TheSpecial Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 So I posted my story here yesterday about how my ex has desperately been trying to test the waters for the past year. Essentially he broke up with me over a year ago and I forced NC about 10 months ago. I accidentally responded to one of his texts and answered a call of his recently since they were both from numbers I didn't know. I was brief and seemingly uninterested in my responses since his "reasons" for contacting me were clearly stupid excuses. It has been another 3 weeks no contact. UNTIL TODAY: He contacted me from ANOTHER new NUMBER! It says, "Hiiiii good morning!" I didn't even block the other one's he's been contacting me from, so why bother switching? And he keeps choosing to write messages without mentioning his name, almost as if to keep tricking me into talking to him. WHAT IS THE DEAL? Thanks in advance Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 The "deal" is he's trying to worm his way back into you life and he's begun seriously stalking you. Now that you know the new number, block it. Then call the cell phone company and ask them what they can do to help you stop him contacting you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSpecial Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Yeah, but why bother switching numbers? Clearly he's "worming" but what significance is there in him switching numbers to talk to me? Why not just keep contacting from the same number since I never blocked him? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 He doesn't know whether you've blocked it or not. Those we block, remain in 'blissful ignorance' But as you didn't respond, he's assuming you subsequently blocked the number. I would block both of them now..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSpecial Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Thanks for your input! I'm trying to decide whether I should just keep blocking numbers or I should just shoot him another text asking for him to stop contacting. I never did that when I initially started NC. But again, the last time he contacted me from another number 3 weeks ago, we talked and I just stopped responding. But he never tried to contact me from that number again after we'd spoken on the phone so there's no reason for him to believe that i'd blocked his number since he did, in fact, get through to me. It doesn't make sense. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 He doesn't know whether you've blocked it or not. Those we block, remain in 'blissful ignorance' But as you didn't respond, he's assuming you subsequently blocked the number. I would block both of them now..... Or if is really annoying you, and you are feeling stalked, *change* YOUR phone number. May sound drastic, but often times necessary. I've had to change my number couple of times.... and never regretted it. It's very freeing when someone is stalking you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSpecial Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 I've been considering switching my number too since i've had it for over a decade! Then i'll be able to start a new. Problem is, I still want an apology and to be able to know that I didn't pass up a good relationship if he's changed... Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSpecial Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 any other insights as to why an ex would do this? I get the "forcing contact" thing, but it doesn't make sense to keep switching numbers.. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 (edited) any other insights as to why an ex would do this? I get the "forcing contact" thing, but it doesn't make sense to keep switching numbers.. Sweetie, I just read your thread from yesterday. You seem to think that him stalking you may mean he misses you, wants you back, to try again, is sorry for past behavior, etc. That he's *changed*. Wishful thinking. It does NOT! And NO he has not changed. If he was sorry for past behavior, and wanted a second chance, he would have called you and asked to see you, apologized for acting like a shyt in the past and expressed interest in starting over. He is not doing that. He is behaving like an immature, crazed lunatic who seems hell bent on annoying the hell out of you...for no other reason than he is getting some sort of preferred pleasure from confusing and annoying you. This man (and I hesitate even calling him a man) DOES NOT care about you. This is all a big game to him...a total mind fu*k. Change your number and be done with him..... Edited July 4, 2015 by katiegrl 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSpecial Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 In the very least I didn't think that he was trying to hurt me further. Like I said, I felt more like his actions were to relieve guilt than anything. I just have a hard time believing he's getting a kick out of confusing me. And why is what he's doing to me "stalking" when others call the same type of behavior "breadcrumbs"? The first time he changed his number was because he moved across country. The second time was because he moved back. The third time was because his grandma put him on her payment plan (she tried to keep in contact with me too, which I stopped last year too) and this time was the only time I didn't understand why he contacted me again. I'm not trying to disagree, as Im trying to understand your point of view, but i don't get how someone "is a crazed lunatic" because he's trying to get on my good side to relieve his guilt. He's being immature, certainly, but I don't get why people keep calling him a stalker? Can you explain Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 In the very least I didn't think that he was trying to hurt me further. Like I said, I felt more like his actions were to relieve guilt than anything. I just have a hard time believing he's getting a kick out of confusing me. And why is what he's doing to me "stalking" when others call the