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Silent treatment before mini break!


waiting4u

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My boyfriend of 3months and I had our first fight (see other thread). It wasn’t terrible, but he is apparently one of those angry people who have to cool off for a while – either that or he is planning to dump me, I have no idea - I’m getting the silent treatment. Last time I talked to him was over 24 hours ago and the call ended with my hanging up abruptly (he was so pissing me off). I texted last night “I don’t want to fight anymore, call me if you want.” Nothing. Waited up ‘til after midnight like a fool.

 

Here’s the deal: We had a camping mini break planned this weekend (not to mention a sleepover tonight, which is now caput). This weekend neither of us have our kids. We were going camping with a bunch of my friends, I was bringing my dogs, there is going to be music etc.

 

Now I’m screwed if he dumps me because he owns the important camping equipment – tents, sleeping bags. If I go by myself (which I am), I have to go buy these things before this weekend (which happens in about 24 more hours).

 

What the heck is wrong with this man? I guess I’m just ranting, but is that not RUDE as hell? I look like an *ss in front of my friends and have to spend all this money.

 

UGH. It’s just inconsiderate. And it was the first fight we’d ever had! I guess he only likes perfect women.

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I would call - not text - and indicate (assuming you will have to leave a message) that this trip is important to you and you need to know if he is coming or not because you have only a few hours left to get the necessary equipment.

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I am not calling him. I was ready to make up, and now he's just ignoring me, which is maddening. I'm trying to give him space to get over it. Clock runs out in about 3 1/2 hours though. I'm so furious.

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VengeanceGuidesMe

You looking like an *ss in front of your friends, your camping trip, or your money to buy those things is not his problem. Nor is it his fault. These things happen. Focus on what he is really responsible for.

 

 

Hanging up abruptly was your own fault, and now you sound even more selfish than your OP. You chose to act like a child, don't blame him for your situation.

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My boyfriend of 3months and I had our first fight (see other thread). It wasn’t terrible, but he is apparently one of those angry people who have to cool off for a while – either that or he is planning to dump me, I have no idea - I’m getting the silent treatment. Last time I talked to him was over 24 hours ago and the call ended with my hanging up abruptly (he was so pissing me off). I texted last night “I don’t want to fight anymore, call me if you want.” Nothing. Waited up ‘til after midnight like a fool.

 

Here’s the deal: We had a camping mini break planned this weekend (not to mention a sleepover tonight, which is now caput). This weekend neither of us have our kids. We were going camping with a bunch of my friends, I was bringing my dogs, there is going to be music etc.

 

Now I’m screwed if he dumps me because he owns the important camping equipment – tents, sleeping bags. If I go by myself (which I am), I have to go buy these things before this weekend (which happens in about 24 more hours).

 

What the heck is wrong with this man? I guess I’m just ranting, but is that not RUDE as hell? I look like an *ss in front of my friends and have to spend all this money.

 

UGH. It’s just inconsiderate. And it was the first fight we’d ever had! I guess he only likes perfect women.

 

It doesn't matter what's wrong with him. Do not reach out to him for any reason. Borrow or buy whatever you need. Show him you don't need him. Be strong and independent. And, if these are your friends, you won't look like an ass when you explain the situation, he will.

 

Nevertheless, you share responsibility for this situation. Own your portion and continue with your life and plans without regard for him. Don't put yourself on hold for him.

 

Now is a time for reflection . . . will this behavior work for you if you move into a future with him? Put that in the file for further evaluation.

 

Make plans to go on the trip without him. If this is YOUR trip, meaning you planned it with your friends and invited him, and he comes and says he wants to go, tell him it is best if he doesn't because the issues surrounding this entire scenario have not been addressed calmly and it has not been established that the two of you will be working toward a mutual resolution.

 

Establish boundaries right now and stick to them.

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You looking like an *ss in front of your friends, your camping trip, or your money to buy those things is not his problem. Nor is it his fault. These things happen. Focus on what he is really responsible for.

 

 

Hanging up abruptly was your own fault, and now you sound even more selfish than your OP. You chose to act like a child, don't blame him for your situation.

 

 

And that hang-up was after some very scathing comments from the OP as well... so this does NOT look good at all.

 

 

My guess is he is fading....but he should least contact you to know your weekend plans are off.

