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How can I clear the air between us? Would really appreciate on this


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I was seeing a guy for about two months, we got on great always had a laugh, had plans to go to a concert in a few weeks, he told all his friends and his brothers and even brought me home one night and I met one of them. We used to meet every week and spend two days and a night together. Then this Friday two weeks ago I went home as normal and we had plans to go away the following week but I didnt hear from him all weekend until he text Tuesday to say he broke his phone and couldn't go ahead with our plans due to work. I text him back and he didnt reply. I text him wednesday last week to see would he like to meet up Thursday or Friday and he said he was working and had to go away on Friday (which I know is true) and asked me what I was up to but I replied the following day and just asked him how was work etc and he didnt text me back since. This was last Thursday. He did however ring me on whatsapp at 4am that morning (when he finished work). He was obviously checking my profile and pressed the button by accident.

 

I know there is no one else involved as we have mutual friends and I would have heard if there was. It looks like he could be loosing interest which is fine I understand but I dont want to leave things as they are just hanging because we socialise in the same area and know the same people and I just want to clear the air. Its nearly been a week since I tried contact him so I was going to text him and say I noticed hes become distant and was wondering did I do something to offend him or whats the story? Any advice would be appreciated

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I really hate to say this, but it takes two months for a person to fall in love, so it's often a turning point.... since you are having difficulties getting a date at the two month mark, it suggests he's realized he's not interested. So, just be prepared for that. It might be a good time to talk to other guys.

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I really hate to say this, but it takes two months for a person to fall in love, so it's often a turning point.... since you are having difficulties getting a date at the two month mark, it suggests he's realized he's not interested. So, just be prepared for that. It might be a good time to talk to other guys.

 

No no no. Some one can not claim as a rule.that it takes X amount of time to fall in love. That's completely unfair.

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I really hate to say this, but it takes two months for a person to fall in love, so it's often a turning point.... since you are having difficulties getting a date at the two month mark, it suggests he's realized he's not interested. So, just be prepared for that. It might be a good time to talk to other guys.

 

We have been on about 8/9 dates... as i said in my post. We met every week

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I am prepared he may not be still interested but I just want to clear the air between us so theres clarity on where we stand so it wont be awkward

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It's probably over and done with. You could send one last text asking if he wants to hangout sometime but it sounds like this relationship has met its end. I wouldn't worry that much about clearing the air, you two didn't really meet a fiery end...

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I think there is a hint here. He is not interested. Maybe he was using you and lost interest. Maybe he doesn't like being intimate with you. Are you too clingy? Could be a bunch of things but one thing for sure if he was interested in you he wouldn't be ignoring you like this. Have some dignity and stop calling him. If he is truly interested he will call you and hook up.

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I just want to know what went wrong. I hate leaving things with no clarity. I just cant get my head around how we got on so well even the last time we saw each other and then to just drop me. I just want to know what the story is

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I would expect the no contact after one or two dates but the fact we got close and then nothing really bugs me. Its not nice. Since I have nothing to lose at this stage I would going to text him and ask him why he is being distant and its obvious he doesnt want things to progress but could we still be amicable? I just cant stand the no talking atmospere..with anybody its just not my way. Any opinions?

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Your guy appears to be fading. Reach out if you want but do it for you, not for the response you will get from him. I can tell you it feels great to take back some power in this type of situation and your power is to say I don't know what's up with him, but I'm moving on and he can either come with or stay behind. Then move on, date others if you want to and live your life. There's more fish in the sea, unfortunately this one is most likely not for you.

 

I had a somewhat similar situation recently. After five dates I was wondering if the guy I was seeing was right for me and he suddenly seemed very cold during our last date after running very hot on all our previous dates. I decided to pull back a bit to see how he would react and we didn't speak for three weeks (longer than we had dated!) In that time I realised I had been ignoring a lot of red flags and mentally moved on and started lining up other dates.

 

In the past I would have just left it there, but I realised what would feel better for me was to text and say something just to clear the air and so I wouldn't feel weird when I was near his home or work. I also decided I didn't need a response back, that I would just feel better saying what I wanted to say (i.e. thanks for a fun time but I'm moving on!). So I texted, he replied with a slightly odd but ultimately ok message and I feel much better about the whole situation. It gave me a closure that feels better than wondering if or when someone is going to "pop up".

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Your guy appears to be fading. Reach out if you want but do it for you, not for the response you will get from him. I can tell you it feels great to take back some power in this type of situation and your power is to say I don't know what's up with him, but I'm moving on and he can either come with or stay behind. Then move on, date others if you want to and live your life. There's more fish in the sea, unfortunately this one is most likely not for you.

