BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I'm thinking about dating a guy that I met about a month ago while jamming to an awesome band at the tiki bar that I frequent that's right by the beach. He's nice...cool...respectful (that's a BIGGIE for me) and FUN to hang with. The thing is, though...he's not my type at all! I normally don't date (and aren't attracted to) tatted, extremely outgoing, beer drinking, cigarette-smoking biker-type guys. In fact, I've NEVER dated a guy like that in my entire life! I don't mean to sound picky or that I look down upon those types of guys, because I'm not and I don't! To each his/her own I always say. But...there was just something about his manner. He was really polite and respectful when he first approached me and continued to talk to me. We sang impromptu duets together, he belted out the verse to a Van Halen song as the band played (lol), he was interested in what I had to say and listened, he was open with me and told me things about himself and asked me questions, we talked about the band that was playing, about life, about why he was there (to have fun in the moment) and why I was there (to have a good time without any expectations) and just generally having a good time hanging out together. Also...he's CUTE! He's physically and facially attractive (and height/weight proportionate). He has an infectious laugh. When I'm talking, I can tell he's listening intently and paying attention to what I'm saying. He has big, expressive hazel eyes that seem to burn into you when he's looking into your eyes. When he smiles, his eyes light up. At the same time though, he's kind of shy even though he seems to be outgoing - it's hard to explain! He's humble and kind of reserved when he's talking to me but when it comes to singing a part of the song that the band is playing or when he's talking about something he's excited about, he becomes really animated. I guess I'm just thinking out loud about this and seeing what some of you think about dating someone who isn't normally your type or isn't the type of person you'd normally date or gravitate towards. I'm going to go with the flow regarding this guy and just have fun interacting with him and being with him; I don't expect it to go very far. First of all, he's a biker...and I'd never get on a motorcycle (too scared to get into an accident and DIE or lose some of my limbs) and I'm absolutely *not* the biker-chick type (I'm sure he's already figured this out lol). He's probably into living a certain type of lifestyle that I'm not into, although I don't know that for sure yet because I haven't known him long enough. Has anyone here ever dated someone who wasn't their type or who wasn't someone that they'd normally date or would even be attracted to? If so, how did it turn out? And if you've never done it, would you? . Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I haven't got a type, and I love that. You're only boxing yourself in otherwise. Go for it! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 What's a "type"? I don't even get that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 (edited) @Phoe: See, that's the thing - I never really considered that me not being attracted to biker dudes was 'boxing myself in' or limiting my options, y'know?! It's just something I've never considered in my entire life because I had never encountered a guy like that who was interested in me and with whom I was attracted to personality-wise and physically. @yxalitis: A "type" of person is the type of person that you normally are attracted to/like hanging around with/have dated before... if you don't have a "type" of person that you normally date (and by your response, it appears that you don't!), then I guess you wouldn't be able to answer my question lol . Edited July 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Attraction is attraction. It's something far more primal than people often give it credit for. We don't really get a say in who we're attracted to, even when those attractions don't make a whole lot of sense. That said, it really depends what you're looking for right now. Firstly, people don't change. If he's a tatted up, biker guy.. well, that's his lifestyle. Either you're going to end up sharing it, or you're going to clash on it. You're smart enough to know he's not going to change. Perhaps you might end up surprising yourself? That said, perhaps you're just looking for fun right now, with no view for the long term. That's cool too. Dating outside your type can be an interesting experience, so long as you don't get up getting dragged into something that could harm you. Women are often attracted to the "bad boy" persona, while a lot of "bad boys" know exactly how to charm their way into the pants of a woman, right before they start to treat her like dirt. We don't know the guy. Only way to tell is spend the time getting to know him a bit better and see where it takes you. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Has anyone here ever dated someone who wasn't their type or who wasn't someone that they'd normally date or would even be attracted to? If so, how did it turn out? And if you've never done it, would you? . I have, tho probably not in a way you'd approve of. How much of a biker is he really Bopz? I know what those guys tend to be like and frankly I'm a little concerned for you girl. (Don't even make me come down there bc someone's ass is getting kicked if I do. ) Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 @Jay: Don't crack me up! @Phoe: See, that's the thing - I never really considered that me not being attracted to biker dudes was 'boxing myself in' or limiting my options, y'know?! It's just something I've never considered in my entire life because I had never encountered a guy like that who was interested in me and with whom I was attracted to personality-wise and physically. @yxalitis: A "type" of person is the type of person that you normally are attracted to/like