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I finally presented new bf to my mom-- and he let her pay for our lunch!!


galgal818

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:eek:

 

My bf and I have been dating for 2 months. We have hit it off great right away, so things have moved rather quickly. I don't usually present the person I'm dating to my mom until many many months into it, but since he presented me to his whole family within the first month and they were all so nice and welcoming, I felt the pressure to reciprocate. My stepdad is super strict and doesn't let me bring anyone home to meet the family unless it's something serious, close to engagement or marriage. (I KNOW!! *rolls eyes*). My mom, however, is much cooler and was willing to meet my new bf of whom I've spoken so well. Especially since I told her he had been asking when is he meeting my mom and family, I was starting to feel like I was hiding them or something, so I really wanted him to meet my mom, and my mom heard he really wanted to meet her. So we all agreed that we'd meet her on a weekeday, during her lunch, close to work.

 

So we did, we ordered the food... the cashier was waiting for payment... my bf wouldn't move... my mom took out her wallet... and he let her pay. And as she was paying, that's when he whispered to me, "I thought I was inviting...." Um... then why didn't he stop her? We're 30 and 31, and that made me feel like a kid, having my mom pay for me and my little boyfriend. I wasn't expecting that from him. He always treats me and is a gentleman, and on the first time meeting my mom-- first time I ever make the exception to present someone so early... and this happens. It was the first time he meets her and he let her pay. As if my embarrassment weren't enough, my mom was pretty upset afterward, she told me she got a really bad impression, that she can't believe she paid for my boyfriend, etc. I was very confused by his reaction, I honestly thought he would pay, but he did say, "I'll get it next time."

 

It wouldn't have been so bad in a different context but 1) it was his first time meeting her, 2) he had been bugging about meeting her for a while now, and 3) I spoke wonders about him and his gentlemanly ways to my mom, so that made me feel like an idiot kid who's dating a boy my mom had to pay for.

 

What do you guys think?

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And as she was paying, that's when he whispered to me, "I thought I was inviting...."

 

haha, sorry your story made me laugh :-)

 

Out of curiosity what did you reply to your boyfriend when he mentioned he thought he was inviting?

 

Meeting your mom was probably very intimidating and before he had time to react your mother had already her wallet out. I am sure he is embarrassed by it as well. Sure he could have cut in and insist but at the same time he probably wondered if that would have been proper to impose himself on your mother.

 

I think it's a story you will laugh at in a couple of years.

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And as she was paying, that's when he whispered to me, "I thought I was inviting...."

 

Out of curiosity what did you reply to your boyfriend when he mentioned he thought he was inviting?

 

I didn't say anything. I was shocked by his passive reaction, very uncomfortable by the situation, wondering all she would tell me afterward. I couldn't tell him the truth-- the she only took out her wallet expecting him to stop her. LOL.

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-- the she only took out her wallet expecting him to stop her. LOL.

 

haha she won't do it again !!

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I say cut him some slack. He probably was just a little bit surprised/slow. I was surprised when you mentioned being 30+ years old. I thought you were 16 years old when I was reading the message that you are so concerned about this ONE time after dating the guy for 2 months. And, the fact that this one thing left your mom with such a horrible opinion of your BF. Like, I can't imagine the meal was that expensive. The most important thing was that he said thank you and appreciated the chance to meet your mom.

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I feel like this is blown out of proportion quite a bit.

 

I have NEVER understood why women pull out their wallet to pay as a fake out, hoping someone will stop them, then losing respect for the man when he doesn't stop them. It's so overboard!

 

I think back to the times my mom told me to ask my ex to come with us to lunch, her treat. He refused, simply because he wanted nothing to do with spending time with my family, but all in all the vibe wasn't about "he's meant to impress my mom and stop her when she tries to pay", she just genuinely wanted to treat us.

 

I dunno, I feel like people think way too hard about this stuff sometimes. :( It's not the end of the world, at all!

 

Plus based on his reaction, he clearly felt a bit bad about it and didn't know how to react.

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I say cut him some slack. He probably was just a little bit surprised/slow. I was surprised when you mentioned being 30+ years old. I thought you were 16 years old when I was reading the message that you are so concerned about this ONE time after dating the guy for 2 months. And, the fact that this one thing left your mom with such a horrible opinion of your BF. Like, I can't imagine the meal was that expensive. The most important thing was that he said thank you and appreciated the chance to meet your mom.

