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blackout02

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blackout02

Hey everyone! I could really use some opinions from outside perspective on what to do.

 

I've been dating this girl for 8 months now and things have been pretty good for the most part.

 

So this past weekend I on went on vacation with my family, dad, sister, and some other family. While I was gone I wasn't able to communicate with my girlfriend because I was out of the country and the phone company would charge a lot. I would chat with her at night when I was in my room through Wifi though.

 

So yesterday I find out she had made a profile on Plenty of Fish to talk to guys. While I was gone. I confronted her about it and she denied for 2 hours until admitting to it. After first she said it wasn't her, someone was trying to frame her, mess up our relationship. I've never seen her lie like that before.

 

She then apologized and showed me all the messages. She was talking to 2 guys. One of her messages to one of the guys said "I'm not looking to go out on dates..just looking for friends". All her messages were friendly but not flirty. Her reasoning was that she felt lonely and insecure while I was gone. She thought I was out cheating on her, so she made the profile and wanted to talk to guys.

 

She super insecure and needy. Her ex cheated on her, her family abandoned her. So she's been through a lot. And she admits she needs help. She says she doesn't trust me either. Even though I haven't done anything to betray her.

 

A bit more.. I have a good job, go to school, have my own car, place, etc. No baggage. She has one kid, no job, no schooling, no car, no money. I ended up dating her cause she said she was gonna work and get a job and we got along very well. Some family of mine thinks she's taking advantage of me... But they don't know her.

 

Of course you are thinking just dump her...but the problem is I got her pregnant. And I'm trying to man up but I don't know if I can get over her going on PoF and chatting with other men. Everything was going good until she did that. I was gonna move her in with me to help her with her son while she was pregnant.

 

What should I do? She lies to my face with ease... she makes a profile on PoF and talks to other men...She has no car, money, job..nothing.. But she is pregnant with my child.

 

The only reason I haven't dumped her was because I do love her. We were doing so good until this point. She has my baby and I wanted to start a family with her, I don't wanna deal with other men being around my kid. But she's just been so shady. And I don't know if I can trust her again.

Help. :(

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Be a father for the child and be a co-parent for her.

 

The fact that she lied about what she'd been doing would be a definite deal breaker for me.

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lionheart153
Hey everyone! I could really use some opinions from outside perspective on what to do.

 

I've been dating this girl for 8 months now and things have been pretty good for the most part.

 

So this past weekend I on went on vacation with my family, dad, sister, and some other family. While I was gone I wasn't able to communicate with my girlfriend because I was out of the country and the phone company would charge a lot. I would chat with her at night when I was in my room through Wifi though.

 

So yesterday I find out she had made a profile on Plenty of Fish to talk to guys. While I was gone. I confronted her about it and she denied for 2 hours until admitting to it. After first she said it wasn't her, someone was trying to frame her, mess up our relationship. I've never seen her lie like that before.

 

She then apologized and showed me all the messages. She was talking to 2 guys. One of her messages to one of the guys said "I'm not looking to go out on dates..just looking for friends". All her messages were friendly but not flirty. Her reasoning was that she felt lonely and insecure while I was gone. She thought I was out cheating on her, so she made the profile and wanted to talk to guys.

 

She super insecure and needy. Her ex cheated on her, her family abandoned her. So she's been through a lot. And she admits she needs help. She says she doesn't trust me either. Even though I haven't done anything to betray her.

 

A bit more.. I have a good job, go to school, have my own car, place, etc. No baggage. She has one kid, no job, no schooling, no car, no money. I ended up dating her cause she said she was gonna work and get a job and we got along very well. Some family of mine thinks she's taking advantage of me... But they don't know her.

 

Of course you are thinking just dump her...but the problem is I got her pregnant. And I'm trying to man up but I don't know if I can get over her going on PoF and chatting with other men. Everything was going good until she did that. I was gonna move her in with me to help her with her son while she was pregnant.