hanging around with/have dated before... if you don't have a "type" of person that you normally date (and by your response, it appears that you don't!), then I guess you wouldn't be able to answer my question lol . I like Asian girls, seems I'm not only attracted to them but they find me attractive...I'm that perfect older, financially stable, not-fat guy who has an appealing look. But I'm going out with an expat American this Saturday. So, I guess I would go out with someone who's not my "type" Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Attraction is attraction. It's something far more primal than people often give it credit for. We don't really get a say in who we're attracted to, even when those attractions don't make a whole lot of sense. That said, it really depends what you're looking for right now. Firstly, people don't change. If he's a tatted up, biker guy.. well, that's his lifestyle. Either you're going to end up sharing it, or you're going to clash on it. You're smart enough to know he's not going to change. Perhaps you might end up surprising yourself? That said, perhaps you're just looking for fun right now, with no view for the long term. That's cool too. Dating outside your type can be an interesting experience, so long as you don't get up getting dragged into something that could harm you. Women are often attracted to the "bad boy" persona, while a lot of "bad boys" know exactly how to charm their way into the pants of a woman, right before they start to treat her like dirt. We don't know the guy. Only way to tell is spend the time getting to know him a bit better and see where it takes you. @Neowulf: You bring up some valid points, Neo. And yes, I'm just looking to have fun meeting and interacting with (and maybe perhaps dating) interesting and fun (and RESPECTFUL) people. I broke up with my ex-bf last September and got out of a five year relationship - I'm definitely NOT looking to enter into another relationship!! Hell no. And um...I'm so NOT attracted to the 'bad boy persona'!!!! Those are the types of guys that I am REPULSED by and have NEVER BEEN attracted to! See, that's the thing - this guy isn't like that at all. And if he's faking it, he sure does a good job of it! He doesn't show off, he doesn't talk $hit, he doesn't act badass...he's the OPPOSITE of that - which is what's confusing me a bit. And like I said in my OP and like what you've stated in the last sentence of your post, I'm just going to go with the flow and see what becomes of this; it may turn into an awesome friendship, which would be just fine by me! @Jen: Hehe, you'd be such an awesome bestie, Jen! He was wearing a normal t-shirt, jeans, sneakers, a baseball cap worn backwards, has a bottom lip piercing (I have a tongue piercing so that's cool with me), a well maintained goatee (which I'm normally attracted to!), tatts on both of his arms, a short maintained hairstyle and owns a nice looking bike (pretty to look at when it's immobile but something I'd NEVER get on while it's in motion! I'm smarter than that! ) He doesn't seem like the hardcore type of biker to me (you know, the type who wears black leather, biker boots, vest, spike choker, long hair [eww] lol, etc.), but he is a biker dude of some type;; and which type that is, I don't know yet...and I won't know until (and if) I decide to spend more time with him. @yxalitis: So, you DO have a "type" that you're normally attracted to and like to date! It's cool that you're open enough to date outside of the 'type' of women you normally like to date. I consider myself an open kind of person (to a degree), which is why I'm considering dating this guy. The fact that this guy didn't try (even ONCE) to put his hands on me, get too close to me, say anything derogatory/inappropriate/too sexual or was in ANY way disrespectful towards me really ups my attraction (and respect) towards him exponentially. There are guys that I've dated who ARE my type who were disrespectful to me and said and did inappropriate and downright rude and perverted things towards me...so, this guy REALLY impressed me and made me feel comfy around him all night while we were hanging out at the tiki bar. . Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 @Jen: Hehe, you'd be such an awesome bestie, Jen! He was wearing a normal t-shirt, jeans, sneakers, a baseball cap worn backwards, has a bottom lip piercing (I have a tongue piercing so that's cool with me), a well maintained goatee (which I'm normally attracted to!), tatts on both of his arms, a short maintained hairstyle and owns a nice looking bike (pretty to look at when it's immobile but something I'd NEVER get on while it's in motion! I'm smarter than that! ) He doesn't seem like the hardcore type of biker to me (you know, the type who wears black leather, biker boots, vest, spike choker, long hair [eww] lol, etc.), but he is a biker dude of some type;; and which type that is, I don't know yet...and I won't know until (and if) I decide to spend more time with him. . Is it a Harley or a crotch rocket type? Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 What does he do for a living? Link to post Share on other sites