 

I had a somewhat similar situation recently. After five dates I was wondering if the guy I was seeing was right for me and he suddenly seemed very cold during our last date after running very hot on all our previous dates. I decided to pull back a bit to see how he would react and we didn't speak for three weeks (longer than we had dated!) In that time I realised I had been ignoring a lot of red flags and mentally moved on and started lining up other dates.

 

In the past I would have just left it there, but I realised what would feel better for me was to text and say something just to clear the air and so I wouldn't feel weird when I was near his home or work. I also decided I didn't need a response back, that I would just feel better saying what I wanted to say (i.e. thanks for a fun time but I'm moving on!). So I texted, he replied with a slightly odd but ultimately ok message and I feel much better about the whole situation. It gave me a closure that feels better than wondering if or when someone is going to "pop up".

 

Thank you. Thats how I feel, just to get some closure not to leave things hanging.

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Your guy appears to be fading. Reach out if you want but do it for you, not for the response you will get from him. I can tell you it feels great to take back some power in this type of situation and your power is to say I don't know what's up with him, but I'm moving on and he can either come with or stay behind. Then move on, date others if you want to and live your life. There's more fish in the sea, unfortunately this one is most likely not for you.

 

I had a somewhat similar situation recently. After five dates I was wondering if the guy I was seeing was right for me and he suddenly seemed very cold during our last date after running very hot on all our previous dates. I decided to pull back a bit to see how he would react and we didn't speak for three weeks (longer than we had dated!) In that time I realised I had been ignoring a lot of red flags and mentally moved on and started lining up other dates.

 

In the past I would have just left it there, but I realised what would feel better for me was to text and say something just to clear the air and so I wouldn't feel weird when I was near his home or work. I also decided I didn't need a response back, that I would just feel better saying what I wanted to say (i.e. thanks for a fun time but I'm moving on!). So I texted, he replied with a slightly odd but ultimately ok message and I feel much better about the whole situation. It gave me a closure that feels better than wondering if or when someone is going to "pop up".

 

Thank you. Thats how I feel, just to get some closure not to leave things hanging. What would you suggest I send him in a message?

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What a bloody coward.......he keeps blowin ya off, avoiding you, etc, and doesn't have the decency to just tell you......jerk.

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Thank you. Thats how I feel, just to get some closure not to leave things hanging. What would you suggest I send him in a message?

 

 

 

This what Jejangles said: (i.e. thanks for a fun time but I'm moving on!)

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Thank you. Thats how I feel, just to get some closure not to leave things hanging. What would you suggest I send him in a message?

 

I think you have two choices:

 

1) If you think there was some sort of misunderstanding or you're still hoping to date him just text a clear message: "I'm taking your silence over the past week as an indication that we are done, but just to be clear, are you interested in continuing to date? And if so, when can we see each other?"

 

Just be careful with this one though because a guy who gets called out on a fade often isn't ready to actually use his words and end it, so he might come up with an excuse and yet still show with his actions that he's over it. This approach can just delay the inevitable.

 

2) Decide that you don't care what his opinion is, you aren't interested in dating someone like him and then yeah basically "Thanks for some fun times, I'm going to move on. Good luck with future dating!"

 

I like to end it in such a way it won't be overly awkward if I run into the guy. But if I decide it's done the guy would have to step up to the plate in a big way through words and actions to change my mind!

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I'm going against the current here. I would not text him at all. It's clear by his ACTIONS that he lost interest and is not interested in seeing you again. If I was him and you sent me another text like you're proposing, I'd think "get some pride and self respect". Yes, he's a loser for not having the balls to tell you he's not interested any longer.

 

 

Sadly, people fade or disappear like this after a few weeks or a couple of months when they lose interest. They don't like confrontation or drama so they simply vanish. It happens. When it's happened to me, I simply took the hint and moved onto other gals. I wouldn't STROKE THEIR EGO with a "thanks for the fun times but I'm moving on text". I'd laugh if I got that too an then say to myself "Duh, like I didn't already move on".. I'm not trying to be mean to anyone but to share a guys perspective. I'm sure a gal disappearing from a guy would do the same if a guy sent that text. She'd then share it w/her GF's for a good laugh.

 

 

Ya need to simply move on from this flake to a better guy.

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I'm going against the current here. I would not text him at all. It's clear by his ACTIONS that he lost interest and is not interested in seeing you again. If I was him and you sent me another text like you're proposing, I'd think "get some pride and self respect". Yes, he's a loser for not having the balls to tell you he's not interested any longer.

 

 

Sadly, people fade or disappear like this after a few weeks or a couple of months when they lose interest. They don't like confrontation or drama so they simply vanish. It happens. When it's happened to me, I simply took the hint and moved onto other gals. I wouldn't STROKE THEIR EGO with a "thanks for the fun times but I'm moving on text". I'd laugh if I got that too an then say to myself "Duh, like I didn't already move on".. I'm not trying to be mean to anyone but to share a guys perspective. I'm sure a gal disappearing from a guy would do the same if a guy sent that text. She'd then share it w/her GF's for a good laugh.