 

It's not about what my mom thinks... it's about how it made me feel. I felt embarrassed. I know he was probably just slow about it. But my mom kept texting me that she can't believe she treated my boyfriend, that he should've been trying to impress her not the opposite, etc. I didn't think it was as bad as she made it seem, but I was still embarrassed because it made me seem like I was dating a broke guy. It's just so sexy when a guy pays for it all.

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It's not about what my mom thinks... it's about how it made me feel. I felt embarrassed. I know he was probably just slow about it. But my mom kept texting me that she can't believe she treated my boyfriend, that he should've been trying to impress her not the opposite, etc. I didn't think it was as bad as she made it seem, but I was still embarrassed because it made me seem like I was dating a broke guy. It's just so sexy when a guy pays for it all.

 

I have a daughter who just turned 28.

 

Tell your mom to get over it :-)

 

Sometimes moms need to be told to relax.

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Op your reaction to this is ridiculous. It he never pays for anything then you have a problem. If he let your mum pay this one time cause he was unsure if not letting her pay would be more offensive than insisting, or if he was just not thinking, so what.

Sometimes I think people try to invent drama and problems where there are none.

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Was there a reason why you couldn't have paid yourself? It's your mom....

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I have a daughter who just turned 28.

 

Tell your mom to get over it :-)

 

Sometimes moms need to be told to relax.

 

 

I TOTALLY agree with you!!!!

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:eek:

 

My bf and I have been dating for 2 months. We have hit it off great right away, so things have moved rather quickly. I don't usually present the person I'm dating to my mom until many many months into it, but since he presented me to his whole family within the first month and they were all so nice and welcoming, I felt the pressure to reciprocate. My stepdad is super strict and doesn't let me bring anyone home to meet the family unless it's something serious, close to engagement or marriage. (I KNOW!! *rolls eyes*). My mom, however, is much cooler and was willing to meet my new bf of whom I've spoken so well. Especially since I told her he had been asking when is he meeting my mom and family, I was starting to feel like I was hiding them or something, so I really wanted him to meet my mom, and my mom heard he really wanted to meet her. So we all agreed that we'd meet her on a weekeday, during her lunch, close to work.

 

So we did, we ordered the food... the cashier was waiting for payment... my bf wouldn't move... my mom took out her wallet... and he let her pay. And as she was paying, that's when he whispered to me, "I thought I was inviting...." Um... then why didn't he stop her? We're 30 and 31, and that made me feel like a kid, having my mom pay for me and my little boyfriend. I wasn't expecting that from him. He always treats me and is a gentleman, and on the first time meeting my mom-- first time I ever make the exception to present someone so early... and this happens. It was the first time he meets her and he let her pay. As if my embarrassment weren't enough, my mom was pretty upset afterward, she told me she got a really bad impression, that she can't believe she paid for my boyfriend, etc. I was very confused by his reaction, I honestly thought he would pay, but he did say, "I'll get it next time."

 

It wouldn't have been so bad in a different context but 1) it was his first time meeting her, 2) he had been bugging about meeting her for a while now, and 3) I spoke wonders about him and his gentlemanly ways to my mom, so that made me feel like an idiot kid who's dating a boy my mom had to pay for.

 

What do you guys think?

 

 

Men are expected to pay

But women aren't expected to cook

 

Sorry men don't have to pay for women and women don't have to cook for men. That day and age of "gentlemen" is gone

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It's not about what my mom thinks... it's about how it made me feel. I felt embarrassed. I know he was probably just slow about it. But my mom kept texting me that she can't believe she treated my boyfriend, that he should've been trying to impress her not the opposite, etc. I didn't think it was as bad as she made it seem, but I was still embarrassed because it made me seem like I was dating a broke guy. It's just so sexy when a guy pays for it all.

 

 

 

Yeah but do you cook and clean and vacuum all the time? That's also sexy (rolls eyes)

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This isn't a date.

 

Why is he obligated to pay with your mom present?

 

He's not obligated. It just would've been a nice thing for him to do on the first time ever meeting her, especially since he always talked about wanting to meet her.

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He's not obligated. It just would've been a nice thing for him to do on the first time ever meeting her, especially since he always talked about wanting to meet her.

 

If he isn't obligated then why are you upset about it.

 

He IS obligated, you just didn't want to say that he was.

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Yeah but do you cook and clean and vacuum all the time? That's also sexy (rolls eyes)

 

We don't live together, so I haven't had a chance to do that for him yet. However, I'm a great girlfriend and always look pretty for him and everyone always tells him how lucky he is to have gotten me. And I don't ask that he pay all the time, I'm happy to treat him sometimes too. It's just that for the FIRST time meeting my mom, it would've been nice if he had gone for it. That's all. You guys get me?

