Jump to content

So I expressed my concerns with one of my GF's


Recommended Posts

And she thinks I have way too many trust issues...( see post about playing house all winter, and casually dating in the summer) Yes, I do have trust issues b/c of my ex H and his cheating ways...but I am honestly doing so much better then a year ago. I do still have some minor trust issues, but I really think it has more to do with self esteem, and insecurity then anything. I am always worried that my new partner (dating for 1.5 years now) will find someone better, and get rid of me.

 

My ex and I were married for 13 years, together for 17, and he left me for someone else. As if that wasn't bad enough he left 1 month after my mother passed from cancer. So, my thing is this...He always told me how worthless I was, that I didn't contribute to anything, called me white trash...told me how fat I was at only 105 lbs...I worked part-time, only on his days off so that I could care for our children...He made great money...I stopped going to school so he could further his career, and started only working part-time when my oldest was 5...I know that all of that wasn't true, but I still started to feel like sh*t. I was always a pretty confident, outgoing person, but I honestly don't think I am anymore. But my thing was, if this man that I married left me for someone "better" why wouldn't any man leave me? And I always worry that someone better will come along for my new man. I am tired of trying to figure this all out. Yes, Ive done the counseling thing, but as I said, I always thought it was just a trust thing, but I think it's more about insecurity, and low self esteem. Please offer comments, suggestions, and your thoughts. Be kind, please...

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

It's not about you.

 

It's about him.

 

He did what he did because of who he is, and because he wanted to.

 

You played no part in it.

 

It says nothing about you.

 

The past does not create the future.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

That's a highly abusive relationship that you described. You must have already had some issues to have allowed that to happen in the first place. Maybe you've always had some insecurity or a troublesome family growing up.

 

Big number one: stick with the therapy and get to the root of why you allowed all that to happen.

 

2. Your ex has proven himself to be a pathetic man. His actions and opinions should carry no weight.

 

3. You need to develop "self-worth". The value you place on yourself, not based upon the perception of others. Then you leave the people don't give you the value that you give to yourself.

 

You are likely to continue have problems with dating until you address these issues. You won't feel worthy of a good man which will leave you always settling for Aholes.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
That's a highly abusive relationship that you described. You must have already had some issues to have allowed that to happen in the first place. Maybe you've always had some insecurity or a troublesome family growing up.

 

Big number one: stick with the therapy and get to the root of why you allowed all that to happen.

 

2. Your ex has proven himself to be a pathetic man. His actions and opinions should carry no weight.

 

3. You need to develop "self-worth". The value you place on yourself, not based upon the perception of others. Then you leave the people don't give you the value that you give to yourself.

 

You are likely to continue have problems with dating until you address these issues. You won't feel worthy of a good man which will leave you always settling for Aholes.

 

Yes, it was highly abusive, but I didn't figure this out until the end. At any rate, I figured it out, and allowed him to push for the divorce. I had no troubles growing, in fact, I had a wonderful childhood, and I was never really insecure, actually I feel as though, I may have been a bit too confident. LOL...So this is all new. As for me staying in the relationship for as long as I did, all of the abuse didn't start really until he met his little mistress. I mean, some of the abuse was present, but I thought I was doing the right thing as a mother, and wife to stay. I have since learned that that wasn't the right thing to do...but now I struggle with what I think are insecurity issues. I am working on it, but for the last 3 years I have been going about it thinking it was all trust issues, when in reality I think it's the whole insecurity thing.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...