 

What should I do? She lies to my face with ease... she makes a profile on PoF and talks to other men...She has no car, money, job..nothing.. But she is pregnant with my child.

 

The only reason I haven't dumped her was because I do love her. We were doing so good until this point. She has my baby and I wanted to start a family with her, I don't wanna deal with other men being around my kid. But she's just been so shady. And I don't know if I can trust her again.

Help. :(

 

Ummm wow that is a lot to take in.

 

First of all, are you 100% sure she is pregnant? Have you done the test, ultrasound etc. Find out first, as she seems to be able to lie to you with ease, and insecure about losing you what is stopping her from lying about being pregnant.

 

Second, POF is a dating site. Sure it's a social network, but everyone knows its meant for dating. If she is lonely and wants to meet people there are other options for that.

 

Look honestly if she is pregnant for real, then this changes my suggestion, but this does not seem like a healthy relationship and you are just making excuses to allow things to be the way they are. If you are truely happy then all the power to you, other wise you need to starting thinking and truely seeing the bigger picture here.

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Clarence_Boddicker

If you have any self respect, you have to dump her. Sounds like she played you good & now has a sugar daddy. Be a man & pay your child support. If some fool comes along wanting to marry her & adopt your kid, I'd jump on that opportunity. Maybe you could get full custody, if you're ready to be a single dad.

 

 

How did she get pregnant & are you sure that it's yours? DNA tests are cheap compared to 18 years + of child support.

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blackout02

I know she's pregnant for sure. I went to an ultrasound with her. And I'm pretty sure its mine. But I recently found out she can lie with so much ease. So I'm gonna do a DNA test for sure.

 

I do feel like I got played and used sometimes... and after re reading my post and the replies I feel like I am making excuses for her. Ugh.. this blows.

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davidromero43
I feel like I am making excuses for her. Ugh.. this blows.

 

 

What blows is the feeling of being used.

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Love is not enough to overcome all the problems in this relationship. Discuss adoption with her. I know this child is your flesh & blood but there are so many couples out there who would love to give a healthy baby a great life. She's not responsible enough or mature enough to be a good mom who can give her child every opportunity; she doesn't seem to believe in education or hard work. You don't need to be tied to her for the next 18-21 years.

 

Anybody on POF claiming to look for "friends" while pregnant has a screw loose.

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stillafool

What did you ever see in her? You say she is insecure and needy, lies, no job, no car, no schooling, what has she done with her life prior to meeting you? Is she capable of raising a child?

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blackout02
What did you ever see in her? You say she is insecure and needy, lies, no job, no car, no schooling, what has she done with her life prior to meeting you? Is she capable of raising a child?

 

Guess I was in a dark place. My mom passed away and I felt I was missing something. When I met her, she was nice, sweet, caring, affectionate. We laughed all day, amazing sex. Good chemistry. And I felt bad for her situation, I felt like she was a victim on circumstance. One kid, no one willing to help her, no car.. nothing.

 

At the moment I don't think she's capable of raising my child, she can barely raise the one she has now.

 

 

But I'm starting to realize how dumb I was.

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Oh good lawd....why would you ever not use protection.

 

POF for "friends"?

 

PFFFFFFFT. That's a crock of donkey poop.

 

Sorry, I won't drive the knife in any further. DNA test for sure. I'd dump her immediately if I were you. No need to stick around for the song and dance.

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blackout02
Oh good lawd....why would you ever not use protection.

 

POF for "friends"?

 

PFFFFFFFT. That's a crock of donkey poop.

 

Sorry, I won't drive the knife in any further. DNA test for sure. I'd dump her immediately if I were you. No need to stick around for the song and dance.

 

But in general.. when is ok to forgive someone for messing up? I know I've talked to woman in the past never went past talking, and I felt guilty and I apologized. Is it ok to forgive someone?

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blackout02

I dumped her. And last night she begged and begged not to leave her. I feel terrible and I feel bad for our baby. :/

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Clarence_Boddicker

Congrats for doing the right thing. Go no contact, except for baby stuff after it's born & you do a paternity test that proves it's yours.