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It's not about what my mom thinks... it's about how it made me feel. I felt embarrassed. I know he was probably just slow about it. But my mom kept texting me that she can't believe she treated my boyfriend, that he should've been trying to impress her not the opposite, etc. I didn't think it was as bad as she made it seem, but I was still embarrassed because it made me seem like I was dating a broke guy. It's just so sexy when a guy pays for it all.

 

 

Given your mom's reaction, I am not surprised YOU felt embarrassed. We are all a product of the environment we grew up in...and since you apparently were raised by a mother with all these pre-conceived notions about men.. and what men are supposed to do (i.e. pay for their girlfriend's mom lunch)...then no doubt you will have the same beliefs.

 

But seriously girl, you need to move past this. Don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mom, but it seems like she still has some sort of "hold" over you, and she sounds very controlling.

 

Stop discussing it with her! If she brings it up...tell her you are over it and don't wish to discuss. Tell her you are sorry your boyfriend disappointed her, but YOU are the one dating him, NOT her, and she needs to let it go.

 

Period end of story. You are a grown woman, stand up to her (nicely and respectfully). This is silly, geez.

 

You are definitely over-reacting IMO.

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We don't live together, so I haven't had a chance to do that for him yet. However, I'm a great girlfriend and always look pretty for him and everyone always tells him how lucky he is to have gotten me. And I don't ask that he pay all the time, I'm happy to treat him sometimes too. It's just that for the FIRST time meeting my mom, it would've been nice if he had gone for it. That's all. You guys get me?

 

If your mom had been OKAY with it....would it still bother you?

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Art_Critic

Tell him next time he needs to bring her flowers to make up for his obvious purposeful blunder the next time he meets her..

 

He did it on purpose and fell on the sword of she wanted to pay, what more could I have done :laugh:

 

I'm a guy.. in my 50's and I know when a check comes to the table and when to reach for it and when to leave it there.. there are times my Father-in-law comes with us to dinner and we trade back and forth.. I know when it is his turn and leave the check as he expects it to be left..

 

I think your Mom is sensing the same thing I am sensing.. he LET her buy when it was clearly his impression to make.. oh well.. sometimes in life we pick answer A when the right answer was B...

 

He can recover from this but he will have to try...

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fitnessfan365

Isn't your mom a little old to be playing games OP? I mean she pulls out her wallet to pay, and then complains about it after the fact to you? If she didn't want to pay, she should have left her wallet in her purse.

 

It's bad enough that men have to deal with games and between the lines tests from women they are dating, let alone their mom's.

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If your mom had been OKAY with it....would it still bother you?

 

I really liked your response. It was very educated and made me see things in a way that led me to analyze myself more deeply. Actually... no, I don't think it would have bothered me as much if she had been ok with it.

 

I actually just showed her what you wrote. I want to show her what the general public thinks of our overreaction. She said, "No, I'm not controlling you. But don't force me to meet the people you associate with." And yeah, I felt bad because I did pressure her to meet him, and after all that it ended up being disappointing. I just felt embarrassed that he had presented me to his whole family, and I can't present anyone to my family because they have so many rules and reservations. Luckily I live on my own, but he won't be able to see anyone in my family in a long time and he'll wonder why, so I'll have to come up with a reason...

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This is a ridiculous over reaction...all of my prior girlfriends parents have always paid the first time I met them. could I, or would I, have paid? Sure...but I would think, or perhaps hope, that your parents are excited to meet people in your life...

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed derogatory remark
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It's not about what my mom thinks... it's about how it made me feel. I felt embarrassed. I know he was probably just slow about it. But my mom kept texting me that she can't believe she treated my boyfriend, that he should've been trying to impress her not the opposite, etc. I didn't think it was as bad as she made it seem, but I was still embarrassed because it made me seem like I was dating a broke guy. It's just so sexy when a guy pays for it all.

 

I don't even know where to begin here. Even if he was broke what is wrong with that? Can you only date rich guys?

 

It's sexy when a guy pays for it all? Sexy or money saving on your part? Pathetic attitude you have there.

 

If you mum was so shocked why did she get her wallet out in the first place? Why didn't she question your boyfriend when he didn't offer to pay?

 

You're right, this is embarrassing. Embarrassing for your boyfriend having to deal with his childish girlfriend and her childish mother.

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Ruby Slippers

It's a rookie mistake, and I agree it made him come across as a boy, not a man. You can tell him what to do - take her flowers and pay next time - but this is giving you information about his stunted level of maturity and decorum.

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