SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I am dating a young woman (22 y.o) who is fairly quiet. She is generally quite a shy person (around me) but with her girly mates she is different. We have only been seeing each other for 2-3 months so it's quite early. It's making it a little difficult to have a conversation together, and when we do it's normally over before it gets going! I have to instigate conversations with her and it's becoming difficult. There are no real quiet moments because we seem to be talking about the same thing each time we meet but obviously we need other things to talk about. She very rarely seems to ask me any questions to start a conversation either! We are about to spend a week together and I am quite apprehensive about going. I am not a quiet person and have lots to say for myself . Any tips or advice? Why do you think she is like this?? I quite like this girl but if we can't have a decent convo then it's not going to go very far Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 How old are you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 A young 40..... We have same interests. Music, travel, food, drinks, walking, movies etc so there are plenty of things to talk about Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I am dating a young woman (22 y.o) who is fairly quiet. She is generally quite a shy person (around me) but with her girly mates she is different. We have only been seeing each other for 2-3 months so it's quite early. It's making it a little difficult to have a conversation together, and when we do it's normally over before it gets going! I have to instigate conversations with her and it's becoming difficult. There are no real quiet moments because we seem to be talking about the same thing each time we meet but obviously we need other things to talk about. She very rarely seems to ask me any questions to start a conversation either! We are about to spend a week together and I am quite apprehensive about going. I am not a quiet person and have lots to say for myself . Any tips or advice? Why do you think she is like this?? I quite like this girl but if we can't have a decent convo then it's not going to go very far There is no general . . . but this is probably more about level of dating experience at her age. Having said that though, it's been 3 months of dating, it's too soon to take her away for a week, that's for sure. I'd step back a little. If you can't talk to each other and have mutually sustained conversation, going away for a week together is going to cause strain and discomfort for sure. Even if she's just awkward and needed to feel more comfortable with you, 3 months should be enough to have her "coming out" a little more at least. What do you know about her history? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 There is no general . . . but this is probably more about level of dating experience at her age. Having said that though, it's been 3 months of dating, it's too soon to take her away for a week, that's for sure. I'd step back a little. If you can't talk to each other and have mutually sustained conversation, going away for a week together is going to cause strain and discomfort for sure. Even if she's just awkward and needed to feel more comfortable with you, 3 months should be enough to have her "coming out" a little more at least. What do you know about her history? It's a-bit late for that as we have paid for it. It is going to be awkward I think but I am hoping she will come out of her shell during the next 7 days. That is a good point about her history, not too much. That's one to work on. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 You are both at different places in your lives, so the experience level for her is low....she hasn't lived life enough as an adult to even be able to have a mature adult conversations with you or anyone in your age group. That's why she has very little to say...you don't have enough in common to carry on a conversation. I say you don't bother "working" on any thing just enjoy her company until this runs it's course. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Sorry to say this but she isn't life partner material so there is no reason to mold her into something she isn't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 If she is talkative to her mates and not to you, then that is a huge issue. She is not essentially a quiet person, only around you. At 3 months you should be having lots to talk about. Have you got on well otherwise or is the relationship generally foundering. Any arguments you have had that could have caused her to shut down? I hate to say it but the age gap could be seen as an issue from her end, you perhaps are not "getting" her in the same way her friends do. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 It's a-bit late for that as we have paid for it. It is going to be awkward I think but I am hoping she will come out of her shell during the next 7 days. That is a good point about her history, not too much. That's one to work on. Yep. That will give you a clue. This young woman may not even have a clue about what she wants for herself out of her dating experiences. Does she know what she wants for her future? College, career, etc. If she hasn't really focused on all that, you may be pre-empting her future, if you know what I mean. If she doesn't know what she wants for herself and gets invested in you and goes down the road of having a relationship and/or marriage, the reality of missing out on other things in her life will hit her someday and cause problems. I'm wondering if she's really a good candidate for dating that's all. You may end up being more like her Dad than a mate . . . Just be sure you are clear about what you want for yourself and find out her goals. The week of "vacation" will give you plenty to talk about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Sorry to say this but she isn't life partner material so there is no reason to mold her into something she isn't. I get what you are saying but I'm not not trying to mold her into something. The conversation doesn't have to be anything serious or about anyone's life history, just some questions about this, that or the other would be good. Food, music, travel, cars anything really! I know she is younger and with this come less life experience but there could be questions about work, my family loads really!!!! Thinking about it, she is actually quiet around her work colleagues when we go out and doesn't say too much then either. I know she gets shy sometimes and I know she lacks confidence in herself. Are we right together, will this be a life partner? Probably not but who-knows. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 If she is talkative to her mates and not to you, then that is a huge issue. She is not essentially a quiet person, only around you. At 3 months you should be having lots to talk about. Have you got on well otherwise or is the relationship generally foundering. Any arguments you have had that could have caused her to shut down? I hate to say it but the age gap could be seen as an issue from her end, you perhaps are not "getting" her in the same way her friends do. 1) I've only seen her around her work colleagues, not friends yet so can't comment on that. She is quiet when we go out. 2) There is, and we have, but it's always me kicking things off 3) Getting on well together and it's going good. It's the same for her really. She doesn't get me the same way as my mates do but I that's all part of meeting new people right?? We have mentioned the age gap thing several times before and I have given her plenty of options to end this but is not bothered by it and replies "why would I want to end it?" Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Since there's a 20 year difference between you, she's probably feeling nervous and respecting her elders, like her parents taught her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Yep. That will give you a clue. This young woman may not even have a clue about what she wants for herself out of her dating experiences. Does she know what she wants for her future? College, career, etc. If she hasn't really focused on all that, you may be pre-empting her future, if you know what I mean. If she doesn't know what she wants for herself and gets invested in you and goes down the road of having a relationship and/or marriage, the reality of missing out on other things in her life will hit her someday and cause problems. I'm wondering if she's really a good candidate for dating that's all. You may end up being more like her Dad than a mate . . . Just be sure you are clear about what you want for yourself and find out her goals. The week of "vacation" will give you plenty to talk about. She doesn't know what she wants to do with her career yet, you are right there. The vacation will give us plenty of time to talk through things. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 She is happy and full of fun with her mates because she shares a common connection with them. That's why she doesn't say much around adults....she doesn't feel a connection.....so she doesn't know what to say or how to act....like I said she lacks life experience. When I was her age I spent my time and had a lot of much older friends, plus I had to grow up fast due to my up bringing....I had the life experience/ mature point of views/ book smart/ mature interests, so I could relate to just about anyone that was 20+ years. This girl probably had a bubble gum, princess up bringing, and always hung out with her little friends because mommy and daddy taught her about internet predators, etc. Drove her and picked her up from school, etc. Her interests are, talking about boys, parties, Electro club music and snap chat. Just my speculation. Anyways obviously you are going to have to be the initiator and always will be.....possible she expects this from you to take the lead. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Or she is just enjoying the fact that a mature man is willing to spend money on her and take her on vacation....and has no interest in the "long term". Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 What in the world do you want to be talking about after you went over music and movies? She doesn't open up because she has nothing to open up about. She is a blank canvas!! She is barely starting life, she has no stories, life experience, wisdom to share with you and she knows it. She also knows each time she opens her mouth she risks saying something stupid like NY is your Capital and chocolate milk comes from brown cows. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Anyways obviously you are going to have to be the initiator and always will be.....possible she expects this from you to take the lead. Just like Dads do with their daughters, until the daughter grows up and sees life in a more mature way, but some never really get over the Dad/ daughter dynamic. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 What in the world do you want to be talking about after you went over music and movies? She doesn't open up because she has nothing to open up about. She is a blank canvas!! She is barely starting life, she has no stories, life experience, wisdom to share with you and she knows it. She also knows each time she opens her mouth she risks saying something stupid like NY is your Capital and chocolate milk comes from brown cows. I think that's abit harsh, she is an intelligent young woman. Blank canvass, yes, but stupid NO Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 What in the world do you want to be talking about after you went over music and movies? She doesn't open up because she has nothing to open up about. She is a blank canvas!! She is barely starting life, she has no stories, life experience, wisdom to share with you and she knows it. She also knows each time she opens her mouth she risks saying something stupid like NY is your Capital and chocolate milk comes from brown cows. hahahaha! funny! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Hey, is this one of my threads? Younger women are absolutely nothing in general, except less experienced in life. They are all individuals. Impossible to define anything by age. Do older men listen to boring music that make people's eyes roll? No... and you're (possibly) an example of that. So, the odds are she's a little intimidated in general, though that should be gone after all this time. Maybe she doesn't want to say something stupid or is self conscious in another way, so instead of that, she keeps quiet. In any case, you need to crack that shell to have some enjoyment. Hopefully you can figure out how to help her relax. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Hey, is this one of my threads? In any case, you need to crack that shell to have some enjoyment. Hopefully you can figure out how to help her relax. That's what I intend on doing...... BTW: we actually like similar music Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 In any case, you need to crack that shell to have some enjoyment. Hopefully you can figure out how to help her relax. There is SO much wrong in this statement lol. 40 yo should go play with women their age. There is something extremely dysfunctional in a man of 40 seeking the attention of 20 yo. Probably emotional immaturity that 40 yo women can smell from a mile away and won't deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 There is SO much wrong in this statement lol. 40 yo should go play with women their age. There is something extremely dysfunctional in a man of 40 seeking the attention of 20 yo. Probably emotional immaturity that 40 yo women can smell from a mile away and won't deal with. You sound bitter? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 You sound bitter? No, I am a mother of a young woman. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SSM3 Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 No, I am a mother of a young woman. I like the use of the word 'woman' and not 'girl'. A 22 year old is also a woman who can think for herself and make her own decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
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