 

 

Ya need to simply move on from this flake to a better guy.

 

 

I agree with this. There is no point texting AGAIN, as (a) what makes you think he will respond? He hasn't responded to any of your previous texts, and (b) what makes you think that even if he does respond, what he tells you will be the truth?

 

It most likely will NOT be the truth, because the truth is too harsh. He has lost interest, and most people are very hesitant to just flat out say that, and why... so they cushion it with BS that makes no sense...... so there is really no point in asking in the first place.

 

Just assume he has lost interest, for whatever reason, and move on.

 

I'm sorry...:(

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I'm not doing this for him I'm doing it for me. I feel if I leave it and say nothing I will actually look cheap and ok with it. I just want closure I don't want awkwardness. I was going to say something like I take it from your distance your not interested in continuing this, I hope I haven't done anything to offend u and hope we can remain amicable with each other. Any one have any other suggestions please say them.

I just hate hate hate leaving things the way they are with no closure that's all, can anyone understand this?

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I'm not doing this for him I'm doing it for me. I feel if I leave it and say nothing I will actually look cheap and ok with it. I just want closure I don't want awkwardness. I was going to say something like I take it from your distance your not interested in continuing this, I hope I haven't done anything to offend u and hope we can remain amicable with each other. Any one have any other suggestions please say them.

I just hate hate hate leaving things the way they are with no closure that's all, can anyone understand this?

 

No, you do not look cheap if you do nothing, if you do anything at this point it will come across as desperate, needy and clingy. The graceful way to handle this is to just let him fade. If you've done something to offend him and he isn't grown up enough to talk to you about it, that's his problem. You don't even know for sure if you did. So basically apologizing for something you may not have done . . . It tells him you've been stressing and fretting over the relationship and worrying when it would end probably all along. It says you're not a strong, independent, confident woman who is happy with herself. You've been mind-reading and analyzing, etc.

 

If he's realizing that you're allowing him to fade and he and actually does have strong interest in you, he will wonder where you are and come to you. If he doesn't, he simply doesn't care anymore, if at all, and he won't care about what you have to say anyway. He'll be saying, wow, I'm glad I got away from this one. Not oh, what a dumbass I am.

 

Women who chase after a man become the crazy EXs when they speak of them in the future.

 

Your closure comes from within. He's simply not the one.

Edited by Redhead14
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I'm not doing this for him I'm doing it for me. I feel if I leave it and say nothing I will actually look cheap and ok with it. I just want closure I don't want awkwardness. I was going to say something like I take it from your distance your not interested in continuing this, I hope I haven't done anything to offend u and hope we can remain amicable with each other. Any one have any other suggestions please say them.

I just hate hate hate leaving things the way they are with no closure that's all, can anyone understand this?

 

Do NOT say the bolded. It makes you sound weak and insecure.

 

The first sentence is not much better either.

 

If you must, say something like "Since I haven't heard from you in a while now, I'm going to move on. All the best."

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I miss his company so much, we got on so well always had such a laugh and he was so easy talk to. I am just so hurt about it all and it upsets me that I may never hear from him again But could bump in to him or see him at any stage as we only live 10 minutes from each other

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I have two more questions for you all and I'll leave it then..

 

1) does anyone think I'll ever hear from him again?

 

2) we are still friends on social media as we have mutual friends. Would it be weird/wrong if I still sent him the odd snapchat as in general ones that I would send to everyone anyway??

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I'm going against the current here. I would not text him at all. It's clear by his ACTIONS that he lost interest and is not interested in seeing you again. If I was him and you sent me another text like you're proposing, I'd think "get some pride and self respect". Yes, he's a loser for not having the balls to tell you he's not interested any longer.

 

 

Sadly, people fade or disappear like this after a few weeks or a couple of months when they lose interest. They don't like confrontation or drama so they simply vanish. It happens. When it's happened to me, I simply took the hint and moved onto other gals. I wouldn't STROKE THEIR EGO with a "thanks for the fun times but I'm moving on text". I'd laugh if I got that too an then say to myself "Duh, like I didn't already move on".. I'm not trying to be mean to anyone but to share a guys perspective. I'm sure a gal disappearing from a guy would do the same if a guy sent that text. She'd then share it w/her GF's for a good laugh.

 

 

Ya need to simply move on from this flake to a better guy.

 

If you have been in a similar situation.. If I don't text him anymore from now on, do you think I will ever hear from him again?

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Anything is possible BUT I have a feeling it's going to be awhile before he does.

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