Frequency of texting

[feelingtorn]

So, I met a single dad on Tinder about a month ago. He has two kids and takes care of them Thu through Sat. He may have other online profiles, but he is no longer on Tinder.

 

We have had three dates so far. One date a week. We have not even held hands yet. No physical contact.

 

He responds to my text right away, but unless I initiate a text, he only texts me once or twice a week. To mainly ask me if I am free. He always gives me a 2-3 day notice.

 

Is this normal? He is older than I am. Early 40s. I am used to daily texting.

[Gary S]

That's actually within the norm... in the beginning, people should primarily contact for the purpose of setting a date - you can talk more on the date. Besides, 93% of communication is body language anyway, which you don't get over the phones. Texting is poor communication.

 

That said, some people like to talk between dates when in a relationship. It might be a little early for that.

 

So, the way you guys are going it is fine.

[d0nnivain]

When he dated as young man texting didn't exist. With kids I think he's giving you a fair amount of communication but I'd be concerned about the lack of physical touching. Take his hand next time. If he doesn't step up his game after that I'd worry.

[feelingtorn]

When he dated as young man texting didn't exist. With kids I think he's giving you a fair amount of communication but I'd be concerned about the lack of physical touching. Take his hand next time. If he doesn't step up his game after that I'd worry.

 

Ha, that was my next question. Last week, I made dinner and we hung out at my place. I get extremely shy around him. We left the house right after dinner to check out a photo show. After the show, we shared ice cream and ended up walking towards his apt. He invited me in. A nice view, we chatted more. No physical contact. Ha.

 

I am seeing him tmrw again. How many dates before touching or sex?

[fitnessfan365]

1) You aren't his GF. So daily communication really isn't appropriate that early on IMO.

 

2) Dating is based on human interaction. Not typing keys on the phone. If you want to talk to him more often, start reaching out asking when he's free to see you.

[d0nnivain]

Some form of touching should have occurred by now but not necessarily sex.

 

I have stated this on LS before. DH did not kiss me until our 3rd date. I was incredibly frustrated. If he had not kissed me that night I would have broken up with him.

 

From what you described there have been hand holding opportunities. How shy are you two?

[Gary S]

That's true... if you two don't have your fist big kiss soon, you might loose interest. I usually recommend kissing by date 3.

[feelingtorn]

Some form of touching should have occurred by now but not necessarily sex.

 

I have stated this on LS before. DH did not kiss me until our 3rd date. I was incredibly frustrated. If he had not kissed me that night I would have broken up with him.

 

From what you described there have been hand holding opportunities. How shy are you two?

 

We are pretty shy. The last time he showed up at my place, I felt so shy that I had a temp memory loss when he asked me what I did the day before. I could not remember for the life of me.

 

When I went over to his place, we sat apart. Ha, we had a nice conversation. I left his place after an hour so because it was getting dark. When I said I should get going, I could tell he was a bit disappointed. When I left, he texted me right away saying he had a good time. We joked how shy we got and how we could overcome it next time.

[Gary S]

That's very cute!

[Gaeta]

That's actually within the norm... in the beginning, people should primarily contact for the purpose of setting a date - you can talk more on the date. Besides, 93% of communication is body language anyway, which you don't get over the phones. Texting is poor communication.

 

That said, some people like to talk between dates when in a relationship. It might be a little early for that.

 

So, the way you guys are going it is fine.

 

Who says it's the norm?

 

A man contacting me once a week only to set up a once a week date is not interested in getting to know me, he's only interested in going out on a date once a week and nothing more.

[Gary S]

People who are sincerely interested in each other will not loose the connection in only one week.

[JJCaliGirl]

Who says it's the norm?

 

A man contacting me once a week only to set up a once a week date is not interested in getting to know me, he's only interested in going out on a date once a week and nothing more.

 

I agree with you, Gaeta. I am making an assumption based on my own experience, but women want to feel desired. At the current rate with the OP and the single father, she's not which is why she's frustrated.

[Versacehottie]

So, I met a single dad on Tinder about a month ago. He has two kids and takes care of them Thu through Sat. He may have other online profiles, but he is no longer on Tinder.

 

We have had three dates so far. One date a week. We have not even held hands yet. No physical contact.

 

He responds to my text right away, but unless I initiate a text, he only texts me once or twice a week. To mainly ask me if I am free. He always gives me a 2-3 day notice.

 

Is this normal? He is older than I am. Early 40s. I am used to daily texting.

 

I think don't get too freaked out over it. A lot of guys often text to impart information only and are brief at best. I think he's making sure to set up fairly regular plans with you and give you notice--those are good signs. The physical contact, or lack thereof so far, could also be a good sign, in that he wants you to think good of him and that he doesn't have bad intentions. Plus you both are shy. I would actually be more concerned with changing up the physicality tomorrow then sorting out the texting. I think you should give him clear signals that you are open to touch and kissing--even go for it yourself. What have you got to lose?

 

BTW, the texting thing may not change much by the sound of it. You can try if you keep dating to ramp up the texting about small and funny things etc by initiating those yourself and see how he responds. If he's a good guy though, I wouldn't let it be a dealbreaker. Just ask yourself for you: is this type of contact so important to you that you cannot imagine a relationship without it? I bet you can get him to up it some but not a ton. Good luck tomorrow.

[alphamale]

yes its normal. once you two do the horizontal bop then he will text more.

[smackie9]

Hence the reason I didn't date shy guys......I felt frustrated just reading your post.

[Gaeta]

People who are sincerely interested in each other will not loose the connection in only one week.

 

People who are sincerely interested do not let more than 48 hours go by without touching base.

 

If we have a date together and you don't contact me for 7 days I will write you off. I will have written you off by the 3rd day with no news.

