Would you be willing to move with SO out of state?

[Krieger]

The question is a two part question would you be willing to move out of state with your SO ?

 

For example I am looking at college in another state as an option . The college I want to get into will cost me 12k for one quarter than add books and cost of living when rent is close to 1k a month and other bills.

 

It not like i ma moving for a stupid reason or anything.

 

would it matter on the state and how much you lover the person and how long you been dating?

 

Does the place you be moving to matter? the colleges I am looking at are Boise State,university Idaho, Arizona state, Arizona, Northern Arizona, boulder Colorado UNIV, San Diego State, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, University of Texas, Portland university , university new Mexico.

 

The second question when do I bring it up so if it does happen she will not feel like it out of the blue? However it might not happen but it might it at a 50/50 now .

 

Also I be open to moving back once college is done or going were ever I can get a job.

[yxalitis]

Surely this is a conversation that you and your SO should be having.

[Popsicle]

I moved around with my xH for his schooling. It was because I lurved him but we were married.

[Krieger]

Surely this is a conversation that you and your SO should be having.

 

 

Well I do not have a SO right now. Just saying if I just started dating someone when a good time to let her know that it could be a possibility that I might move out of state for a few years .

 

I just do not want to be that guy the dates a woman for a year and one day out of the blue goes BTW I going to be moving so yea.

 

I want to be open and honest for day one and go hey it not set in stone I ma going to move but just know it is in the cards.

[Krieger]

I moved around with my xH for his schooling. It was because I lurved him but we were married.

 

 

The thing is I am an older college student (31) going back to college so not sure woman my are range want to move if she has a good career or job. I do not see why her friends cant come to visit it not like we be moving to another country LOL.

[Popsicle]

The thing is I am an older college student (31) going back to college so not sure woman my are range want to move if she has a good career or job. I do not see why her friends cant come to visit it not like we be moving to another country LOL.

 

So date younger women.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

It depends. If I've been dating someone seriously for at least a year or so, and we've discussed long term goals and a future, then I would definitely do it.

 

My ex is military and we discussed moving with each other, but disagreed on places. He had options, but refused to listen to my suggestions. That's a big red flag. I think if you're going to uproot your life and leave your family, it shouldn't just be all about the other person. It takes compromise to make such a big decision.

 

I also told him that if he wanted me to leave with him, I at least would have liked to have been engaged. I have known a couple of people who have moved across the country with their boyfriends, broken up and had to move again and it was a big hassle. I preferred a strong commitment if I was going to move.

[Krieger]

So date younger women.

Oh I do date younger like 10 years younger .

[PrettyEmily77]

Not unless the R is established and very secure in every aspect (emotionally and financially), and not unless I also have a job (or at the very least good options, professionally) to go to myself - wouldn't want to be totally dependent on someone I'm only just dating, especially if the guy is at college (no offence intended, OP).

 

 

All hypothetical now though, right? You really need to focus on securing a place at college first, IMO; that should be your priority atm. The rest will come later. I'd assume getting a placement, moving out of state, settling in and getting on with your course would be enough of a distraction to be thinking of anything else, let alone finding a girl.

[d0nnivain]

No I would not move out of state for an SO. When we first married, I had so many obligations here, I would not have moved out of state for my husband.

 

 

That said, you are talking about college which isn't always a permanent move AND it has been my experience that once someone enters college & their world opens up, they immediately dump the SO "back home" even if that person came with them. So that is an even better reason for me not to relocate for somebody else's college.

 

 

When I got out of grad school, my LDR BF loved in So California. I wanted to live there so I actively looked for jobs there. When I didn't get hired I didn't move. I was not about to move to be unemployed.

[Krieger]

Well I just going to be upfront that I might move so it will not be out of the blue.

 

Also I am going to tell her college is important to me and some times she have to be 2nd .

[ChicagoSparty]

First things first-

 

I grew up part-time in Boulder and attended CU for a short time. You ain't getting anywhere near $1k/mo for living expenses. Maybe if you commune with a bunch of hippies outside of Nederland, you can pull that off. Boulder? No way.

