Jame22 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 "I'm so sorry, I completely forgot, but I have to do X, Y, and Z. Can I take a raincheck?" What the hell is wrong with woman? Over the past month or so this has happened to me 4 times by two girls. It's really getting old. -Girl One: I don't really care about, because I haven't even met her yet. -Girl Two: I've been on one date with her and I'm definitely attracted to her but but I haven't been able to set a 2nd date with her. She cancelled our date last week because she "had too much to do before going out of town"- she was out of town last weekend for a bachelorette party. She sent me this long apology saying that she promised she wasn't blowing me off and that she really wanted to hang out with me. I told her that I understood and to text me when she got back in town so we could figure something out. She responded with "I definitely will :)" She's been home for 5 days and I haven't heard anything yet. Am I really expected to initiate anything after she pulled all that crap? It's not going to happen. I've been watching a lot of Corey Wayne videos lately (don't worry he's not a PUA) and he suggests that when a girl blows you off more than once you shouldn't take her on any more dates and just invite her over to your place to hang out, cook dinner, drink wine and hook up. If she declines your offer you respond with "Shoot me a text when you change your mind" and then walk away. In my experience, most woman will come back if you don't chase them and I have a good feeling that this girl will be back eventually. As much as I'd love to date her..I haven't seen her in about a month. I think I'm going to give Wayne's route a try. Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
deathandtaxes Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Happens once, give them benefit of the doubt. Happens twice, they're making up bs why they won't go out with you but don't have the guts to tell you as much. You've had one date with the lady and she's made an excuse and apologized and won't text? I think she's already ghosted on you. Don't waste another text. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I've been flaked on a couple times recently. Once by a girl I fancied, and then earlier this week by a girl I was supposed to meet for drinks (this one didn't really bother me much though, I had other plans ready) It happens... just gotta roll with it and move on. If they flake/cancel and don't make an effort, I shy away from giving them a 2nd chance. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Yea, I'm not a big advocate of providing second opportunities after a girl cancels. I certainly wouldn't ask them out again either nor text them again. IF they texted me and asked me out, yes I'd agree to it. We all know the facts. If a girl likes you, she's going to rearrange everything to see a guy she likes again and if she has a legitimate excuse in canceling, she'll set a new date when she cancels. She won't say, "let's reschedule soon". Keep getting in front of new prospects. Dating is like sales calls. You have to make many of them to get that sell. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 (edited) Yea, I'm not a big advocate of providing second opportunities after a girl cancels. I certainly wouldn't ask them out again either nor text them again. IF they texted me and asked me out, yes I'd agree to it. We all know the facts. If a girl likes you, she's going to rearrange everything to see a guy she likes again and if she has a legitimate excuse in canceling, she'll set a new date when she cancels. She won't say, "let's reschedule soon". Keep getting in front of new prospects. Dating is like sales calls. You have to make many of them to get that sell. What's your opinion on deleting them from social media? Usually this stuff doesn't bother me too much but this situation is really making me bitter. She went out of her way to ensure me that she wasn't blowing me off....and then continued to blow me off. I may be jumping the gun since it's only been 5 days, but If I don't hear from her this weekend I think I'm going to burn the bridge. Edited June 5, 2015 by Jame22 Link to post Share on other sites
KSCHV Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I've been flaked on a couple times recently. Once by a girl I fancied, and then earlier this week by a girl I was supposed to meet for drinks (this one didn't really bother me much though, I had other plans ready) It happens... just gotta roll with it and move on. If they flake/cancel and don't make an effort, I shy away from giving them a 2nd chance. Where you at in the Midwest? You sure seem to swing the ladies. Wanna play wingman if your close? Lol Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 In general, texting, social media, and smart phones make it a lot easier to flake out on our commitments. There are articles about this trend. I am not surprised that it would transfer over to the dating world. Of course, you have to view that like you would a friend that constantly flakes. Worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Day of flake texts are a common occurrence with OLD. Just comes with the territory. If I have a first date with a woman and she sends a cancel text with no re-schedule mention, I don't even respond. I just delete her from my phone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EgoJoe Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Delete from social media and next them both. You're an option. Be the entrée. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 What's your opinion on deleting them from social media? Usually this stuff doesn't bother me too much but this situation is really making me bitter. She went out of her way to ensure me that she wasn't blowing me off....and then continued to blow me off. I may be jumping the gun since it's only been 5 days, but If I don't hear from her this weekend I think I'm going to burn the bridge. A couple of thoughts here- 1) What social media? Yea, I wouldn't waste 5 seconds on this one cause she's clearly not into you. Delete, etc.. 2) Don't put all your eggs in one basket while dating. Try to have several candidates on the line all at once. This way you don't find yourself putting all your attention on the only one in the pipeline. If you meet one girl and it's going places, flush the rest and focus on her. Until you close to being in a relationship, you have to have several girls on the hook. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 A couple of thoughts here- 1) What social media? Yea, I wouldn't waste 5 seconds on this one cause she's clearly not into you. Delete, etc.. 2) Don't put all your eggs in one basket while dating. Try to have several candidates on the line all at once. This way you don't find yourself putting all your attention on the only one in the pipeline. If you meet one girl and it's going places, flush the rest and focus on her. Until you close to being in a relationship, you have to have several girls on the hook. Just Facebook. I opened a tab at the bar under my last name and she found me on facebook. I don't like to be friends with girls I'm dating but I figure it's always better to accept a request than give an excuse or ignore them. I'm going to give her a few more days. I think a week is fair, but after that to hell with her. If she wants me back she'll have to go the FWB route Like I said before, I usually don't get this pissed off by one girl. But I feel like this girl is playing me. Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I think the bigger issue is your anger with regards to this... I know it is hard but I think ideally it would be better to get to the state where a girls flaking doesn't even phase you and you just move on to the next. I even have a female friend who has been super flakey in the past. I have no interest in dating her and I have since decided I won't ask her to hang out anymore going forward. If I run into her along with other friends i will talk to her but not to putting any other effort into it. In general, I think the two strike rules works well. Give the person the benefit of the doubt. The girl might be nervous to contact /ask you out. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 Just Facebook. I opened a tab at the bar under my last name and she found me on facebook. I don't like to be friends with girls I'm dating but I figure it's always better to accept a request than give an excuse or ignore them. I'm going to give her a few more days. I think a week is fair, but after that to hell with her. If she wants me back she'll have to go the FWB route Like I said before, I usually don't get this pissed off by one girl. But I feel like this girl is playing me. There's nothing wrong with leaving her as a possible candidate but I certainly wouldn't reach out to her again. Maybe your silence will get her to reengage again. In the mean time, find some other potentials and go out with them as well. I know in all my time OLD, it wasn't a good sign if they did what she's doing. Sometimes when I stopped contacting them, they might show back up but I knew I wasn't their first choice. If I had nothing else going on and they asked me out, I go with them. If they reappeared and just wanted to text I'd lose my patience and vanish. Link to post Share on other sites
Villainous Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 If you've been watching Corey Wayne videos then you ought to know by now not to show your negative emotions (i.e. your bitterness) to a woman. Be as bitter as you want, but don't show it. Your feelings will pass. I would not delete her. Keep her around because you never know. It's good to have an entire skulk of vixens around you instead of just focusing on one or two, because more than likely, they will let you down at some point. And when you become emotional about it, then you appear as "needy" and that's one of the biggest turnoffs. And the best way to avoid looking needy is to not be needy by having many women around that you are talking to or doing other things with! Some of the best relationships I've had are from women who flaked out on me at first. Let them have their space. Show them that it doesn't bother you (and because you have other women around, why should it?). They will wonder why you were not bothered and the attraction in them starts up again. And if it doesn't then to hell with them. After all, you've got many other women around you to choose from. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
