Well here I am...

[KSCHV]

Randomly found this forum and said screw it why not? Nothing to lose and nothing to gain per say possibly.

 

Bit about me, I'm 27 and have been single by choice for a couple years. I've had a few relationships, longest one was almost six years which ended in a disaster per her and my part, long story.

 

That time frame involved in that mess really messed up my exploring in my younger days, that's life and you live and learn. Wish I had never waisted the time and effort in that deal but it can't be changed now. Recently I've been really thinking about seeking something new but... I'm come to grips as of late I just blow at this new interaction stuff. Where to go? What to say? The bars are a joke around here and never did work for me in my drinking prime. I still drink and have no beef with it but I'm not the same guy doing fours a week at the watering hole like I once did.

 

Another aspect that throws me off and possibly would most women is I moved back home a year ago or so. It had to happen for my best interest, not ideal but it is what it is at this point.... I'm working on saving to buy a house.

 

I'm probably my own worst enemy in this deal because I think/feel I let myself slip off the grid. Fat ugly chicks I can talk to no problem becaue I have no interest in them, kinda like talking to one of the guys that may sound cold hearted if so I'm sorry. An attractive gal though I'll have a plan and when I go to execute it I turn into a 12 year old boy fumbling.

 

Regardless my biggest problem is IF I could swing something the at home deal could be an issue. A buddy is a sauve Don Juan and could land Kate Upton while he was living in a dumpster told me if you meet the right gal she would care less regardless. Maybe he's right maybe not?

 

Go ahead folks, educate me or flame me, whatever is needed.

[SLee]

Your buddy's right that if you meet the right girl, living at home won't matter, in my opinion.

 

Bars in general are terrible places to meet people anyway, at least that's my personal opinion.

 

I get it, meeting people is hard, but it's not impossible. Ask mutual friends if they have any single friends. Join a community thing that you're interested in, that way you'll find people who share an interest.

 

As a woman I can say that the guy's who've approached me who are the ones I do give the time of day too are the ones who treat me like a fellow human being and equal, who are genuinely interested in me as a person. Even the "awkward" ones who approached me who were sincerely interested in knowing who I was and engaged in that way were leagues more interesting to me than some cocky jerk who was begging to buy me a drink.

 

Sorry if that sounds really basic and I'm probably not explaining it well.

 

So confidence helps, but confidence, at least for me, is more about being relaxed and comfortable and not cocky and obnoxious, if that makes sense. So just try to relax. Approach a gal as a fellow human being and say hi. If she's not interested, don't take it too personally. Just on to the next then.

 

Like you said, you learned form your 6 year relationship. Take that with you and don't worry about "wasted time". You will meet someone. Just relax.

[gaius]

The shame you feel about it will turn them off, but once you get comfortable and secure with whatever you've got going on the women will come. Even if it's living at home.

 

You learn eventually not to care that much when you're talking to the hot ones either.

[KSCHV]

Your buddy's right that if you meet the right girl, living at home won't matter, in my opinion.

 

Bars in general are terrible places to meet people anyway, at least that's my personal opinion.

 

I get it, meeting people is hard, but it's not impossible. Ask mutual friends if they have any single friends. Join a community thing that you're interested in, that way you'll find people who share an interest.

 

As a woman I can say that the guy's who've approached me who are the ones I do give the time of day too are the ones who treat me like a fellow human being and equal, who are genuinely interested in me as a person. Even the "awkward" ones who approached me who were sincerely interested in knowing who I was and engaged in that way were leagues more interesting to me than some cocky jerk who was begging to buy me a drink.

 

Sorry if that sounds really basic and I'm probably not explaining it well.

 

So confidence helps, but confidence, at least for me, is more about being relaxed and comfortable and not cocky and obnoxious, if that makes sense. So just try to relax. Approach a gal as a fellow human being and say hi. If she's not interested, don't take it too personally. Just on to the next then.

 

Like you said, you learned form your 6 year relationship. Take that with you and don't worry about "wasted time". You will meet someone. Just relax.

 

 

 

Thanks for the reply!

 

At my age I'm not 16 and dumb anymore, I've grown up a ton and know a thing or two despite my faults but who doesn't have them? One thing I know is how to treat a lady, the other thing I feel is at this point I should know better how to handle this but I've encountered a mental block per say I guess.

 

I've tried the online thing out of bordom to take the edge off of up close first interactions but I've discovered that whole idea is a joke from my findings. At first I played with it lightly with no return. Then somebody told me it's a numbers game, the more you reply to the better the odds. I figured screw it so probably messaged a hundred different women with respondes from corny, cocky, confident, to a hole. Numbers game huh? Figured my odds would go up with at Least one of those but no dice. Plus the fact match started sending me handfuls of stunning single women in my "matches", I thought yea sure all these lovely lady's can't find a man ready to jump into something.

[KSCHV]

The shame you feel about it will turn them off, but once you get comfortable and secure with whatever you've got going on the women will come. Even if it's living at home.

 

You learn eventually not to care that much when you're talking to the hot ones either.

 

 

 

Pretty basic knowledge that if you never try you never know right? I've discovered I have a thing with potential failure I guess.

[SLee]

I completely understand, and by no means was I trying to say that you're 16 and dumb! lol. Basically, just being comfortable in who YOU are is key with approaching anyone. And the whole cocky jerk thing is the least attractive thing, at least to me. Give me a guy who's comfortable in his own skin any day!

 

I've never tried online dating as it's just never been for me. My dad met my step mom online like 10 years ago so it worked for him, but who knows really. Not knocking online dating, just not for me and it isn't for some people.

 

Like I said, meeting someone through mutual friends or mutual interest activities (local intramural sports or something) is, from what I've seen, the best way to meet people. Almost everyone I know in my group of friends and acquaintances either met through mutual friends, a shared activity, or work/school. That seems to be the idea, so that's why I encourage that.

 

Mental blocks happen, but like I said the key is being relaxed and comfortable. Who knows, soon enough you may have to fight them off with a stick.

[KSCHV]

I completely understand, and by no means was I trying to say that you're 16 and dumb! lol. Basically, just being comfortable in who YOU are is key with approaching anyone. And the whole cocky jerk thing is the least attractive thing, at least to me. Give me a guy who's comfortable in his own skin any day!

 

I've never tried online dating as it's just never been for me. My dad met my step mom online like 10 years ago so it worked for him, but who knows really. Not knocking online dating, just not for me and it isn't for some people.

 

Like I said, meeting someone through mutual friends or mutual interest activities (local intramural sports or something) is, from what I've seen, the best way to meet people. Almost everyone I know in my group of friends and acquaintances either met through mutual friends, a shared activity, or work/school. That seems to be the idea, so that's why I encourage that.

 

Mental blocks happen, but like I said the key is being relaxed and comfortable. Who knows, soon enough you may have to fight them off with a stick.

 

 

Well I guess I could go deeper into this about "me". I tend to be a shy person at first and have my "comfort" level so to speak. I think this could tie into the whole new person relationship thing. Once I get to know you anything goes and regarding friends and being around them I'm the one making everybody laugh or roll on the floor about to pee their pants.

 

But.... I don't have a mass group of friends these days, I cut ties with a bunch of people that turned out to not be real friends, you may know how that goes or not. I decided quality over quantity some time ago worked best for me so the network thing isn't ideal.

 

The grocery store gal in isle three or hot checkout chic may seem like prime targets but probably not ideal or prosperous in a short time frame without seeming weird.