OLD Rejection vs Cold Approach Rejection (can't handle)

[harkkam]

I just wanted to get your opinion on a few things. I'm a 28 y.o male.

 

As a guy I really like OLD because it makes the whole approaching job for me much easier.

 

For me getting rejected in person really stings, I know because I've tried a couple times at bars and clubs. If I try to approach a woman and she rejects me, I usually feel bad about it for about a week and don't approach any other women that night.

 

I know that men are supposed to be "alpha" and have strong confidence but I've seen other men who get rejected at bars who look very confident and then lose their steam.

 

Most men at bars or clubs don't even try, they just stand in groups looking at women or they just stick to their friends and maybe chat with a person next to them.

 

Very rarely do I see guys who go can truly manage the numbers game approach in real life. That's seeing a woman, saying hi, getting rejected and then two minutes later seeing another woman and approaching her.

 

Now there may be men who can do this, but when push comes to shove they hesitate. I've asked many guys to come be my wingman and go talk to a group of women, but they always decline.

 

The problem with approaching women at bars or clubs for me is that's it's so inefficient.

 

1. I don't know if she is single

2. I don't know if my race is an issue (middle eastern looking)

3. I don't know if I'm attractive to her

4. She's in a group with 5 women making it hard to talk to her

 

With OLD especially on OKC when I have a match with a woman I at least know that she is single, and attracted to me and my race isn't an issue.

 

Also I studied the statistics that OKC put out on race, the reason I'm mentioning this is that I live in an upper class majority white area. When I go to bars and clubs they are usually filled with 90% whites. I read in the report OKC did that white women 50-60% prefer to date their own race.

 

I'm not judging, to each their own, but based on those results and many personal experiences and stories from my friends it seems like that people of any color have a higher rejection rate from white women. Again I'm not angry or upset or demand that white women date other ethnicities.

 

With cold approaching when I see an attractive white women I don't bother because I just assume now that the probability that my skin color is an issue is considerable.

 

It definitely does suck when the thought crosses your mind that somebody doesn't like you for things you can't control/change like race. I guess it's the same for short guys.

 

The reason I made this post was to see what others thought about just sticking to OLD. For all the reasons mentioned, and how hard I take in person rejection I think cold approaching is very inefficient and quite confidence destroying.

 

Yes I know that there are PUAs that go out and cold approach but their specific goal is to get laid on that night and I had a time when I slept around a bit and it made me feel unhappy. I need to know a woman a bit before I sleep with her and feel comfortable with it lol.

 

Am I "punking" out by giving up on cold approaching, something most men can't even do in my experience?

[JuneJulySeptember]

OK.

 

Everything you said I mostly agree with.

 

Cold approach is tough. OLD is a little easier IMO.

 

A few things...

 

1) 60% of white women will only date white men. Sounds about right. Do you need to date white women? What about middle eastern women? Also, being a middle eastern guy generally isn't too bad. It's somewhere below Latino. Asian, Indian, and black guys (who are attracted to white women) all have it much worse. I've seen a # of Match.com profiles that like middle-eastern guys.

 

2) Cold approach for me and my friends was generally more of a drinking game. Very rarely did any of us get a phone number and it was once in a blue moon that any of us got laid. And I was near the bottom of my social group in terms of getting women. So, you can gauge your potential success in the bar/club scene by how your friends do.

 

3) Rejection is hard in bar/club circuit. Some women were really mean about it. I can remember trying to talk to a woman and they would ignore me and keep on talking to their friend like I wasn't even there. I used to come home depressed. It's tough, but then again, it's just something guys in their 20s do. They hit on women and women reject them.

[Gary S]

Offline and online dating both have their pluses and minuses.

 

It's true that rejection tends to be softer online.... most just never write you, and it's not "in your face" rejection like offline.

 

For offline dating, instead of hitting on the women or buying them drinks, see which ones hit on you first. Make sure you workout. Joke and talk to women, men, little kids, grandmas, everyone.

 

By the way, forget about race - the truth is, you never know who will like you. Plus, you can't change your color. Why worry about things you can't change? It won't help you.

 

If you really want to do well offline, get a part-time sales job in a woman's store.

[preraph]

Look, nobody likes rejection, but everybody on the planet experiences it. You are going to feel bad for a minute, but you can't let it alter your opinion of yourself. A woman may not want you for any one of millions of reasons, few of which have to do with a defect in yourself. She may be hung up on an ex or she may have a big crush on someone and can't focus on anyone else. In public, there may be someone there she feels constrained around. She may like only blond guys or be subconsciously looking for a guy who reminds her of her dad and nothing else will do. She may only like hairy guys or unhairy guys or long hair or short hair. She may only like funny guys or she may only like serious ones. She may still be looking for the prince from her storybooks and feel she's settling if she finds anything less.

 

It always stings, but when you are talking to a stranger who doesn't know you and vice versa, you simply cannot take it personally. Now, on the other hand, if this is someone you've known for awhile and decided to hit on and you finally ask her out and she says, "My dad would never let me go out with you because he knows about your DWI," THEN you can take it personally.

[harkkam]

OK.

 

Everything you said I mostly agree with.

 

Cold approach is tough. OLD is a little easier IMO.

 

A few things...

 

1) 60% of white women will only date white men. Sounds about right. Do you need to date white women? What about middle eastern women? Also, being a middle eastern guy generally isn't too bad. It's somewhere below Latino. Asian, Indian, and black guys (who are attracted to white women) all have it much worse. I've seen a # of Match.com profiles that like middle-eastern guys.

 

2) Cold approach for me and my friends was generally more of a drinking game. Very rarely did any of us get a phone number and it was once in a blue moon that any of us got laid. And I was near the bottom of my social group in terms of getting women. So, you can gauge your potential success in the bar/club scene by how your friends do.

 

3) Rejection is hard in bar/club circuit. Some women were really mean about it. I can remember trying to talk to a woman and they would ignore me and keep on talking to their friend like I wasn't even there. I used to come home depressed. It's tough, but then again, it's just something guys in their 20s do. They hit on women and women reject them.

 

 

Hey thanks for your reply. Yeah I date all kinds of women, I don't have to just date white women. I just mentioned that because that's the majority of women that are in my area in bars and clubs. Online I message every ethnicity of woman

 

 

But yeah cold approaching in real life sucks big time. I can't handle it. My confidence is destroyed for a while.

 

Online dating rejection pain is close to zero. I spam the okcupid quick match and tinder swipe right and let the women come to me and pick out the ones I like. Basically playing the numbers game that I couldn't do in real life

[JuneJulySeptember]

But yeah cold approaching in real life sucks big time. I can't handle it. My confidence is destroyed for a while.

 

It was tough. I miss hanging out in bars with all my friends, but I don't miss those days of all going out to look for women.

 

Another thing people may not realize is that every night, you're kind of out there competing with your buddies. A lot of times I'd be talking to a woman and she would end up hooking up with my buddy. That's rough on your confidence. That happened quite a few times. It never went the other way.

 

So, actually my friends did a bit better than I originally remembered.

 

With OLD, you're not competing with your buddies.

[Vercetti]

Don't go out with a group of single guys. If must be in a bar or club, simply watch who wish to approach and or then post yourself in a position where could get some welcome approach signs. Can be bold without putting yourself out. The dynamics of opportunity is impossible to express, what doesn't work is better then thinking know what works. Eliminating variables is the best advice have, hence my first sentence...going out with a group of single guys causes issues.....so don't do it.