He needs to think about it ?

[Gaeta]

Dear LS friends:

 

Two weeks ago I met a man and we instantly felt in like with each other. We met in a waterfront park and 30 minutes later we're rolling in the grass kissing and laughing. That type of instant connection.

 

He turned out to be a really great guy. He is very serious about finding the right woman for a lasting relationship. On our first meeting he even showed me his license to ID himself. That first week he invited me to his work and gave me a guided tour of the Port (he's supervisor). He said I can drop there to see him anytime I want. He noticed my car was dirty and got it cleaned. He's a sweetheart and definitely a man of actions, his love language is being of service. He told me I bring out the best in him, he feels he finally met a real woman, one that is mature intelligent serious feminine and sexy.

 

So two weeks went by we started making plans to spend most of the weekend together so I had to tell him about my deal (carrying hsv-2). I went to see him and told him about it. Poor man, it was like I shattered his dreams right there. He told me several times how he appreciated my honesty and how it proves I am the type of honest woman he thought I was. He said he needed to think about it and let the news set in and we'll talk later that night. He kissed me good bye and I left.

 

He's been silent ever since. I checked online and he has not logged in since we met 2 weeks ago.

 

Last night I was getting a little edgy and contacted him via text. I said I would appreciate he doesn't do a disappearing act on me and just let me know he doesn't wish to pursue. He replied he was not fading away, he was still thinking about it. He said nothing more. I said ok then, I will let you sort it out the way you need to and he replied good night.

 

I don't know what to make of this. I have never met someone that needed to think about it. I usually get a straight yes or no. And how long does someone need to think about it? It is just a way of distancing himself so coming up with a no will be easier?

 

What is going on in that man cave?

[ja123]

It sounds like he's seriously considering whether to pursue or not and just needs more time.

 

 

He's probably doing research on HSV-2.

 

 

Try to keep yourself busy. It sounds like he won't fade, but will contact you when he is ready.

 

 

Good for you for being honest!

[dyna85]

If I were you, I would not waste a single second longer on this guy. Two weeks is too long to 'think about it' in my opinion. I think he's doing you a disservice and not very kind to be keeping you in limbo like this. I mean, who is that patient? I would consider it a done deal and move on and take his silence for a definite no.

 

I also think he's not as special as you think he is. His silence shows his true colors.

 

Don't know about you, but I'd want a guy to just be straight up and say yes or no so that I could move on, and would lose respect for someone who was too cowardly to do so, as this guy is proving to be.

 

This is not the guy for you. Just the fact that you got edgy and had to initiate communication with him after 2 wks of silence demonstrates this.

 

Others may say give him a chance to come around, but I personally feel that you deserve someone who is more straightforward and honest and respectful of others as you are.

 

I know it sucks when you meet someone with whom the sparks fly, but you don't know a person right away. You get to know a person through his/her actions, and this person's actions aren't desirable, IMO.

[lgspot]

Dear LS friends:

 

Two weeks ago I met a man and we instantly felt in like with each other. We met in a waterfront park and 30 minutes later we're rolling in the grass kissing and laughing. That type of instant connection.

 

He turned out to be a really great guy. He is very serious about finding the right woman for a lasting relationship. On our first meeting he even showed me his license to ID himself. That first week he invited me to his work and gave me a guided tour of the Port (he's supervisor). He said I can drop there to see him anytime I want. He noticed my car was dirty and got it cleaned. He's a sweetheart and definitely a man of actions, his love language is being of service. He told me I bring out the best in him, he feels he finally met a real woman, one that is mature intelligent serious feminine and sexy.

 

So two weeks went by we started making plans to spend most of the weekend together so I had to tell him about my deal (carrying hsv-2). I went to see him and told him about it. Poor man, it was like I shattered his dreams right there. He told me several times how he appreciated my honesty and how it proves I am the type of honest woman he thought I was. He said he needed to think about it and let the news set in and we'll talk later that night. He kissed me good bye and I left.