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Congrats for doing the right thing. Go no contact, except for baby stuff after it's born & you do a paternity test that proves it's yours.

 

 

Separating during all of this, I agree with. NC, I don't agree with. She's carrying (what could be) his child. Her well-being counts right now, because it affects their child.

 

Tough situation all around. Just try to do the best by you, and your child.

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blackout02

If there was no baby. I would kicked her to the curb with ease. But the fact that she's depressed and now she moved in with mom where there's alot of stress. Makes me wanna move her in until the baby is born at least. But I dont know.

 

Thanks for the replies though! They help alot.

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I dumped her. And last night she begged and begged not to leave her. I feel terrible and I feel bad for our baby. :/

 

OP do not worry, Parenting has nothing to do with being in a romantical relationship you can be a great father without having to be with the mother.

 

You wont love your child anymore or any less than you would if you were with the mother your love for your child will be as it should regardless.

 

You don't have to settle just because she got pregnant, in the end it does no one any good staying.

 

And I just would like to say im glad you dumped her, using her past as an excuse as to why she's shady now is no excuse and to try to place blame onto you for being away as a result for her actions is unacceptable. People like this are only sorry when they're caught, had she not been caught she would of continued with her actions clearly with her trying to convince you otherwise for the amount of time she did.

 

Stand your ground and put all your efforts into this child if she's truly pregnant. Get a test.

 

Do not move her in, it is not your job to care for her or swaddle her when she's down anymore, she picked this path now let her stew in it. Don't be a pushover. Had this girl valued your relationship you wouldn't be here now, if you must write yourself a note as a reminder why without trust there is no relationship.

Edited by Omei
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Is it really your child she's pregnant with? Don't sign the birth certificate without a DNA test. But no, don't let her move back. You have to keep her at arm's length.

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She super insecure and needy. Her ex cheated on her, her family abandoned her. So she's been through a lot. And she admits she needs help. She says she doesn't trust me either. Even though I haven't done anything to betray her.

 

A bit more.. I have a good job, go to school, have my own car, place, etc. No baggage. She has one kid, no job, no schooling, no car, no money. I ended up dating her cause she said she was gonna work and get a job and we got along very well. Some family of mine thinks she's taking advantage of me... But they don't know her.

 

 

 

I just wanted to add...... from what you describe your family is probably very correct, it sounds like she has issues she need's to work on the fact she has no job, no schooling, no money, and a child and is squatting away her life you may be dealing with a clinically depressed individual. Seems like you're just what she needs to keep herself going someone who will grow feelings large enough that he will care for her in the ways she needs without doing it herself. I would at least consider your families opinion.

 

The only thing I can back her up on is not having a car as driving is a personal choice/luxury and not a requirement.

 

Don't date single mom's without jobs unless they're on maternity leave imo.

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So yesterday I find out she had made a profile on Plenty of Fish to talk to guys. While I was gone. I confronted her about it and she denied for 2 hours until admitting to it. After first she said it wasn't her, someone was trying to frame her, mess up our relationship. I've never seen her lie like that before.

 

She then apologized and showed me all the messages. She was talking to 2 guys. One of her messages to one of the guys said "I'm not looking to go out on dates..just looking for friends". All her messages were friendly but not flirty. Her reasoning was that she felt lonely and insecure while I was gone. She thought I was out cheating on her, so she made the profile and wanted to talk to guys.

 

She super insecure and needy. Her ex cheated on her, her family abandoned her. So she's been through a lot. And she admits she needs help. She says she doesn't trust me either. Even though I haven't done anything to betray her.

 

Lets slow down a little............

 

How old is she? she sounds very young.

 

You did not catch her in bed with anyone and I doubt she would have hooked up with guys while pregnant and dealing with insecurities.

 

Her denying at first isn't impressive but she did finally admitted and apologized. You also have the proof that she was not looking to hook up with anyone. She was on there looking for attention only and she explained why. It's extremely immature but you are aware of her difficult background.

