Her sex history is messing with my head. Should I care?

[nomoremercy]

Her sex history is messing with my head. Should I care?

 

I met this girl a few days ago on one of those dating apps.

We texted for 3 days straight and then decided to meet up.

For the past 4 days, we've been hanging out non-stop.

She invited me over several times, and so I met her parents already.

We have this insane connection between us; we think exactly alike, like the same exact things, have same opinions about things, etc. We have awesome time with each other.

She looks like such a good girl from a good family.

 

So far, perfect, right?

 

 

But...

Here comes the part that messed with my head, and I desperately need some advice/opinions.

 

Last night we spoke about mine and her exs/sexual history. I asked first.

So here it goes:

1. At age 14 she invited a 20 year old she met online over, to her house because she was dared to kiss someone by a certain date (middle school kids stuff). - He tried getting her naked, she refused. He then left.

 

2. At age 15, she dated this guy who was 16. She told me how she was completely, insanely in love with him. They both lost their virginity to each other. She says they've only had sex twice.

 

3. At age 17, she dated a guy for 4 years. We didn't go into too much detail, but obviously they've had plenty of sex. She said she didn't love him as much.

 

4. Around age 20/21, she dated some other guy for about a year. Probably had plenty of sex here as well. We didn't go into details as it wasn't needed at all. She said she didn't think she'd love someone as much as her first one at age 15 but then she met this guy and she claims she loved him the most, out of everyone, but she couldn't deal with how much of a chain-smoker he was, and how she always needed to bring him up and go above and beyond for him. She eventually broke up with him solely because her family was moving to a different continent and she went with them.

 

5. A few months ago, right when she moved here, she started seeing some guy, who, according to her, wasn't of her taste. All she was looking for was just some attention. She does claim he's an amazing person though. She said they've been unofficially together for about 2 months but they ended up officially dating for about a week and then they split, but decided to stay good friends. They had sex, I asked her. I was actually really turned off by that, kind of changed the way I looked at her - Made her seem an easy target to get with, which was the biggest turn off! Especially after looking up his FB and realizing how fat and not good looking he is. My thoughts are: That means she'd get with anyone, good looking or bad, I'm no treasure.

 

6. Somewhere along the way, not sure when, she had a fling with some guy on and off.

 

This is where I come into the picture. Me and her hit it off as if we know each other for years, everything is perfect, so perfect that we both completely in love with one another and both feel like it's way too good to be true.

But then... she started telling me all about her sexual history (Which wasn't pleasant to hear)

She then asked me regarding mine. I was completely embarrassed and ashamed to tell her the truth, but we were so open with each other that I just had to.

 

So the truth is, in a very short format. I only had sex with 3 females. Yes, pathetic! Need I mention that I'm 24? I did however have many GFs that were so prude along the way, which is why I only had sex with 3 females.

 

So now I'm in this dilemma of... what do I do? Should I care? Should I be disgusted that she had been with all these guys?

 

I want to ask her if she was ever pregnant, but should I? That would give me an indication of if she had unprotected sex before, even though I'm pretty certain she has.

 

I wouldn't want to go down on her or have unprotected sex if I'm not certain she is STD-free. Should I tell or to go get checked or should I go with her? Or am I not suppose to ask??!? (IDK what to do, I'm confused)

 

Also, something that I noticed a lot, is that every time I date someone, I always end up trying to compare myself to their exs and try to be the one that they say "I loved him the most" - Guhh.. I feel like that's such a terrible trait but I don't know anymore.

So, is it wrong to want to feel completely unique and not at all like her other previous BFs?

 

I understand that it has only been 4 days with her, but I swear, things are moving really fast.

So far, we've just been making out and haven't had sex. But that's because we keep talking about how we are completely in each other's lives and know almost everything about one another that we feel like we should slow down and not take it another step further that fast. She keeps saying how we're soul mates.

I mean, realistically, I bet we would have sex probably either next time I see her or the time after.

So yeah, these things really really bother me and I never had to deal with any of it before and so I had to ask/vent somehow.

 

I'm not looking for a definitive answer, just opinions. So anything you say is welcome.

 

Thanks a lot in advance!

[kylle]

What the hell, man?!

 

If you wanted to date Virgin Mary you shouldn't have look up on dating apps! Come on now!

 

Also, you say it's pathetic for you to only have had sex with 3 girls. Why is that pathetic? Would you like it if it was more?

If your answer is yes, then WHY IN HELL should she be ashamed of sleeping with five or six guys? What's your logic, really?