same type of behavior "breadcrumbs"? The first time he changed his number was because he moved across country. The second time was because he moved back. The third time was because his grandma put him on her payment plan (she tried to keep in contact with me too, which I stopped last year too) and this time was the only time I didn't understand why he contacted me again. I'm not trying to disagree, as Im trying to understand your point of view, but i don't get how someone "is a crazed lunatic" because he's trying to get on my good side to relieve his guilt. He's being immature, certainly, but I don't get why people keep calling him a stalker? Can you explain I get that you're still hurt by this guy and are not over him. His ACTIONS are he hasn't changed one bit. Like Katy said, if he was a mature grown up, he'd simply call you and discuss his feelings or stop by your place. He's not doing that. He's acting like a game playing 15 year old. You don't need an apology from him, especially after so long. You need to simply change your phone number instead of obsessively overthinking this for days. People here are going to be thinking to themselves "why would this gal even consider reconnecting w/a immature kid?" Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 .....Problem is, I still want an apology and to be able to know that I didn't pass up a good relationship if he's changed... But he hasn't given you one off his own back, and the only way to get one, is to break No Contact and tell him you want one - which does not guarantee he will give you one. If it wasn't working last time, then it will never, ever be 'a good relationship'. any other insights as to why an ex would do this? I get the "forcing contact" thing, but it doesn't make sense to keep switching numbers.. Because he want's to make sure you never stop noticing him. He always wants to be able to sneak up on you. He's playing games. Why doesn't he just say, "I'd really love to stay in touch with you to see if we could try again."...? Because he's messing with you. Why? Because he can. I just have a hard time believing he's getting a kick out of confusing me. He's not getting a kick out of 'confusing' you He doesn't really care how it's affecting you. All he wants to do is to get under your skin, and make sure you pay attention. It's working, it seems... And why is what he's doing to me "stalking" when others call the same type of behavior "breadcrumbs"? Because he's taking whatever actions are necessary to ensure that even if tou block him, he can get to you in another way. Breadcrumbs are occasional, and not so calculated. he's upping the ante and using different tactics... The first time he changed his number was because he moved across country. Bull... I moved across country, and I didn't need to change my number, in any way at all. The second time was because he moved back. What, you can't use the same provider wherever you are? I'm not trying to disagree, as Im trying to understand your point of view, but i don't get how someone "is a crazed lunatic" because he's trying to get on my good side to relieve his guilt. That's not what he's trying to do. What he's trying to do is to yank your chain and dangle you on a string... He's being immature, certainly, but I don't get why people keep calling him a stalker? Can you explain 'Immature' doesn't cover it. You really want a second chance with this juvenile...? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 (edited) Special, when he contacted you again, from yet another different number, with "hi, good morning!" ....did he identify himself? How do you know it was from him? I mean, of course it was from him, but don't you think if he were sincere in wanting to reconnect, he would NOT be contacting you from strange numbers, with ambiguous messages, leaving you to wonder who it is, what the hell is up, as well as wondering why the hell he is even contacting you in the first place? Come on, this is NOT the behavior of a balanced mature adult whose intention is to get back together with you! It's the behavior of a VERY immature man/child who is getting a kick from playing games, similar to a 12 year old ringing anonymous doorbells, or calling random numbers and hanging up, simply for fun and to annoy people. Like I said, if he had changed and were sincere, he would be calling you and asking you on a date! And discussing your relationship then. He wants to make his mark on your brain, but NOT for the reason you think. He is messing with you, like I said, a mind fu*kk, who knows why and who cares. No matter what his reasons, he has NOT changed, he is still as immature as he always was....and why you would even consider wanting to get back with this man/child is beyond my comprehension. Edited July 4, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSpecial Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Like I said, I'm far enough over him that I don't feel the need to talk to him or anything. I ignored today's text like I have for a year now. Just because I wonder about the "what ifs" doesn't mean I'm on the verge of giving in to his attempts to "get under my skin". I just wanted to understand yall's perspectives because it empowers me, helping me see how far I've come, and helps me to keep moving forward. but at the same time, I don't need to see him in an unreasonably negative light to justify my ignoring him. He apologized to me while we were still texting, during the 3rd month after our breakup. Then I cut contact because I felt strong enough to move on. My ego is just a little bruised still, that's probably the only reason that I want another apology. I promise you guys I am strong enough to make the best decision for myself as to how to proceed, no matter what his excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Like I said, I'm far enough over him that I don't feel the need to talk to him or anything. I ignored today's text like I have for a year now. Just because I wonder about the "what ifs" doesn't mean I'm