 

If you are in love with this woman and she is pregnant of you then gave this a fair chance. You move on with the relationship under the condition she gets into therapy for her unsolved issues from next week and attend it religiously a year.

 

Whether your relationship survives or not this will be your child's mother, meaning the most important and influential person in your child's life. Therapy is not an investment only in her but also an investment in your child.

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MovingOnIsHard
Hey everyone! I could really use some opinions from outside perspective on what to do.

 

I've been dating this girl for 8 months now and things have been pretty good for the most part.

 

So this past weekend I on went on vacation with my family, dad, sister, and some other family. While I was gone I wasn't able to communicate with my girlfriend because I was out of the country and the phone company would charge a lot. I would chat with her at night when I was in my room through Wifi though.

 

So yesterday I find out she had made a profile on Plenty of Fish to talk to guys. While I was gone. I confronted her about it and she denied for 2 hours until admitting to it. After first she said it wasn't her, someone was trying to frame her, mess up our relationship. I've never seen her lie like that before.

 

She then apologized and showed me all the messages. She was talking to 2 guys. One of her messages to one of the guys said "I'm not looking to go out on dates..just looking for friends". All her messages were friendly but not flirty. Her reasoning was that she felt lonely and insecure while I was gone. She thought I was out cheating on her, so she made the profile and wanted to talk to guys.

 

She super insecure and needy. Her ex cheated on her, her family abandoned her. So she's been through a lot. And she admits she needs help. She says she doesn't trust me either. Even though I haven't done anything to betray her.

 

A bit more.. I have a good job, go to school, have my own car, place, etc. No baggage. She has one kid, no job, no schooling, no car, no money. I ended up dating her cause she said she was gonna work and get a job and we got along very well. Some family of mine thinks she's taking advantage of me... But they don't know her.

 

Of course you are thinking just dump her...but the problem is I got her pregnant. And I'm trying to man up but I don't know if I can get over her going on PoF and chatting with other men. Everything was going good until she did that. I was gonna move her in with me to help her with her son while she was pregnant.

 

What should I do? She lies to my face with ease... she makes a profile on PoF and talks to other men...She has no car, money, job..nothing.. But she is pregnant with my child.

 

The only reason I haven't dumped her was because I do love her. We were doing so good until this point. She has my baby and I wanted to start a family with her, I don't wanna deal with other men being around my kid. But she's just been so shady. And I don't know if I can trust her again.

Help. :(

 

Oh god.

 

I guess there are a lot more of these nutcases out there than I had thought.

 

This lady is like an exact duplicate of my ex... down to the lack of trust, paranoia, going on POF supposedly just "talking" with people there.. also caught the douchebag having multiple profiles..

 

As someone who has experienced a similar situation in the past, DUMP THIS LEECH.

 

She is clearly manipulative, immature, and dishonest.. instead of taking responsibility for her own actions she is projecting them onto you. She's clearly done her magic well on you since you seem to be "in love" with you. This is an emotionally-abusive relationship you are in and you need to remove yourself from it asap.

 

I know it's hard because you've become attached to her (I've been there).. But think about yourself. Don't waste time on dirt-bags like these. You deserve better and there are better people out there for you.

 

Whether or not this baby is yours, you shouldn't let her manipulate you into staying in this relationship just for the baby. It's a trap!!

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Lets slow down a little............

 

How old is she? she sounds very young.

 

You did not catch her in bed with anyone and I doubt she would have hooked up with guys while pregnant and dealing with insecurities.

 

Her denying at first isn't impressive but she did finally admitted and apologized. You also have the proof that she was not looking to hook up with anyone. She was on there looking for attention only and she explained why. It's extremely immature but you are aware of her difficult background.

 

If you are in love with this woman and she is pregnant of you then gave this a fair chance. You move on with the relationship under the condition she gets into therapy for her unsolved issues from next week and attend it religiously a year.

