oberkeat Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Aaargh! I just had another woman flake on me before a date, the second one in a month. We made plans for me to pick her up and go out to dinner tonight. Yet, when I texted asking what time is good to pick her up? Silence. Nothing. No reply. It’s things like this when it seems like finding the right girl is so utterly impossible. I have given dating my best effort, but maybe this is a sign I should give it up, admit the right woman’s just not out there and live with it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MonorailCat Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I feel you. In the last 2.5 months I had two girls with last minute cancellation who never responded again after that. Then I had a girl who said to me after two dates of passionate kissing and cuddling "I cant wait to see you again". Of course she never responded again. Then I had a girl who admitted she was a virgin after two dates when we were already naked in bed. I asked her if she was sure she wants to do that with me. She said yes and we had a great night and morning. Then a few days later she cancelled our next date and I never heard from her again. And now I am in the progress of being faded out again after five dates. And I really liked her. Taking a break right now. Dating is stressful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 ha... yeah, at times I think "oh, maybe my phone isn't working... I am not getting my texts responded to"... I mean... it is possible right? In general, probably better to set a time for meeting up before hand... Wondering if part of the issue is the reliance on texts.. So much easier for a girl to flake when it is a a text message.... I find the same thing happened with friends too (well, mainly with female friends though!). Makes me reconsider a lot of things. I should weed a bunch of people out of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 eh, you get used to it. I stopped making dates on the weekend because of all the flakes i'd meet both on & offline. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Yeah that happened to me so much that I Stopped dating the traditional way. Now I just make my own plans with me friends and invite. If they show up cool, if they don't, it doesn't put hole in your plans. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mapofyourhead Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 I've had multiple men flake on me. I even had one guy show up, pretend he didn't recognize me, and leave. He apologized after he left and asked if I wanted to set up another date (eff that). I don't think you should give up. Just take a break for a while and try again later. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mystikmind2005 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 If there is potential flakiness in that person then the sooner they flake, the better. Saves you wasting your time trying to build something on thin ice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author oberkeat Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 With the women I date, things always start off strong, with them showing tons of interest and expressing the desire to meet again, but then we get some time apart and the girls just seem to fade. It happens every time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 With the women I date, things always start off strong, with them showing tons of interest and expressing the desire to meet again, but then we get some time apart and the girls just seem to fade. It happens every time. I get that with guys too. Its why I am taking a break. I am fed up with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oberkeat Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 There's nothing I can do when I see a fade coming. Logically, I know it's best to move on. But it's so hard to do that when you really like the person. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Wow people are so rude....I never flaked out on anyone when I was dating. Why accept a date if you don't even want to?....I don't get it. Is it possible this has a lot to do with OLD? because it gives you unlimited options at your finger tips? so that make you an option of many? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author oberkeat Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 (edited) Wow people are so rude....I never flaked out on anyone when I was dating. Why accept a date if you don't even want to?....I don't get it. Is it possible this has a lot to do with OLD? because it gives you unlimited options at your finger tips? so that make you an option of many? I think that makes a lot of sense. I originally met her online. Yet another reason to ditch OLD. Women have unlimited options with it, so the guys are at such a severe disadvantage. Edited July 1, 2015 by oberkeat 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Oberkeat, Don't worry about this. This is life and dating. People do this. Just be glad she flaked now and not 6 months into a relationship. I had 2 guys turn up then make an excuse and leave. I had 2 guys not turn up. I had guys turn up, them tell me they wanted to get into a "sexual relationship quickly". I left. I had one guy turn up and tell me he liked girls with hair like - then he pointed to a girl nearby - I left. You need to develop a thick skin and press on. This is NOT about you. Good luck. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 What are you doing between the time the date is set up and the time the date actually occurs? Do you continue to engage them or do you go silent until the date? Also, who's idea is it to pick them up at their homes? Link to post Share on other sites
Author oberkeat Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 What are you doing between the time the date is set up and the time the date actually occurs? Do you continue to engage them or do you go silent until the date? Also, who's idea is it to pick them up at their homes? I try to chat with them moderately in the days or hours before the date. As far as making plans on where to meet, I'll say something like, "Want me to pick you up at your place, or do you want to meet at xx bar/restaurant?" I give them options. Starting the day after, I'll try to open up a conversation again, asking "How's your day going?" or "What are you up to?" or I'll mention something they talked about on the date, and then l try to set up the next date. It's usually after the first date that the flakes happen. I've had a string of one-and-done dates. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 It sounds as if you're doing everything right. Since it's hard to judge chemistry before you meet someone in person, many first dates via OLD unfortunately will be one-and dones. Most people aren't patient about trying a second or third date to determine if a connection will form. Link to post Share on other sites
