, but not sure how to approach it now. Do I tell her I no longer drink in the beginning? Tell her i'm taking a break? Meet up at a bar anyway and order a non-alcoholic drink? I just feel like a girl into wine and beer, won't want to date me. After all, drinking together is kind of a bonding experience.

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I have dated someone who didn't drink. And even though it wasn't the reason we broke up, it did create some problems, but it could have been due to him being a dick more than him not drinking.

 

As in, he would judge and comment on how much *I* drank. Which, as you can imagine, isn't particularly good.

 

So for me, personally, given my experience, I would probably not date someone who doesn't drink, because also, as you mentioned, drinking together is a bit of a bonding experience.

 

However, don't assume all girls will be the same. And do suggest drinks. There's nothing wrong with having a soft drink at a bar!

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I briefly dated a guy who didn't drink. While he had no issues with anyone else drinking, it was still kind of odd to go out with him and order a drink while he sipped iced tea. It didn't work out with him, not because of that, but because I reconnected with someone else I had dated previously, so I don't know how it would have been long term. The guy I'm seeing now loves wine just as much as I do and we just spent a weekend together touring wineries at Niagara on the Lake, would have been tough to share that experience with a teetotaler. On the other hand, always having a DD would be nice...

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It depends on how you are feeling about it.

 

If being around drinkers bothers you, then definitely bring it up early so you can filter out people who would be a problem for you. If you don't care if someone drinks responsibly, then you can wait to bring it up until it comes up naturally, because it wouldn't really matter. If someone is a big drinker, that probably wouldn't work as you would be on two different playing fields.

 

There are a lot of women non-drinkers out there too, so it might just be easier to make that part of your must-have list.

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My xH didn't drink but I did. It wasn't a problem. I'm not a big drinker though. I would date another no drinker in a heartbreat as long as he let me drink when I want to and doesn't get all soapboxy about it.

 

Just order nonalcoholic drinks.

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I'd set the 1st date up somewhere that doesn't serve alcohol. See if you like the person.

 

 

The 1st time you are in a setting where alcohol is served, simple order a non-alcoholic drink. If she asks, tell her you quit. Otherwise is should be a non-issue.

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LoveRefreshed

I hardly trust a non-drinker. I feel that someone has something to hide if they never let themselves get a little tipsy. ;)

 

Now, my mother being an alcoholic (recovering now), I can dig on some people's reasons not to drink. However, most people who don't drink wouldn't be a good match for me since I tend to drink often (at least once a week I like to kick back some beers) and is a major part of my holiday time. I.e. I enjoy drinking on the 4th, on labor day, on Christmas, on new years...

 

I also experimented and used a lot of drugs in college (Lots of psychedelics) and someone who doesn't drink will probably judge me for that, but let's say they were okay with it, they wouldn't ever understand my points of views on things nor relate to me. I just don't think it would work.

 

So, it's not specifically the no drinking thing, rather the lack of commonality in socialization.

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GravityMan

For me, it depends. More specifically, it depends on her general attitude and tolerance towards others who do drink (including those who do so responsibly).

 

I don't drink very often, but even if I never drank alcohol my response above would be the same. I'm not a big fan of closed-minded, intolerant people.

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For the drinkers, would you date someone who doesn't drink alcohol?

I would. I don't drink much myself anyway, so it's not like I'd ever be hammered and them stone sober.

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sportygirl89

I dated one guy briefly who didn't. Just be sure not to judge someone who drinks. He said he was fine with me drinking. But I still felt like he was judging me. I almost don't trust them sometimes if they don't drink.

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Art_Critic

You don't have to explain anything, you just say you don't drink Alcohol if asked but really all you have to do is turn it down and order something non-alcoholic, most of the time it goes unnoticed.

 

I haven't had a drink since June 28th 1987 and have gone on many many dates and been married twice since I quit and I have NEVER had anybody look at me funny for not ordering a drink that had alcohol in it.

 

If they have a problem with it then it's their problem not mine or yours.. cuz I ain't drinking ... today

 

I also never minded if my dates had drinks, my wife has the occasional glass of wine and it doesn't bother me.. of course I also don't want to drink..if I did want a drink and it bothered me it would be a red flag for me to get my butt in a meeting or call my sponsor.

