JJCaliGirl Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I've been chatting with a couple of fellas over the last week, and I'm wondering how to breach the meeting discussion without coming off as a pushy woman. My ex boy set the bar for this conversation and I would rather it not come from me but I am getting a little impatient and don't want pen pals. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 ask for help. house fixing.. driving somewhere far... ask for company to do something Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I've been chatting with a couple of fellas over the last week, and I'm wondering how to breach the meeting discussion without coming off as a pushy woman. My ex boy set the bar for this conversation and I would rather it not come from me but I am getting a little impatient and don't want pen pals. Thoughts? You're on a dating website. Dating websites are meant to make contact to meet How is offering to meet being pushy? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJCaliGirl Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Oh, I get that. I've never really had to ask to meet so it's foreign territory to me. I'm somewhat traditional in that manner. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 You could always use the old trick: So what does it take for you to invite a girl out for a coffee? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJCaliGirl Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 That works. I'm hoping at least one of the 2 men are receptive. I'll give them another day, and then I'll ask. Thanks, Gaeta. Link to post Share on other sites
pewpew Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 You could always use the old trick: So what does it take for you to invite a girl out for a coffee? Yep this works well! it let's them know you want to meet without coming across too forward or likely to scare someone off lol also a good way of sorting out those who actually will meet someone and those just treating you as a pen pal. Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Along those same lines "How long do you normally wait before asking a girl to meet"? But as a man, I'd be far more impressed if you just ask them out directly. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I've been chatting with a couple of fellas over the last week, and I'm wondering how to breach the meeting discussion without coming off as a pushy woman. My ex boy set the bar for this conversation and I would rather it not come from me but I am getting a little impatient and don't want pen pals. Thoughts? You simply say "it's been nice chatting here. There's nothing to lose if we have a short in-person meet up, is there? Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 If they don't ask for your number within 2 or 3 days, move on. Why ask him and risk rejection when most men will do it anyway? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 If they are not asking, move on. Loads of people only look for ego boosting. Others play mind games. Others like to have the upper hand. My recommendation: make them chase you, and do not ask them out. Absolutely next the guys if they don't ask you out and search from some more suitable new matches. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I think it's great when a woman tries to help a guy along and hint when he's not moving fast enough. But it's also a good a idea to let a guy act like one and take the lead. Do this : "It's been fun getting to know you so far. Call me, and we'll do our next email over the phone." (leave your number) If he calls, hopefully he'll bring up plans. But if you like talking to him and he still isn't asking you out during the call - "I bet you're even more fun to talk to in person. Where do you want to meet?" Then just be silent and let him make the plans. Link to post Share on other sites
eve_k Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I don't want pen pals. Is a legitimate thing to say. If anything they should be happy to hear you want to meet up as it's a local next step. Chatting online for too long only kills any chances of making it into something in reality, so don't worry, just tell them... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJCaliGirl Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 These are all great suggestions! I really appreciate the help. So, one guy asked if I was free this weekend, but has yet to ask for my phone number. The second guy hasn't asked, so I asked about coffee this weekend. He has yet to respond, but the thing that I don't get about him is that he checks my profile multiple times a day, so I assume he's interested. Fingers crossed! BUT, this is a different thread altogether, but I'm beginning to have second thoughts about putting myself out there so soon after the heartbreak. I need the distraction because my mind is not letting my heart get over my ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 My recommendation: make them chase you, and do not ask them out. . Sounds like being disingenuous and playing games. But I only expect people to be patient and be honest. Maybe its too much of me to ask? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 These are all great suggestions! I really appreciate the help. So, one guy asked if I was free this weekend, but has yet to ask for my phone number. The second guy hasn't asked, so I asked about coffee this weekend. He has yet to respond, but the thing that I don't get about him is that he checks my profile multiple times a day, so I assume he's interested. Fingers crossed! BUT, this is a different thread altogether, but I'm beginning to have second thoughts about putting myself out there so soon after the heartbreak. I need the distraction because my mind is not letting my heart get over my ex. Well how are things turning out? Regarding your second thoughts: it's healthy to get out and test the water. You don't have to jump into any relationship! You can go out, spend time with guys, and still move things at a slow pace. