Mollycoddle75 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 (edited) So here goes. My husband left me 20mths for another woman. Although it came as a big shock, when I came to terms with it I appreciated my new chance at life. There were times in my marriage that I thought "this is it, forever" and felt that i wasn't content. I enrolled in college to start a career for myself, I've had wonderful times with friends, I've enjoyed some real me time that I never had before as we share care of our boys. Well I decided I felt ready for a relationship and 15 first dates later I met a great guy, he ticks every box I could've listed. BUT!! We're only 6 weeks in and he has said he's in love with me and I do believe he is, also when I spoke to his sisters they said I mustn't hurt him!! Instead of this making me feel content though, it's made me panic, feel pressured. I spoke to a couple of friends and they both said "you're obviously not feeling the same so let him go". Thing is I do really like him, I look forward to seeing him, I enjoy our time together, I'm myself and comfortable with him. So do I really have to let him go just because I'm not in love with him after 6 weeks. Is it not fair to see if this developes over time or should it have by now? I'm so confused!! I just wanted to get to know him without pressure but I don't want to hurt him. I now feel this dark cloud of worrying about whether I'm being fair to him or going to hurt him is ruining me being able to just enjoy what is and see what happens. Edited June 30, 2015 by Mollycoddle75 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Don't say it back if you don't mean it. You must tell him that it's too soon for "I love you". And proceed to tell him what you posted here. If he truly feels you are worth the investment he will understand. Hey it will be up to him to let you go...... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mollycoddle75 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Yes thank you for replying ☺️. I havn't said i love u, to him. He knows when he says it, it makes me feel uncomfortable but says he can't help the way he feels. I just feel guilty that I'm not that far in yet. I mean I have fallen for people quickly before but should it always be this way. I know people will say I'm not ready! Maybe I'm not, I don't know, I'm so confused. All I know is I do want to be with him but I can't make any promises at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 How long were you married? This could be important. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Also, are you sure you have only been dating 6 weeks? How many days has it been since you met for the first time? Yes, it could make a difference. If I have the facts, I might be able to give you some startling information. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mollycoddle75 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 12 years, we had a happy marriage but the last year was a struggle, our first real tough year. I was warn out of us not getting along but I wasn't worried the marriage would end. I just thought it was a tough patch. I have honestly come to terms with the marriage ending. My ex and I get along well and it's all very amicable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mollycoddle75 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 We met for the first time 6 weeks ago tomorrow Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Okay, he's not in love with you yet. He's feeding you a line. That said, he may be very close, and may have a very high level of beginning love for you. Now, on to you. You said, "Instead of this making me feel content though, it's made me panic, feel pressured." - that's because you are still on the rebound from the previous marriage. It may take another year to a year-and-a-half for you to be ready to fall in love with a new man. Keep in mind this is only a rough estimate. Any man you meet while you are on your rebound stands a chance of being only a temporary lover. It certainly has been fun though hasn't it? You may grow tired of him and wish to move on in the future, or you may find that you want to stick with him, nothing is written in stone. I would say though, If you go much more than 2 more weeks without falling in love with this man, you probably never will. Link to post Share on other sites
Carm Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 And you may not be ready to open your heart for a relationship. I didn't realize until 4 years after my relationship ended that I was finally over him and that thought hit me like a ton of bricks. Until, that time period was over, I couldn't love any man and truly mean it. On the other hand 6 weeks is too early to say ILU's.....at this stage it's infatuation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mollycoddle75 Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Yes thank you for your reply. Humph!! I really didn't want to Hear I'm not ready, probably because truthfully I probably now realise I'm not. I will speak to him and explain how I feel and if he chooses to walk i will respect that. I don't want to hurt him, ouch I know how that feels and it sucked. They don't say it's painful for nothing, it was both mentally and physically painful, I never want to cause someone to feel like that. I appreciate you taking the time to reply, I really do x Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I didn't realize until 4 years after my relationship ended that I was finally over him and that thought hit me like a ton of bricks. Until, that time period was over, I couldn't love any man and truly mean it. - Right, that was you rebound period... and you really don't know it's over until the day that it actually is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Good luck to you and let us know what happens Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Just take it easy and give it time. You don't have to jump any guns. Just step back and take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 People progress at different rates in dating and in any new relationship. It's downright silly to expect that you will both fall in love at exactly the same time. If it were seven months or a year and you were saying this, then yes, I would say let him go. But not at six weeks. Especially when you feel sufficiently strongly about him that you're distressed by the thought of losing him. Second, different people mean different things by "I love you." A guy who says it at two or three weeks may be sincere, but he's discussing something entirely different than the guy who expresses this for the first time at six months. Early on, it's about the high he's getting from you, the butterflies, etc. That high is unsustainable, so those are fleeting. For the relationship to go the distance, you need something deeper...But that takes many months to develop. The high and the butterflies keep you engaged while deeper feelings and a true connection with the person builds. In situations like this, I simply describe my feelings to the person I'm dating rather than getting bogged down in definitions of love. It doesn't help either of us if I discount and diminish what he's saying to me. He sounds like a great guy. I hope the two of you are able to build something substantial over time! Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Sorry, but this guy is emotionally stunted if he's telling you "I love you" when he only met you 6 weeks ago. Add to that his sisters exclaiming 'you mustn't hurt him!' and that pretty much says everything. They know something about this guy that you don't. And it ain't good if they have to beg you not to hurt him when he's known you for only 6 weeks. I mean, it's not like he's a 15 year old kid and his big sisters are just protecting their little brother. He's an ADULT. I'd be doing some fact-gathering about what's wrong with him emotionally - but I'd have one foot out the door while doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mollycoddle75 Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Yes I think the reason his sisters chipped in is because he has been single for a three years after a 14yr relationship ended very badly. After that he didn't date and just became a workaholic. They said this is the first time they've seen him look so happy and relaxed and not working every hour, plus they'd had a drink. Link to post Share on other sites
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