Boyfriend going to a wedding without me

[Makeleveesnotwar]

I just need some opinions on whether I'm being reasonable or not here.

 

Some background: bf and I have been together about a year. We live together. We went through a breakup in April which I posted about, but have since reconciled. During the breakup we basically still acted like a couple.

 

I can sometimes be a little on the insecure/jealous side. He's the same at times. However I have never really worried about him cheating on me. Right now I am trying to just let him have as much space as he needs. He works around 60 hours a week and gets really stressed out. One of the problems that led to our breakup was us not spending enough time on weekends doing things separately with our own friends, so we are both doing more of that now. He only ever really goes out with the guys. Usually when it's something with his female friends he includes me. I still get nervous because many of his guy friends are single and I don't trust them (for other reasons, not only because they're single). He usually comes home later than promised but he always calls or texts to let me know.

 

Yesterday he told me he has this wedding to go to tomorrow night that he had completely forgotten about. He wasn't sure if he had a plus one. Today he found out he does not. I don't know the couple, they're former coworkers of his and I don't think he's even that close to them. So I'm not upset about not being invited. However he is going with one of his guy friends who I am not a big fan of. The guy is totally immature, really into drugs, and tends to be really inconsiderate of others. I don't think my dude would cheat on me but something about him going to a wedding without me bothers me a lot, especially knowing that this idiot friend of his will be there too.

 

I honestly don't know if my feelings are justified. I've never gone to a wedding without a date so I don't know what single people do at weddings. I guess I feel like most people invite live-in S/Os as plus-1s and me not being there makes it seem like we aren't that serious or our relationship isn't important. I don't like the idea of him being at a wedding alone and seeming unattached or available.

 

How would you all feel if your S/O went to a wedding without you? Am I overreacting?

[Gaeta]

How would you all feel if your S/O went to a wedding without you? Am I overreacting?

 

I would not care to go to the wedding of someone I don't know. I'd be glad my boyfriend doesn't expect me to go.

 

As for my boyfriend going along with someone that is considered a party animal, meh....My boyfriend should know how to conduct himself like a responsible man at his age and doesn't need his girlfriend to be there to mother him.

[minime13]

I'm gonna have to say, politely, to let it go. He doesn't have a plus one, so there's nothing more to discuss.

 

I hope you don't expect him to not go to his friend's wedding because you can't go.

[Emilia]

So you are proposing to control whom this guy hangs out with? Birds of a feather flock together, by the way. I'm sure your guy isn't a saint either.

[d0nnivain]

Offer to pick him up from the wedding so he doesn't have to pay for a car service or worse, attempt to drive home after having been drinking.

[phineas]

going by your posts in this thread,

 

he isn't stressed out from work.

He's stressed out from you.

 

wouldn't be surprised if he's looking for a little more overtime.

[Makeleveesnotwar]

A little harsher than I expected. But I appreciate the feedback.

 

I know I tend to overreact to things sometimes for no reason, which is why I like to run them by others to get some perspective rather than have a knee-jerk reaction.

 

I definitely was not planning to tell him he couldn't go, for the record.

 

Obviously I'm just gonna have to get over it and trust him.

 

Thanks y'all.

[kendahke]

something about him going to a wedding without me bothers me a lot

 

Is it that you can't be there to stake your claim on him because he might forget that he's involved with you if he decides to enjoy himself with his boy at this reception? Don't be his mother. He's a big boy and he should know how to behave by now without you there to keep an eye on him.

 

No, not everyone invites a +1 unless they're already a married, an established couple or closer in family/friendship than you are. You two just went through a break up, so she may have been unaware that you two are back together. Still, it's the bride's prerogative to set her invite list--it's her wedding and she entitled to invite who she wants to pay to feed.

 

How would you all feel if your S/O went to a wedding without you? Am I overreacting?

 

I'd be glad. I hate getting dressed up and I'm not fond of weddings--they bring out the worst in some people. I think in the grand scheme of things, this ain't the hill to die on.

[missk803]

Are you sure it's your bf's friends you don't trust and not your boyfriend? I guess I don't fully understand because first you said you weren't upset about not being invited to the wedding but then you say it bothers you that he's going without you, although you don't think he'd cheat..so what is it that you think your boyfriend might do if you aren't present then? Quite honestly, if your boyfriend is going to do something wrong, it won't be because his friend forced him to, it'll be because he wants to.

 

 

If this happened to me, I honestly wouldn't have an issue..IF I trusted my partner. First off, I hate going to big events where I know absolutely no one except for the person who invited me there and going to a wedding for someone I don't know doesn't really sound too exciting to me. I think you'll be fine, I've been single forever and have gone to a number of weddings during the time and I can tell you, not once have I met any other singles or hooked up with anyone there or seen anyone else do it.

[Shining One]

I've been the plus one for a married male friend to few weddings. He was my wingman. I imagine your boyfriend would play a similar role for his single friend.