 

No, you shouldn't care about her past. It's called PAST for a reason. If you two like each other, isn't it enough?

[johndoe2]

Meh. If she's clean (STD-wise) and she's not currently sleeping around, then, well, 'meh' sums up my sentiment.

[nomoremercy]

Well, I do feel like there's something wrong with me, not her, and that's why I am seeking advice.

[deadelvis]

with our combined "body count" my girlfriend and I have f**ked around 100 people. It haunts you a bit at first hearing the details of particularly vulgar encounters, but after a while you'll get over it, or drive her away. The time it takes you to get over it will reduce as you age. Also the shock value only sets in at a higher number. At 18 I was horrified that my girlfriend had been with a dozen men before me. It took years to get over. Now at 33 it only took me a few weeks to get over my current girlfriend being a total slut for her whole life.

[nomoremercy]

I apologize for sounding like a total amateur, but that's clearly because I am.

So anything you say is appreciated.

 

Also, can anyone please try to answer the bolded questions please?

 

Thanks again!

Edited May 27, 2015 by nomoremercy

[mammasita]

Listen, this is what you need to learn and remember:

 

In adult relationships we don't talk about how many partners we've had, what positions we've done and whether we've swallowed our exes cum....we just do. You learn about eachother, you build trust and you don't rush - thus making the past and number of partners irrelevant. The rest falls into place.

 

Grow, mature and be happy.

 

Perhaps this isn't the right girl for you since you haven't learned and put into practice this valuable lesson yet.

[nomoremercy]

Listen, this is what you need to learn and remember:

 

In adult relationships we don't talk about how many partners we've had, what positions we've done and whether we've swallowed our exes cum....we just do. You learn about eachother, you build trust and you don't rush - thus making the past and number of partners irrelevant. The rest falls into place.

 

Grow, mature and be happy.

 

Perhaps this isn't the right girl for you since you haven't learned and put into practice this valuable lesson yet.

 

Hmmm interesting. You saying "Perhaps this isn't the right girl for you", just makes me want her more.

 

But anyway, yeah I hear you. I guess it would have been better off left unsaid.

 

Thank you!

[mammasita]

On another note, There's nothing wrong with asking her to go to a clinic with you and get checked before you have unprotected sex (make sure she's on birth control too).

 

Otherwise the past is the past. You choose to deal with it or not. You can only judge her based on her current actions and since it's only been days, you have nothing to base anything on but her past actions.....sooooooo take it as you will.

[nomoremercy]

On another note, There's nothing wrong with asking her to go to a clinic with you and get checked before you have unprotected sex (make sure she's on birth control too).

 

Otherwise the past is the past. You choose to deal with it or not. You can only judge her based on her current actions and since it's only been days, you have nothing to base anything on but her past actions.....sooooooo take it as you will.

 

I appreciate the advice =)

[TunaCat]

It's been 4 days. Slow your roll dude.

 

As for your questions, no you shouldn't be disgusted/upset about this. She has a past, just like everyone. If you like her, then you need to get over it.

 

Asking if she has ever been pregnant is rude. Let her bring that up when she's ready.

 

As for getting tested, it's totally okay to ask her to get tested before the relationship gets physical. That tells her that you value your health and hers & that you're not hiding anything from her.

[mightycpa]

Perhaps you might describe exactly what it is that bothers you. There really is no right or wrong here, but you might as well explore your feelings on the subject so that you know how to proceed both now and in the future.

 

I guarantee you'll get plenty of feedback.

 

Personally, I think the two things that would bother me the most would be the depth of devotion to somebody (how much she loved X) and also, if there was video out there.

[smackie9]

I totally get that since you click, you feel the sexual experience should be a unique as your instant connection. You can't have everything, and no one is ever perfect. If you can accept her for who she is, then your relationship was meant to be. He sex life is pretty much the norm....she was a curious teenager. I recommend you stop digging into her past, and enjoy what you have found in the here and now. It's real tough to meet someone that can tick off all the boxes like she does for you.....you are very fortunate to have found her...you have something that takes almost a lifetime for many to even get a taste of.

[Jorjor23]

Who the hell cares?!

[central]

So what if you haven't had as many partners. Circumstances influence that, in part. Besides, you're far from inexperienced, and clearly not a virgin. If you were, then her experience might be overwhelming, but that's simply not the case.

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

If you have a problem with that low of a number, man... I'd hate to know what you think of mine!

