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Someguy666

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Someguy666

Hi everyone, i'm glad am on this forum and i hope you guys can help me out here. i'll cut straight to the chase, i've known this girl for about two months, and i've been talking to her on facebook regularly, mostly comenting on her pics and posts, nothing too personal, and out of nowhere i got her phone number and we started talking on the phone, one thing led to another and i finally got a date with her, we went out, spent some little time together, i even bought her stuff (she did ask for some of that stuff) and now she's ignoring me most of the time, i've been a little bit too agressive with my intentions, i've called her nice things, sent her nice messages, in other words i have revealed my intentions with her, shown her i like her and want to be with her. What's going on? Why is she so indiferent now, what can i do to not lose her? Please help i really care about her, i don't want to lose her because of my inexperience at dating. Thanks in advance for any help.

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angel.eyes

Maybe she didn't enjoy the date. Who knows? Someone loses interest after a first date. It happens. Find someone else. Three billion women on this planet, many of them on Facebook. Try again.

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Someguy666

But i really care about her, i feel good around her, and she has'nt shown that much rejection towards me, neither interest, she has answered, told me to go out again, just not to the place we were going before, because her mother didn't let her go out, i don't what to make of it, i'm in panic, just to think there is someone else would kill me, what should i do tomorrow? call her, let her be? tell her at once what i fell for her (though she already knows that) thanks for the answer.

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deathandtaxes

Your next and only communication to her should be to ask her out on a date. Have a specific day, time, and place when you do. That's it. She either says yes, and you just chill the eff out until the date. If she says no, then move along.

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Fleur de cactus

Ask her out again and see how it goes. She may be a girl who wants to get some stuff like you said for free but does not have any relationship. If she does not want anymore date with you move on.

 

Another advice stop buying stuff for girls you just met. Sometimes, they may think you are buying them when they only want friendship without pushing things quickly. She probably does not want to keep taking things from you when she does not want a serious relationship.

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The Octopus

Think of it as a little fire. If you throw a giant log on it, you'll destroy the small embers you've got glowing. You came way too hard, way too fast. Like the others said, if you really want to test her, ask her out for a specific date. Anything other than a yes is a no, and if she says no her interest level is gone. Delete her phone number and move on.

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TunaInTheBrine
Hi everyone, i'm glad am on this forum and i hope you guys can help me out here. i'll cut straight to the chase, i've known this girl for about two months, and i've been talking to her on facebook regularly, mostly comenting on her pics and posts, nothing too personal, and out of nowhere i got her phone number and we started talking on the phone, one thing led to another and i finally got a date with her, we went out, spent some little time together, i even bought her stuff (she did ask for some of that stuff) and now she's ignoring me most of the time, i've been a little bit too agressive with my intentions, i've called her nice things, sent her nice messages, in other words i have revealed my intentions with her, shown her i like her and want to be with her. What's going on? Why is she so indiferent now, what can i do to not lose her? Please help i really care about her, i don't want to lose her because of my inexperience at dating. Thanks in advance for any help.

 

The tricky thing about these scenarios is trying to figure out what you could have done better versus what is just completely out of your control. Part of me wants to guess that you came on too strong for her (maybe not too strong in general, just too strong for her), and she took off on you. Even if that is true though, that doesn't mean you're in the wrong per se. It could mean she's just not emotionally mature enough for what you're after. I really can't say. But, if you really want to hear back from her and get some closure, here's my two cents:

 

I say call her up and just say something like: "It seemed like things were going well not long ago, and now all of a sudden it's different, and I'm just curious as to what that's all about. And I completely understand if you're not interested in seeing me again, but however, I'm really curious about this and trying to figure it out for myself so why don't you clue me in a little as to what's going on". Something like that. If you frame it in such a way that it's not about you getting her, but about you being curious, I think you'll increase your chances of at least hearing back from her and getting some closure.

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Someguy666

Thanks guys for the advice (which i did follow) so i got dramatic today with her (texting, she didn't answer my calls) told her my main interest was being there for her, and that i would respect her space if she didin't want to talk to me anymore, and after a lot of texting stuff of the same kind, she finally answered and we had some lenghty conversation, mainly she said she didn't like the drama, and that i was putting too much preasure on her, and that she didn't answer because she was busy, and we can't go out today becaue she's got to go to her grandpa's (could be all excuses of course i know) and then she told me we could go out to the movies on sunday. To tell you the truth i'm confused, i don't know what to make of it, i feel like a fool, because all of this time i might have been worrying about nothing, and she's going to see me like a needy inmature guy, and on the other hand i want to confront her, ask her what's up in her face, she wants too keep seeing me or not, why does she block me out of her life one day and the next she's calling me out on a date, i hope you guys can help me understand her, and help me aproach this the correct way, thanks again for the answers, you're very helpful.