on the verge of giving in to his attempts to "get under my skin". I just wanted to understand yall's perspectives because it empowers me, helping me see how far I've come, and helps me to keep moving forward. but at the same time, I don't need to see him in an unreasonably negative light to justify my ignoring him. He apologized to me while we were still texting, during the 3rd month after our breakup. Then I cut contact because I felt strong enough to move on. My ego is just a little bruised still, that's probably the only reason that I want another apology. I promise you guys I am strong enough to make the best decision for myself as to how to proceed, no matter what his excuses. Sweetie, he is getting under your skin. You're posting here looking for answers to why or what this behavior means. You have to know exactly what it means and that's what everyone is saying. This kid is an immature douche. You really would be so much better to focus on dating and meeting someone who's mature, stable and wants a relationship with YOU. An "apology" won't change anything. It's only words that usually are BS anyway. His action have and continue to do all his talking for him.. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Problem is, I still want an apology and to be able to know that I didn't pass up a good relationship if he's changed... Special, fair enough, but when you post things such as ^^ ....it causes one to wonder if you are still holding on to some shred of hope that he's changed.....and reconciling with him. Our posts were an attempt to show you that no he has not changed...is still incredibly immature, so you let go of that hope, and move on. I am glad to hear you are doing just that....because you deserve way better than that. Good luck hon.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSpecial Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 I understand your guys' confusion! Sorry, if some of the stuff I'm typing doesn't make sense. I just had surgery for my ACL reconstruction 2 days ago and I'm on heavy medication. I guess I'm not being clear. -.- What I mean to say is that I want to know I'm not passing up a good relationship if he's changed, but at the time being I have no hope in him. I've really taken up the "wait for honest actions, not words" mantra, and will continue to remain neutral unless something more genuine occurs. Honestly, I just wanted to see if anything had been through something similar because what he's doing lacks a lot of logic. I'm just struggling to understand some of these perspectives because part of me says to give him the benefit of the doubt and that he's not just doing this to "get under my skin".."because he can". It's sad :\ Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSpecial Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 and btw Thank you all for keeping me in check and providing honest opinions It helps me to keep my mind open to new understandings and be the best I can be! Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 What I mean to say is that I want to know I'm not passing up a good relationship if he's changed, but at the time being I have no hope in him. \ To me, that sounds like hope though. Otherwise you wouldn't be wondering if he has changed and whether you had passed up a good relationship. I think he has succeeded in getting under your skin. You have made your decision and he is not respecting it. Definitely get a new number. His behaviour is not ok. It was over a year ago and if he cant give a reason for contacting you or even identify himself, there is nothing to wonder about. An apology will achieve nothing and its also not fair on him to go looking for an apology merely to temporarily boost your ego. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSpecial Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 It is hope. But it's okay to have hope in people, because I want him to be a better person than who he was when I left them. But that doesn't mean that doesn't mean anything is different between him and I. He got under my skin and I utilized that energy in the best way possible by using it to strengthen me and continue changing for the better, no matter his reasoning. Again, I will say that nothing has changed. I'm still in no contact, and I don't plan to break it unless I decided to say "please don't contact me" but I already decided yesterday that I would change my number and see if that stops his childish behavior. I still want an apology, not for my ego, but because it would be the right thing for him to do. The ego boost would just be an extra, but natural effect of his apology. my self esteem has been in the dumps and it would probably make me feel better about myself, but I'm not looking for an apology just because of my ego. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 The deal is he's stalkerish and also probably trying to see if you are seeing some other guy by pretending it's not him. You should block everything every time and not give him ANY info. And why haven't you changed your phone number? That's what you need to do. He probably sees it as encouraging because you haven't changed your number. And maybe it is. So change it and leave him no doubt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSpecial Posted July 5, 2015 Author Share Posted July 5, 2015 @preraph Yeah, his reasons are unclear so I will continue on as I have been. I didn't change it because I was never bothered by his attempts to contact me. I always had the strength to ignore him once I had decided to. I only messed up recently due to him not including his name in the text for the first time -.- So now I have a plan. and truthfully we have enough mutual friends that if he wanted to know about me he could, but he doesn't talk to anyone about me because his ego's in the way, so I know that if I hurt his ego anymore, he'll probably be forced to stop or be truthful. Link to post Share on other sites
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