 

Whether your relationship survives or not this will be your child's mother, meaning the most important and influential person in your child's life. Therapy is not an investment only in her but also an investment in your child.

 

Usually im in such agreement with your posts Gaeta but the fact she did this and tried to blame him for her actions she just seems like a shady girl she didn't wanna own up to it until she was cornered after two hours she couldn't be honest with him even after she was caught her total lack of honesty twice over the same situation screams to me future issues with her regarding trust, she had intent and was so scared of getting caught she tried to pass off a second lie that added with the fact she's currently and/or planning to suck off him I don't think this dude should condemn himself to this girl at the very least not until she gets into school or some type of work and show's shes willing to at least put some effort into bettering her life.

 

I honestly think OP has been suckered into the much feared "single mom with baggage" where a chick makes a guy fall in love with her and then he's suckered into caring for her and her kids every need with manipulation of his feelings, I find this upsetting because it's woman like this that give us hard working single moms with no inner turmoil a bad name.

Edited by Omei
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MovingOnIsHard
Lets slow down a little............

 

How old is she? she sounds very young.

 

You did not catch her in bed with anyone and I doubt she would have hooked up with guys while pregnant and dealing with insecurities.

 

Her denying at first isn't impressive but she did finally admitted and apologized. You also have the proof that she was not looking to hook up with anyone. She was on there looking for attention only and she explained why. It's extremely immature but you are aware of her difficult background.

 

If you are in love with this woman and she is pregnant of you then gave this a fair chance. You move on with the relationship under the condition she gets into therapy for her unsolved issues from next week and attend it religiously a year.

 

Whether your relationship survives or not this will be your child's mother, meaning the most important and influential person in your child's life. Therapy is not an investment only in her but also an investment in your child.

 

I honestly have to disagree with this.

 

Just because of her difficulty background does not excuse her behaviour.. OP has described her as insecure and needy.. if she doesn't get what she wants, she'll seek it elsewhere. Only when she's caught red-handed does she "apologizes".. she's already showed that she is capable of lying just to save herself.

 

If she needs therapy, she needs to get that herself. She has to prove to OP that she WANTS to get better by seeking therapy herself. No need for OP to hold her hand. Otherwise, if OP is the one making appts for her etc... it's never going to work.

 

That's my two cents, OP.

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Usually im in such agreement with your posts Gaeta but the fact she did this and tried to blame him for her actions she just seems like a shady girl she didn't wanna own up to it until she was cornered after two hours she couldn't be honest with him even after she was caught her total lack of honesty twice over the same situation screams to me future issues with her regarding trust, she had intent and was so scared of getting caught she tried to pass off a second lie that added with the fact she's currently and/or planning to suck off him I don't think this dude should condemn himself to this girl at the very least not until she gets into school or some type of work and show's shes willing to at least put some effort into bettering her life.

 

I would normally be merciless for such a behavior but the circumstances are different considering she is pregnant and he is still in love with her. The fact he saw with his own eyes she told these guys she was not looking to date (or hook up) weighs a lot in my choice of advice.

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Oh good lawd....why would you ever not use protection.

 

POF for "friends"?

 

PFFFFFFFT. That's a crock of donkey poop.

 

Sorry, I won't drive the knife in any further. DNA test for sure. I'd dump her immediately if I were you. No need to stick around for the song and dance.

 

Well she did show him the messages, and he said they sounded pretty friendly. It is still messed up though I agree.

 

Honestly if there are kids involved and she has all of those past issues, I think he could have worked with her a bit instead of dumping her.

 

Chatting with 2 guys platonically on an online dating site isn't the worst offense in the world.

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I would normally be merciless for such a behavior but the circumstances are different considering she is pregnant and he is still in love with her. The fact he saw with his own eyes she told these guys she was not looking to date (or hook up) weighs a lot in my choice of advice.

 

I see your reasoning, and understand it and I might waver to your side if she did anything to support herself but she doesn't I really think hes being suckered we will have have to wait and see how it unfolds.

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