 

Tucson (u of Arizona) is way more affordable. UT is going to have super expensive cost of living as well. Boise is still probably pretty affordable.

 

So, here's advice #1. Whatever place you move to, especially if it's Boulder or Austin...move there and live and work there for a year to establish residency (residency requirements vary). By establishing residency, you get in-state tuition. Tuition of residents at CU, when I was there, was 1/4th OOS. It's well worth it to just work for a year and get in-state.

 

Now, advice 2: who cares about some chick you've never even met? Live YOUR life. Don't plan it around real chicks, and certainly not around hypothetical chicks. And do you understand how hot the girls at CU, ASU, UT etc are? Unless you get into a relationship with the most amazing woman who has ever walked the earth, you are going to be having serious, serious regrets that you brought her with you. DONT DO IT!

 

You have your whole life after college to get yourself stuck in sh*tty situations....don't get ahead of yourself and do that while you're in college!

Edited July 6, 2015 by ChicagoSparty

[Gaeta]

Yes and I did it.

 

I married a military man and we moved all over. By the time our daughter was in grade 6, it was her 6th school. I spent most of our 15 years together living 2,000 miles away from my family. I don't regret it because I was young and I had my whole life in front of me to work on my own career and catch up with my family and friends. Now that I am older and well established with a career where I am, I would not do it again.

[Krieger]

First things first-

 

I grew up part-time in Boulder and attended CU for a short time. You ain't getting anywhere near $1k/mo for living expenses. Maybe if you commune with a bunch of hippies outside of Nederland, you can pull that off. Boulder? No way.

 

Tucson (u of Arizona) is way more affordable. UT is going to have super expensive cost of living as well. Boise is still probably pretty affordable.

 

So, here's advice #1. Whatever place you move to, especially if it's Boulder or Austin...move there and live and work there for a year to establish residency (residency requirements vary). By establishing residency, you get in-state tuition. Tuition of residents at CU, when I was there, was 1/4th OOS. It's well worth it to just work for a year and get in-state.

 

Now, advice 2: who cares about some chick you've never even met? Live YOUR life. Don't plan it around real chicks, and certainly not around hypothetical chicks. And do you understand how hot the girls at CU, ASU, UT etc are? Unless you get into a relationship with the most amazing woman who has ever walked the earth, you are going to be having serious, serious regrets that you brought her with you. DONT DO IT!

 

You have your whole life after college to get yourself stuck in sh*tty situations....don't get ahead of yourself and do that while you're in college!

 

So I should maybe looking for another FWB would mike more since . I plan on finishing my two year at a community college and take things from there.

 

The program I am getting into is hard to get into and once I get in you cant work . Well you can but you will not have ti me to do so and is working one day a week worth it?

[d0nnivain]

Yes, working one day per week is worth it. It shows future employers that you have a solid work ethic. Also it gives your brain a break because you do something other than study & party. Plus a few extra dollars is always a good idea.

[Krieger]

Yes, working one day per week is worth it. It shows future employers that you have a solid work ethic. Also it gives your brain a break because you do something other than study & party. Plus a few extra dollars is always a good idea.

 

Well it is more of a time issue for me . I will not have the time for fun and games. This is my last shot to make something of myself.

[MoreAmore]

The question is a two part question would you be willing to move out of state with your SO ?

 

The second question when do I bring it up so if it does happen she will not feel like it out of the blue? However it might not happen but it might it at a 50/50 now .

.

 

I would not. That is why my ex and I broke up because of that. However, it's because I have a child and I feel it would be morally repugnant to move her away from her father. Special circumstances. Otherwise, I absolutely would.

 

I think what is most important is to be open and share and include her in the decision process. Don't make it and then throw it on her.

[AMusing]

I'm in that boat with my boyfriend (of 2.5 years) right now. I'm finishing up grad school and will be moving in the next 3-4 months. Navigating these waters is incredibly tricky. These are not your garden-variety level sacrifices; moving for someone literally changes your entire life. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless they are A) very young, no real ties to their current location, and/or interested in exploring a new place anyway; or B) pretty darn sure this is a very significant SO.