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I'm not much of a drinker but I enjoy a glass of wine or beer occasionally. I met a guy who didn't seem taken with the fact that I didn't drink much (he kept asking, "You don't drink do you?), and he was a brandy lover.

 

I was speaking to a man who drinks only water, no tea, chocolate, or coffee, and no alcohol. He made a point that regardless of where we go he would order water. 'Fraid to say he didn't appeal to me and I left it. Nothing wrong with his choices, I simply feel someone like that is over restrained or will be judgemental. I just don't think a healthy lifestyle choices are behind that.

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empresario

Here is how I feel on this...

 

I am an entrepreneur. I basically drink professionally. I have some friends and employees that don't but I still love hanging out with them. Why? Because they don't judge me. Nobody cares that you don't drink. The fear is that if you don't drink you don't know how to have a good time or will judge them for doing it. If you don't make it a big deal, then it won't be a big deal.

 

Just say, "I don't drink", and leave it at that. Don't refuse to meet them at a bar. Don't judge them if they get a second beer. If they feel comfortable doing what they want to do and you feel comfortable doing what you want to do then who cares?

 

On a professional level, of course, there are different rules. I tell my employees "I don't care if you can't, won't, or shouldn't drink...if someone offers you something in a business setting, take it. You don't have to drink it, but don't call attention to the fact that you don't want it". I say that for the same reasons as I put above. People feel uncomfortable if they feel like you're judging their choices. That probably doesn't apply here...

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LifeandPerseverance

I've been on both sides of the fence.

 

 

I was raised in an environment with very religious people where alcohol was "evil" and seeing someone drink was scandalous and a sin. Therefore, when I came of legal drinking age I still didn't even drink.

 

 

As a non-drinker, my then boyfriend DID drink. And I remember always not liking it. I remember feeling weird even seeing beers around his place. Towards the end I kind of acclimated to it, and was okay with the alcohol around.

 

 

Fast forward...NOW I drink. Pretty frequently. I dated one guy who drank less than me (he would infrequently have a beer), and feeling a little weird that HE might judge me.

 

 

I guess what I'm saying is..Yes, I would date someone who doesn't drink. I think that's totally commendable. But I would NOT date someone who didn't drink and JUDGED me because I do. Having a built in DD would be pretty awesome. But having a drink with your SO is definitely nice sometimes.

 

 

I don't that I'd mention it on the first date. Or the second. And no--you don't have to "get drinks" as a date. Have you not heard of this great thing called coffee? Frankly I hate when a guy suggests we "get drinks" as a date. While I drink, I don't EVER want to drive even slightly impaired, and I don't want to have to go sit in a crappy bar just to feign the desire for the guy's company. It also has something about it that's like "Oh hey baby, drinks..Let's go back to my place after." Excuse me but no. Take me to get coffee, or ice cream, or something else simple--But I have no desire to drink with you. That's kind of a sacred experience. That's what I do with my best friend. That's what I do at dinner or bowling with a group of friends. That's what I do with someone I've already been dating who I know won't judge me 3 beers in. Not some stranger.

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introverted1
I would. I don't drink much myself anyway, so it's not like I'd ever be hammered and them stone sober.

 

This. Seems to me that once you're out of your twenties, a drink is an accompaniment to a meal or activity, not the activity itself.

 

I would have no problems dating a non-drinker.

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loveweary11

I was a pretty heavy binge drinking type when I met my ex. She couldn't drink. It set off her mental health issues the next day.

 

I just stopped drinking entirely. Just wasn't fun anymore.

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First, good for you for making a life choice. I don't drink either. I don't see drinking as bad nor do I see it as good. I look at it the same way I see eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Don't care.

 

Now, if the person eating that sandwich were to smear it all over his/her face, or leave out the bread/peanut butter/jelly/knife/plate or have a tendency to turn into a jerk off when eating it ... then I would not want to be around that person. Point is, it's the person not the activity.

 

If a person that I am dating doesn't like the fact that I don't drink for whatever reason they may have, that is their choice and they are neither good or bad for it. That's their choice. I used to party quite a bit and I always had more fun with people that like to do things like I did.

