futuregopher Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 We've gone out 3 times now and each time it has lasted 5-6 hours (often times she does suggest to get more drinks after dinner, etc) so I take that as an IOI. Physical interaction has only been two goodbye pecks. And she lives like an hour away by public transportation so I do feel kind of bad for inviting her out. I've never interacted with a girl that texts so infrequently though! It's usually 1-2 lines at most (with a random emoticon at the end) and she never initiates the conversation via text. When we hang out we talk a lot so I'm not sure if I am just overthinking this? Thank you LS! Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Who feeds conversations face to face? Also, if she lives 1 hour public transportation why don't you have dates closer to her or why not offer to pick her up at a main station closer to her so she doesn't have to go through an hour of bus. Link to post Share on other sites
disneyfan90 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I've noticed that some people just aren't big texters, so it's hard to gauge a person's interest just based on that alone. How she interacts with you in person is probably a much better indicator of how she feels about you. If I didn't have an interest in a guy, I certainly wouldn't be spending time with him for 5-6 hours. I'd find every way to cut it short. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuregopher Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Who feeds conversations face to face? Also, if she lives 1 hour public transportation why don't you have dates closer to her or why not offer to pick her up at a main station closer to her so she doesn't have to go through an hour of bus. The face to face conversations are usually 50/50. After dinner/main activity, she's the one to suggest drinks afterwards, etc. So I live in midtown manhattan and she lives in an outer borough so there's much more to do around where I live (and because I don't have a car in NYC :/). But you are right. I will make an effort to see her out there! I don't mind going out there; I personally think it's well worth it to see her. I just don't want to come off as desperate if you know what I mean? Thanks for the input Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I just don't want to come off as desperate if you know what I mean? Thanks for the input OMG seriously?? You think giving a break to a poor girl who's been traveling public transportation 3 TIMES to meet you will make you appear cligny!! If I were this woman's friend I would tell her enough of her traveling and you better start moving your butt towards her direction. What is this phenomenon that everyone is afraid of appearing cligny!! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 What is this phenomenon that everyone is afraid of appearing clingy!! I agree. I feel as if "clinginess" has become like, the absolutely worst thing to be in a relationship. Unfortunately, I think it's swung so far the other way that the desire to avoid coming off as clingy has resulted in appearing disinterested. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lovexocoach Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 It's time for you to go to her. That's not being clingy or desperate. That's showing interest and doing what a guy should do. She's done enough traveling. Hop to it or you'll lose her. And don't worry about the texting or lack thereof. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuregopher Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 OMG seriously?? You think giving a break to a poor girl who's been traveling public transportation 3 TIMES to meet you will make you appear cligny!! If I were this woman's friend I would tell her enough of her traveling and you better start moving your butt towards her direction. What is this phenomenon that everyone is afraid of appearing cligny!! Oh jesus. I think I have screwed up majorly here. I hope she is still willing to meet up again :x now I'm scared and nervous (seriously) lol... Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Oh jesus. I think I have screwed up majorly here. I hope she is still willing to meet up again :x now I'm scared and nervous (seriously) lol... Lets not panic :-) It's only Monday so I guess no plans for next date yet? Do you do weekdays dates or only weekends date? Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuregopher Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Lets not panic :-) It's only Monday so I guess no plans for next date yet? Do you do weekdays dates or only weekends date? So it's kind of complicated. Her parents/sister are visiting her for a few weeks possibly a few months from out of country. It's just been bad timing for both of us the past few weekends so we've only met on Friday, then Thursdays. She's been doing family stuff randomly the past few weeks so it's understandable she would prefer weekdays. I would normally consider being relegated to weekday status as a "not top priority" but it does make sense with her family out of town so I'll take a Thursday night over nothing haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 So you could ask her what is her availability this week and let her know you will make it easy on her and travel toward where she lives. I don't want to make you feel worse but, she has out-of-country visit and you let her travel 1 hour back and forth to meet you? and on weekdays evening? meaning she had to travel back to her place, in public transportation, by herself, late at night? You've got some catching up to do. Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Sounds like lots of inconveniences.. I normally would not date someone if its so inconvenient..Why do neither of you have a car?! Back to your original question..I'm inclined to say she is not that interested. On a scale of 1-10, maybe 5. My guess. I dont think whom traveling to whom is relevant here. It's not like she would text you none stop if you had visited her instead of her visiting you. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I just don't want to come off as desperate if you know what I mean? Please stop. You've been reading PUA sites too much and letting that garbage corrupt your mind. (I can tell by this and the fact that you used IOI in your opening post) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Wouldn't see it as a great sign. Girls have their phone glued to their hands, whether it be texting, instagram, Facebook, whatever other popular social media is next. Because so many women complain about guys acting clingy. Speaking for myself, as a man, I have noticed that any behavior that even resembles clingy will get me nexted faster than pretty much anything else I can do. Seconded. This sort of thing is as obvious as the sun rising I would've thought. Link to post Share on other sites