[Gaeta]

When I went over to his place, we sat apart. Ha, we had a nice conversation. I left his place after an hour so because it was getting dark. When I said I should get going, I could tell he was a bit disappointed. When I left, he texted me right away saying he had a good time. We joked how shy we got and how we could overcome it next time.

 

It's really nice. That's what a man is suppose to do. He's suppose to contact you and let you know he had a good time. He's also suppose to contact you between dates just to touch base. I think your guy likes you a lot but he's probably follow some stupid dating rules. If I were you I would initiate communication between dates to show him you're into that kind of stuff. I am not talking whole conversations on text, I am talking 3-4 messages to say hello and wish each other a good day.

[fitnessfan365]

People who are sincerely interested do not let more than 48 hours go by without touching base.

 

If we have a date together and you don't contact me for 7 days I will write you off. I will have written you off by the 3rd day with no news.

 

Haha.. Find this hard to believe Gaeta. Especially since you're considering still getting together with a guy that disappeared and didn't say word one to you for three weeks.

 

BTW - Communication is a two way street. If the guy is being consistent and planning dates, you should return the favor by reaching out and initiating communication if you want to talk between them. The guy shouldn't have to do everything.

[Gaeta]

Haha.. Find this hard to believe Gaeta. Especially since you're considering still getting together with a guy that disappeared and didn't say word one to you for three weeks.

 

BTW - Communication is a two way street. If the guy is being consistent and planning dates, you should return the favor by reaching out and initiating communication if you want to talk between them. The guy shouldn't have to do everything.

 

1ST paragraph: And when he called after 3 weeks I told him to call himself an escort

 

2ND 100% agree

[Versacehottie]

He's suppose to contact you and let you know he had a good time. He's also suppose to contact you between dates just to touch base. I think your guy likes you a lot but he's probably follow some stupid dating rules.

 

I just have to point out the irony in you saying this or believing (?) it....when your post just prior...had a "rule". One that I would consider silly. Not trying to be mean but how is this double standard serving you? I don't think it raises the quality of people or their level of interest if they are supposed to be following a rule book that they don't have ahold of. Plus, just my personal preference but sure it applies to a portion of the population, I don't particular find myself fond of people with rigid and arbitrary rules. That said, I'm sure it weeds them out.

[Gaeta]

I just have to point out the irony in you saying this or believing (?) it....when your post just prior...had a "rule".

 

Do you mean my post about moving on if a man takes 7 days to contact me? That's not a rule at all, if a man doesn't contact me for 7 days I lose interest. There is nothing I can do about it it's just how I am.

[Versacehottie]

People who are sincerely interested do not let more than 48 hours go by without touching base.

 

If we have a date together and you don't contact me for 7 days I will write you off. I will have written you off by the 3rd day with no news.

 

I mean this belief: People who are sincerely interested do not let more than 48 hours go by without touching base.

 

These rules: If we have a date together and you don't contact me for 7 days I will write you off. I will have written you off by the 3rd day with no news

 

I guess I hear you if you're saying that you truly "lose" interest without contact in this amount of time, but then I have to question how real your own interest was to begin with? And what was it based on? And was that communicated to your potential love interest upfront (which as an aside, I would find extremely off-putting)? But hey, to each her own.

 

Back to OP, i again stand by saying that I don't find the level of contact particularly weird. I think you need to speak up at some point in near future before a pattern sets in that you can't live with. I wouldn't let a great guy go if the amount he texted wasn't what I was used to. And the corollary to that is that a great guy will probably compromise on it some to make you happy once he knows and a more significant relationship (than 3 dates) has been established. To Gaeta's point (i think?), it could potentially mean he is not that interested. Not my take at all but it could be.

[sunshine2]

I met a guy online. We were on our third date and no touching had occured whatsoever. I asked him about it on that date I believe. I had nothing to lose since I was not invested yet and was dating someone else as well. I forget how I asked him though, but he said something like I like hugging and hold hands. That gave him the green light to kiss me that day when he left.

 

I am still dating him, but guess what, he is not a very affectionate guy. So he was just being himself on that date, it had nothing to do with date 1,2,3 or 4. It is what it is.

 

I do struggle with it at times cause I like touch, so I will initiate sometimes and he will reciprocate. So your guy may be just shy or not as affectionate as you are used to. If you are both shy, it might take many dates to get to kissing. LOL

[katiegrl]

Do you mean my post about moving on if a man takes 7 days to contact me? That's not a rule at all, if a man doesn't contact me for 7 days I lose interest. There is nothing I can do about it it's just how I am.

 

 

Gaeta please....come on now.

 

Did not jewelry guy "recently" contact you after disappearing again for however many weeks (after you told him to "get an escort" when he reappeared after his FIRST disappearance)....and you told us you still felt chemistry with him and were considering going out with him again, giving him "another" chance?

 

What am I missing?

Edited June 27, 2015 by katiegrl

[Gaeta]

Gaeta please....come on now.

 

Did not jewelry guy "recently" contact you after disappearing again for however many weeks (after you told him to "get an escort" when he reappeared after his FIRST disappearance)....and you told us you still felt chemistry with him and were considering going out with him again, giving him "another" chance?

 

What am I missing?

 

He got back in touch. I felt like seeing him cause the sex is awesome and I have no problem managing casual sex.

 

I do feel the chemistry but I know there is no relationship for me there, and I said it in my thread. He feels the chemistry but he's not looking for a relationship we clarified that.

 

I have never said I am considering giving him a chance. I said I am not into going with the flow shyt. I was only happy him and I had a heart to heart and I got to know about being intimidating and I can make changes in my dating life.

 

I already got a new man.