In dating, how important is social status?

[h0000]

Do people most of the time mingle within their own social league?

 

How often is it, that a guy is willing to date a woman who has more power or is richer?

 

And how often will a woman willing to "date down"?

 

And does social leagues matter to you at all?

[yxalitis]

It's considered very important, by women too, but it's what I call a periphery attractor.

Like good looks, good income, etc, there are commonly held to be highly important.

But where you should be focusing is the CORE attractors.

Confidence

Humour

Great Sex

Emotional Independence.

 

Get those 4 right, and the rest can go to hell.

 

[h0000]

It's considered very important, by women too, but it's what I call a periphery attractor.

Like good looks, good income, etc, there are commonly held to be highly important.

But where you should be focusing is the CORE attractors.

Confidence

Humour

Great Sex

Emotional Independence.

 

Get those 4 right, and the rest can go to hell.

 

 

I suppose what men look for in women differ from what women look for in men.

I wonder if only possessing those four attractor is good enough.

And how many women are willing to sacrifice some of them if the man is powerful or has loads of money

Edited May 28, 2015 by h0000

[ZA Dater]

A massive potential can of worms here but if people answer honestly they will tell you social status is vital.

 

Yes, some will say no it isn't but ultimately when presented with the choice between the quiet intelligent nice guy and the huge social circle, drinks with friends, goes to bars and clubs. Almost ALL will pick the latter because that's considered to be the social norm and in addition chances are most of their friends boyfriends conform to this.

 

Social status and conforming to me are very closely linked, people see the need to conform, more so females in my opinion.

 

Society in my opinion governs the very core of dating, society says you don't screw on date one, society says the guy must do all the work, society says guys must all be Casanova.

 

All inherently linked to social standing.

 

Furthermore the link between consumerism, society and dating is very strong, go out on a Friday night to any club or bar anywhere and look at the people, bar physical attributes are they really individual in anyway at all. How many people are there because society and social standing requires it and how many are there because they want to be?

 

For those that say social standing has little of no effect then I think you need to carefully consider your own requirements because all of us to a lesser or greater degree sift people by social standing, which is often directly linked to education and intellect.

 

I maintain very firmly the best people to pursue are those who combine class, intellect, intelligence and a reasonable degree of looks and yes even there I am defining according to social status but to go one further I deliberately look for people who don't club and pub crawl.

[h0000]

Yes, some will say no it isn't but ultimately when presented with the choice between the quiet intelligent nice guy and the huge social circle, drinks with friends, goes to bars and clubs. Almost ALL will pick the latter.

I personally would not categorize social status with "how smooth you are in clubs"or "how many friends you have" though...

I thought you usually use things like education level, family background, jobs or income to determine if you are middle class or high class..

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

It's hard because you can have everything in common with someone but they refuse to get a job. If I'm attracted to man who has passions and wants to do better for himself, it doesn't matter if he hasn't achieved it quite yet but is trying to do his very best. So I guess social status does not matter. I was dating a guy that was well off and loved to talk about it, but when I talked about what I wanted to achieve it almost seemed like what I wanted to do seemed absurd ( why would a woman want to get a PHD what would she need that for if she is to marry and have children) turns out that he was not in favor of the woman's liberation movement and did not support feminism. I would be dating down if I continued a relationship with him despite his salary.

[h0000]

It's hard because you can have everything in common with someone but they refuse to get a job. If I'm attracted to man who has passions and wants to do better for himself, it doesn't matter if he hasn't achieved it quite yet but is trying to do his very best. So I guess social status does not matter. I was dating a guy that was well off and loved to talk about it, but when I talked about what I wanted to achieve it almost seemed like what I wanted to do seemed absurd ( why would a woman want to get a PHD what would she need that for if she is to marry and have children) turns out that he was not in favor of the woman's liberation movement and did not support feminism. I would be dating down if I continued a relationship with him despite his salary.

 

To put it simpler, would you date a tradesman?

Some labor worker who doesn't have a degree, say electrician, plumber etc

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

To put it simpler, would you date a tradesman?

Some labor worker who doesn't have a degree, say electrician, plumber etc

 

absolutely. If he loved his job and loved me he has my seal of approval. Would you date a woman who was 31 and finishing her studies? I mean the same rule applies? it all depends on what people want and when they want it.

[Eggplant]

I don't care AT ALL about social status in and of itself.

