How many times have you been rejected?

[Curious-One]

Not sure why i take rejection so hard but i do.

 

I am 28 and have only been rejected 2-3 times. Its not something i am proud of because i missed many chances with girls because i wasnt 100% sure she was into me. The girls i asked out most of the time i knew for a fact they would say yes.

 

Anyway few weeks ago i decided to delete all my old numbers from the phone and i was deleting two girls numbers who i was really attracted to back in college. One of them was a shy girl that was extremely beautiful but very shy. I met her in college and i had 3-4 classes with her but she never spoke to anyone in either class except me ( i am very outgoing so i talked to everyone).

 

Anyway as we talked more in college i got her number and asked her out two times and both times she said she couldnt because she had full time job and full time college (she actually did so i believed her). Anyway fast forward 2 years after not texting her i shoot her a text before deleting her phone number and what do you know she responds.

 

I was surprised and we texted back and forth 10 times... i ask her few questions she asks me few and convo is going smoothly. She mentiones that she has a full time job so i am thinking ok shes not as busy now. I text her that we should catch up and grab a coffee sometime and she doesnt respond after that.

 

Honestly i am not even sure why i too it so hard but i have been feeling kinda down and i dont even know why... i mean i could text another girl right now and set up a date for this week but its been bugging me that she didnt even bother responding to me and i feel like all my energy has been drained.

 

Anyway i am curious how many times have you been rejected and how do you deal with it? Does it affect you at all or do you not care?

Edited June 30, 2015 by Curious-One

[Phoe]

About a dozen or so

 

It hurts, but it actually was never as bad as I thought it would be. It wouldn't take me long to forget about it. The fear I always had over rejection was probably the worst part.

[joseb]

Honestly i am not even sure why i too it so hard but i have been feeling kinda down and i dont even know why... i mean i could text another girl right now and set up a date for this week but its been bugging me that she didnt even bother responding to me and i feel like all my energy has been drained.

 

Anyway i am curious how many times have you been rejected and how do you deal with it? Does it affect you at all or do you not care?

 

Don't take it personally. In my opinion, better to have tried and failed than not given it a go. I just got 2 'rejections' in last couple of days. Girls I had matched on Tinder and seemed keen, when I suggested meeting one made up excuses

about the next 10 days (!) and the other just didn't respond. How do I feel? I really don't care. If they want to meet me great. If not, too bad. Sure, I could get pissy they wasted my time but it was only a bit of banter and it was kinda fun anyway.

 

I'm always way more bothered if there was the chance of something and I didn't go for it.

 

Plenty more fish. I think if you do it more and get rejected more, you wont be so put out.

[TunaInTheBrine]

A few times, or even a dozen times, is so nothing. I have probably been rejected hundreds of times! I have also probably been with more women than most men you have ever talked to. Woody Allen once said that 90 percent of success is simply showing up, and I have to agree. The reason I have gone out (and to bed) with so many beautiful women is because I asked to. I'm not bragging; I'm just being real with you. Anyone else I've ever known who did well with women has said the exact same thing. If you talk to people who are professionally successful, they will tell you the same thing about their career track. They constantly put themselves out there to get to where they are now, and they get rejected way more than they get accepted. The only question is: how badly do you want it? I have an ambitious personality in several areas of my life, so I tend to go for it. I am still nervous, shy, and self-doubting. Believe me. But I feel the fear and do it anyway. You can too. It gets easier the more times you get rejected. After a while, you might even find you start to welcome it, strangely.

 

The reason you are so attached to this one girl is because of all the emotional chemicals and memories associated to her from years ago. She represents something significant to your mind, whether or not she is actually significant. It's kind of unusual if you think about it more, because you never really 'had' anything with her.

 

I say allow yourself to feel the pain right now. There's no getting around it. Keep putting yourself out there and taking risks with new women. I promise it will pay off.

[Phoe]

A few times, or even a dozen times, is so nothing. I have probably been rejected hundreds of times! I have also probably been with more women than most men you have ever talked to. Woody Allen once said that 90 percent of success is simply showing up, and I have to agree. The reason I have gone out (and to bed) with so many beautiful women is because I asked to. I'm not bragging; I'm just being real with you. Anyone else I've ever known who did well with women has said the exact same thing. If you talk to people who are professionally successful, they will tell you the same thing about their career track. They constantly put themselves out there to get to where they are now, and they get rejected way more than they get accepted. The only question is: how badly do you want it? I have an ambitious personality in several areas of my life, so I tend to go for it. I am still nervous, shy, and self-doubting. Believe me. But I feel the fear and do it anyway. You can too. It gets easier the more times you get rejected. After a while, you might even find you start to welcome it, strangely.