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJCaliGirl Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Well how are things turning out? Regarding your second thoughts: it's healthy to get out and test the water. You don't have to jump into any relationship! You can go out, spend time with guys, and still move things at a slow pace. Thanks for asking, Pogo! I went out with one of the guys this past weekend, and while I wasn't (and still not entirely) attracted to him, he made me laugh which is something I needed. We are planning something for this week. I haven't kissed him, and may not on the second date either. As you stated, test out the water and get out. As for the second guy, we exchanged a few texts and he disappeared. He did this with messaging on the site we're on, so it wouldn't surprise me if he texted me back sometime this week. He lives about 20 miles away from me which is not the best for me. I work long days, so extra traveling is tough. We'll see. There's actually a 3rd guy now. We have plans for Thursday. He would like to do dinner, and I'm wondering if I should suggest something else to keep the first date lighter. If you have any thoughts on this, I appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Just say this : "Since we haven't met each other yet, I'd rather start out with something simple like coffee or ice cream. That way if we don't click in person, there isn't a lot of money involved." If anything, the guy should appreciate that you're looking out for his best interests. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 ask for help. house fixing.. driving somewhere far... ask for company to do something For a first meet? No way to house fixing or driving somewhere far! Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Just say this : "Since we haven't met each other yet, I'd rather start out with something simple like coffee or ice cream. That way if we don't click in person, there isn't a lot of money involved." If anything, the guy should appreciate that you're looking out for his best interests. You've got to be kidding me!!! Hahaha Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJCaliGirl Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Just say this : "Since we haven't met each other yet, I'd rather start out with something simple like coffee or ice cream. That way if we don't click in person, there isn't a lot of money involved." If anything, the guy should appreciate that you're looking out for his best interests. This is a good suggestion, but I'm not sure if I'm 100% comfortable asking a stranger this. I would prefer we just walk around somewhere and keep it light and low key. What about suggesting walking around an outside shopping complex or downtown that way if we do click we could go have a drink or dinner? Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I disagree with the coffee / ice cream dates. You may need up to 45 minutes to determine attraction, dinner is perfect for this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJCaliGirl Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 I decided to go with his original dinner plan. Now another question, if I'm not feeling anything towards him throughout the night, do you think it is best for me to pay half to avoid leading him on or just let him pay the entire thing? Sorry for the questions, but most of the guys I've gone out with choose something very simple for a first date and not dinner. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) You've got to be kidding me!!! Hahaha You do realize it's an online first "meet" right? Dinner is a terrible idea because it's a complete stranger. Since you've never even met the person, you want to keep it as low key and inexpensive as possible. This makes it clear that there are no expectations either way. I decided to go with his original dinner plan. Now another question, if I'm not feeling anything towards him throughout the night, do you think it is best for me to pay half to avoid leading him on or just let him pay the entire thing? Sorry for the questions, but most of the guys I've gone out with choose something very simple for a first date and not dinner. Bad idea JJ. If only for the fact that you're already stressing over the bill if the date isn't great. If you're already uneasy heading into the date, how are you going to be able to fully relax? I wouldn't be a bit surprised if you spend the whole meet wondering if he likes you enough to justify spending more money on you, etc.. That's why suggesting you guys do something simple like ice cream, coffee, walking/chatting, etc takes all the pressure off because there's little to no money involved. I disagree with the coffee / ice cream dates. You may need up to 45 minutes to determine attraction, dinner is perfect for this. You do realize this is an online "meet" with a complete stranger right Gary? Dinner with someone you've never even seen or talked to in person is a BAD IDEA. There are plenty of things you can do to spend 1-2 hours with someone that is inexpensive or even free that takes all the pressure off with no expectations. Edited July 7, 2015 by fitnessfan365 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JJCaliGirl Posted July 7, 2015 Author Share Posted July 7, 2015 Bad idea JJ. If only for the fact that you're already stressing over the bill if the date isn't great. If you're already uneasy heading into the date, how are you going to be able to fully relax? I wouldn't be a bit surprised if you spend the whole meet wondering if he likes you enough to justify spending more money on you, etc.. That's why suggesting you guys do something simple like ice cream, coffee, walking/chatting, etc takes all the pressure off because there's little to no money involved. The date is on Thursday so I still have some time to suggest an alternative. The only reason for me asking about the check is that I know there's been discussion on here in the past about things like this. I'm a traditional girl, but am fine with going dutch if he chooses to split the check. At the end of the day, I'm keeping my mind open and approach all dates objectively, especially now since I'm getting over the ex. I do appreciate your suggestions and advice, FitnessFan. Link to post Share on other sites
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