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Best online dating site if looking for serious relationship?


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What is the best dating site, in your opinion, if searching for serious long-term relationship. I don't like pof as the profiles are quite lame on there and the guys I've met have been equally lame. Then again, I've seen the same guys on OKC. Then again, I've been on both sites, so what does that say about me? Lol.

 

I haven't been on match in several years and tried it once before for a year and didn't have luck, so I might try again. As for OKC, it seems like the guys just want sex. Or is this just me? Okay, so 2 guys seemed interested in mostly sex and 2 seemed like they were down for whatever. I just joined the site not too long ago.

 

Where are the serious guys is basically my question? I feel like it's the same guys over and over on these sites and if they're on one site they're on them all. No? It's a little freaky...

 

I've also contemplated quitting online dating altogether, but I know people who have met on match and got married, so I don't want to necessarily close the door altogether.

 

Thoughts? Ideas anyone?

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Well you do know POF, TInder and OKC are more hookupish sites....

 

Match and Eharmony are not bad. I tried both and they both are VERY different in how they function.

 

I met women from both, but I found them all flaky.

 

I did meet an amazing woman on match. Sadly, we ended up taking our own paths after the 2nd date. Sucks.... but yeah she's still on there. I decided to take a bit of a break, as my luck wasn't any better.

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Hmm...okay, thanks guys. I may try match again to see how it goes. Wish I knew okc was for hookups. Ugh. Learned that lesson the hard way.

 

LostOne1, sorry to hear about the situation with the woman ending after date 2. I know how that can be and took a mini break myself recently after something similar. Now I'm slowly dipping my toes in... but I still contemplate just deactivating and taking a lengthier break to kind of regroup. I don't know how old you are but I'm borderline 30 years old so I don't want to give up the ship for a long time anymore. I took year+ long breaks in my twenties and that didn't help me find anyone, so I'm trying to press forward despite the discomfort.

 

Good to hear barcode. I shall cross my fingers.

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I found some quality men on match. I do have to filter through a lot of guys to find them. Please be aware there are guys on match also looking to hookup. Don't be naive, don't rush sex. Check that actions match words.

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Hmm...okay, thanks guys. I may try match again to see how it goes. Wish I knew okc was for hookups. Ugh. Learned that lesson the hard way.

 

LostOne1, sorry to hear about the situation with the woman ending after date 2. I know how that can be and took a mini break myself recently after something similar. Now I'm slowly dipping my toes in... but I still contemplate just deactivating and taking a lengthier break to kind of regroup. I don't know how old you are but I'm borderline 30 years old so I don't want to give up the ship for a long time anymore. I took year+ long breaks in my twenties and that didn't help me find anyone, so I'm trying to press forward despite the discomfort.

 

Good to hear barcode. I shall cross my fingers.

I'm almost at 30... very close to it.

 

I guess women freak out more then men?

 

I know exactly how you feel. I got tired of dating and trying too.

But, I will say don't give up and don't think that online dating is the ONLY way to meet people.... it isn't!

 

Although, I get the feeling maybe women in their 30's are more suited for dating. All of the women I met were around 25-28.

 

Although, I don't know if a 30 something on match would date a 28 yr old? I just seem to like mature women, and by that I mean ones that actually want a relationship.

 

I found the women in the 20's were so flaky. They all seem to still be in school, or are trying to reach some major goals. So, I don't get why they are trying for a relationship. Work on your goals instead, and then return to the scene when you have time to commit!

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I've never really tried online dating besides Tinder but from what I've seen from my friends, I think you'll be better off with Match or Eharmony or somewhere where you have to pay. I could be wrong but I feel like you're more likely to find someone looking for something serious if you have to pay in that guys who just want to hookup can go to the free ones.

 

Although, I did meet one of the best guys I've dated through Tinder. You just never know. I have a few friends who are in serious relationships and met the guys through Tinder.

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LostOne1, that sounds pretty accurate to me. I mean, I feel more interested in commitment now than ever, and I do think it's a combination of age (29 y/o) and having met someone not long ago who kind of changed my whole view on relationships. All throughout my twenties, I felt like 'meh, if it happens it happens,' but then I met someone not too long ago for whom I fell pretty quickly (it didn't pan out due to compatibility and other issues), but now I'm like hardcore wanting a relationship. Couldn't care less for the past several yrs. Then, all of a sudden I feel this desperation setting in and I'm about to be freaking 30.

Anyway, I agree that online dating is not the only medium to meet people and I definitely need to get out more, so that's another thing for me to do.

 

Marigo, that's interesting about the people you know from Tinder being in serious relationships. I have this negative idea about the site as these guys I work with are all on it (even a guy with a gf), so it seems like a site for those just looking for causal and no strings attached type situations. I actually have contemplated joining though, just to give it a try. Feeling a little gun shy though b/c I definitely do not want to deal with guys who are just after one thing.

 

Thanks for the ideas.

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I've also contemplated quitting online dating altogether, but I know people who have met on match and got married, so I don't want to necessarily close the door altogether.

 

As somebody else already pointed out, OLD is a single tool. You have to do many things.

 

When I was learning how to network for business the coaches said to make an effort & commit to at least one function per week if not more to drum up business. You gotta get out there. It takes at least 7-8 interactions for your "brand" to be solidified in somebody's mind.

 

I figured the same would be true for dating so I worked at it & committed to doing one social thing per week intending to meet new people. Sitting home on your computer doesn't count. Go to a MeetUP; volunteer somewhere; smile at somebody when you get your morning coffee; pursue a hobby

 

When I did OLD -- over 10 years ago & only for 90 days (so take that fwiw, which may be nothing) -- I did eharmony. At the time it was the most expensive & that questionnaire thing takes a few hours to complete if you are serious & put some thought into it. To my way of thinking, anybody that was going through all that was looking for more than the fling / ONS they could probably get in a bar or by taking 15 minutes & throwing something up on a free site.

 

Although I did not meet the man of my dreams OL (ironically he was on Match & we were both out of each other's age ranges) everybody I did interact with on eharmony was a quality person looking for something serious.

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As somebody else already pointed out, OLD is a single tool. You have to do many things.

 

When I was learning how to network for business the coaches said to make an effort & commit to at least one function per week if not more to drum up business. You gotta get out there. It takes at least 7-8 interactions for your "brand" to be solidified in somebody's mind.

 

I figured the same would be true for dating so I worked at it & committed to doing one social thing per week intending to meet new people. Sitting home on your computer doesn't count. Go to a MeetUP; volunteer somewhere; smile at somebody when you get your morning coffee; pursue a hobby

 

When I did OLD -- over 10 years ago & only for 90 days (so take that fwiw, which may be nothing) -- I did eharmony. At the time it was the most expensive & that questionnaire thing takes a few hours to complete if you are serious & put some thought into it. To my way of thinking, anybody that was going through all that was looking for more than the fling / ONS they could probably get in a bar or by taking 15 minutes & throwing something up on a free site.

 

Although I did not meet the man of my dreams OL (ironically he was on Match & we were both out of each other's age ranges) everybody I did interact with on eharmony was a quality person looking for something serious.

 

Excellent advice d0nnivain. I was actually reflecting further upon this 'dilemma' if you will and recognize that outside of work and meeting up with friends and doing the whole meetup event thing on occasion, I don't get out nearly enough. I like the idea of doing something social once a week.

 

I agree w/you on the paid dating sites too since it does require money + effort and maybe the guys on such sites are less lame than the free ones? We'll see what happens.

 

I'm kind of excited to enact this plan of action. I think making more of an effort may give me at least more peace of mind in that I'm not just lackadaisically searching.

 

It's a fine line between trying too hard and being apathetic, so I'm trying to walk that line. Appreciate the feedback. Very insightful and motivating. :)

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It's a fine line between trying too hard and being apathetic, so I'm trying to walk that line. Appreciate the feedback. Very insightful and motivating. :)

 

Not really. You can't be desperate . . .OMG, OMG I want an SO & I have to have one or else.

 

But putting in the effort saying I want to take the steps necessary to find a quality mate & I'm not going to settle (but I will give people a chance) is a good mindset.

 

When I was out there as I met DH my attitude was I'm a good woman, interesting, kindhearted, loyal, financially stable, reasonably fun & although I have my own issues & quirks, on balance I'm a catch. So I'd kind of size up the men I met as OK, what do you have to offer me? as opposed to please please be my BF because I'm not worth anything if I'm single.

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Not really. You can't be desperate . . .OMG, OMG I want an SO & I have to have one or else.

 

But putting in the effort saying I want to take the steps necessary to find a quality mate & I'm not going to settle (but I will give people a chance) is a good mindset.

 

When I was out there as I met DH my attitude was I'm a good woman, interesting, kindhearted, loyal, financially stable, reasonably fun & although I have my own issues & quirks, on balance I'm a catch. So I'd kind of size up the men I met as OK, what do you have to offer me? as opposed to please please be my BF because I'm not worth anything if I'm single.

 

By walk the line, I meant between apathetic & desperate, not leaning too far to the right or left. I think you misinterpreted somehow...

 

I am in no way of the mindset that I will accept just anything because I, too, know my worth and what I have to offer.

 

I'm not one to settle.

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I think the payed sites (Match, Eharmony, Shaadi) require a little more involvement, simply because you want to get the most from your money. Anyone else who is serious about it and wants to use the resource to find a potential serious relationship is probably going to use those.

 

And I honestly feel there is really is no sense in complaining about an online dating site. Because it would be like complaining about a gym. You get out of it, what you put into it, and its not the gym’s fault if you’re not loosing the weight or gaining the muscle mass. They just provide the equipment for you to do it. Same with dating sites. Its not the site’s fault if your dates are bad, the site is just the equipment. But people complain that dating sites don’t work probably because they only seem to have “bad first dates” where you are not sure what to talk about, nervous meeting them, or it ends up you’re not compatible with the person. But your stuck with them for an hour or making excuses to cut the date short.

 

For a dating site, if you’re committed, I propose a guideline of 2s. 2 email messages, 2 phone calls, and two dates. The emails give a chance to establish mutual interest and curiosity. And perhaps set up times for the first phone call. And thats something you want to plan, don’t feel awkward about it, because that can help avoid playing phone tag. Individual results may vary, but I kind of feel like full conversations by email should be avoided because you can’t really get a sense of someone’s social quirks through text.

 

The phone calls gives you an opportunity to get to know the other person a little before meeting them face to face. You might get a better sense of their personality, quirks, and mindset when the responses are in real time, when the responses are from the heart. And a second call can be planned at this point, if both have decided they really do want to meet in person. And if your just not clicking in that conversation, then at least you’ve have not driven all the way somewhere to meet them only to find this out.

 

So if you get to the first meeting date, by this point, you may already be more comfortable talking to the person, less nervous about meeting them face to face, and conversations will come easier because you’ve already started getting to know them from the phone conversations. These guidelines could help you have much better “first dates”. It just takes a little more patience, and not rushing into a first date before really getting to know someone.

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For the YEARS I was doing OLD, I used eHarmony, Match, PoF, OKC, and others...

 

But I got to a point where I realized I wanted a particular kink in the bedroom and it was getting too tiring trying to find the person on a regular site who might be interested in the kink.

 

So I went to the sites where those kinky people were (Alt.com, CollarMe - now CollarSpace - FetLife, Bondage.com) and instead of looking for a hookup, stated up front that I wanted a serious relationship that would include kink in the bedroom.

 

I actually found a Prince Charming of a husband off the site. Go figure.

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loveweary11
For the YEARS I was doing OLD, I used eHarmony, Match, PoF, OKC, and others...

 

But I got to a point where I realized I wanted a particular kink in the bedroom and it was getting too tiring trying to find the person on a regular site who might be interested in the kink.

 

So I went to the sites where those kinky people were (Alt.com, CollarMe - now CollarSpace - FetLife, Bondage.com) and instead of looking for a hookup, stated up front that I wanted a serious relationship that would include kink in the bedroom.

 

I actually found a Prince Charming of a husband off the site. Go figure.

 

Exactly. I find niche sites to be loaded with compatible people. I haven't found one yet, but many potential ones on some hippie dating sites.

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Much as don't like social networks, why is Facebook overlooked for OLD? Sure it's not a exact reflection. Only get a better idea how someone is and thier circle. Have a mutual friend and someone is single...why not a coffee date?

