Time to be a total jerk because that's what women want

[Josh1974]

That's right. being nice and caring has landed me nowhere. 40 and jaded because of it. Every single ex is now a friend. I have nothing but female friends. I never cheated. I never did anything inappropriate. Always burned in the end. So now I'm taking a different approach. I'll start objectifying. I'll be selfish. I'll start caring about their feelings after they screw me first. I'm going to do it backwards. All I hear from these woman is how nice and sweet I am. They tell me I'm great in bed too. Maybe it's because of OLD. Every single one is insecure and/or damaged. I'm sick of it. I'm going to be a whore and use them. I'm going to act like a gigantic d!ck. I no longer care. I've been married. I've seen it all. I'm done. I'll start cheating and start acting like an egotistical maniac. F&%k it.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

Let us know how that works out for you at 40...

[neowulf]

That's right. being nice and caring has landed me nowhere. 40 and jaded because of it. Every single ex is now a friend. I have nothing but female friends. I never cheated. I never did anything inappropriate. Always burned in the end. So now I'm taking a different approach. I'll start objectifying. I'll be selfish. I'll start caring about their feelings after they screw me first. I'm going to do it backwards. All I hear from these woman is how nice and sweet I am. They tell me I'm great in bed too. Maybe it's because of OLD. Every single one is insecure and/or damaged. I'm sick of it. I'm going to be a whore and use them. I'm going to act like a gigantic d!ck. I no longer care. I've been married. I've seen it all. I'm done. I'll start cheating and start acting like an egotistical maniac. F&%k it.

 

... and at the end of it, wind up on a forum, bitter and alone, wondering why you can't find a healthy relationship.

 

Lashing out at women, the very women you're trying to build a relationship with is a pointless, counterproductive exercise.

 

They are not the enemy. They are not monsters. They are not "out to get you". This is not personal. You're choosing to make it personal.

 

If you behave like a prick, then don't be surprised to see the world reflect that back at you.

 

Instead of raging against women, perhaps it'd be worth reflecting on your own part in each of these relationships. Owning your mistakes and flaws.

[dyna85]

That's right. being nice and caring has landed me nowhere. 40 and jaded because of it. Every single ex is now a friend. I have nothing but female friends. I never cheated. I never did anything inappropriate. Always burned in the end. So now I'm taking a different approach. I'll start objectifying. I'll be selfish. I'll start caring about their feelings after they screw me first. I'm going to do it backwards. All I hear from these woman is how nice and sweet I am. They tell me I'm great in bed too. Maybe it's because of OLD. Every single one is insecure and/or damaged. I'm sick of it. I'm going to be a whore and use them. I'm going to act like a gigantic d!ck. I no longer care. I've been married. I've seen it all. I'm done. I'll start cheating and start acting like an egotistical maniac. F&%k it.

 

That's pretty despicable. I hope no one like you messages me in the OLD world. Jaded guys like you make it harder for us women to find the right person. Just because you're unhappy, don't take it out on the innocent. I can't stand guys of this mindset.

 

I've been hurt by player type guys but I still maintain that there are good ones remaining. I don't let my past hurts break me.

 

You really need to change your bitter attitude and work on yourself, rather than subjecting others to your misery.

[Woggle]

Just have some self respect and you will be okay. Being a jerk attracts overgrown little girls and not women.

[mortensorchid]

I am with you, guy. I'm 40 and alone as well. I don't want to go through life being a bitter person, but this is a horrible thing we have to deal with. I think it's a double standard. It's not ok for Good Girls to be with Bad Boys, but it is ok for Nice Guys to be with Bad Girls aka Trashy Girls. It's the way of the world.

 

 

You want a woman who deserves you, just as a woman wants a man who deserves her. It's a delicate balance.

[Smthn_Like_Olivia]

^^^What Neowulf said. This story has played out a million times. "I'm a great guy, I'm the nice guy, but women only want bad boys!" It's so tired.