 

The reason you are so attached to this one girl is because of all the emotional chemicals and memories associated to her from years ago. She represents something significant to your mind, whether or not she is actually significant. It's kind of unusual if you think about it more, because you never really 'had' anything with her.

 

I say allow yourself to feel the pain right now. There's no getting around it. Keep putting yourself out there and taking risks with new women. I promise it will pay off.

 

I agree that putting yourself out there is one of the biggest factors.

 

I admit I was never any good at doing it, personally

[changeofseasons]

After what i've been through, being stood up and straight up ignored by a significant other, i'd take rejection over a stranger/friend anyday. Because there should be no expectations with that, but when your partner is suppose to be loving towards you, it hurts like hell.

 

disclaimer: not throwing a woe as me pity party, just putting another way to look at rejection out there.

[ZA Dater]

I have never been "accepted", every person I have tried to date has rejected me. As my American friends would say I have a perfect strike out record, except for the most part I am usually stuck out after one pitch!

 

Does constant rejection make you feel worthless as a person, yes in my opinion it does, perhaps it would be akin to getting in the ring with a boxer and being stumped to the ground every time you get up.

 

Can you take positive away from rejection, doubtful in my opinion because its never really constructive rejection so you have no idea where to improve.

 

I will say this, rejection from someone who didn't really wow you is easier to handle than rejection from people where you really liked them and objectively there was no reason as to why a relationship with them would not work, that rejection lingers, especially if you don't meet many people you genuinely like.

[pewpew]

By rejected do you mean rejected by a random girl at a club or something or actually someone I had feelings for and they didn't feel the same way?

 

If the latter then it's happened to me twice and of course it sucked!

 

First one was probably harder because it was after my first Long term gf so it had taken me a while to allow myself to like someone again after it ended badly and I think it was a case of me reading the signals wrong as she said she saw me as her best friend so I was deep in the friend zone!

 

The other time was about a year ago I really liked this girl and thought she did too we would spend a lot of time together and did end up sleeping with each other but then when I thought we had something going she told me she had starting seeing someone and wanted it to be serious with him so that ended any hope of having a relationship with her.

 

Rejection is hard but you will pull through!

[ZA Dater]

An unfortunate side effect from constant rejection is the onset of cynicism and bitterness.

 

Well in my case anyway!

[Phoenician]

Wait until you get married ,you will be rejected daily

[Curious-One]

A few times, or even a dozen times, is so nothing. I have probably been rejected hundreds of times! I have also probably been with more women than most men you have ever talked to. Woody Allen once said that 90 percent of success is simply showing up, and I have to agree. The reason I have gone out (and to bed) with so many beautiful women is because I asked to. I'm not bragging; I'm just being real with you. Anyone else I've ever known who did well with women has said the exact same thing. If you talk to people who are professionally successful, they will tell you the same thing about their career track. They constantly put themselves out there to get to where they are now, and they get rejected way more than they get accepted. The only question is: how badly do you want it? I have an ambitious personality in several areas of my life, so I tend to go for it. I am still nervous, shy, and self-doubting. Believe me. But I feel the fear and do it anyway. You can too. It gets easier the more times you get rejected. After a while, you might even find you start to welcome it, strangely.

 

The reason you are so attached to this one girl is because of all the emotional chemicals and memories associated to her from years ago. She represents something significant to your mind, whether or not she is actually significant. It's kind of unusual if you think about it more, because you never really 'had' anything with her.

 

I say allow yourself to feel the pain right now. There's no getting around it. Keep putting yourself out there and taking risks with new women. I promise it will pay off.

 

This is 100% true and makes alot of sense. Also its not something i heard the first time but i still cant get over it. I wish i could go out there and approach 100 women get rejected 99 times and get one amazing girl and be happy but it just doesnt work that way for me for some reason.

 

I mean i was in great mood very positive as a matter of fact i have another gilr thats really interested in me and i was looking forward to dating her but ever since this happened i been misreable and dont even feel like dealing with the other girl.

 

I have never been "accepted", every person I have tried to date has rejected me. As my American friends would say I have a perfect strike out record, except for the most part I am usually stuck out after one pitch!

 

Does constant rejection make you feel worthless as a person, yes in my opinion it does, perhaps it would be akin to getting in the ring with a boxer and being stumped to the ground every time you get up.

 

Can you take positive away from rejection, doubtful in my opinion because its never really constructive rejection so you have no idea where to improve.

 

I will say this, rejection from someone who didn't really wow you is easier to handle than rejection from people where you really liked them and objectively there was no reason as to why a relationship with them would not work, that rejection lingers, especially if you don't meet many people you genuinely like.

 

I can only imagine ...i know constant rejection would hurt like hell but at the same time it has to mean you are doing something wrong. IF i had to guess it would be that you come of ass too boring/nice.

[Krieger]

That has never happened to me to be honest .

[Toodaloo]

Wait until you get married ,you will be rejected daily

 

Some one told me a joke today and it went along the lines of;

 

The local shop ran out of batteries so the local women started having to have sex with their husbands again.

 

As for the question regarding rejection.

 

I can't count.

 

I have been rejected for jobs, for relationships, for friendships...

 

Rejection is a part of life.

 

The trick is to accept who you are and that actually you will not be everyones cup of tea. But some people will adore you for the very same reasons that other reject you.

 

If you allow yourself to wallow it will do you no good at all.

 

Rejected romantically around 5-6 times in last week. Have rejected around the same amount as well.

[Haydn]

Rejected by and rejected some.. Normal.

 

But some people take rejection really badly to the point of seeking revenge.

 

They think about you daily. Susan Barbour slashed my tyres after i rejected her advances.

[martaldn]

countless times

[Haydn]

countless times

 

 

Never Marta!

[Toodaloo]

They think about you daily. Susan Barbour slashed my tyres after i rejected her advances.

 

I can understand how she would think of you daily but to slash the tyres on your car!!! YOUR car!!! Thats just destroying a work of art! Bitch.

[Haydn]

I can understand how she would think of you daily but to slash the tyres on your car!!! YOUR car!!! Thats just destroying a work of art! Bitch.

 

Don`t worry not that car:)

[martaldn]

Never Marta!

 

you know i always fall for dickheads!

[Toodaloo]

Don`t worry not that car:)

 

Phew...

 

Nasty bitch if she could do that to THAT car!

[candie13]

it's not the rejection, it's how the rejection makes you feel. If you have a low self esteem, rejection will amplify that down feeling. But if you're convinced you're amazing, you'd prob be thinking "that chick is mad, she's got not idea what she's missing"

 

irrelevant, she rejected you, you kinda liked her, you're a bit down. What you need to do is to reframe this: even if she did go out to a date with you, she wouldn't really like you. Even if she dated you and you were her bf... you can't make things happen for the other person, they either feel it or they don't. And only when your partner is into you, can magic happen. What I'm trying to say to you is to not feel bad because she did not respond. She's making you a favor. She's giving you clear No go signs. Now you know. So go and see a girl whom you like and who likes you back. It's with those girls you're gonna have the best of your time.

 

Basically all those rejecting you and you lingering after them are preventing you from meeting someone awesome. Now go and as TiB put it, keep movin'

[empresario]

Interesting question.

 

 

I used to be 'a nice guy'. Not in a good way. It's a philosophy about men that harbor a lot of hatred, jealousy, and self-loathing due to covert contracts. Over-simplification but that's the main point.

 

 

Back then I would get rejected often. And it made me angry. I didn't understand then what I do now. Rejection was something I took as me being fundamentally flawed when in fact I was (though it had nothing to do with my looks, personality, successes, etc...which is what I had to learn). It was 100% mental state.

 

 

In recent years, I can only think of being actually rejected...maybe twice. The one that was the most obvious rejection was from a girl that rejects everyone (a mid 20s girl that never had a relationship over a few months). For some reason I was confident she wouldn't reject me...well...because that's how I am.

 

 

I think over time, you either figure out your own rhythm and get rejected less, or you get rejected enough times (or learn to separate acceptance/rejection of a potential partner from your self-worth) and you just don't care. When that girl rejected me, I didn't even think twice about it. Why would I? I'm awesome. She's the one missing out. Then again, I am overly-confident to the point of arrogance.

[SycamoreCircle]

It's easier for me to remember the times I haven't been rejected, because I've been rejected SO much! But it doesn't matter. I know I'm a worthwhile person, full of genius and flaws, just like the person next to me and the person next to them---so why dwell on it?

 

Just be yourself. Better to be rejected for being you, than be accepted for being someone else.

[Spreeley713]

I've been rejected twice within the past two months. Both were by guys that I initiated with first. Decided that guys prefer the chase, so I'll never initiate first ever again.

[Redhead14]

The number doesn't matter. I am happy with my life even when I'm single. MY happiness doesn't rest in someone else nor does my sense of pride and dignity.