 

Just saying, people get to comfortable on Facebook. Why not use all that volunteered information to your advantage. First saw my wife on MySpace, finally asked her out when timing was right on Facebook.

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LostOne1, that sounds pretty accurate to me. I mean, I feel more interested in commitment now than ever, and I do think it's a combination of age (29 y/o) and having met someone not long ago who kind of changed my whole view on relationships. All throughout my twenties, I felt like 'meh, if it happens it happens,' but then I met someone not too long ago for whom I fell pretty quickly (it didn't pan out due to compatibility and other issues), but now I'm like hardcore wanting a relationship. Couldn't care less for the past several yrs. Then, all of a sudden I feel this desperation setting in and I'm about to be freaking 30.

Anyway, I agree that online dating is not the only medium to meet people and I definitely need to get out more, so that's another thing for me to do.

 

Marigo, that's interesting about the people you know from Tinder being in serious relationships. I have this negative idea about the site as these guys I work with are all on it (even a guy with a gf), so it seems like a site for those just looking for causal and no strings attached type situations. I actually have contemplated joining though, just to give it a try. Feeling a little gun shy though b/c I definitely do not want to deal with guys who are just after one thing.

 

Thanks for the ideas.

 

Dyna85,

 

It is very easy to have a negative idea about Tinder right off the bat. I feel like I even got judged by people that I was dating someone off of Tinder. The app is very easy and addicting in that you just swipe left or right, I wasn't taking it seriously in that I let people even play with it. That's how I met my now ex. My friend decided to play with it and messaged every guy I got matched with. This guy responded and I felt bad so I responded back, he asked me out, I went and again, met the most amazing man. Don't get me wrong there are some creeps on there and I just would ignore them.

 

I would suggest not to have any expectations when you go on there or to any dating websites even. I feel that no matter where you are looking, you will always meet someone who's only after one thing. You really just need to be able to weed them out.

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Dyna85,

 

It is very easy to have a negative idea about Tinder right off the bat. I feel like I even got judged by people that I was dating someone off of Tinder. The app is very easy and addicting in that you just swipe left or right, I wasn't taking it seriously in that I let people even play with it. That's how I met my now ex. My friend decided to play with it and messaged every guy I got matched with. This guy responded and I felt bad so I responded back, he asked me out, I went and again, met the most amazing man. Don't get me wrong there are some creeps on there and I just would ignore them.

 

I would suggest not to have any expectations when you go on there or to any dating websites even. I feel that no matter where you are looking, you will always meet someone who's only after one thing. You really just need to be able to weed them out.

 

Well it sounds like you had fun with it. I think you're right about not having expectations and being prepared to potentially encounter the player types in any avenue.

 

I kind of do want to join Tinder for fun...like you said, since you never know.

 

How long were you and your ex together, if you don't mind me asking?

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Well it sounds like you had fun with it. I think you're right about not having expectations and being prepared to potentially encounter the player types in any avenue.

 

I kind of do want to join Tinder for fun...like you said, since you never know.

 

How long were you and your ex together, if you don't mind me asking?

 

I mean it wouldn't hurt to join just for fun. I really did just start doing it because I was bored and needed a distraction. So if you go to it with a different mentality you will never know.

 

We actually were only together for 3 months. I know that doesn't sound very hopefully but life got in the way. Been broken up for about two months now and i still cry about it everyday. I have a hard time letting this one go than guys I've dated for much longer. But even though it didn't work out, I feel very lucky to have met somebody who was very upfront in what he wants, didn't play games, and who treated me the way i deserve to be treated.

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What is the best dating site, in your opinion, if searching for serious long-term relationship.

 

 

I honestly don't think there is one.

 

eHarmony and Match, IMO, are the worst, especially for women over the age of 50. I get absolutely no responses to messages I send on those sites.

 

Perfect Match is lame.

 

Our Time is tragic.

 

POF, their site is wonky.

 

OKC I've had the most luck with, interestingly, but not enough for me to recommend it as the best place to go.

 

I haven't tried Tinder because I thought it was for young people, but my cousin said she's gone on some really good dates from that site and she's older than me. I'm not sure if I want to try it, though.

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