[Buddhist]

Oh Dear God,

 

If it bothers you that much I think any relationship here is doomed. What are you afraid of? That you don't have sexual experience? Because it sure sounds that way all the rest is justification for your insecurities. People have sex, it happens, if you need someone who's had less sex than you there are three things you can do.

 

1. Don't ask about their sexual history unless you are prepared to hear something you won't like.

2. Stick to dating just past legal and hope like hell you get a virgin.

3. Grow the hell up and get over it.

[No Limit]

Sorry but, why do you know all of this? It's been just 4 days, many don't know their partners' sex history even years into their relationship.

 

And frankly, her track record is pretty good compared to the usual LoveShack read. This guy she was with "unofficially" sensed her insecurities and obviously used her for sex and is keeping her as side-game in the future - oh, I mean "friends" of course - but aside from that I see nothing unusual at all.

[barcode88]

If you like her so much, just bang her already lol. Otherwise you're losing out compared to everyone else who got their first

 

Don't let her sexual past get to you.

[smackie9]

Omg she's been with 5 guys......what a s lut whore!

[Methodical]

Broach your concern about STD's by suggesting you both get tested. You may have worn a condom with every encounter, but in her eyes you could also just be saying that. Be willing to reciprocate the testing gesture if you are concerned.

 

The one thing I find appalling is that you consider your low number pathetic and her slightly higher number extremely promiscuous. What would your attitude be if the table were reversed?

 

If you are disgusted by her honest account concerning Past partners you should move on. I'm impressed she was honest and gave a full account no longer than you two have been talking.

[smackie9]

OK seriously now, why would you think her experience with you won't be unique? Look at it this way, she has never met someone that has so much in common with, than with you. When you are that emotionally connected, the sex will be that much better than anyone she's been with. That right there makes the experience unique.

[Ninjainpajamas]

She's pretty much a virgin by today's standards.

 

You're not going to find "Miss conservative" or "I only have sex with men I really care about"...those women are few and far in between.

 

Most are having sex with the players, douchebags, jerks, with a nice guy here and a good guy there when the excitement gets too painful, and they're in love with practically every other guy.

 

So if you can't accept her now, she'll just go on and be with another guy 2 months later, and then after that guy another, and so and so on.

 

You, as a guy, unless you're good with women will again be left in the dust to the women you are dating...they'll probably have more partners than she did right now, and then you'll have the same problem but eventually stop caring once you just don't think about it anymore.

 

On the contrary, it's usually the guys who are the players that find the women that don't "get around"...the good guys/nice guys usually end up with the girl with a "dark past"...and that's when the whole "past is the past" thing comes into play like a get-out-of-jail free card.

 

If you want a "good girl", with some values and yadda yadda, chances are you've got to learn to be good with women so that you can have the selection, but also filter them out because you actually know the behavior.

 

You'll learn by their behavior and attitude, defense mechanism and the like which ones are which. Women that been through a lot and have that long past, typically have the scars to show for it. The ones who don't, tend to operate in a different manner with more of a naivety towards things...like women who just are in serious relationships, not playing the field.

 

You're too young anyway, you just need to eat this up and take it for what it is...because this kind of girl falls for guys all the time, you're just the next "could this guy be forever" dude in line. I wouldn't take it too seriously and to heart, because this is how she operates. It's a come and go kind of thing, she takes chances here and she just "gives love a chance" sort of thing. Don't raise the bar on her to a level she can't realistically meet...she's not what you think she is, and that's hard for a lot of "good guys" or conservative minded guys to accept, they can't understand how these women can do themselves in so "cheaply" and then want something serious and feel something strong the next, but that's how these girls function.

 

Don't think of the long-term, just go with it and enjoy the ride...chances are it's not going to work anyway and you'll grow up and be a different man in like 5 years anyway, so don't worry about it.

[Phoe]

You're not going to find "Miss conservative" or "I only have sex with men I really care about"...those women are few and far in between.

 

This is how I operate, and I really don't think it's THAT rare. Less common? Sure. But not particularly difficult to find.

 

But on another note, I don't think the girl the OP is talking about has done anything particularly awful. Her number is fairly low, although as I'm typing this I can't recall if an age was mentioned.

 

OP - if you are willing to work with it and continue to see her, talk to her about having the both of you get tested for STD's. I see no reason why she would protest. It's very reasonable.

[jay1983]

I can't believe you asked and she told you all this sh*t.

 

Did you really wanna know all this?