 

I love my boyfriend to bits, but even 2.5 years in, we've both been weighing our options. Ultimately, we decided the sacrifices we're both making are worth it to stay together. But if I'd been with him less than a year before moving I almost certainly would be moving without him. I wouldn't expect anyone to follow me for a relatively short-term relationship. If you do start dating someone, talk about your potential move from the very start (which it sounds like you already plan on doing). Most women will very likely bail, or opt for a more casual relationship with you, but in the event you meet that really special person, she'll have lots of warning about your plans.

[MidwestUSA]

Well it is more of a time issue for me . I will not have the time for fun and games. This is my last shot to make something of myself.

 

This should be your focus, not whether an SO that you don't have will be willing to move with you. Who's to say you won't meet someone where you end up?

 

I had no idea you were 31; I thought you were just out of high school, or even a senior, based on your posts.

 

Get moving. Stop with the hypothetical musings.

[Krieger]

Not unless the R is established and very secure in every aspect (emotionally and financially), and not unless I also have a job (or at the very least good options, professionally) to go to myself - wouldn't want to be totally dependent on someone I'm only just dating, especially if the guy is at college (no offence intended, OP).

 

 

All hypothetical now though, right? You really need to focus on securing a place at college first, IMO; that should be your priority atm. The rest will come later. I'd assume getting a placement, moving out of state, settling in and getting on with your course would be enough of a distraction to be thinking of anything else, let alone finding a girl.

 

Well like I said it is not set in stone and I am not getting any younger .

[MissBee]

The question is a two part question would you be willing to move out of state with your SO ?

 

For example I am looking at college in another state as an option . The college I want to get into will cost me 12k for one quarter than add books and cost of living when rent is close to 1k a month and other bills.

 

It not like i ma moving for a stupid reason or anything.

 

would it matter on the state and how much you lover the person and how long you been dating?

 

Does the place you be moving to matter? the colleges I am looking at are Boise State,university Idaho, Arizona state, Arizona, Northern Arizona, boulder Colorado UNIV, San Diego State, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, University of Texas, Portland university , university new Mexico.

 

The second question when do I bring it up so if it does happen she will not feel like it out of the blue? However it might not happen but it might it at a 50/50 now .

 

Also I be open to moving back once college is done or going were ever I can get a job.

 

 

Unless we're married or engaged no.

 

I have known too many people who are just dating/bf/gf who reorganize their entire lives to move for their SO and it all falls apart. Not that a marriage can't fall a part, but by the time I am engaged or married to you it's a different sort of commitment where we're life partners now so decisions like that will be discussed between us and worked out between us and will be towards a larger goal for our lives. For me, if we're just bf/gf, things are still not stable and I don't find making huge life decisions in that context sensible.

 

But it also depends on who you are: I have my own career, schooling and life to lead that requires me to be where I am. I cannot just up and go with a man just because. Maybe if you have nothing to do or are at a place in life where you can just pick up and go, fine...but otherwise, if a woman has her own stuff going on she likely cannot just go to some other state because you want to. As others have said though, this is something the couple has to discuss and everyone has to weigh the pros and cons of it. You have to weigh what's best for you as individuals and then also as a couple and for me, the couple and the relationship would weigh more if he's my husband or fiance versus just my boyfriend.

Edited July 7, 2015 by MissBee

[PrettyEmily77]

Well like I said it is not set in stone and I am not getting any younger .

 

 

I get that, but a R is about 2 ppl and what both have to offer and accept in return. Anyway, you'll be busy in the next few months, I expect a R wouldn't really be a priority at this point.

 

 

In any case, good luck with finding the right course for you. I think I've read somewhere you wanted to become a nurse? If so, kudos to you, awesome career move .

[Woggle]

I moved all the way to the other side of the country for my wife. I miss some aspects of where I used to live but for the most part I like it out here.