 

 

As far as education level, I'm a woman with a graduate degree in a STEM field, (not that degree and social status is really the same) and it doesn't matter whether he is blue collar or white collar or what as long as he has a work ethic. I have dated a blue-collar worker. He was smart and interesting. What I desire is kind-heartedness and intellect. And moreover I recognize intellect comes in different forms, not limited to IQ.

 

 

As far as status symbols like houses, cars, clothing, I never think about these things or care. I feel like a child who never grew up enough to care about these boring things that adults care about. I mean I like them for what they actually provide: shelter, transportation etc. But really don't people have better things to focus on than attaining possessions just to feel better than some other person (who I guarantee you he isn't caring about you one way or the other, he's worried about himself). The people who care don't matter. The people who matter don't care. So I just don't get it.

[No Limit]

In dating, it's everything. Status can outnumber all other factors.

"League" for me is mainly intellectual level. Money, sure - he should be able to feed himself, afford a roof over his head and clothing. And 50% of some trip we could go on together. And he should like animals. But that's a pretty low bar since the average woman demands no less than yacht owner, so I probably come off as needy which turns guys off. Meh.

[anna121]

It depends on the person but, yes, I think for many it does matter. I am talking education, prestige of job, ability to interact easily and smoothly in formal social situations, personal style and general intellect.

[Toodaloo]

I personally would not categorize social status with "how smooth you are in clubs"or "how many friends you have" though...

I thought you usually use things like education level, family background, jobs or income to determine if you are middle class or high class..

 

I actually weight social status on those things rather than how much they have in the bank or what car they drive.

 

Education level becomes null and void if they are a hard worker and have developed skills in the work place. Some people are naturally better out of the class room. So I do not look for a degree but I do look for some form of intelligence and integrity.

 

Again family back ground and up bringing will give an indication of morals and how well they conduct themselves.

 

It also depends on how you both view gender roles and the way in which you would want your relationship to work. I don't earn vast amounts, it doesn't bother me because I earn enough to live on my own and pay my bills. OK my little home is run down and tiny but as I say its mine. I also do not want to start a career that would mean that I wouldn't be able to look after my home and any potential husband/ children the way I want to. I don't actually want my future husband to come home and start hoovering, ironing and dusting. As far as I am concerned that is my job. He can help with the dishes etc but the bulk of maintaining the house etc is my job not his... Some men and women think this way others don't...

 

I would far rather date the bin man with morals than the stock broker with none. But then what I want from a relationship can not be brought... just a few thoughts.

[jen1447]

I've dated all over the spectrum, fwiw.

[Gaeta]

I don't care one bit for social status. I look for a hard working man, loving, faithful, devoted, fun, considerate. If he happens to work in a manufacture I don't care.

 

When I am out with him I want people to whisper : wow look how much he loves her not wow he's a doctor.

 

But that being said I am in my late 40s. I am not looking for a man to father my children or be a good provider for our family unit. I don't need to impress anyone with the man I date. I only need him to enhance my life with his love and kindness. Everything else: social status, recognition from my peers, financial stability, I get that to myself.

[carhill]

Do people most of the time mingle within their own social league?

 

In general, in my demographic, yes.

 

How often is it, that a guy is willing to date a woman who has more power or is richer?

I can't say with any certainty but only know of one couple where the woman's family was of higher socio-economic status than her husband. Over the decades it became less and less significant. Irrelevant now because she died. All the rest of my friends were more powerful and wealthy than their wives, regardless of family dynamics.

And how often will a woman willing to "date down"?

I haven't seen much evidence of marrying down but I trust dating down did go on and probably still does with the younger folks. In my age group I haven't seen any sign of it. Women, including my exW and any whom I dated either immediately prior to meeting her or after we split up qualify their men essentially from the first date. I see this as normal.

 

And does social leagues matter to you at all?

I grew up with them and even though I prefer a more equal outlook on humanity, I learned to respect them since IMO it's better to ride the bear than have the bear on top of one and eating one. Ignore pertinent realities at one's own risk. Embrace them and learn to succeed.

[gaius]

I personally would not categorize social status with "how smooth you are in clubs"or "how many friends you have" though...

I thought you usually use things like education level, family background, jobs or income to determine if you are middle class or high class..