 

Stop focusing on what you THINK women want. Focus on YOU, be happy with who YOU are and women will flock to that. It doesn't mean being a jerk. It means not having some misconstrued image of yourself that you're trying to play to and fit into what you think a woman's ideal guy would be. Be YOUR ideal guy. The rest will fall into place.

[OrangeParty]

I'm guessing you're just letting out a burst of frustration. Many of us have been in your shoes. We get it.

 

I do want to caution you not to end up being like the type of guy described in this thread.

[Josh1974]

That's pretty despicable. I hope no one like you messages me in the OLD world. Jaded guys like you make it harder for us women to find the right person. Just because you're unhappy, don't take it out on the innocent. I can't stand guys of this mindset.

 

I've been hurt by player type guys but I still maintain that there are good ones remaining. I don't let my past hurts break me.

 

You really need to change your bitter attitude and work on yourself, rather than subjecting others to your misery.

 

Yeah well youre in a dating site for a reason. Probably messed up as well.

[Josh1974]

... and at the end of it, wind up on a forum, bitter and alone, wondering why you can't find a healthy relationship.

 

Lashing out at women, the very women you're trying to build a relationship with is a pointless, counterproductive exercise.

 

They are not the enemy. They are not monsters. They are not "out to get you". This is not personal. You're choosing to make it personal.

 

If you behave like a prick, then don't be surprised to see the world reflect that back at you.

 

Instead of raging against women, perhaps it'd be worth reflecting on your own part in each of these relationships. Owning your mistakes and flaws.

 

Nah, they make it pretty personal after screwing you and then accepting your kindness only to reject you when they feel like its going to turn into a relationship.

[Josh1974]

Let us know how that works out for you at 40...

 

Obviously it isn't. How is it working out for you?

[Omei]

As a woman I can tell you that im tired of men claiming we like jerks because things arnt going as they hoped or wanted, if you truly think woman want jerks you still have a lot to learn.

 

Btw those woman that you see with the jerks have no self worth and they stir and moan about how they're confused why their boyfriend isnt giving them what they need so if you think those woman are happy look again.

[neowulf]

Nah, they make it pretty personal after screwing you and then accepting your kindness only to reject you when they feel like its going to turn into a relationship.

 

Is it really kindness if you're offering it with strings attatched?

No one held a gun to your head man. No one *made* you give till it hurt.

 

That's on you. If you weren't willing to give with an open heart, without expectation, then why give at all?

 

You think giving means you're owed something? That if you give heard enough, then they MUST recipriocate?

 

That's not being nice. That's being entitled.

 

Dating is like people shopping for a T-Shirt man. Everyone's busy trying each other on to see how they fit.

 

Rejection sucks for everyone, but you don't have to let it eat you up inside.

 

That's happening because you're pinning your whole self worth on whether or not you get a relationship out of these women.

 

If you feel like you're being used, STOP giving so much. Hold off a bit. Wait till you've sussed out where the woman stands. Wait till you see just how keen she is.

[trippi1432]

Obviously it isn't. How is it working out for you?

 

Interesting how it turns into a gender war...........I'm sure any man or woman can raise attraction out of that.

[trippi1432]

Is it really kindness if you're offering it with strings attatched?

No one held a gun to your head man. No one *made* you give till it hurt.

 

That's on you. If you weren't willing to give with an open heart, without expectation, then why give at all?

 

You think giving means you're owed something? That if you give heard enough, then they MUST recipriocate?

 

That's not being nice. That's being entitled.

 

Dating is like people shopping for a T-Shirt man. Everyone's busy trying each other on to see how they fit.

 

Rejection sucks for everyone, but you don't have to let it eat you up inside.

 

That's happening because you're pinning your whole self worth on whether or not you get a relationship out of these women.

 

If you feel like you're being used, STOP giving so much. Hold off a bit. Wait till you've sussed out where the woman stands. Wait till you see just how keen she is.