Lecturer Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I'm only here to mention that you shouldn't judge a book by its cover! I come from a biker family. I've technically owned my own Harley since I was 2 (bought for me by my biker parents). I LOVE bikes, always have, and always will. (btw, don't be so afraid to ride, you might love it!). I have a full beard. I don't have any tattoos yet, but my wife has been on my ass to get one (or two, or a sleeve)... But I'm also socially reserved. I'm a computer nerd. I have never and will never smoke (cigarettes). I always try to be respectful and courteous. My point is, this guy might not be the 'image' you are thinking. Get to know the real person and you might be surprised. Nothing you've said about him would raise any flags IMO (except the cigarette smoking.. that's just poor decision making ). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S_A Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 (edited) Is it a Harley or a crotch rocket type? Harley. Those types of guys aren't into doing 160 on the freeways/highways Edited July 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 (Don't even make me come down there bc someone's ass is getting kicked if I do. ) Why would you kick someone's donkey? (sorry, as an Aussie, it's funny to continually listen to Americans talk about "kicking Ass", and not Arse!) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 (edited) To quote Shia Labeouf - "Just do it!" I mean look at it this way. You've already spent a month getting to know a guy that you totally click with that you're hot for (even though you're trying to underplay it. ) Life is too short to be overly cautious woman. I know that he's not your usual type of guy, but life's funny that way. You often find a good fit in the unexpected. Plus, the fact that he is still keeping you company when there's nothing in it for him means that he's probably genuine and on the level. Most guys just looking to get an easy lay would have moved on by now. They wouldn't continue to make a genuine attempt to get to know you. Edited July 2, 2015 by fitnessfan365 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I would if I was attracted to him - but I've never been attracted to anyone too far out of my 'type' to be honest. I'm just really attracted to certain personality types and not at all to others - it isn't a conscious decision. In your case since you ARE attracted to him, I'll say go for it. Though you should probably find out what sort of biker he is - someone who just views it as an occasional hobby will be very different from someone to whom it is practically a lifestyle. If you aren't at all interested in the lifestyle, then you'd have a pretty big incompatibility to work around if he is the latter. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 First we're talking about dating somebody. You aren't up to lifetime commitment yet. What's a few hours? Second, if you haven't found "the one" in your regular circle, branching out seems like a great way to break the rut I have dated guys that aren't my type but in the long run, they never did it for me or there were too many cultural / lifestyle / values hurdles & the relationships didn't survive but they were fun while they lasted. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Yes I have several times if I was attracted to them. My type of men has changed quite often in the past years and it changes exactly because I am open to meeting different types. The men I went for 3-4 years ago aren't the same type I am going for now. My taste in men, what attracts me has evolved. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 First we're talking about dating somebody. You aren't up to lifetime commitment yet. What's a few hours? I don't mean to be a fear-monger here but that's exactly the issue - unfortunately there are types of people, usually bad ones, who once you get involved with, it's extremely difficult to get uninvolved. I mean like dangerously so. And those people can often be very charming at the outset and seem great and harmless, etc. This guy Bopz is sizing up may indeed be harmless and great, and most likely probably is at least not dangerous. But unfortunately biker gangs are one of the risk groups (and not all biker gang members are stereotypical Mad Max type guys). All this just means that in this case, it would be prudent for Bopz to up the caution/screening level. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Krieger Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I like Asian girls, seems I'm not only attracted to them but they find me attractive...I'm that perfect older, financially stable, not-fat guy who has an appealing look. But I'm going out with an expat American this Saturday. So, I guess I would go out with someone who's not my "type" Well funny you should say that I uses to be only in into white woman but they do like me as much as Asian girls seem to dig me . Link to post Share on other sites
Author BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 I would if I was attracted to him - but I've never been attracted to anyone too far out of my 'type' to be honest. I'm just really attracted to certain personality types and not at all to others - it isn't a conscious decision. In your case since you ARE attracted to him, I'll say go for it. Though you should probably find out what sort of biker he is - someone who just views it as an occasional hobby will be very different from someone to whom it is practically a lifestyle. If you aren't at all interested in the lifestyle, then you'd have a pretty big incompatibility to work around if he is the latter. I've never been attracted to anyone too far out of my 'type' either, Elswyth. Never. Not until a few weeks ago! It's just confusing though, because his appearance doesn't match his demeanor entirely. It's like...the way he dresses, the fact that he owns a motorcycle, his tatts and piercings are kind of a distraction to what his personality is - that's the only way I can explain it. But, as Jen has stated, it could all just be an 'act'; a way to 'charm' me. When she said that, it kind of made me a little sad, because I'm hoping that this is not what this guy is doing. He seems genuine in the way he comes across, and I get a good vibe from him - not a creepy or 'off' vibe that I've felt from guys my 'type' before. He doesn't appear to be in a biker 'gang' or anything like that (but I could be wrong, and I'm certainly not going to ask because I think that would be rude and judgmental). As I get to know him more, I'll find out what kind of biker he is and what kind of 'lifestyle' he ascribes himself to. He appears to be - as you said - a biker that does it as a hobby or because he just happens to like riding bikes. I don't know