J21 Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 " I've been watching a lot of Corey Wayne videos lately (don't worry he's not a PUA) and he suggests that when a girl blows you off more than once you shouldn't take her on any more dates and just invite her over to your place to hang out, cook dinner, drink wine and hook up. If she declines your offer you respond with "Shoot me a text when you change your mind" and then walk away. Any thoughts? I have no idea who this guy is, I don't really care for it but if this isn't you, then don't this this kind of behavior. It takes two people to date--as in you can't be doing all the work. If girl 2 doesn't call you back, then whatever, move on with your life. It's ONE date, it doesn't hold any weight. If a girl likes you, she will want to see you again and definitely remember to get back to you. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I think the bigger issue is your anger with regards to this... I know it is hard but I think ideally it would be better to get to the state where a girls flaking doesn't even phase you and you just move on to the next. I even have a female friend who has been super flakey in the past. I have no interest in dating her and I have since decided I won't ask her to hang out anymore going forward. This is a great point. You'll find out to NOT take it personally when girls do this. There could be a million reasons she's being flaky and it might not have anything to do with you. You can't take it personally where it angers you. It's just how it goes in the dating world. I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't have time for flaky people in my life. I recently had a female friend move back here. My GF and I bent over backwards to help her and keep her busy. She was the classic "take, take, take" personalities without ever reciprocating. One of those friends at her convenience types. Um, yea.. She got blown off. Who has time for $hit people in their lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted June 5, 2015 Author Share Posted June 5, 2015 If you've been watching Corey Wayne videos then you ought to know by now not to show your negative emotions (i.e. your bitterness) to a woman. Very very true, It's hard sometimes but you're 100% spot on. Link to post Share on other sites
Villainous Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 Very very true, It's hard sometimes but you're 100% spot on. Well that's what you've got to work on then. Be the same person whether you're happy, sad, angry, etc. This should help: Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 I have never cancelled a date with a guy from a dating site, as that's the whole purpose of taking it 'offline.' If something were to truly come up last minute and I couldn't make it, I would suggest another day right away if I were truly interested in meeting the guy. I think if a girl flakes early on and doesn't get another plan in order right after cancelling, a) she's not interested or b) it's not meant to be or c) both and definitely d) not worth it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jame22 Posted June 7, 2015 Author Share Posted June 7, 2015 I have never cancelled a date with a guy from a dating site, as that's the whole purpose of taking it 'offline.' If something were to truly come up last minute and I couldn't make it, I would suggest another day right away if I were truly interested in meeting the guy. I think if a girl flakes early on and doesn't get another plan in order right after cancelling, a) she's not interested or b) it's not meant to be or c) both and definitely d) not worth it. Most girls don't flake on me. Maybe I've just been lucky and that's why I've been so frustrated lately. I'm not used to this I've had girls ignore me and i've had girls try to friendzone me but I rarely have a girl act like this. Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 I would follow up with her once more and if she blows you off this time, then you can have the peace of mind knowing you made the effort, since you are attracted. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. If it makes you feel better, I've had some unusual things happen lately too, which haven't been the most pleasant. It's not your fault if the girl blows you off or ignores you, so definitely don't take it to heart, and don't let it dash your hopes for future prospects. Link to post Share on other sites
Cowboysnation Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 some of the most popular excuses to break a date are something dealing with family, their job, or health. Link to post Share on other sites
lovexocoach Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 You have no idea whether her excuses are real or not. But, if she's cancelled on you that many times in a month then she's very likely not interested. If she were interested she'd make the effort. You could continue to ask her out, but is she really worth it? If not, then time to move on and chalk that one up to experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Lansing Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 You have no idea whether her excuses are real or not. But, if she's cancelled on you that many times in a month then she's very likely not interested. If she were interested she'd make the effort. You could continue to ask her out, but is she really worth it? If not, then time to move on and chalk that one up to experience. These are different girls OP is talking about Link to post Share on other sites
NC-Thomas Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 (edited) Flakes happen all the time, I got flaked on 2 times in the last 2 months. I feel this articles explains it properly (but the exact reason is always hard to find): Why Women Flake: The 5 Things You Can?t Control | Girls Chase My rule of thumb: If she flakes once and I set up the date: she will have to propose a new time / day, otherwise its over for me. If she flakes another time after the first flake, its basically over for me. Especially when she cancels on very short notice. Never give effort to girls that flake... (unless for a very good reason) They have to want to date you. Edited June 7, 2015 by NC-Thomas Link to post Share on other sites
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