Woman who rejected me friend requested me on FB

[johndoe2]

Hi,

 

A woman I met a few weeks ago, talked to for a little while, then asked out, and said no, has surprisingly re-emerged in my life: she sent me a friend request on facebook. So, what does this mean, if anything at all?

 

I thought it's possible she doesn't even remember who I am, and that it's purely a coincidence. But I don't use facebook, well, almost ever, and so don't have many friends on it; and no mutual friends with her, so given that and the timing, maybe it isn't a coincidence. Maybe she actually searched me and found me, in order send me a friend request?

 

What exactly is the protocol here? Do normal people usually track down and send friend requests to someone they just met, even if it's someone who asked them out and they rejected?

 

And given that I accepted her friend request, should I send her a message? Like, asking if she remembers me, or ask her 'Hey, aren't you the woman I met at such and such...?' Or just say hi? Should I continue pursuit? Or see if she wants to be friends (in real life that is; once upon a time internet 'friendships' were a means to that end, not the end itself, if I recall)? Or just leave it alone?

[Redhead14]

Hi,

 

A woman I met a few weeks ago, talked to for a little while, then asked out, and said no, has surprisingly re-emerged in my life: she sent me a friend request on facebook. So, what does this mean, if anything at all?

 

I thought it's possible she doesn't even remember who I am, and that it's purely a coincidence. But I don't use facebook, well, almost ever, and so don't have many friends on it; and no mutual friends with her, so given that and the timing, maybe it isn't a coincidence. Maybe she actually searched me and found me, in order send me a friend request?

 

What exactly is the protocol here? Do normal people usually track down and send friend requests to someone they just met, even if it's someone who asked them out and they rejected?

 

And given that I accepted her friend request, should I send her a message? Like, asking if she remembers me, or ask her 'Hey, aren't you the woman I met at such and such...?' Or just say hi? Should I continue pursuit? Or see if she wants to be friends (in real life that is; once upon a time internet 'friendships' were a means to that end, not the end itself, if I recall)? Or just leave it alone?

 

Don't bother. She rejected you and maybe had someone else she was hoping to get with and that fell through so now she's back giving bread crumbs to see if you'll bite.

[johndoe2]

Don't bother. She rejected you and maybe had someone else she was hoping to get with and that fell through so now she's back giving bread crumbs to see if you'll bite.

So, you think the message actually was deliberate or she should actually be reconsidering?

 

Because in that case I would probably disagree with you about not bothering. She wasn't mean or anything, just said no, and if something did change, I don't exactly see why that's a cause for not bothering. Keep in mind I'm not a man in a position to be choosy.

[deadelvis]

sending a FB message to woman is tricky, keep it short, funny and do not ask her out. for some reason it's different than texting. I'd guess about 95% of FB messages to women arent responded to

[Redhead14]

So, you think the message actually was deliberate or she should actually be reconsidering?

 

Because in that case I would probably disagree with you about not bothering. She wasn't mean or anything, just said no, and if something did change, I don't exactly see why that's a cause for not bothering. Keep in mind I'm not a man in a position to be choosy.

 

Well, you kinda have to do a specific search to find someone on FB, so it wasn't really happenstance. There's really no real way to know though if she did it because she is now more interested.

 

In the end, you don't have anything to lose. Reach out to her a little bit and test the waters.

 

To me it's kind of like she's being wishy washy. She rejected you but now, well, maybe, eh, ah, ok? Personally, I wouldn't bother. FB request maybe just throwing you in the friendzone anyway.

[gaius]

If you want her and she places herself in front of you then go after her.

[cessna]

Facebook is a big popularity contest for the majority of young people. I wouldn't read anything into it other than she now has one more facebook friend to make her appear just that little more popular than she was yesterday.

 

I never understood people sending multitudes of random facebook friend requests.

 

I think it's pathetic really.

[LostOnes05]

Do not message her...at all. She asked her once, if she wants to talk she now has a means to do so. Don't cower to her because of a friend request.

[minime13]

So, you think the message actually was deliberate or she should actually be reconsidering?

 

Because in that case I would probably disagree with you about not bothering. She wasn't mean or anything, just said no, and if something did change, I don't exactly see why that's a cause for not bothering. Keep in mind I'm not a man in a position to be choosy.

 

If she's reconsidering, let her make the move.

[todreaminblue]

there could be many reasons why she has contacted you again......take it fro what is a friend request and go from there....she just may have had a change of heart.....some women unfortunately or fortunately do that....change their minds occasionally..some even change their hearts.....i guess men can do it too...take it as friendship...if she wants more she will probably let you know.....deb

[fitnessfan365]

Always communicate that you see yourself as a priority and not a back up plan. The second a woman rejects you or blows you off, forget about her. Even if you do get a date out of it, she won't ultimately respect you because you'll always be the push over that let her get away with it.