what kind of bike he has, but (to me) it's pretty cool and modern looking; it doesn't look like the old fashion Harley-type of motorcycles that I see around town. Yes I have several times if I was attracted to them. My type of men has changed quite often in the past years and it changes exactly because I am open to meeting different types. The men I went for 3-4 years ago aren't the same type I am going for now. My taste in men, what attracts me has evolved. I think this could possibly be happening to me too, Gaeta. But, it wasn't like I planned this! It's not like, I saw him in a crowded room and, because he dresses and looks different than most guys I'd be attracted to, I sought him out and wanted to 'see' what it was like to talk to him. He was the one who approached me; and if he hadn't, chances are I never would've known he even existed lol because there were a lot of people there that night. But, since I've dated (and had relationships with) guys who were my 'type' and they turned out to be emotionally damaged or dysfunctional in some way, maybe my subconscious mind is nudging me to notice and to respond to guys who aren't the usual 'type' that I'd be attracted to or interact with. @FF: You bring up some very good points - things that I haven't thought of until I read your post. The only thing that's 'in it for him' with regard to his interaction with me is, well, more interaction and...I guess enjoying my company?! And um, I'm not trying to 'underplay' my attraction towards him! I have admitted that I think he's CUTE and that the respectful way he talks to me and is towards me in general has definitely UPPED my attraction to him. @Jay1983: Actually, in all of our convos, the subject of employment has never come up! But eventually it will. He looks like he could be a mechanic or something along those lines, but I don't know. @Lecturer: Yes! What you've stated is true. As I get to know the real person underneath, it may surprise me! His personality and the things he's into could be far removed from his 'persona' (like him being a shy puter nerd or an introverted pianist). @D0nnivain: Yeah, even if this turns out to be nothing or if the most that ever happens is that we become buds, I'll enjoy it and have fun with it (and with him) while it lasts. @Jen: Your concerns are quite valid; as I share those same concerns. This is why I'm screening him and sussing him out with each interaction we have. So far, I haven't seen anything that raises a Red Flag with me, except...that he smokes. Not only is that SO unhealthy for a person to do to their body, but um...cigarette breath and just the stench of it in general GROSSES me out. But surprisingly though, I didn't smell any ciggie stink on him - especially when he'd lean in real close to me to talk to me while the band was playing! I don't know how that's even possible, unless he was chewing mint gum while he was drinking his beer or something...Idk. Sadly, his cigarette smoking will probably end up being a deal breaker for me - because he's definitely NOT going to stop his daily habit of smoking just because *I* say it's unhealthy and stinky. I wouldn't want him to quit for that reason anyways...I'd want him to quit because *his own* health is important enough to him to do so. . Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 you are setting yourself up for failure BOZG Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 I have a type. People who know me say I've essentially dated the same girl over and over again. Though they were different races, from different backgrounds and even different continents. I know what I like. However, I have dated a girl outside of my type. She was one of the best relationships I've ever had. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 @Jen: Your concerns are quite valid; as I share those same concerns. This is why I'm screening him and sussing him out with each interaction we have. So far, I haven't seen anything that raises a Red Flag with me, except...that he smokes. Not only is that SO unhealthy for a person to do to their body, but um...cigarette breath and just the stench of it in general GROSSES me out. But surprisingly though, I didn't smell any ciggie stink on him - especially when he'd lean in real close to me to talk to me while the band was playing! I don't know how that's even possible, unless he was chewing mint gum while he was drinking his beer or something...Idk. Sadly, his cigarette smoking will probably end up being a deal breaker for me - because he's definitely NOT going to stop his daily habit of smoking just because *I* say it's unhealthy and stinky. I wouldn't want him to quit for that reason anyways...I'd want him to quit because *his own* health is important enough to him to do so. . You'll be fine. You're pretty damn shrewd sister so just don't let him dazzle you out of that and it'll all be good. (btw he might find it hot if you took his smokes and ground them underneath your open-toed heeled foot. Assuming you wear heels at the tiki bar. ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S_A Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 (btw he might find it hot if you took his smokes and ground them underneath your open-toed heeled foot. Assuming you wear heels at the tiki bar. ) Is this serious? I tried to picture how such a thing could be hot if a woman tried to take my cig from my mouth (if I smoked) and did that. The way is played out in my head was certainly hot. She can't be shy/timid about doing this though, or it won't work. Link to post Share on other sites
S_A Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Why would you kick someone's donkey? (sorry, as an Aussie, it's funny to continually listen to Americans talk about "kicking Ass", and not Arse!) This is hilarious. So that's why you guys say arse! My GF asked me about arse and now I have an answer. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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