 

He's been silent ever since. I checked online and he has not logged in since we met 2 weeks ago.

 

Last night I was getting a little edgy and contacted him via text. I said I would appreciate he doesn't do a disappearing act on me and just let me know he doesn't wish to pursue. He replied he was not fading away, he was still thinking about it. He said nothing more. I said ok then, I will let you sort it out the way you need to and he replied good night.

 

I don't know what to make of this. I have never met someone that needed to think about it. I usually get a straight yes or no. And how long does someone need to think about it? It is just a way of distancing himself so coming up with a no will be easier?

 

What is going on in that man cave?

How old is he and what is his relationship history?

 

Sounds like he may be in consultation with his with his head, heart, and man bits..... He wants to say no, but he likes you and you've sparked his interest. Have a bit of patience with him.

[Gaeta]

If I were you, I would not waste a single second longer on this guy. Two weeks is too long to 'think about it' in my opinion. I think he's doing you a disservice and not very kind to be keeping you in limbo like this. I mean, who is that patient? I would consider it a done deal and move on and take his silence for a definite no.

 

I also think he's not as special as you think he is. His silence shows his true colors.

 

Don't know about you, but I'd want a guy to just be straight up and say yes or no so that I could move on, and would lose respect for someone who was too cowardly to do so, as this guy is proving to be.

 

This is not the guy for you. Just the fact that you got edgy and had to initiate communication with him after 2 wks of silence demonstrates this.

 

Others may say give him a chance to come around, but I personally feel that you deserve someone who is more straightforward and honest and respectful of others as you are.

 

I know it sucks when you meet someone with whom the sparks fly, but you don't know a person right away. You get to know a person through his/her actions, and this person's actions aren't desirable, IMO.

 

We met 2 weeks ago, he has been silent for 2 days but you are right, do I want someone that goes silent when faced with an issue.

[gaius]

He probably is thinking about it, but he's really already made his decision if he stopped talking to you. =/ Even if he doesn't know it yet.

[introverted1]

We met 2 weeks ago, he has been silent for 2 days but you are right, do I want someone that goes silent when faced with an issue.

 

So you told him Thursday night?

 

I wouldn't rule him out just yet, although I understand how disappointing it is for him not to just accept you in total right off the bat.

[Gaeta]

How old is he and what is his relationship history?

 

Sounds like he may be in consultation with his with his head, heart, and man bits..... He wants to say no, but he likes you and you've sparked his interest. Have a bit of patience with him.

 

He's 43 and I am 49.

 

His last relationship ended 2 years ago, mine 1,5 year ago. Relationships were shorts. We both have been divorced for over 10 years. We both have an adult child.

[barcode88]

HSV2 might as well be as significant as sunburn considering so many people have it and don't know - yet I've never heard of it causing many problems for people who aren't immunocompromised.

 

Sorry you got stung on that Gaeta, sucks....

 

Interesting what the CDC says...

http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/screening.htm

 

Because the tests can be expensive and the diagnosis may have adverse psychological or effects for some people, widespread testing for HSV is not currently recommended.

Damn right... Lol.

Edited May 30, 2015 by barcode88

[Gaeta]

He probably is thinking about it, but he's really already made his decision if he stopped talking to you. =/ Even if he doesn't know it yet.

 

I am inclined to think so too unfortunately. I just spoke with an ex-boyfriend and he told me there is nothing to think about, it's a yes or a no, you know it right away.

[Gaeta]

HSV2 might as well be as significant as sunburn considering so many people have it and don't know - yet I've never heard of it causing many problems for people who aren't immunocompromised.

 

Sorry you got stung on that Gaeta, sucks....

 

Interesting what the CDC says...

CDC – Genital Herpes Screening

 

 

Damn right... Lol.

 

I consider myself very lucky because since I got this it really did not interfere in my dating. I'd say something like 80% if not 90% of men I told were comfortable with it. I really can't complain of my condition.