 

 

If it were me, I would assume they are off and go by yourself. Then go no contact.

 

 

If he wants to talk to you, he knows where to find you...

 

 

JMO.

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Sorry but I did see your other thread (part of it anyway) and you need to own that and own hanging up on him.

If he was pissing you off you take a breath, talk about it.

 

 

As it is you are at loggerheads.

It's not your friend's fault and not his from what I can see (?).

Correct me if I am wrong - this is a new thread after all and I might have missed something.

 

As it stands though, grab yourself a sleeping bag and find a friend whose tent you can share.

Failing that and even if you have to get a tent it's not as if a tent to sleep in costs a fortune these days to be honest.

A tent and sleeping bag or even pillow and duvet is all you need! :)

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He sounds like a very passive, anti-confrontational guy. You sound like a Type A, strong personality woman. So, you've blasted him thru a text and then hung up on him. Why would he want to contact you again?

 

 

I said it in your other thread. Lose his number and find someone you can get along with. There's SSOO many red flags here.

 

 

Go have fun this weekend.

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The comment about "if you want to talk call me" was weirdly passive aggressive especially since the last time you spoke, you hung up on him. I'm pretty sure I'd be all like "nah, I'm good. thx" too.

 

That being said - you do have a legitimate beef about this camping trip. Suggestion 1 of 2 routes:

 

1. Do as some and assume he's a no go for the camping trip and go outfit yourself.

 

2. CALL him and say, hey, we need to clean a bunch of stuff up but for right now I need to know if you're in or out on the camping trip because I need to make other gear arrangements if you're out. Then ask for a yes/no answer. Leave the rest of the cleaning up to after the break.

 

Under no circumstances do that via text.

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Try to step back for a moment and view the relationship with third party eyes.

 

Is there any part of your behavior that might be influencing his current behavior? Are there any actions that you might have done or things you might have said that created This situation?

 

In the OP, it seems like finger pointing. It's his fault, it's.him, he is doing this or not doing this, but are you just being difficult?

 

Don't answer these with responses here, but just have a conversation with yourself in your mind and ask yourself if he is legitimately in the wrong, or are you being obtuse and difficult?

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Either way I would go on the trip.

 

You don't need much gear for summer camping.

 

I camp quite often in summer with nothing more than a lightweight sleeping bag and a small tarp.

 

That would cost you about $50.

 

Better than sitting unhappily at home.

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VengeanceGuidesMe

In the summer... as long as no bad storms are projected, I sleep find outside without a tent. Right next to the fire pit, just if you're a roller..... could be bad. haha.

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lana-banana

Of course it's rude for him to pull a stunt like this. After three months of dating, someone should have the decency to tell you directly when they want to call it quits. This is inexcusable, especially before you had big plans. I'm so sorry this happened to you.

 

However, it's not that "he only likes perfect women", either. Based on your other thread it sounds like you lashed out irrationally and insulted his parenting, which is a pretty low blow. If he had been very interested in you it might not have mattered too much, but for a new relationship that was likely the dealbreaker. No, you don't deserve to be treated this way, but he didn't end it over some imaginary flaw.

 

Spend time with your friends and take solace in the company of the ones who love you most. That's what friends are for.

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All is well. We talked, made up, had lots of sex, and are going camping. It was our first argument, but I think we handled it okay. There were snarky comments made on both sides, but what seemed like huge issues during the fight seem like nothing now.

 

He is a really good man, sweet, loving, devoted. I think he just feels torn between having time for himself and giving all his time to the kids. It's divorce guilt - he's only been divorced a couple years. We make each other happy- we just need to work out the kinks a bit.

 

I do appreciate the advice from everyone. I think this was just a misunderstanding between two people who care about each other and need to communicate. Single parents dating single parents is quite complicated.

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I finally called first to at least clarify about the mini break - got his voicemail. He called back right away and said he wanted to come over (my kids are gone), came over 15 minutes later.

 

He said he hadn't called because he "was sad" and had interpreted my text as breaking up with him, when I thought he was breaking up with me :roll eyes: Poor guy.

 

 

Just wanted to update everyone - my anxiety sky rocketed there for a bit and it was helpful to talk about it. All is happy and we are together.

Edited by waiting4u
clarification
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