The last 3 women I've dated for a month+ were more educated than me, and two of them probably had way more money, though we never compared bank statements or anything. But I was still the guy, I'd pay for dinner and take control in the bedroom. And it worked fine for as long as it lasted.

 

What you're talking about probably comes more into play when it comes to having kids or getting married, but as far as base attraction goes it has very little to do with it. It's always way more based on how guys relate to each other and what the pecking order is. A milquetoast highly educated rich guy will lose out to the blue collar stud that intimidates other guys around him 9 out of 10 times.

[h0000]

What you're talking about probably comes more into play when it comes to having kids or getting married, but as far as base attraction goes it has very little to do with it. It's always way more based on how guys relate to each other and what the pecking order is. A milquetoast highly educated rich guy will lose out to the blue collar stud that intimidates other guys around him 9 out of 10 times.

 

yeah it is more about settling down and getting married I suppose. Because otherwise what's the point discussing the relationship when it's never intended to last anyway...

[johndoe2]

What you're talking about probably comes more into play when it comes to having kids or getting married, but as far as base attraction goes it has very little to do with it. It's always way more based on how guys relate to each other and what the pecking order is. A milquetoast highly educated rich guy will lose out to the blue collar stud that intimidates other guys around him 9 out of 10 times.

This is probably generally true. But money and social rank I'm sure factor into more than just the pragmatics of having a family. Consider the difference between getting to brag to your friends and family about your heart surgeon boyfriend, as opposed to telling them about your garbage man boyfriend? Garbage men, like some blue collar jobs, actually often make decent money, enough to support a family, but they're still garbage men, which of course comes with some negative connotations.

 

People will go to great lengths to move up in the societal hierarchy, even perfectly normal people, not just greedy power hungry ones, and since who you're married to significantly influences where you are in the hierarchy, I do think it gets consideration.

 

Now, it may not effect initial attraction much at all. But that doesn't mean it won't come into play later on. The woman who is willing to date the blue collar stud may not be willing to stay with him for the long haul when she finds out that he is perfectly content to remain a blue collar guy for the rest of his life, rather than going back to school or starting his own business or whatever he might be able to do to move up to a higher echelon.

[h0000]

I don't care one bit for social status. I look for a hard working man, loving, faithful, devoted, fun, considerate. If he happens to work in a manufacture I don't care.

 

When I am out with him I want people to whisper : wow look how much he loves her not wow he's a doctor.

 

But that being said I am in my late 40s. I am not looking for a man to father my children or be a good provider for our family unit. I don't need to impress anyone with the man I date. I only need him to enhance my life with his love and kindness. Everything else: social status, recognition from my peers, financial stability, I get that to myself.

Are you willing to provide to him then?

[h0000]

I would far rather date the bin man with morals than the stock broker with none. But then what I want from a relationship can not be brought... just a few thoughts.

 

So would you date a bin man with morals or s stock broker who also has morals? and probably money to make himself good looking as well?

Reality is many rich people are actually also nice, and good looking ,and very well educated..

[h0000]

A milquetoast highly educated rich guy will lose out to the blue collar stud that intimidates other guys around him 9 out of 10 times.

 

That's true. But again, reality is many successful guy are successful because they are decisive and intimidating..anything but milquetoast...I wonder how women will choose then?

[Vercetti]

Well, if you're a decent person your associations will drift in that direction. Mature ties will be understated. So ultimately only you matter as you just happen to be the type of person others gravate towards.

[guest569]

I've dated IT, musician, cleaner, soldier, doctor, doesn't matter to me as long as he works and pays his own way and is not a tight arse. I work hard and am doing well so I would never marry some lazy leech. Also dont give a crap how society perceives the man or what my friends think. I just want to find love

 

Is that all you mean by social status? Job and material things?

[Emilia]

Yes status matters to me but I don't know whether you would call it social status. I only date intelligent men with a good range of social experience who can rub along with different types. I avoid blue collar types that have never moved out of the area they were born in. A broad mind and intellect are essential. Money not so much. Most men I've dated lately make less than I do or have less than I do. I also don't like a sheep mentality, like another poster said, I avoid those that socialise indiscriminately

[joseb]

So would you date a bin man with morals or s stock broker who also has morals? and probably money to make himself good looking as well?

Reality is many rich people are actually also nice, and good looking ,and very well educated..

 

OP, would you date a stock broker that had no morals or integrity, rather than a good looking blue collar worker who was an all round great guy?