Woggle Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 What I mean by that is that so much relationship advice these days is based on manipulation and game playing instead of just getting to know somebody on a natural level and I feel it is making dating these days a disaster. Looking at the state of modern relationships it is clearly not working. Men have the PUA thing and women have the rule and why man marry bitches stuff and many naive and insecure people fall for it. I think things would be much better if we just started treating people as human beings instead of piles of hormones and chemicals to be manipulated. Reading some of this stuff makes me so glad I have somebody who I can be natural and human with instead of wading through this minefield. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 What I mean by that is that so much relationship advice these days is based on manipulation and game playing instead of just getting to know somebody on a natural level and I feel it is making dating these days a disaster. Looking at the state of modern relationships it is clearly not working. Men have the PUA thing and women have the rule and why man marry bitches stuff and many naive and insecure people fall for it. I think things would be much better if we just started treating people as human beings instead of piles of hormones and chemicals to be manipulated. Reading some of this stuff makes me so glad I have somebody who I can be natural and human with instead of wading through this minefield. I'm convinced it's what happened when we threw out formal courting conventions. Hell, people take *classes* on how to flirt these days?!? Men with no clue how to go about approaching women, no idea how to act, what conventions to follow. They're wondering about the in the dark, latching onto what ever they can find (hence the 'rules heavy' PUA culture) Women strugging to deal, hardening themselves against this new style of agressive manipulation. Struggling to find the balance between powerful and indepentant, and being a mother and partner. There was a lot of liberation that game with throwing out the rule book. Unfortunately, a bunch of people were thrown into the wildiness and expected to fend for themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Yeah I dislike all this 'game,' 'rules,' 'Dale Carnegie school of dating' stuff. It's transparent and most times it doesn't even work anyway. If people got dates organically and didn't go into them with a 'plan,' they'd probably have a lot more success in most cases. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Why did people turn to all that stuff in the first place? The reason is: because they (those individuals) weren't having success the natural way. So even if people ditch all the theories and systems, they will need to figure out why they failed to connect organically. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 What I mean by that is that so much relationship advice these days is based on manipulation and game playing instead of just getting to know somebody on a natural level and I feel it is making dating these days a disaster. Looking at the state of modern relationships it is clearly not working. Men have the PUA thing and women have the rule and why man marry bitches stuff and many naive and insecure people fall for it. I think things would be much better if we just started treating people as human beings instead of piles of hormones and chemicals to be manipulated. Reading some of this stuff makes me so glad I have somebody who I can be natural and human with instead of wading through this minefield. hahaha, tell me about it, Woggle, at least you've found a decent woman to marry, I am single, in this huge mad house, called the dating world Link to post Share on other sites
tylerj Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I'd like to feel confident to be honest and up front with my date. It's not that I still won't be, but there's an element of nervousness there. I'd love to go on a date and be confident that if - at the end of the evening I'd had a great time, that I could say that and it would be intepreted as just that. And then the next day, if I send a text or make a phonecall it would just be a sign of me being interested rather than being someone who is needy and isn't following the (insert generic number of days here) rule on 'playing it cool'. I assume not every girl out there sees someone being interested and honest as a bad thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Agh Woggle I don't get it at all. What to text, when to text, when to ring what to say... When I was last dating your main worry was making sure your hair didn't have straw sticking out of it and your clothes were not covered in horse poo... Even then the bloke you were meeting up with was probably worrying about the same (substitute horse poo for cow crap)... I can cope with the a holes and weirdos as that is just a simple f*** off and using your block delete functions... I am so used to it now its like water off a ducks back. Easy peasy lemon squeesy. Its when I meet someone, someone thats... well, just great, just as they are... like at the weekend... its mind boggling. I have no clue what to say or do so I have decided to go and see my Granny and paint my nails instead. I admit I have read a few of those self help books. I figured as I was going to be back out there I should really try and find out what I should be doing. They say its like riding a bike but I don't remember it being like this at all. The books I read were actually great because they put the focus back on me. They made me think of myself as a worthwhile person and concentrate on myself not just for the purposes of dating but also day to day. Things like respect and important things like that. Reading them made me realise that I have wasted decades being loyal to the wrong people. So it was more empowering for me than dating advice. Does that make sense? Right now though I could really use the dating advice. How to catch and grab the right man in particular and I have to say my eye brows have been furrowed over the past couple of days because this is just weird. I have no idea if I should be looking forward to seeing this guy again or even hoping that I will. As I say its just weird. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 Here is my utopia point of view. People need to give people a chance to some extent, allow them to express themselves, move away from consumer dating where one can meet a lot of people really quickly via on line platforms. Perhaps though the biggest issue is the stereotypical need to conform, for that the evil of the modern dating scene. Link to post Share on other sites
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