 

Good advice.....nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[minime13]

That's right. being nice and caring has landed me nowhere. 40 and jaded because of it. Every single ex is now a friend. I have nothing but female friends. I never cheated. I never did anything inappropriate. Always burned in the end. So now I'm taking a different approach. I'll start objectifying. I'll be selfish. I'll start caring about their feelings after they screw me first. I'm going to do it backwards. All I hear from these woman is how nice and sweet I am. They tell me I'm great in bed too. Maybe it's because of OLD. Every single one is insecure and/or damaged. I'm sick of it. I'm going to be a whore and use them. I'm going to act like a gigantic d!ck. I no longer care. I've been married. I've seen it all. I'm done. I'll start cheating and start acting like an egotistical maniac. F&%k it.

 

Stop going after the same type of woman. Learn from your mistakes.

 

Blaming others for making you this way just shows that you're part of the problem.

[SmartDude]

Its total jerk time...

 

The next time a woman smiles at me im going to give her a big frown of my face!

[Daisy-oliviaWentcher]

I tried to do the " casual sex" thing. It's a hard thing to adjust to if you're naturally the nice girl or guy. You have to change your'e whole complete mindset and that's hard to do, especially trying to do that for the first time at the age of 40. You can try and be a jerk, try how that works, I mean even write an " ******* journal" and try to blog or log in your experience as a new jerk and how going from one thing to another is working out for you. You'll find that it's hard to re-position your mindset, and easier to talk about it. Most guys decide to become jerks once getting hurt by girls before the age of 20. You're doing it age 40. Goodluck to your new decision and we look forward to hearing about your new decision when it comes to bite you in your ass.

 

peace

[Toodaloo]

Yeah well youre in a dating site for a reason. Probably messed up as well.

 

Josh - comments like this will wind up with decent people simply turning their backs and walking away.

 

OLD is full of people. Sadly many are not up to scratch. The trick is to weed them out early and cut them off so they don't overtake you like this.

 

I have seen this time and time again.

 

Your mistake is not being nice and kind. Its being nice and kind to the wrong people!

 

Put your boundaries up and keep them up!

[PrettyEmily77]

Or you could carry on being nice, kind, caring and thoughtful, because that's what women want even more, especially when it's genuinely meant. Fine-tune your people picker and you'll be good to go.

[Redhead14]

That's right. being nice and caring has landed me nowhere. 40 and jaded because of it. Every single ex is now a friend. I have nothing but female friends. I never cheated. I never did anything inappropriate. Always burned in the end. So now I'm taking a different approach. I'll start objectifying. I'll be selfish. I'll start caring about their feelings after they screw me first. I'm going to do it backwards. All I hear from these woman is how nice and sweet I am. They tell me I'm great in bed too. Maybe it's because of OLD. Every single one is insecure and/or damaged. I'm sick of it. I'm going to be a whore and use them. I'm going to act like a gigantic d!ck. I no longer care. I've been married. I've seen it all. I'm done. I'll start cheating and start acting like an egotistical maniac. F&%k it.

 

Keep this in mind, the "women" who are with jerks, likely have some kind of self-esteem or emotional issues that cause them to stay in situations that are less than satisfying for them. If they allow themselves to be treated poorly, it is likely that on some level they feel that that is what they deserve.

 

Just because you haven't found "the one" for you, doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong or that there is something wrong with you. Be focused on yourself for a while now that you're feeling this way. Don't date for a little while.

 

And, don't keep so many exes as friends. This allows the "wounds" to stay with you because they are always in your face. If you break up with someone, break up with them. They are out of your life. If you have to see them regularly because your paths cross anyway, just be polite. You don't have to engage them as friends.

 

You are frustrated now. Let this feeling pass. And, just be you .

[Male]

Or you could carry on being nice, kind, caring and thoughtful, because that's what women want even more, especially when it's genuinely meant. Fine-tune your people picker and you'll be good to go.

 

LOL Really??

 

That what women SAY they want when asked. But in the real world, during real social interaction, nice, kind, and caring doesnt get a guy noticed by most women.

 

Lets finally break this down the way it needs to be. When women say they would like to date a "nice. kind, caring guy" they are referring to the context of how he is as a person once the dating and relationship is established. Women are typically thinking ahead on this when they picture the situation and give that answer.

 

But when they are online, or in a social interaction, what attracts a woman most is a guy with an edge, a guy that gives off that vibe that he has some swagger, some attitude, and a bit of that game-playing quick-wit with words and flirtation. Even a dash of jerk better than a dash of too nice and polite.

 

Being direct and to the point is probably about the worst thing you could do when interacting with a woman. Even though it feels totally logical, believe me, it doesnt work. Most women decipher that as needy, clingy, or just get flat out scared because they rarely know how to react to a guy that communicates that way. A guy has to dance that delicate dance of showing interest, but not diving in.

[PrettyEmily77]

LOL Really??

 

That what women SAY they want when asked. But in the real world, during real social interaction, nice, kind, and caring doesnt get a guy noticed by most women.

 

Lets finally break this down the way it needs to be. When women say they would like to date a "nice. kind, caring guy" they are referring to the context of how he is as a person once the dating and relationship is established. Women are typically thinking ahead on this when they picture the situation and give that answer.

 

But when they are online, or in a social interaction, what attracts a woman most is a guy with an edge, a guy that gives off that vibe that he has some swagger, some attitude, and a bit of that game-playing quick-wit with words and flirtation. Even a dash of jerk better than a dash of too nice and polite.

 

Being direct and to the point is probably about the worst thing you could do when interacting with a woman. Even though it feels totally logical, believe me, it doesnt work. Most women decipher that as needy, clingy, or just get flat out scared because they rarely know how to react to a guy that communicates that way. A guy has to dance that delicate dance of showing interest, but not diving in.

 

 

I can't speak for other women but being kind, caring, thoughtful and genuine is what attracted me to my guy (he's also devilishly good-looking, to me anyway; others will likely see a 5'8 dwarf; not that I care, he's just perfect to me). He was married 16 years and divorced a year when we met, and didn't have much confidence or experience in dating, no swagger, game-playing or anything else, which meant I had to do a lot of the work initially. I didn't mind at all, he's totally worth it .

[candie13]

hahaha, and nice women wanna transform themselves into total b!tches.

 

It's not a war. I know that in my case, it's a simple case of establishing strong barriers and not taking sh*t from anyone. That's not being a jerk or a b*tch.

 

Plus, if your previous love experiences make you walk all over your values, that means those values were not that strong to begin with... just how weak are you?

 

Jerk or not, it'll still be you. You're better off understanding what drove you in that situation to begin with, become aware and accept your flaws and then understand how to prevent those past situations from repeating themselves. Becoming aware of your pattern is the first step. Once a pattern is seen, it cannot be unseen. I'm not saying it'll transform you into a chick magnet, but it will make you a much better person. Wiser. Knowing yourself much better. I cannot tell you how rare that is - especially amongst men.

 

It'll get better. It's a natural phase, that where u hate everything and everyone, including yourself. Learn from it and if you can, grow from it.

 

cheers

[Male]

I can't speak for other women but being kind, caring, thoughtful and genuine is what attracted me to my guy (he's also devilishly good-looking, to me anyway; others will likely see a 5'8 dwarf; not that I care, he's just perfect to me). He was married 16 years and divorced a year when we met, and didn't have much confidence or experience in dating, no swagger, game-playing or anything else, which meant I had to do a lot of the work initially. I didn't mind at all, he's totally worth it .

 

And do you realize how astronomically rare that is?? Especially with YOU having to do a lot of the work?? Most women would laugh in that guys face. It would be great if there were more women like you, that see through the bs, and realize a guys true worth when it comes to what he offers in a relationship, but sadly that doesnt happen, and its only getting worse.