nlynnc Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 I just really need some advice on what to do about this. I've been in a committed relationship with a man for over 2 months. His ex wife wanted a divorce and it is finalized. I'm having a hard time with everything right now and there's just something that doesnt feel right in our relationship. He is the BEST guy tho!! It bothers me that all of his ex's stuff is still everywhere in his house. and in his bedroom. It makes me feel like i can't fill give him my all in the relationship, when all of 'her' stuff is around, and pictures in the wall...ect. They have kids together, so I feel like it just 'allows' him to still have her things there and to not fully move on emotionally. Because if i was dating a man without kids, theres no way I would be ok with him having all of his ex's stuff around!! Like they would be done and not talk anymore. But since they have kids I feel like its ok to himto not move on with that part of his life. But it's making me discouraged, everytime im there and have to see all of her stuff all over still I just need advice...has anyone gone thru this with someone they had/are dating? What did you do or how did it make you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Having pictures around for the kids or even still eating off the wedding china because he doesn't have the money to replace it would be one thing. If her clothes, make-up & personal items are still there I would feel uncomfortable. Have you talked to him about how her stuff makes you feel? If not, you must. If he can't bear to part with the stuff or at least box it up, you have to face the fact that at best you are a rebound, a warm body to fill the void she left but nothing more Link to post Share on other sites
empresario Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Forgive me, but I have to ask. You're SURE he's not still married, right? I've heard some stories of guys being really, really clever at making up stories to brainwash a girl into long-term, mistress relationships. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 He isn't ready to move on if he keeps her stuff around. Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 "stuff" isn't very descriptive. Plus the divorce is recent and it takes time to untangle two lives. You did go into this aware of his situation. So, what did he say when you discussed this with him? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 You've only known him two months?!?! It isn't your place to dictate how soon he should get over his Ex or redecorate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nlynnc Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Right, 2 months isnt very long. So that's why I feel rude bringing it up and asking him if he could just have her come over and get everything of hers or he does it. I don't know? I've never dated a divorced man. And the fact that she just moved out in February and the divorce was finalized in March..I can understand there being stuff still around. But it's July now and before I know it, it'll be thanksgiving and her stuff will still be there. By 'stuff' I mean her clothes, purses, heels, a ton of hair products EVERYWHERE, little figurines and jewelry in the bedroom, just random crap in the basement, like blankets, sheets, misellaneous. It's just everywhere. And a few pics of her on the wall. I mean i'm ok with the dishes and kitchen stuff obviously, but its all her personal things or things that were hers. Just how long of a time frame should he have to get that crap out?? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Just how long of a time frame should he have to get that crap out?? There is no way to know because we don't know the guy. What you can do is stop going to his place. And then explain that being there makes you uncomfortable until you two are further in your relationship and are more comfortable being his partner. That last word is important. At two months, you are barely a girlfriend. Just indicate that you are still getting to know each other and it would be easier for you to do things together outside of his home until you know there is a future for you two. This way you have let him know it bothers you and it also slows the relationship down and puts the onus of propelling you two together - as a couple - on him. It will also tell you how he sees things moving forward (or not) if he does nothing about the situation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Carrie, that is very sound advice! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts