hoully81 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 My girlfriend will be coming to my house for 2 nights over the 4th holiday and I want to have a good relaxing time but I also want to test the water to see if she is more long term potential. Any advice would be awesome. I am recently divorced from early this year from a long relationship of 15 years. I have gone on a couple dates since my divorce but this girl has stuck around since about March. Its a awesome feeling coming from a rough marriage to be with a girl that really likes you and you can just enjoy yourself. She is 24 and I am 34 and so far the age difference has not been a problem. She has 1 kid with about 90% custody (3 years old) I have 2 kids 50% custody (15 and 10 years old). I have met her kid but I have not yet introduced my kids to her for several reasons such as. I just got out of a long marriage and still in process of getting used to living alone etc. The divorce is still new to my kids and they are still getting used to getting shuttled back and forth from my house to moms apartment. We have gone on numerous dates together and she has come over to my house many times and I have gone to hers a few times. She has never stayed the night with me mostly because her kid. She has never asked to stay the night but I would shoot that down as i am not ready for her kid to stay the night at my house. This weekend she will not have her kid all weekend and is really only a few nights a year where she does not have her kid so she decided to stay with me over the holiday. The advise I am looking for is what shall we do? of course do some fireworks and maybe hangout outside with the neighbors for 4th of July. I really want to find out if this is a person i can see living with me and having a long term relationship with and being a part of my kids life. Do i just try to have fun or do I start doing some laundry and go about my day to day business? Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Well, if you want her to stick with you, I would suggest having fun for the forth. Women like to have fun. As far as knowing if she has long term potential? - that's something you judge over time. See how things go for the next year-and-a-half. You have to see a track record of her over time. There is no shortcut, people can be good actors at first. 11 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I recommend you don't do kid stuff, including fireworks, unless she's just really enthusiastic about it, since she has to do kids stuff all the time and this is her weekend without the kid. See what she's like as a woman, not just as a mother. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Hey, fireworks aren't just "kid stuff"... And, plus, maybe he was referring to the other kind of fireworks... I agree, just have fun and you will notice over time if she is right or wrong for you long term. No need to "Test" her. That is just playing games. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 The advise I am looking for is what shall we do? of course do some fireworks and maybe hangout outside with the neighbors for 4th of July. I really want to find out if this is a person i can see living with me and having a long term relationship with and being a part of my kids life. Do i just try to have fun or do I start doing some laundry and go about my day to day business? I agree with Gary that it takes time to determine if someone is a good match long-term. "Testing" them seems a petty; I'm not even sure what that means. Having fun vs. doing the laundry? What would that accomplish? I mean, if you have to do laundry, then do it, I'm sure she can deal with the realities of dating a single parent, but if you do it just to see how she'll react, or worse evoke a negative reaction, then that's kinda crummy. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoully81 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Thanks Gary. I dont want to rush anything but at the same time i feel like i am being slow about what i am doing. I like this girl and i like spending time with her. Every other week i dont see her as i have my kids and i am not ready for her to meet them. Sometimes i feel like we are not seeing each other enough to really get to know each other on a personal level as it feels not real world yet as we dont have the sterssors of everday life between us. Maybe this weekend when we will be with each other for 48 hours straight i will find more about her. Good or bad. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Testing the waters to determine long term compatibility is one thing. Testing her is a whole other ball game & that game is usually rigged to make the other person fail. So since it's your 1st extended time together with no kids, I suggest just relaxing & being together. Leave it at the HM stage, no laundry, little domestic activity. Focus on each other. You have the rest of your lives to grocery shop etc. don't do the boring chores this 1st time. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 If your oldest kid is 15 and your youngest 10, why can't you go out to dinner for 2h the week you have your kids? I find hard to understand why parents say they can't get out of the house at all "when I have my kids". There are babysitters and such for a couple of hours. Your kids can babysit each other anyway. I also have a kid and I had sitters and found time to go out for a couple of hours when he was younger, now he's 13 and he can stay home alone, I'm not in his business all the time anyway. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Ideas: 1. I Hunger: Wake her up around 2am and say you're hungry. If she makes you a sandwich -> keeper. Bonus points if she cuts it in half. 2. Dick Tricks: When you get out of the shower, walk around the house naked. When you see her do that gyration thing with your hips to make your penis flop around. Make a wooooowooooo sound. If she thinks it is funny and giggles -> keeper. Show her the "batwing" for bonus points. 3. Two words: Dutch Oven. Do it in the morning preferably after making love. If she sticks around -> keeper. If she does it to you -> not a keeper. 4. Evening Entertainment: Watch all of the Die Hards back to back to back. If she doesn't fall asleep - keeper. If she can shout out any quotes during the moves -> definite keeper. If she can shout out the money quote ("Yippie Ki Yay....") -> consider proposal. If she can later use that during sex -> propose there on the spot 5. Sex-a-palooza 2015: get some 36 hour Cialis and see how many times you can have sex in a 24 hour period. Need two hands to count -> keeper. Need two hands and a foot -> propose immediately. /sarcasm Sorry dude, I couldn't resist. Naw man - just act like you would want to act in the relationship of your dreams and see how she fits in. Cook together -> definitely. It can be super sensual and a lot of fun. You can tell a lot about a person with how they co-chef. Don't do laundry and stuff, that's kinda rude. You should have had that done before she got there. If it feels right do stuff like go for a walk. Sit on the porch. But just make her feel at home and spend meaningful time with her. See if you two click. Ok, and report back to us! 13 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 . Leave it at the HM stage, no laundry, little domestic activity. Focus on each other. You have the rest of your lives to grocery shop etc. don't do the boring chores this 1st time. Disagree..Have her do your laundry/house cleaning and sit back,watch a game and have a few beers(that she brings to you)..BOOM! Test! Seriously, just relax and have a good time enjoying each others company. I'd Also recommend "pumping your brakes" on the trying to find someone to live with you. You've only dated this girl for 4'ish months. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoully81 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 BluEyeL, My kids are very active and are in several activities. Its hard to get free time that will match with her schedule. But yea i have gone out a couple times when i do have the kids its just very hard. My ex went super crazy on me and gave me the guilt trip of how i could leave my kids to ge see another girl. I was thinking you left our family and wanted a divorce to be with another man. Sorry kind of went off topic. Ha Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 BluEyeL, My kids are very active and are in several activities. Its hard to get free time that will match with her schedule. But yea i have gone out a couple times when i do have the kids its just very hard. My ex went super crazy on me and gave me the guilt trip of how i could leave my kids to ge see another girl. I was thinking you left our family and wanted a divorce to be with another man. Sorry kind of went off topic. Ha That's just her trying to still control you. Your kids are plenty old enough to be left alone for a couple hours. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 There's no way to test in a weekend whether someone has long term potential. You just have to spend long term time together to know, and even then, you don't know - see your own divorce as an example. Since this is a rare opportunity to spend quantity and quality time together, have fun. Go online and see what special things are going on in your city for the 4th - street fairs, outdoor concerts, etc. - so you have some things you can suggest doing while she's with you. You'll be cooking some meals together, so go to the grocery store beforehand and stock up on food. Plan to grill together one night. Listen to some music and have some wine while you're cooking. Do you have favorite places that you go, like a restaurant or pub? Take her there one night so she can see where you like to hang out. Go to the beach or for a bike ride or a walk - it's summer so enjoy the nice weather outdoors. This is an opportunity to show her who YOU are and what you like to do. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 just a thought: you realize she is going to be testing you as well, right? Laundry?!?!?!??! NO. If you care about this girl, it's is a very infrequent time she has away from her responsibilities. On top of that, you should be wanting to impress her with your best. How you live your life, how you have fun as a couple. I think you meant the word testing innocently. I hope:sick: That what each person does as they spend time together. Determine compatibility. No great strategy needs to be implemented. Treat her well, expect same in response, have fun, repeat, and so on and so forth. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 BluEyeL, My kids are very active and are in several activities. Its hard to get free time that will match with her schedule. But yea i have gone out a couple times when i do have the kids its just very hard. My ex went super crazy on me and gave me the guilt trip of how i could leave my kids to ge see another girl. I was thinking you left our family and wanted a divorce to be with another man. Sorry kind of went off topic. Ha Your ex doesn't need to know your dating activities. That's what "ex" means--demoted. Your 15 yr old is old enough to watch his/her sibling. Check in often to make sure everything is ok. I'm not getting what this weekend will bring that your ordinary involvement with her during the week can't with regards to you "testing" her. I think it's a bit juvenile to be testing someone. You just enjoy their company, you don't let yourself get ahead of what the involvement can reasonably support and you keep your expectations in check until the involvement has the legs to carry out the expectation. If your divorce is that recent that you've got all of these concerns: I just got out of a long marriage and still in process of getting used to living alone etc. The divorce is still new to my kids and they are still getting used to getting shuttled back and forth from my house to moms apartment. , then perhaps it's too soon for you to even be in the dating arena, and certainly way to soon for you to be seeking a relationship with anyone until your life isn't quite so messy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Leave eggs, flour, baking soda and powder, some vanilla, milk and bread in the fridge/cupboards. If at some point you find cookies, pancakes or breakfast, well my friend. Sounds like an A+. Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Have a bottle rocket fight with her. See how good her aim is. If you nail her with a bottle rocket see how much she complains about the pain, this is a good indicator of her tolerance levels which is important in a long term relationship. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoully81 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Maybe test was the wrong word to use. But I do want to have a good time with her and don't want waste the opportunity to grow the relationship. Thanks for the advice so far. I think I will concentrate on having a good time and cook a few meals at home as I think that will give us a lot of time to communicate and get to know each other in a more personal way. I think I will keep it a low key weekend as we have gone on many dates and done many things. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
caringsister Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 (edited) Time and spending time together is the real test. Even if everything is wonderful between you two you will eventually have to see how it feels with all the kids involved. A test of time. If it is meant to be it will be. In the meantime laugh, have fun and enjoy her company. Edited July 2, 2015 by caringsister Link to post Share on other sites
davidromero43 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 How should I test her? Give her a fork and see if she: A. Pokes an eye out B. Sticks it in a wall socket Really, making it through the weekend is enough to start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hoully81 Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 Update on the weekend: We spent from like Friday at 6:00pm to Sunday 4PM together. She had to work a few hours on Saturday but was a nice little break from each other to catch a breath. I am very socially awkward person and she seems to be a very quiet shy girl to so there were silent time while we were together which seemed rather weird. Friday we went to dinner together and had a good time other then a few silent moments that seemed awkward. My social awkwardness is very stressful to me as I even have a hard time keeping eye contact with her during dinner. i have been open with her about my social awkwardness and shyness and warned her about it. So far it seems it has not affected her? After that we went to a comedy club for a couple hours which was kind of lame but something to do. We came back to my place as she stayed the weekend with me. We had good sex but I was very nervous the entire night as that was the first girl to stay the night with me since I was married. (I had a few drinks which may have made my stress level go up?) Saturday We woke up and she had to go into work for a few hours so I made some breakfast and she left for work. This break for me was such a relief because I was so stressed that I really could not relax with her and enjoy myself. That night we went to the lake where alot of her family was out there already camping and partying. I was nervous about being in a social situation but when we first got there her family immediately made me feel like I was welcome and they did not come off as judgmental at all. Before I even sat down her uncle was like hop on this 4 wheeler and follow me and I will show you around. it was a big 4 wheeler so we both were able to get on and ride around together so that was cool and romantic in a odd way as she could hold me while we were riding. WE finished the night watching fireworks and drove home. i didnt drink any alcohol