sydneysider1978 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I'm on the fence about this one. She continues to go on dates with you, but no kissing and little texting. She may be preoccupied with her visiting family. I'd suggest a couple of things, you could ramp up the texting a little. Or maybe don't text for a day then give her a quick sweet call one evening. The idea of going to her is good. Perhaps you could pick somewhere along the train line to her area. I'd be a little wary of going to close to her home, she may think you're going to push for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 We've gone out 3 times now and each time it has lasted 5-6 hours (often times she does suggest to get more drinks after dinner, etc) so I take that as an IOI. Physical interaction has only been two goodbye pecks. And she lives like an hour away by public transportation so I do feel kind of bad for inviting her out. I've never interacted with a girl that texts so infrequently though! It's usually 1-2 lines at most (with a random emoticon at the end) and she never initiates the conversation via text. When we hang out we talk a lot so I'm not sure if I am just overthinking this? Thank you LS! Well, it could be low interest or she's busy or doesn't really like texting or you've talked enough when you've been together, maybe, maybe, maybe . . . You could open a casual conversation to say something like "I like texting in between dates, how about you?" Or, you could just call her once in a while instead of texting. If she seems genuinely interested in you when you're out, why waste energy trying to analyze texting skills/habits. Find out if she even likes texting. It's only been 3 dates and some women let the man do all or most of the initiating in the very beginning until she's comfortable enough to do more of it. Give it a couple of more dates. Ask some questions in a light, casual, non-pressuring way. You just don't know her well enough yet to be wondering about all this kind of little stuff. And, send her a text and let her respond. If she responds but doesn't keep the conversation going, ask her if you can call her. Maybe she just prefers phone calls. if she is at least receptive and responsive and continuing to go on dates with you, that's a better clue than what she does with texting. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Since you've gone out 3 times already, it's a little strange that she doesn't text more with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 She has family from out of country over at her place. She is busy being with them and making sure they have everything they need. It's impolite to text in front of our guests. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Personally I have close to zero interest in texting someone in between dates. Other than to organise another date, I would prefer not to at all. This is in no way indicative of how I feel about them. I just fell all this constant texting these days is such complete bull****. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Personally I have close to zero interest in texting someone in between dates. Other than to organise another date, I would prefer not to at all. This is in no way indicative of how I feel about them. I just fell all this constant texting these days is such complete bull****. constant texting these days is such complete bull****. It's impersonal, unclear, causes misunderstandings, insincere and lazy way of communicating and entirely too much energy and analyzing being wasted by people who can't communicate effectively in person or on the phone talking. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author futuregopher Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Thanks for all the input everyone. So I asked another friend that is a girl (who said she used to charge guys for dating advice, lol) for her input. She said I was acting "beta" for giving in to traveling to meet her and that since she said yes to my dinner idea near her this time, that I should renege on my offer to travel to see her and pull a bait and switch. (BTW, I obviously don't agree with her assessment. I HATE going back on my word.) She never has her phone AT ALL during when we are hanging out in person so I think she just might not be a big phone person. Whatever lol, not a big deal. Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Thanks for all the input everyone. So I asked another friend that is a girl (who said she used to charge guys for dating advice, lol) for her input. She said I was acting "beta" for giving in to traveling to meet her and that since she said yes to my dinner idea near her this time, that I should renege on my offer to travel to see her and pull a bait and switch. (BTW, I obviously don't agree with her assessment. I HATE going back on my word.) She never has her phone AT ALL during when we are hanging out in person so I think she just might not be a big phone person. Whatever lol, not a big deal. It sounds like she is just one of those (rare these days) people who isn't tied to their phone. To me that's a plus! Our friend must be reading too much pua with that beta talk I think it's fine going to see her. Don't play games But long term is the distance an issue for you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Personally I have close to zero interest in texting someone in between dates. Other than to organise another date, I would prefer not to at all. This is in no way indicative of how I feel about them. I just fell all this constant texting these days is such complete bull****. I agree with this as well. In person communication is definitely the most important, and I don't mind touching base by phone from time to time. But aside from using texting to make/arrange plans, and a bit of flirty banter, I'd prefer to text as little as possible. However, one warning sign I'd look at would be the lack of physical escalation. Goodbye pecks are luke warm at best OP. My advice would be to take charge more on dates and be more physical with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 I can't figure out why everybody wants to use texting to have live conversations when it's so much easier to just dial and talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 futuregopher, this is gonna sound repetitive, 'cause it's already been said: From where I'm sitting, it looks like the girl is doing much more than you to make it possible for you to date (i.e. in order to commute, she's investing more time and physical effort than you are; then there's also the safety factor and the money, of course) but you're stressing out because she's not texting enough? As others have pointed out, that is an unbalanced situation. You're fortunate in that you're seeing somebody who's willing to make the effort where you're concerned. When you're in that kind of dating scenario, you respond by reciprocating, not by asking why she isn't doing more. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about: in a relationship I was in, the guy got too comfortable being on the receiving end of my effort. And he got comfortable complaining that I wasn't doing this or that enough... It got tired pretty fast. I don't think it's a gender thing, though. Male or female, people should approach dating with a give-and-take mentality. Trying to live up to PUA ideals or "the rules" just seems to give people a sense of entitlement: Makes them very vigilant about "what's that person doing for me?" to the expense of much else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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