 

It's funny. I asked out this HOT woman awhile back and she said she'd let me know. Obvious blow of and I never heard from her. Then a month later she texts me asking what I'm up to this weekend. I deleted the text the second after I read it.

[johndoe2]

Facebook is a big popularity contest for the majority of young people. I wouldn't read anything into it other than she now has one more facebook friend to make her appear just that little more popular than she was yesterday.

 

I never understood people sending multitudes of random facebook friend requests.

 

I think it's pathetic really.

It's worth noting that she doesn't have many facebook friends (more than me, but that doesn't say much), so I'm not sure she's one of the ones who sends out random friend requests.

 

If she's reconsidering, let her make the move.

Would be nice if that were a possibility, but wait for her to take the initiative? Even if she is interested, I might sooner play the lottery.

[minime13]

It's worth noting that she doesn't have many facebook friends (more than me, but that doesn't say much), so I'm not sure she's one of the ones who sends out random friend requests.

 

 

Would be nice if that were a possibility, but wait for her to take the initiative? Even if she is interested, I might sooner play the lottery.

 

Okay, I'll rephrase. If you want to be treated with respect, wait for her to make the move. She already rejected you. You want to set it up for her to do it again? Go ahead, but she will ultimately reject you again if you jump in. If she is really reconsidering, she will. if she's playing with you, then she won't.

 

Either way, it's no loss to you to let her make the move, if any.

[smackie9]

omg it's just facebook. Add her and see what happens. I add people all the time, but don't send a message.....I leave that up to them.

 

You can't assume why she rejected you, it could be as simple as she was already dating someone. Who cares anyways, obviously she wants to reconnect. Stop reading into things, let it roll.

[LostOne1]

I say chat with her... maybe not add her right away.

 

If you do like her, I say give her a chance. What's the worst that can happen? She vanishes again.... big deal, then you know that you can't give her a chance ever again.

 

Also some women have added me on FB, as a sort of way to stay in touch. But not want a relationship or anything. It's kinda like a let's still be friends and on good talking terms. But at the same time I don't want you as a b.f type of thing.

 

In my case I still accept on FB. The least they do is like my ****. It gives me a chance to show off who I am since she didn't bother to get to know me properly. And, she get's to see how much I enjoy life while she has to sit back and watch and either wonder or just be happy for me.

[johndoe2]

Alright, bit of an update which changes things considerably: it turns out she did actually track me down on FB after meeting me, and actually messaged me, I just didn't notice it because I didn't get an alert for some stupid facebook reason. Anyway, she has indeed reconsidered and apparently regrets saying no the first time.

 

I should point out, she seems to me like a somewhat shy, cautious, socially reserved girl, which I think is why she declined my invitation before. It was only couple years ago that I was a socially awkward uni student whose knee jerk reaction to invitations of any kind was to just say no (though those invitations were never to dates). So that I think is why I have been leaning toward a second chance, despite the recommendations of some commenters. Just some background.

[LostOne1]

Alright, bit of an update which changes things considerably: it turns out she did actually track me down on FB after meeting me, and actually messaged me, I just didn't notice it because I didn't get an alert for some stupid facebook reason. Anyway, she has indeed reconsidered and apparently regrets saying no the first time.

 

I should point out, she seems to me like a somewhat shy, cautious, socially reserved girl, which I think is why she declined my invitation before. It was only couple years ago that I was a socially awkward uni student whose knee jerk reaction to invitations of any kind was to just say no (though those invitations were never to dates). So that I think is why I have been leaning toward a second chance, despite the recommendations of some commenters. Just some background.

Told you so....

 

Sometimes you just gotta give it another shot. I mean you have nothing to lose.

 

I wish you the best!

[Redhead14]

Alright, bit of an update which changes things considerably: it turns out she did actually track me down on FB after meeting me, and actually messaged me, I just didn't notice it because I didn't get an alert for some stupid facebook reason. Anyway, she has indeed reconsidered and apparently regrets saying no the first time.

 

I should point out, she seems to me like a somewhat shy, cautious, socially reserved girl, which I think is why she declined my invitation before. It was only couple years ago that I was a socially awkward uni student whose knee jerk reaction to invitations of any kind was to just say no (though those invitations were never to dates). So that I think is why I have been leaning toward a second chance, despite the recommendations of some commenters. Just some background.

 

It's true, you just never know, it's a gut thing sometimes. She sounds a little immature though and you may be doing all the work for a while. In other words, you'll be intiating all the time at least for quite a while. A woman who is saavy at dating will begin to initiate after a few dates which will give you a little bit more confidence in the development of the relationship. When a woman doesn't do that, it sometimes makes the man insecure about her true interest in him. She may be difficult to "read".