whatwhit Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Hello All, Hope everyone has a wonderful fourth of july. So, I've been chatting with this guy through tinder haha , and he seem pretty nice. We are facebook friends now so I know he's not a total creeper. Downfall is that we live about 2 to 3 hours away from each other. Has anyone met anyone online before that lived quite a bit aways from each other? What did you guys do? How did it go? I know we could meet in the middle however, I live in Texas so the middle is literally farms and small towns with not much going on. Also, most recently as of yesterday it seems like he is trying to get me to go to his town instead of him going to mine for our first meeting. I am a female so shouldn't the guy just suck it up and go to the girls hometown first? How would you go about politely saying that you feel like the guy should go to the girls hometown first without sounding offensive. Or am I in the total wrong for assuming he should come to the hometown first? I was thinking more along the line of saftely reasons. Thanks for any insight! Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Well I would tend to agree with you. The gentlemanly thing to do would be to travel out to you. HOWEVER, you'll probably get the usual stampede of guys here telling you that you should travel to him, AND buy his dinner while you're there, you should be the one to ask him out for the next date, and change the tire on his car if it's flat. OH - and to clean his apartment for him before you travel the 3 hours back home. Link to post Share on other sites
Peachland Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 OP, your instincts are right. I would want the guy to visit my hometown first or at least meet half-way. He needs to go out of his way a bit. Quite frankly it seems like the gentlemenly thing to do so I don't know why he would be offended. I'm dating someone 40 minutes away and he always volunteers to pick me up and take me back to hometown for dinners, outings, etc and then brings me back home. It's a lot of back and forth but he doesn't mind if there is something specific he wants us to do in his city. Link to post Share on other sites
toml Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 As a guy i always offer to do the gentleman thing and go to the ladies hometown. I have been in your exact situation. I offered to go visit the girl as she lived far away. But for some reason she decided to then come to see me with her friend which i didnt understand. But then i realised that she musnt like me if she comes with a friend. So i guess you could travel with your friend to him? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 3 hours is not long distance. It is geographically inconvenient but not LDR. Because it's a substantial commitment meeting in the middle for the 1st few dates seems like the best solution to me. I would feel guilty to ask somebody to take a 6 hour round trip drive just to have dinner with me. The whole he should come to her thing reeks of sexism & like she's living in a bygone era where women had to be taken care of. Link to post Share on other sites
toml Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 3 hours is not long distance. It is geographically inconvenient but not LDR. Because it's a substantial commitment meeting in the middle for the 1st few dates seems like the best solution to me. I would feel guilty to ask somebody to take a 6 hour round trip drive just to have dinner with me. The whole he should come to her thing reeks of sexism & like she's living in a bygone era where women had to be taken care of. What if she comes with a friend to see him? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 What if she comes with a friend to see him? After the age of 20, when a woman brings a female friend along on the date she is most likely uninterested. On a real date she would want to be alone with the guy That said on the few OLD dates I had, friends of mine were often in the restaurant at another table just in case. The date never knew. In your case toml, I'm willing to soften that stance slightly because of the distance involved. I'd bring a buddy with you to entertain / distract your date's friend or this buddy relationship will never get off the ground. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 If you guys have problems and are worried about 2-3 hours distance before you have even met, doesn't that tell you it's not a match? Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 My SO came to me. But in your case I don't see anything wrong with meeting in the middle. If you've never met before, I would agree that you going to meet him at his place is a bad idea. So find a nice town in between where the two of you are, and both of you meet there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author whatwhit Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 in response to Gary. Yes, if we had already met and 3 to 4 hours was something we were fighting or discussing about I can see what you mean. Distance isn't the problem at all, the problem that we are facing is who should drive to meet the other person first, for the first meeting. I think when you're in the actual relationship then its easier and kind of a given that you would balance it out. However, what I am talking about is meeting for the first time, I haven't even talked about this concern with him yet. Link to post Share on other sites
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