 

He said he wanted to google it. I said OH God don't ! Google is not a medical reference, call your doctor and tell him my age, I'm asymptomatic and on antivirals daily. He still said he wanted to google it.

 

You know how many chronic illnesses and cancer I diagnosed myself with by googling !

 

Thank you for your support barcode.

[barcode88]

I consider myself very lucky because since I got this it really did not interfere in my dating. I'd say something like 80% if not 90% of men I told were comfortable with it. I really can't complain of my condition.

 

He said he wanted to google it. I said OH God don't ! Google is not a medical reference, call your doctor and tell him my age, I'm asymptomatic and on antivirals daily. He still said he wanted to google it.

 

You know how many chronic illnesses and cancer I diagnosed myself with by googling !

 

Thank you for your support barcode.

 

I had a false positive that scared the **** out of me once. Ever since then I've decided i'm not going to screen for it anymore (unless of course one day I start blistering up).

 

After that, I researched it a lot and found out it isn't anything more than a mild skin rash at MOST for the majority of people... all the scary images are usually in people with messed up immune systems like HIV/AIDS.

 

The CDC actually recommends people don't test for it unless you show symptoms.

[Gaeta]

He just gave me a call, asked how I was doing etc. I told him I was great and I was leaving in 15 mins, my daughter and I are climbing up a mountain this afternoon. He wished me a good climb and to call him when I'm back so we can talk a little more.

 

It's a total mystery. I got no hint in his voice if he's leaning toward yes or no, and after I come down from that mountain I probably won't care as much lol

[Art_Critic]

at this point does it matter what he is thinking ? this is the window into who he is... do you want issues to be dealt with in this manner ?

[Emilia]

You really have to stop rolling in the grass with men you don't know OP. I'm starting to think it's you, that there is something in you that pulls them in and pushes them away. Rather than the other way round. Have you thought about that?

[dyna85]

We met 2 weeks ago, he has been silent for 2 days but you are right, do I want someone that goes silent when faced with an issue.

 

Oh sorry. I misunderstood. However, I'm on board with gaius' comment and I agree w/your ex bf saying it doesn't require that much thought. I would be cautious about this guy.

 

The upside is that you just met him recently, so it's not a big loss if you decide to cut this one loose.

[J21]

Dating someone with HSV 2 is a pretty big decision. He could genuinely be on the fences about it.

 

He's weighing that super chemistry he's had with what it also entails.

 

I don't think you did anything wrong and should be at ease no matter what the outcome.

 

Good luck, I hope it works out.

[xxoo]

If it wasn't HSV, it would be something else that made him pull back. People who get that excited that soon are looking at a fantasy version of the other person, and usually are disenchanted when a bit of reality sets in.

[clia]

I don't think two days of silence is very long considering you've only known this guy for two weeks. It's normal to not be talking every day at those very early stages of a relationship. He could genuinely need to think about and research the issue before he decides whether he wants to continue seeing you. If he's never dealt with HSV-2, he may not know much about it. But the caving could also be tied to the intensity of the past couple of weeks.

[jen1447]

I'd allow him his think-time. I mean, we expect that ourselves, right? No big deal, unless he needs like 4 months to think.

[TunaCat]

OP, it's only been two days. Don't write him off yet.

 

I have health issues and whenever something comes up, either a new diagnosis or new medication the doctors want to try, I always take a week or more to research it. I need to have as much information as possible before making a decision.

 

Now it sounds like this new guy may be the same way. He needs to gather research to see if HSV2 is something he can handle. I know it seems like he probably already made a decision since he isn't talking to you, but it's very possible that he doesn't want how he feels about you to interfere with the very real question of "can he handle this"

 

Give him at least a week OP.

[BlueIris]

We met 2 weeks ago, he has been silent for 2 days but you are right, do I want someone that goes silent when faced with an issue.

 

2 days isn't very long. I prefer people who think things through.

HSV 2 is a big deal to people who do not have it. He hasn't lived with it for years and reached a place of neutrality about it. To be blunt, he is thinking through whether a fledgling relationship is worth the risk.

I have a question for you though: Would you date him without having sex for 2-3 months to see if the other elements of a great relationship are there?

[lana-banana]

About half of all unmarried women ages 45-55 have HSV2. Yes, half. This is a completely different situation than two young and clueless kids. I hope this guy did some research and realized he's got a pretty good chance of encountering this same issue with other women---and those women likely don't even know they're infected. Meanwhile Gaeta knows and was responsible enough to tell him. Good on you.

Edited May 30, 2015 by lana-banana

[katiegrl]

If it wasn't HSV, it would be something else that made him pull back. People who get that excited that soon are looking at a fantasy version of the other person, and usually are disenchanted when a bit of reality sets in.

 

I tend to agree with this^^. If he chooses to move on (hope he doesn't!)...it may NOT be because of the health risk (you *are* on antivirals after all)...but because unfortunately there is still a stigma attached to being a carrier.

 

I just googled it myself, and discovered that one of the stigmas is that people who carry the hsv-2 virus are (or have been) sexully promiscuous.

 

I don't believe that to be true, but HE might. So finding out you have it, may have knocked you off that high pedestal he placed you on.

 

Hope that is not the case though...as it appears you have tons of chemistry so it's worth exploring.

 

Also, just curious but how have the other guys you have dated (had sex with) felt about it?

 

I assume you told *jewelry guy* with whom you had sex the first night you met, so apparently it did not bother him, right?

[MissBee]

Dear LS friends:

 

Two weeks ago I met a man and we instantly felt in like with each other. We met in a waterfront park and 30 minutes later we're rolling in the grass kissing and laughing. That type of instant connection.

 

He turned out to be a really great guy. He is very serious about finding the right woman for a lasting relationship. On our first meeting he even showed me his license to ID himself. That first week he invited me to his work and gave me a guided tour of the Port (he's supervisor). He said I can drop there to see him anytime I want. He noticed my car was dirty and got it cleaned. He's a sweetheart and definitely a man of actions, his love language is being of service. He told me I bring out the best in him, he feels he finally met a real woman, one that is mature intelligent serious feminine and sexy.

 

So two weeks went by we started making plans to spend most of the weekend together so I had to tell him about my deal (carrying hsv-2). I went to see him and told him about it. Poor man, it was like I shattered his dreams right there. He told me several times how he appreciated my honesty and how it proves I am the type of honest woman he thought I was. He said he needed to think about it and let the news set in and we'll talk later that night. He kissed me good bye and I left.

 

He's been silent ever since. I checked online and he has not logged in since we met 2 weeks ago.

 

Last night I was getting a little edgy and contacted him via text. I said I would appreciate he doesn't do a disappearing act on me and just let me know he doesn't wish to pursue. He replied he was not fading away, he was still thinking about it. He said nothing more. I said ok then, I will let you sort it out the way you need to and he replied good night.

 

I don't know what to make of this. I have never met someone that needed to think about it. I usually get a straight yes or no. And how long does someone need to think about it? It is just a way of distancing himself so coming up with a no will be easier?

 

What is going on in that man cave?

 

I think it might be a way of distancing himself so coming up with a no will be easier.

 

I imagine talking through his concerns and any questions with you might make more sense but I think he is unsure but doesn't know how to say it plainly.

 

I experienced this before, except the guy told me this and I was the one who was sort of freaked out. This was years ago, I was about 19 and he was about 8 years older.

I didn't know how to handle it and didn't want to continue but I beat around the Bush a lot before finally saying I didn't think things would work. Now that I'm older I'd handle it differently but I can sort of put myself in his shoe.

 

How has dating generally been given this? I'm happy most people it seems have been plain about saying yes or no but I would have imagined more would be like this guy.