 

I assume, if you are anything like me, you made your choice for reasons that are important to you.

 

So if you are hanging out with your iced tea, or water, or tonic with lime (good one to make it look like you are drinking so 50 people don't ask you why you have tea or water or coke or whatever)... and someone is not feeling that, so be it. Go find someone that IS feeling it because they are out there.

 

I don't mean to sound preachy.... I will summarize in terms of myself...

 

I always find that if I sacrifice what I am for someone else I start to think less of myself, which impacts my confidence, which impacts my ability to connect with people. Authenticity is key to my happiness.

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40 Fonzarelli

Thanks everyone! I used to binge drink every weekend. I just decided for health reasons to quit. And no, I have no problems at all if she drinks. As long as she doesn't turn into an alcoholic. It's been tough though I must say, especially being the only guy at the bar nursing his water with lemon :(

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Yeah, a number of women I've dated didn't drink. Two of the ladies I had LTR's with didn't drink either. My exW and one other LTR did, in moderation. I can take it or leave it. I'm often the DD (designated driver) for friends at parties since I can have one or two beers then switch to tonic/rocks and be fine for transport later on. I don't see much difference not having a buzz. It's still fun and the ladies I dated who didn't drink were fun also. I've loved a few alcoholics too so have seen that side of the equation. I'll take the non-drinkers any day.

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I don't have a problem with it per se, and would strongly prefer a non-drinker to an alcoholic. That said, I admit that I always check the casual drinking boxes on online sites as a requirement...

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Dork Vader

I have 8 months sober, 9 months on the 2nd. If you truly have given up alcohol especially for alcoholism, then stay away from drinkers. You can date a normal drinker but understand that normal drinkers are fairly rare and they RARELY drink.

 

The last estimate I read stated that some place between 1/3 and 2/3 of Americans drink compulsively.

 

If you're trying to stay sober you'll just get sucked right back into the old routine. If you'd like to find people who do not drink too date then get involved in AA and look for those who do not.

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LoveRefreshed

Yeah, I would totally take a non drinker over an alcoholic. Addicts rip everything down with them when they fall. Though, "normal" drinkers or whatever keeps being referenced here is a bit of a subjective ideal. Depends on how you want to define drinking. A drink a day is normal in many cultures, and there are health benefits to this.

 

I draw the line on when drinking becomes problematic. Whether it's a financial problem, relationship problem or a health problem. My gf hardly drinks now, she drinks maybe once a month while I drink once a week. Never causes a problem.

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torturedartist
I quit drinking a few months ago and want to start dating again. I used to always go for drinks on dates, but not sure how to approach it now. Do I tell her I no longer drink in the beginning? Tell her i'm taking a break? Meet up at a bar anyway and order a non-alcoholic drink? I just feel like a girl into wine and beer, won't want to date me. After all, drinking together is kind of a bonding experience.

 

Why did you quit drinking? Because you're an alcoholic, and you had to? If so, you'll need to associate only with people who won't encourage or tempt such a severe addiction (and it really is). If you're a recovering alcoholic, the answer is, no, you shouldn't date people who want to be able to drink on a somewhat regular basis.

 

If you're not an alcoholic, and you really didn't have any problems when it comes to drinking, my question, why did you quit drinking? That one really puzzles me, and I'm guessing it would puzzle most people who like to drink.

 

I can tell you that being someone who likes to drink, I don't consider dating people who abstain from alcohol. Because if they're abstaining from alcohol for reasons of prudence or principle or whatever, there also not likely to let go in other areas of their life, like sex.

 

Here's what it comes down to. If you don't have a problem with alcohol then by all means drink. Do it in some level of moderation, but for God's sake, drink. If you really do have a problem, then don't drink with as much conviction.

 

If you've decided to abstain from alcohol for reasons of principle then you're a prude. And that's cool. The world needs prudes. But prudes should only date other prudes.

 

I hope that answers your question.

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torturedartist
I just stopped drinking entirely. Just wasn't fun anymore.

 

You are talking about drinking alcohol, aren't you? I've never heard anyone say that drinking alcohol isn't fun. In fact I think that's one of the reasons people like to drink it so much.

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