Author oberkeat Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 It’s also possible she was dating one or two other guys and decided one of them was a better option than me. Link to post Share on other sites
angel.eyes Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Yes. That's always a possibility. There's not much you can do in that case. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 Wow people are so rude....I never flaked out on anyone when I was dating. Why accept a date if you don't even want to?....I don't get it. Is it possible this has a lot to do with OLD? because it gives you unlimited options at your finger tips? so that make you an option of many? Welcome to dating in 2015. Flaking is so common I'm convinced it's a natural mechanism in women. Whether OLD or social media, IDK. Only way to avoid it is to date down so you become the best looking guy they can get. Then I guess they don't flake cause they see you as the catch they've been looking for. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I'm just going by experience of which women practically throw themselves at me. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 It’s also possible she was dating one or two other guys and decided one of them was a better option than me. If not 2 other guys now, She knows someone else 'll come along soon and someone after that too. She'll hold out till she gets one who gives her butterflies. Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 It happened to me last Sunday. We emailed each other and spoke on the phone Friday night. He wanted to meet Sunday and I said good. He said I will call you or text you about meeting location. I never heard from him. He did not even bother to write and cancel it, or find an excuse to tell me. I hope he is not going to text me after 2 months! I will not ask him what happened. I will move on. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted July 1, 2015 Share Posted July 1, 2015 (edited) Aaargh! I just had another woman flake on me before a date, the second one in a month. We made plans for me to pick her up and go out to dinner tonight. Yet, when I texted asking what time is good to pick her up? Silence. Nothing. No reply. It’s things like this when it seems like finding the right girl is so utterly impossible. I have given dating my best effort, but maybe this is a sign I should give it up, admit the right woman’s just not out there and live with it. When you ask a woman out , never leave any details up in the air. You should have nailed down the day, place, and time right then. I mean you can't expect a woman you've never gone out with to hold her schedule indefinitely waiting for you to "let her know" the day of. Her flaking on you isn't a big surprise IMO. It happened to me last Sunday. We emailed each other and spoke on the phone Friday night. He wanted to meet Sunday and I said good. He said I will call you or text you about meeting location. I never heard from him. He did not even bother to write and cancel it, or find an excuse to tell me. I hope he is not going to text me after 2 months! I will not ask him what happened. I will move on. Kind of in the same vein here. Never let a guy make half hearted plans with you. If he says that he'll be in touch with the location, time, etc he is keeping options open and trying to decide who he wants to go out with more. Speaking as a guy, I can say that when I am serious about asking a woman out I make sure to take care of all the details right there. I'd never say "I'll get back to you". So my advice, if a guy pulls that with you again, don't be afraid to say "I have a busy schedule and only commit to definite plans. So we can make all the arrangements now, or get together another time when you're more sure." Edited July 1, 2015 by fitnessfan365 Link to post Share on other sites
Author oberkeat Posted July 1, 2015 Author Share Posted July 1, 2015 Well, I'll keep trying. As bruising as dating is, I find myself unable to quit. Link to post Share on other sites
TunaInTheBrine Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 (edited) Wow people are so rude....I never flaked out on anyone when I was dating. Why accept a date if you don't even want to?....I don't get it. Is it possible this has a lot to do with OLD? because it gives you unlimited options at your finger tips? so that make you an option of many? I share in your belief. In my 15 years of dating, I have never flaked or pulled a disappearing act on someone I was supposed to meet, and if at some point after the second date I felt we weren't a match, I let them know. I don't just vanish. I've only been stood up once. A handful of times, I had a first date planned and it was cancelled last second and they didn't reschedule (probably found a new guy they liked or something). These don't get to me as much. What drives me INSANE is when things seem to be going well, we're being intimate, conversations are great, etc... and then out of nowhere they start fading or just vanish. No explanation. There should be some kind of law against this, or an online system where you can rate people's dating ethics. It's not just OLD. It's consumerism culture as a whole and people's narcissism. We have lots of pickers, but no choosers. Edited July 2, 2015 by TunaInTheBrine Link to post Share on other sites
bluestealth Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 I've been experiencing the same thing using OLD and it's extremely frustrating. I'm getting plenty of numbers from girls but they almost always flake when it comes time to meet, even though they act like they're looking forward to seeing me. I thought dating was supposed to be fun and enjoyable but really it just sucks these days in an era full of narcissistic, rude, shallow people. I'm a Christian talking exclusively to other Christians, so you'd think these girls would have a little more character but they don't. I've thought about finding a singles group at a larger church but I'm wondering if people there will be any different than what I'm seeing online considering the girls I'm talking with online go to the same type of churches. Are the people outside of OLD any better considering how our culture has become? Link to post Share on other sites
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