Edited by Someguy666
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She has rejected you on several occasion, you are just unable to read it for what it is. You're the type of man that needs a full blown rejection to understand you are not wanted.

 

We cannot help you to not lose her because you never had her in the first place. I am pretty sure there won't be any movie date tomorrow she will bail out of it and if she goes it will be a pity-date on her part.

 

I know I am harsh but you need to understand to back off when a woman rejects you. A woman not picking up your call, not returning your call, not returning your text, or only answering a fraction of your communication, is a woman that is NOT interested in you.

 

A rejection is a rejection. There is no she rejected me just a little.

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angel.eyes

She asked you to go to the movies on Sunday. Do that.

 

If she cancels, stop there. Continuing to pressure her and be "dramatic" after that will be counterproductive.

Edited by angel.eyes
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deathandtaxes
Thanks guys for the advice (which i did follow) so i got dramatic today with her (texting, she didn't answer my calls) told her my main interest was being there for her, and that i would respect her space if she didin't want to talk to me anymore, and after a lot of texting stuff of the same kind, she finally answered and we had some lenghty conversation, mainly she said she didn't like the drama, and that i was putting too much preasure on her, and that she didn't answer because she was busy, and we can't go out today becaue she's got to go to her grandpa's (could be all excuses of course i know) and then she told me we could go out to the movies on sunday. To tell you the truth i'm confused, i don't know what to make of it, i feel like a fool, because all of this time i might have been worrying about nothing, and she's going to see me like a needy inmature guy, and on the other hand i want to confront her, ask her what's up in her face, she wants too keep seeing me or not, why does she block me out of her life one day and the next she's calling me out on a date, i hope you guys can help me understand her, and help me aproach this the correct way, thanks again for the answers, you're very helpful.

 

CHILL THE EFF OUT!! Why the need to confront her? WTF? You screwed the pooch big time. You didn't listen to a thing we said. We said ask her out, take it easy, go slow. Ugh.

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Someguy666

How do i cope with that rejection, i mean, i really like her, if the date is for pity, how can i make her change her mind during that date? I mean, telling her that all i wanted and my only intention with her was to be there for her (because i really care) wouldn't mean nothing her? I know the person who said that she has shown all signs of rejection, might be right, but i still don't want to give up on her, my stomach hurts when i think of her, when i think on how close i had her, and i couldn't show her who i really am, and she just doesn't care about me, it kills me. And maybe someone can share some rejection story with me just for the feeling of not being alone in this one you know, maybe someone more experienced in this things can teach me how to cope with rejection, because the technique i know is drinking myself to near death.

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The Octopus

You seem fairly young. You need to realize that if there is no interest, you pretty much can't force it to be there, and its time to simply move on to one of the other 3.5 billion women on the planet. Many will not like you. Some will. This is a dry a well as I have ever seen. There is no water there. For the sake of your own self respect, just stop contacting her and move on.

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How do i cope with that rejection, i mean, i really like her, if the date is for pity, how can i make her change her mind during that date? I mean, telling her that all i wanted and my only intention with her was to be there for her (because i really care) wouldn't mean nothing her? I know the person who said that she has shown all signs of rejection, might be right, but i still don't want to give up on her, my stomach hurts when i think of her, when i think on how close i had her, and i couldn't show her who i really am, and she just doesn't care about me, it kills me. And maybe someone can share some rejection story with me just for the feeling of not being alone in this one you know, maybe someone more experienced in this things can teach me how to cope with rejection, because the technique i know is drinking myself to near death.

 

I apologize beforehand if this is harsh...but you need to hear it.

 

You cope with rejection by realizing you had only ONE date....and as such, your feelings are WAY over the top!

 

You cope with rejection by ACCEPTING that you had only ONE date, and as such, you NEVER had her in the first place.......and that, for whatever reason, she does not wish to move forward with you, you accept that and move on yourself.

 

You also need to realize and accept that you cannot "make" a woman change her mind once she has lost interest in you.

 

Anything you do will only cause her to lose respect for you, which given how she spoke to you when she told you she felt pressured, etc.....she may have lost respect for you already.

 

She sounded really fed up and annoyed when she said those things to you....

 

You came on too strong....simple as that. I mean, buying her things on the first date? It doesn't matter that she asked for those things, sorry but you don't buy women presents on the first date. Please don't ever do that again....it is WAY over the top. Again, put things in perspective..... you had ONE date.

 

Lastly, if this is how you handle rejection after a first date, I shudder to think how you will handle rejection after being in a LTR...

 

Please explore that within yourself...it's too over the top and indicates you are prone to obsession.....which is not healthy or functional.

 

And lastly, try and find ways to become emotionally stronger, so that in the future you are better able to cope with these types of disappointments.... without relying on the bottle. Consider therapy if necessary.

 

Good luck...

Edited by katiegrl
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