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Extreme anxiety with dating


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I need some advice on how to overcome dating anxiety. I have been trying to expand my horizons and date more. I’m tired of being single. However, when I do get asked out on a date, I feel like I want to run! It's like my stomach gets tied up in knots and I'm overwhelmed to the point of not wanting to go out on the date at all. My anxiety is so bad that sometimes dating feels impossible.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm afraid of exactly. I try to remind myself to come in with zero expectations and to realize that I don't have to say or do anything that I'm not comfortable with. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that 1) I’m very shy and introverted and 2) I haven’t datedmuch in the past so I’m not really used to it.

I'm so friendly and outgoing with male friends and coworkers but the second it becomes romantic, I get super nervous.

 

Is this normal? Can you guys give me some advice on how to overcome these feelings?

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You state you are introverted. There is a major difference between introverts and the rest of the world that is seldom recognized and/or understood. The rest of the world get energy from social interaction. It rejuvinates them. For an introvert social interaction is draining. It is work. One of the 'tricks' an introvert uses to avoid detection and peer pressure is to pretend to extroverted. Even more tiring.

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You need to change your view or mindset when going on a date. You're catastrophic thoughts viewing in your mind "a romantic" situation. Why not view a date as what it truly is? An opportunity to meet a new person, have a few laughs and see if it has romantic possibilities?

 

 

We are all guilty of taking dating far too serious. It should be fun, laid back and carefree. What is there about a date to be stressed or anxious about? Really, only one thing. Potential rejection. Who cares.. It comes w/the territory.

 

 

You need to be mindful of your internal dialogue when you're feeling anxious about dating. Change your negative thoughts to positive ones. Get some self help books on social anxiety and tips to overcome it.

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You have to figure out what you are afraid of because the cause of your anxiety will impact the solution.

 

 

Are you afraid that if you go on the date, that your date is going to kill you, kidnap you or rape you? Then you need to assess how much info you have about the person before meeting & you have to control the public location where you go.

 

 

Are you afraid you will get your heart broken? We're all afraid of that but it shouldn't happen on the 1st few dates because you need not give your heart away that fast. Even if after the 1st date you don't get a 2nd date that just means the other person wasn't for you.

 

 

Are you afraid of doing or saying something that makes you look foolish? we all make mistakes. It's part of being human.

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It's normal to feel that way at first, I know I did when I started online dating 4 years ago. I would sweat my way over there and be so nervous about if he'd like me.

 

Fast forward a few years, now I do this with my eyes close and I feel nothing. I have stopped hoping he'll like me and I am mainly hoping I will like him.

 

The trick is to do it often to desensitize yourself. Just go on a lot of 1st meet to practice.

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losangelena

I agree ^^^

 

The best way I got over my dating anxiety was just to do it. Over and over and over again. I was EXTREMELY nervous at first, but after I met enough men, it just became another thing I did. It took a while, but eventually I found that I could relax into it.

 

Getting over an anxiety doesn't happen in a vacuum—you gotta keep getting out there.

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I need some advice on how to overcome dating anxiety. I have been trying to expand my horizons and date more. I’m tired of being single. However, when I do get asked out on a date, I feel like I want to run! It's like my stomach gets tied up in knots and I'm overwhelmed to the point of not wanting to go out on the date at all. My anxiety is so bad that sometimes dating feels impossible.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm afraid of exactly. I try to remind myself to come in with zero expectations and to realize that I don't have to say or do anything that I'm not comfortable with. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that 1) I’m very shy and introverted and 2) I haven’t datedmuch in the past so I’m not really used to it.

I'm so friendly and outgoing with male friends and coworkers but the second it becomes romantic, I get super nervous.

 

Is this normal? Can you guys give me some advice on how to overcome these feelings?

 

Stay centered and focused on your needs always. Anxiety is often rooted in the fear of the unknown and not having enough control. When you date someone new, you don't know what's coming down the pike, so it's scary.

The way to manage this is to as soon as you can, you make sure that each dating partner is on the same page. If you want a relationship and they just are dating casually, you move on. Even if they say they want a relationship, you observe how they date you. If they don't date you properly, you move on. So, now you at least have a better idea of what's going on and have some control over it.

 

You also need to be clear in your head about what you want your future to look like and your life/relationship goals. That allows you to manage and plan for and be able to "know" what you want your future to look like. You're in control. When you keep your goals in mind, you will date objectively and will focus on those partners who bring what you need to your table. If they aren't bringing enough to the table, you move on. As soon as you realize that they can't or don't want to meet your needs or fit into your goals , you move on. Dating is a process, not an event.

 

You move at a pace that is comfortable for you. And as soon as you can, you make sure that each dating partner is on the same page. If you want a relationship and they just are dating casually, you move on. Even if they say they want a relationship, you observe how they date you. If they don't date you properly, you move on.

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I agree ^^^

 

The best way I got over my dating anxiety was just to do it. Over and over and over again. I was EXTREMELY nervous at first, but after I met enough men, it just became another thing I did. It took a while, but eventually I found that I could relax into it.

 

Getting over an anxiety doesn't happen in a vacuum—you gotta keep getting out there.

 

Yup, the ole "exposure" model. When I first started dating after my divorce, OMG was I nervous driving to meet them. I remember knocking back a shot or two to settle my nerves. After a few dates, all the anxiety or nervousness was gone, replaced by the excitement that I could potentially being meeting my last first date!

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