as it seemed to have a negative effect on me the night before. We had sex and it was some of the most passionate sex I have ever had with a girl it seemed we both enjoyed it very much. The next morning we woke up and I gave her oral sex for awhile and she seemed to really like that too and it followed by some more great sex. She always seemed to enjoy all the sex but I am not sure if she ever had an orgasm or not? Should I ask or should I not ask if she had a orgasm? Sunday This was the day that was the most weird. I didn't have anything planned to do. We went to eat a late breakfast at a local hole in the wall place that has really good food. After that she was going to give blood and she tried to convince me to give blood too which I declined. After she gave blood we went to my place and watched a show and then we had nothing to do. She asked me several times what are we going to do? I had no response. Finally I told her I needed to buy some new jeans and a pair of soccer socks. She agreed to that and we did that real quick and she asked me again what are we going to do? I felt like she wanted me to take her somewhere to do something which I had no plans. It was like 100 degrees outside so whatever we did had to be inside. Recap: Other the awkward silences and the lack of something to do on Sunday it was a very awesome weekend to spend with a girl that I think she has a high interest in me. I need to work on being more comfortable around her. I think that will come more with time but my social anxiety is working hard to stop that. After she left on Sunday she left a few things at my house. I took a nap after she left and she texted me saying that she was coming over to get her stuff that she left and I didn't respond as I was sleeping. She came over anyway and rang the doorbell and came in without me greeting her at the door. By the time I got up she was already in my room. I thought that was very weird and caught me off guard for her to walk into my house without me giving her permission to come in. It was fine that she came in as I was just sleeping but just didn't feel right. Question: Should I have had something planned on Sunday to do or was it ok not to have anything planned to do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 It sounds like it was fine & any "problems" were only in your head. Having a lazy Sunday after a 3 day weekend was perfect. If she really wanted to do something else, she has a voice & could have said something. Because she was content, simply being with you was all she wanted. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 She asked me several times what are we going to do? I had no response. Finally I told her I needed to buy some new jeans and a pair of soccer socks. She agreed to that and we did that real quick and she asked me again what are we going to do? Question: Should I have had something planned on Sunday to do or was it ok not to have anything planned to do? That would have annoyed me. If she wanted to do something she could have come up with ideas. Also, you didn't need to have something planned for Sunday, you're not a Vacationing Resort where you need to keep her entertained. Chilling home together is enjoyable. Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 She's 24 and you're 34, what is there to test? you'd have to be pretty much an idiot to screw that advantage up...it's all up to you. Women that age don't know how to leave when they're supposed to or watch out for red flags, they're following your lead. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Question: Should I have had something planned on Sunday to do or was it ok not to have anything planned to do? Fu*k!!! I just had a good answer for you and the site wiped it away!! won't be as well worded but here it goes: Glad it went so well!! Anyway, yes i think you should have. Not that you are obligated. I think it would have helped to have plans in place that you could have blown off to have a casual, lazy sunday if you wanted. Blowing off plans to be lazy together is sexier anyway. I also think because she was at your house, you should have. Whether it's newly romantic, platonic or family, a lot of people let the host lead. Also a girl likes a guy who takes charge. Most importantly, I think plans would benefit you because they can give you something to do instead of feeling awkward. Plus shared experiences bond you and give you more to talk about. There's a reason the ATV's was very romantic and fun. Activities like these pump the adrenalin which you transfer to the relationship and the other person and vice versa (she to you more than likely). So doing more active things and little adventures is helpful. Easier than dinner or movies which can kill the buzz on a relationship you typically feel excited about. I don't think any of what you did is a big deal in a bad way. Sounds like it went pretty well. At the beginning of first long weekend together and getting to know one another there are bound to be some moments you perceive as awkward or silences. The thing that would concern me most is that she let herself back into your house! Depends on how much time had passed. 5-15 minutes, probably can deal with that. ok, good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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